I Smell Like a Stripper? What?

I’ve always wondered what a stripper smelled like. Apparently, the answer is like cotton candy and vanilla. Who knew?

My sweet, beautiful sister bought a new fragrance and was told by her husband that it made her smell like a stripper. Her first (and hilarious) response was, “How does my husband know what a stripper smells like since he’s been married to me for 10 years?” That shit cracked me up!!! Of course, I had to chime in and ask about the fragrance. Any scent that reminded men of hot strippers is something I needed to be wearing. Immediately!

So, I asked what the scent was, bought it, and upon first spraying some on my neck my husband fell in love with the way I smelled. Now, I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW if it reminds him of fond childhood stripper memories. Ignorance is bliss, my friends. But regardless of any memory the smell triggered, he loves it. So I went and bought the hair perfume too. Yep, they also make it in hair scent. That way, every time you toss your hair in a flirtatious manner or sweat like a mountain gorilla in the summer heat, gee, your hair will smell terrific!

Ladies, if you want to smell edible (seriously, I wanna eat my own neck and drink the bottle every time I spray it) you should give this a try. Best part is, it’s not expensive. I got mine at Overstock.com (LOVE that dang site) for about $25 for 3.4 ounces. Well worth it.

Oh, are you curious about what the fragrance is? I’m such a tease. You must prepare yourselves because the name could be taken in a few ways. I’m a filthy pervert, so I always go to the dark side (which I will kindly keep to myself.)

Pink Sugar! Go get some! :)

LOOK MA!! I won me a prize! Look! Look!

You guys are gonna make me cry!!!! Seriously, all this sweetness is simply wonderful. Especially, since I just run off at the mouth so much. To know you guys enjoy it thrills me to the bottom of my incredibly wide Flintstone feet. :)

I am so blessed to have been awarded the Sisterhood of the World Blogger award!! Sweet!!! HUGE thanks to the wonderful thesubterraneanworld who has both wonderful poetry but also posts the prettiest pictures!  Her blog is wonderfully varied and amazing and everyone should check it out. THANK YOU!!! :)

So, here are the 7 things about me that you may not know (though I tend to spill it all anyway!):

  1. I wear a necklace everyday that contains the dried petals of the first flower my hubby ever gave me (on Thanksgiving 2007)
  2. I just bought a double sized Snickers, stuck it in the fridge and plan on scraping all the chocolate off of it first (with my teeth of course) then eating the center of it. Yum!
  3. I currently have 7 teddy bears surrounding me on the sofa.
  4. My chicken just started laying eggs this week. Woo hoo!
  5. I’m going to put soft lights under my sofa and tv stand for nice ambient lighting.
  6. My birthday is next week!
  7. The toenail on my big toe on my left foot is all weird and narrow because I had to get surgery on it when I was 19. OUCH! If you ever have to identify me in the morgue, just look at my toe.

Alright, time to get to the good stuff! Here are my nominations (I guess I have to stick with chicks, right? Does a boy want a Sisterhood award?)

  1. http://readncook.wordpress.com/
  2. http://hutchagoodlife.wordpress.com/
  3. http://fiztrainer.tumblr.com/
  4. http://415whisperer.wordpress.com/
  5. http://zenandtheartofborderlinemaintenance.com/

Thanks again, thesubterraneanworld, for the kind award. My heart’s just all filled up now. :)

 

Reasons I Am NEVER Cleaning ANYTHING again.

I’m not domestic. Not at all. I loathe cleaning. I hate doing laundry. I despise cooking. The vacuum is not my friend. My car looks like homeless people took it over years ago and have lived in it ever since. I don’t do cat litter (I hired a service for YEARS to clean my cat litter. Had to give them a key to the house–could have robbed me blind and molested my kitties. Luckily, he was a sweetheart and never got inappropriate with the furries. God, where did that come from? Sicko.) I don’t do dishes. If I was rich enough, I’d pay someone to come wash and dry my hair every other day.

Now, I know that sounds lazy as hell. But I swear, it’s not simple laziness (though that is a part.)

Here are the reasons, beyond being less domestic than a corpse, that I don’t do stuff:

  1. I broke the garbage disposal. I have no idea how. I always run water in it. I always check it for objects before turning it on. Alas, I broke it.
  2. I clogged the toilet with floor cleaning TP. We were out of papertowels (which I know to throw in the trash) so I used TP. I put that where TP normally goes, but it stopped up the pot.
  3. I put dishes in the dishwasher and somehow missed pre-cleaning one, so there was stuck-on food all over everything and it all had to be rewashed.
  4. I broke the belt on the vacuum.
  5. I spilled coffee all over everywhere trying to dust. Damn cup got in my way! I had to show it who’s boss. Then spent 20 minutes cleaning up the coffee. It went everywhere including a power strip (yeah, that’s safe), phone charger, bed, nightstand, under the bed and nightstand, over 2 of my teddybears and on and on and on…
  6. I knocked over a 15 pound salt lamp and broke my foot in 4 places.
  7. I tried to grate cheese and grated my thumb into the mix. Yes. We ate thumb on our pasta that night.

I could go on for days here.

So, as you can see, it’s not just laziness that keeps me from being a Domestic Goddess. Domesticity hates me back. As a reslut (why do I always type, “reslut” instead of “result?”), I am breaking up with Domesticity. Forever. Good riddance to brooms, sponges, vacuums, papertowels, dishwashers and the like. Poop on all of your heads! ;)

Image procured from: http://www.picgifs.com/clip-art/cleaning/19836/clip-art-cleaning-385513/

Love Is All About The No Mixey Mixey

So, here you were thinking that love was all about the ketchup, and now I’m throwing this at you? Oh yeah, I’m throwin’ it!

First, let me just say that I know I’m weird. I am fully self-aware about this! :) But, I don’t like my food all mixing together. My hubby, eating the same breakfast, would dump all of this in a bowl, swirl it around and mix it all together. To that I say, “Blech! Icky!” I like each food to taste like each food, not some conglomeration of flavors where you can’t appreciate each item on its own. I bet he’d happily just blend all his food together in a Magic Bullet and have a breakfast shake. EWWW!!!

Luckily, I’ve not only gotten my husband in on this No Mixey Mixey way of life (he came up with this name, cute little shit that he is!) but my mom now buys me No Mixey Mixey plates wherever she can find them. This particular plate has monkeys, chickens and other adorable critters on it. How perfect a plate is that for me, as I’m a lover of all things furry!!

This, my friends, just like Mr. Ketchup Man, is a perfect way to show love without spending any money. I’m am not a believer in spending money to make people happy. Doing that is the easy way out. Doing something like this shows how deeply he loves me and all it took was using a different plate. Oh, and of course cooking it all! You guys know how I hate to cook. I’d starve to death if it wasn’t for the hubby. Hmmm…maybe an extended vacation on his part would help me lose that last 5 pounds. Naw…I’d probably just order a pizza and 5 cannolis! :)

 

YOUR opinion needed. Emotional affairs. Harmless or Harmful?

Hey everyone! I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend. If you are in the States, I hope you are enjoying a nice, long holiday weekend! :)

I have a radio show coming up on June 4th on Cougar Chat Radio and we will be discussing emotional affairs.

This is such a controversial topic because so many people think that as long as there is no physical contact that anything is okay. Some people think that emotional affairs are worse than physical ones because they bind people’s hearts together, which can be even stickier than hot nookie.

Usually, I’d have some crazy story for you, full of fun expletives, smarmy commentary and inappropriate jokes. But this time, I don’t want to sway you one way other another. I would love to hear your stories about how emotional affairs have affected you. Whether you were the one in the emotional affair or were on the receiving end of one.

I have 2 polls below, one for guys and one for girls. But I would also really like to hear your stories. I’m going to list several questions and if you want to answer them, that would be great. If you want to leave any other kind of comment, that would be great too.

Thanks ahead of time for sharing with me.

Questions:

  1. Have you ever had an emotional affair?
  2. If you have:
    1. How did you feel about it? Okay? Guilty? Turned on?
    2. Did it affect your life with your significant other? If so, how?
    3. Did you tell your significant other about it? If so, what happened?
    4. Would you do it again?
  3. Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner had an emotional affair?
  4. If so:
    1. How did you find out about it?
    2. How did you react?
    3. How did it affect your relationship and your ability to trust?
  5. Do you think emotional affairs are worse/better than physical affairs? Why? Why not?

PS: I’ve no clue why the boy poll is smaller than the girl poll. There is nothing subliminal going on, I promise. :)

Thanks again for sharing with me. Your thoughts and opinions are very valued and appreciated.

Image procured from: http://www.jerkmagazine.net/columns/single/what-is-cheating.html

FREE books for Amazon Prime Members. Wha??? :)

Howdy everyone! So, I just enrolled my books in a program called Kindle Select. It seemed weird to me at first but I thought I’d give it a try. If you have a Kindle and have their Amazon Prime membership, you can read my books for free. Woo hoo!!!

Before you buy anything though, read all of the reviews. I’ve been blessed to have 99% of my reviews get 5 stars. One person didn’t care for my writing style. Hee hee hee…I am pretty dang mouthy!! :) Can’t please every last person on earth, I guess. :)

Here’s the link for my book for the ladies: Amazon

Here’s the link for my book for the guys (but the girlies love it too): Amazon

I hope you guys like them. I’m not sure if I’ll stay on the Kindle Select Program for very long as you can’t have your books on Nook if you have them in this program and my books do really well on Nook. Grab ‘em for free while you can.

Oh, and for the rest of you that don’t have a Prime Membership, I temporarily lowered the price for the Kindle versions of the books. I felt bad that the Prime members could get it for free, but you still had to pay $8.99. For a little while they’ll both only be $3.99.

Happy reading and I hope the books help you find or rekindle beautiful love and happiness in your life.

Varmints, Critters and Furries, OH MY!

Since you guys seemed to like my furry friends, I thought I’d share a few more with you. I LOVE LOVE LOVE taking pictures of things that are fuzzy. It makes me happy just looking at them. I wanna take them all home, put them in my bed and just roll around and giggle all over them. Wait. Does that make me sound like a freak? Probably. :)

This furry little monster followed me around all day, licking me and nudging my butt. I fell immediately in love with him!!

Baby Got Back! Good lord, alpaca butts are cute!!

My sweet little chipmunk friend, in a bit more detail. I was literally 3 feet from his face. I cannot believe how he just sat there and posed for me. :)

Yeah, I’m not messing with this Mo Fo! Snakey gone wild!

Yeah, I’m done entertaining people. You can take a picture, but I’m not gonna pose! I’m NOT! I swear, this is not me posing pretty for the camera.

I don’t know what the hell kinda kitties these are but I love the little one. WHACK! Right on Mommy’s nose. :)

“Hiiiiiii-ya! Take THAT!” My idea of Heaven, I kid you not, is being able to roll around in the water with a big pile of non-pooping, non-biting otters. I sure hope God gives that to me when I die. :)

Who knew otters pondered world peace? That is one contemplative otter!

This little stinker chased me around the lake! Can’t blame her for trying to protect those little fuzzy critters.

I would NOT want to be the little mousie that he has in his sights!

Dang! That thar is a fine lookin’ duck. ;) PRETTY SWAN!!!

I LOVE PANDA! He fell out of the tree and bonked his cute head.

Ask and ye shall receive! You guys liked my chicken monster so much, I thought I’d put a pic of his little furry buddy in here too. Can someone tell me WHERE THE HELL HIS FACE IS???  I see no beak. No eyes. No nuffin! He’s Furry Ninja Chicken!

And last but most certainly not least, a tribute pic of my sweet, precious, departed angels: Princess and BooBoo. I loved these kitties more than I can ever express and was blessed to have these little sister kitties in my life for 16 years. I love you BooBoo and Princess!!!

Thanks for peeking at my critters!! In case you can’t tell, I’m a sucker for the fuzzy things!

The Beautiful Blogger Award is in my Greedy Little Paws!

Thank you so very, very much, Preety92 for sending me this award. You have warmed my heart with your kindness and I appreciate how incredibly thoughtful you are!! What a lovely surprise, sweet girl.  Thank you again, Preety92, for nominating me for this award!

I’m so happy and delighted that I’ve been able to meet so many incredible people on WordPress. Every day you all say things that crack me up and make me pass out laughing. Or touch my heart and make me have an immediate case of the sniffles. Or, occasionally even make me a bit peeved (which is okay because a little feisty is never a bad thing!)

The nominated recipients are asked to:

  • Thank and Link-back to your nominator
  • Nominate 7, 6, or fewer (or more) other blogs that you enjoy to receive this award as well
  • Post a comment on each of your nominees blogs with a link to your page for the details
  • Paste the Award image somewhere on your blog, if so desired
  • And, continue blogging all your beautiful thoughts, suggestions, and musings. More readers are coming!

Here are my nominees:

I hope everyone has a spectacular weekend. If you are in the US, I hope you have a great holiday weekend.

Much love to all of you (especially preety92 today for her sweet nomination!)

STOP! Don’t stab him while he sleeps!

Seriously, it’s not wise to kill a man while he’s sawing logs.

Even though you may sincerely want to.

Even though you think there are no other options.

Even though you are positive a jury would never convict.

Don’t do it.

I’ve wanted to before. More times that I can count. That incessant snoring that makes you want to die or commit murder is too much to bear! (See, you thought I was serious about murdering people while they slept…never! Well…not anymore at least.) ;)

My dad was a snorer. Good lord, it sounded like a plane was landing onto the roof of the house. My step-father snored so damn loud that you could hear it 25 feet down the hall and through 2 closed doors. Talk about wanting to kill???

Then, almost 20 years of a snore-free life. Somehow, I lucked out and had no men in my life that snored anymore. It was delicious. Delectable. Divine. I got to actually SLEEP!!! I’m an insomniac by nature, so when I do finally fall asleep, I really, desperately need to stay asleep.

Alas, along came my precious hubby. Holy ever-loving God. I’ve NEVER heard such a racket. EVER! The entire bed vibrates. The first two years of our relationship was me taking an insane amount of over the counter sleep meds to try and fall asleep (NOT healthy!) and jamming the nose of my teddybear into one ear and jamming my finger into the other ear in a wild attempt to drown out the cacophony taking place a mere 6 inches from my head. Of course, as soon as you start to fall asleep, your fingers (and teddybear nose) fall away from your ears and BAM!!!! Awake again and awake to stay.

Now, those of you who know me know that I love my husband more than oxygen. I’d happily jump in front of a bullet for him. But…not killing him in his sleep was the greatest challenge of my life. I loved him so much during the day, but spent every night kidney punching him, pushing him, rolling him over, pinching his nose shut. Oh, it was awful! I’d have felt bad for him EXCEPT if he hadn’t been snoring he could have slept unscathed.

Know this: If anyone has ever told you that you snore–YOU SNORE!! I know it’s not your fault. Heck, when I have a bad cold I snore a tiny bit too. It’s not just a guy problem. If your wife snores I imagine you want her dead just about every night too. ;)

So, here’s a solution. It may not work for everyone, but it damn sure has worked for us. I’ve told many people about it and have gotten huge thank you letters (that weren’t written from prison…whew…) My wonderful hubby was willing to try the, as we call it, “Mouthy Thing” from puresleep.com. That is the only brand I know of that works, there may be others. But this is the only one I’ll ever buy.

Here’s how it works. You boil it in water and mold it to your teeth. It slightly juts your bottom jaw forward as you sleep so that you don’t snore. WARNING: for the first 10 days his jaw was slightly sore in the mornings for about 15-30 minutes. But that wore off and it’s a damn sight better than bleeding out after wifey finally succumbs to the ever-pending nervous breakdown . Now he wears it every night and doesn’t even think twice about it. It’s reduced his snoring by about 85%. It’s HEAVEN!!!

Now, if you are a snorer and think, “Why the hell should I do that??? I sleep just fine!” Yeah, YOU sleep fine. But no one else does. Part of a loving relationship is wanting the other person to be healthy and happy. Let me assure you that if your significant other is not getting proper sleep, they are not happy nor healthy. Lack of sleep is one of the most mentally and physically debilitating situations a person can be in (besides earthquakes, tornadoes, the zombie apocalypse, etc…) Plus, they do sincerely hate you every night as they get into bed.  They may never tell you that, but it’s true 9 times out of 10. We know if you could, you’d not snore. We know you aren’t trying to make us weep uncontrollably at the mere thought of crawling into bed with you. Alas, that is usually the case. You, Mr. or Mrs. Snorer will only be minimally inconvenienced for the first week or so as your jaw adjusts to it. But then you’ll be fine. That is such a small price to pay for the eternal love and gratitude you’ll get from your finally-sleeping love.

Plus, they go on sale all the time. I think we got 2 for $65 bucks or so and they last between 9-15 months each.

Show your honeybunny how much you love them and how much you want to live to see your next birthday and get yourself one. I bought mine for my man and am always the buyer of them. BEST MONEY I’VE EVER SPENT. If I had to hook on the corner for the cash, I’d do it. I’ve got mad skills. :)

So go! Go NOW! Get one and see just how much happier  your home will be. :) XOXOXO

Image procured from http://www.herdaily.com/health/760/are-you-snoring-check-this-out-.html

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!

I love furry things. Most of you know that by now. The furrier the better. So, I thought I’d share with you a few of my favorite pics from over the years. I love photography and would happily sit in a jungle all day (well, one without mosquitoes) to get pictures of cute critters.

Hang on, did I just write a post with no sarcasm? Hmmm…not sure I know what to do with that. ;)

I LOVE HIS FURRY LITTLE NOGGIN! I wanna eat him!!!

Think he’d let me nuzzle his neck without eating my face?

I LOVE HIM!!! He was eating a banana I gave him. When I turned these pics in, 100 years ago, to get them cropped, the owner of the photography studio stole my negatives, entered my pictures into a wildlife photography contest and won awards with my sweet little groundhog pics. I sincerely wanted to burn his house to the ground.

OH MY GOD! Look at the furry chicken! Look at those feet!!!

This little cuddlebear posed for me for 10 minutes. Yet another critter I wanna eat in a non-eaty way. ;)