Well, tickle me pink! Thanks so much, Zen and the Art of Borderline Maintenance! I feel so very honored and blessed that you put me in league with other Inspiring Blogger Award recipients. This is just wonderful. Especially coming from you. Your posts always make me smile as they are written in such an approachable and human way. It’s always a pleasure reading your words and so it’s even more special that you would give me the Inspiring Blogger Award.
As for fulfilling my responsibilities regarding the award, I’m delighted to tell you 7 things about myself and pass on the nomination to 7 other bloggers.
7 things about me:
- I’m a relationship book author who loves nothing more than helping people have happy relationships full of love and nookie!
- I have 2 kitties, a hamster and 2 chickens (yes, you read that right!)
- My husband is the sunshine of my life.
- I’m new to blogging so all of the feedback you guys give me means a ton.
- I used to be a high school English teacher.
- I’m a featured author on mouithsone.com.
- Sometimes I feel like I’m going to run out of things to say, then I wake up and start running off at the mouth (keyboard) all over again!
7 bloggers that I nominate:
Thanks again for giving me the Inspiring Blogger Award and I hope that all of you check out the bloggers I’ve listed above as well as Zen and the Art of Borderline Maintenance. Have a great weekend!
First, I want to thank all of the wonderful people who have bought my books and either written amazing reviews on Amazon or sent me emails. I’m so thrilled to hear how the books have helped saved your marriages. It means the world to me. Writing them (especially Sex: How to Get More of It) was a risky proposition as people read the word “Sex” and think you are a tramp–even in 2012. But it’s been so great that you guys took the time to read the book(s) and realized that my only goal is to help you all have beautiful relationships full of love, joy, intimacy and great nookie!
Second, this blog is not just for me to espouse knowledge and thoughts. It’s for you to ask questions about relationships, express tough times you may be going through and share the wonderful lessons you’ve learned that helped you achieve happiness.
Please feel free to comment if you have any questions or a story to tell. I know my blog is brand new and most of my wonderful readers don’t even know about it, but I want this to be as interactive as possible.
Thanks again to every one of my readers. In addition to, “Sex: How to Get More of It” and “Intimacy: How to Get More of It” I’ll have a new book, “Happiness: How to Get More of It” coming out hopefully at the end of the year. I hope that all of you will enjoy that one too. Much love!
So, my real name for this post is more along the lines of, “Don’t be a douche bag,” but I thought I’d go for a less in your face title since I’m new here and people don’t know me very well quite yet. In all honesty, I’ve never met a 4-letter word I didn’t like.
What I really want to address here is that so many times I’ve seen (we probably all have) that a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife will immediately assume the worst when confronted with an uncomfortable or confusing situation. This always confounds me. Shouldn’t the love of your life be the first person to believe you and have your back in all situations?
Here’s an example. One time I was out with friends and one of the guys said to another of the guys, “Hey man, that was so much fun last Friday night! We had such a great time. Those girls were HOT!” Now, before the poor guy he was talking to could say anything, his girl jumped all over him. “YOU SAID YOU WERE WORKING ON FRIDAY! WHAT THE HELL??? DID YOU GO TO SOME STRIP CLUB?? I HATE YOU!” This she screamed in front of everyone. It was mortifying.
I immediately had a few thoughts run through my mind.
- I felt bad for her because if he had been lying to her, getting busted in front of everyone is simply humiliating to everyone involved, but especially hurtful to her.
- I felt bad for him because I knew he actually WAS working. The other guy was about to tell him what he had missed by being stuck at work. Only he wasn’t able to continue his thought because the wife freaked out.
- I felt bad for everyone else because the evening had just gone from fun to hell in a hand basket in 2 seconds flat.
It’s this type of gut reaction that is the death knell of a relationship. While I too would immediately think WTF?? I would also give my husband the benefit of the doubt. She could have solved the entire situation without it turning into a nightmare of he said/she said by simply and calmly asking the loud mouthed guy what he was talking about. Instead, she flew into a rage and blew the entire situation into something that was awful for all of us, but especially damaging to her relationship.
Of course, if there is a history of lying between them, she’s likely to be sensitive and prone to yelling first and asking questions later. But even if there is a history of dishonesty, screaming like that never solves problems.
Before assuming the worst and flying off the handle, take a moment to collect yourself. Leave the room if you have to. And then broach the subject in a calm and non-threatening way. You are much more likely to find out what really is going on if you don’t have everyone within a 10 mile radius hiding under the table in fear of your wrath.
Hi! I thought it might be a good idea to give you a quick peek into my two books. It was very hard trying to figure out which selections to post as some of them are funny, some are more from the heart and some are downright sassy. This one is kinda gross, but women all over the world have emailed me and thanked me profusely for putting this in the book, so I thought I’d go with this one.
This down-to-brass-tacks excerpt is from the book for guys, titled, Sex: How to Get More of It.
SIX: Put the toilet seat DOWN.
Let’s bury this age-old problem once and for all. Here’s what happens when you don’t put the damn thing down:
- Girl gets up in the middle of the night and stumbles to the bathroom.
- Girl sits down and falls into the toilet. (This is funny, I know, but ONLY from your perspective.)
- Girl immediately hates you.
- Girl’s tender parts get covered in nasty toilet water.
- Girl can’t fall back asleep from both shock and hatred; lays in bed wishing your pecker would fall off.
- Girl’s tender parts get icky and need to be seen by a doctor.
- Girl spends $35 on a co-pay and $25 on a prescription.
- Girl HATES YOU for being so lazy.
- Girl’s unhappy tender parts are in pain and UNAVAILABLE TO YOU while on meds.
All of this because on principle alone you don’t want to put the seat down? Really? REALLY? Are we really asking THAT much?
With the seat up or down, you still have a nice big opening into which you can direct your pee. You come out okay either way. For us girls it is different. We can actually get the ickies down there if you don’t put the seat down.
Plus, I don’t know about your toilet, but in most places the toilet rim under the seat is DISGUSTING. It’s covered in your pee, your pubic hair and your poop. Why on EARTH would you want your woman accidentally sitting on that? Lastly, it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. Because of your chivalry, she won’t have to be the victim of rotten crotch and you won’t have to give your 5-fingered girlfriend as much of a workout while your woman is being medicated. Win/win.
So, just to be fair, I guess I’ll also put the corresponding helpful advice that I share with women in my other book, Intimacy: How to Get More of It. I’m usually horrified by any kind of bathroom-related discussions, but again, this item in particular has received tons of feedback from my readers. I think just about everyone is in agreement that this suggestion hits the nail on the head. Don’t say I didn’t warn you though!
1. Potty-time is private time
As far as your man knows, you do not poop. Nor do you let any kind of air, even if it’s scented like roses, escape your backdoor. I know, that sounds nuts. Isn’t there a children’s book that reveals the secret that everyone poops? Let’s have some reality here, right Jodi? Well, there’s reality and then there’s reality with men. They are two vastly different things.
I’d well imagine that the actions of your man’s butt are something to which you’d rather be oblivious. Believe me when I say, as grossed out as we are by having to avoid the bathroom for 20 minutes when they finish in there, they are by far more sensitive when it comes to our poop (though they’d never admit it!).
When a man thinks of your butt, he usually thinks of smacking it while it’s up in the air aimed at him or, for some unknown reason, actually getting in there with a vengeance. Men and butts—I’ll never understand it, but such is the male mind, right? Regardless, men are fascinated with the female rump and it’s up to us ladies to keep it a mystery—at least the icky parts of what it does when no one else is looking.
I once knew a girl (me), who for the first two years of her relationship (with my husband) would go to the grocery store down the street when “the urge” hit. I know! That’s ridiculous! Alas, it is true. Of course, much to her chagrin, the damn store closed. WHAT WAS SHE GOING TO DO? Well, it took some time to plan her strategy, but she figured out when her man was typically busy or out of the house and tried to set an appointment with nature to only come a-knockin’ during those times of day.
I realize that it can be difficult to time the natural actions of our butts to when our men aren’t home or when they are too involved in a football game to care what we are doing, but there is a lot to be said about not being too comfortable with your man as it relates to your bathroom habits.
I once heard a husband, who’d been happily married for over 20 years, complain, “You KNOW you’ve been married too long when you are brushing your teeth and your wife comes in and takes a dump two feet from where you are standing. I was brushing my teeth for God’s sake!” That story stuck in my mind like glue as it really said everything there is to say about how men feel about that fact that we even poop at all. I tell my husband that, “I’m a girl and we don’t do that.” He laughs and tells me it’s okay if I use the bathroom like a normal person. I still insist that it doesn’t happen…ever.
Sometimes, in any kind of relationship, there are things to keep to yourself. Pooping is one of them. While it’s unrealistic to think you can escape doing it when he’s home 100% of the time, it’s certainly unnecessary to do it with the door open or to announce when you have to go. Mystery, ladies, is one of the keys to success with your man. You don’t want him thinking of you as a poop-machine. You want him to long for your butt like it’s made of nachos and beer.
There is but one exception to the no-poop rule: food poisoning or some other tummy illness. You simply cannot help it if you are sick and it’s important to be able to ask for help from your man. Sometimes, you just need to hold someone’s hand or have them bring in a fan to cool you off. Don’t be afraid to ask him for help if you feel like you are passing a baby through you colon. Of course, by mutual agreement, that situation will NEVER be discussed again, by anyone, for any reason, EVER.
Just keep in mind that it’s all the little mini-emotions that a man feels for us over the course of a day that shape his overall impression of us. While we all know the truth about what happens in a bathroom, the last thing we want to do is make our men recoil from images of us straining on the pot. Let him think fondly of your butt and when he sees it coming around the corner, he’ll be more likely to give it a nice swat instead of running for the hills.
I hope you enjoyed the excerpts. The books actually cover 20 items each on how to get more nookie and intimacy. They range from strip clubs to arguing fairly to not being a nag and a whole bunch of other accessible strategies.
To get a copy of Sex: How to Get More of It, click here.
To get a copy of Intimacy: How to Get More of It, click here.
Thanks for stopping by!
I’m not particularly domestic. As a matter of fact, if I never saw a broom, a sponge or a dustmop again I’d be the world’s happiest woman. As I’m not the Queen of Domesticity, trips to the grocery store are particularly anathema to me. Yuck! Plus, I want to put every chocolate or pizza related item in the store into my basket and then roll around naked in them. Since I can’t do that (well, technically speaking I could, but then I couldn’t fit through the front door), I try to stay away from stores. For quite a few years I’d have my groceries delivered so that I could avoid both the temptation and the drudgery of grocery shopping.
Then along came my husband. He loves to cook, doesn’t mind grocery shopping and actually does the dishes. Heaven. But then I felt bad. He shouldn’t get stuck doing all the shopping. That doesn’t seem fair. So, now I’ve turned it into an adventure. I make sure I grab his cute ass at least 3 or 4 times as we walk down the aisles. I run into him with the cart. I sneak kisses. I suggest buying ridiculous crap just to see him roll his eyes and giggle.
What I’ve discovered is that even a chore that I hate can be made fun by MAKING it fun.
My point? Guys, next time your girl wants to go shoe shopping, go with her. While it may seem like hell on earth, you can pick out shoes you think are sexy, have her model them for you, then buy them for her. I’m not talking $200 shoes. Go to Payless or Famous Footwear or one of those other less expensive shoe stores. I’m never a believer that spending tons of money makes a relationship better. But, the experience you’ll have together combined with your thoughtfulness will make those shoes something she smiles at every time she sees them or wears them (think of her wearing them and ONLY them.)
It’s showing love like that to your girl, like I show to my hubby by making grocery shopping fun, that helps keep a relationship happy, light-hearted and enduring.
Now go have some shopping fun this weekend! (And enjoy the naked shoe modelling when you get home!)
Do you yearn for the days when you’d float into an hour-long, sex-induced coma after making love? Are you ready for a more exhilarating love life? Well, you’ve come to the right place!
Even in the best relationships, time can often dampen the fire that used to smolder in your loins. But no more. We are going to rekindle that lust in a fun and titillating way.
I don’t know about you, but I always considered homework a drag. Not this time, though. You are going to have a provocative homework assignment that will bring you and your honey much love, intimacy and incredible sex.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is for both you and your mate to separately come up with a list of things you like in the bedroom. Jot down 10-15 activities that make your eyes roll up into the back of your head in delight. Keep in mind though, this is the time to stay positive, so only list those things you love rather than also tacking on an inventory of things you don’t. Hopefully, if your significant other follows the, “I love it when you do this…” list, you’ll never have to address the, “I really, really, really hate it when you do this…” cry for help.
A sample of what may appear on a list for the ladies is:
In the bedroom, I’d love it if you’d…
- Very gently kiss that sensitive spot between my neck and shoulder
- Take of my clothes slowly (it makes me feel like a virgin again)
- Talk dirty to me
- Make sexy sounds when you go down on me
- Kiss all around my girl parts without actually touching them—the tease drives me insane with pleasure
A sample of what may appear on a list for the guys is:
In the bedroom, I’d love it if you’d…
- Go down on me and stay down there having fun for a while
- Wear sexy lingerie and don’t let me take it off of you for at least 10 minutes—torture me!
- Touch yourself in front of me
- Completely relax and let me take care of you from head to toe
- Let the lights stay on so I can see you when we make love
While those samples are fairly tame (I didn’t want to make everyone blush!), if you desire something more like, “I want you to hang upside down from the swing in the backyard, blindfolded, while I bang you and call you deliciously filthy names,” then add those types of things to your list. It can’t hurt to put it out there. This is your time to ask for exactly what you want, in the way you want it.
When you’ve both finished your lists, prepare for an enticing evening where you’ll share them. Get a babysitter for the night if you have kids. Get dressed up, go out to dinner, have a few drinks; really have a romantic night so that you are in the mood when you get home. Once you are home, stay dressed up, find a comfy, dimly-lit place to chat and then share your lists. Read your lists aloud, slowly and with a wicked glint in your eyes, to one another. Pay attention to facial expressions and body language as you read—this will help you assess how your sweetheart is responding to your items.
By the time you finish, if you aren’t already ripping each other’s clothes off, pick one thing off each list that you are willing to do and then DO IT! Make this the night to expand your romantic horizons. Try something new and see if you like it. It’s your openness to new sexual adventures that will help keep that fire burning bright for the long haul. It’s the willingness and eagerness you show that will help build the intimacy and trust that will last far longer than any sexual act you enjoy in the moment.
Most of all, enjoy yourself! Come to your homework assignment and each other with a good sense of humor, an open mind and a desire to make things better and you are bound to succeed. Luck and love!
I just wanted to give you guys the heads up that I’m not big on being PC. I don’t think 4-letter words are bad. I usually think they are kind of funny if well-used. Hell, my name is a 4-letter word! I can also be a bit sarcastic (okay, a lot sarcastic) sometimes. But everything I say comes straight from the heart as well. There isn’t a mean bone in my body.
Because of my occasionally snarky communication style, I thought it fair to warn you ahead of time.
As I don’t hold myself to G-rated language, I don’t expect you to be saintly in your language either. Witty banter with an occasional naughty word is right up my alley.
What I do ask is that you phrase your commentary in a way that isn’t unkind to others. While not everyone will always agree, this needs to be a place for safe interactions where no one feels attacked or bullied.
So, please feel free to let your Freak Flag fly here, but always temper your comments so they aren’t hurtful to anyone else (me included!)
Thanks everyone! I look forward to hearing from all of you.
While this is a blog site, I also want it to be driven by you guys. I do a lot of talking in my books and I want to hear from you!
Please feel free to post questions, comments, stories and anecdotes in this post. They can be anything related to love, romance, finding happiness, learning how to effectively communicate…really, anything that you want to share.
Maybe how you learned how to deal with your insane mother-in-law.
Maybe how you ensure your love life stays nice and zesty.
Post whatever you feel may help others or if you have a question for me, I’ll do my best to answer it as quickly as I can.
Thanks for joining me here and I hope all of you find the joy and love you deserve.