I’m not domestic. Not at all. I loathe cleaning. I hate doing laundry. I despise cooking. The vacuum is not my friend. My car looks like homeless people took it over years ago and have lived in it ever since. I don’t do cat litter (I hired a service for YEARS to clean my cat litter. Had to give them a key to the house–could have robbed me blind and molested my kitties. Luckily, he was a sweetheart and never got inappropriate with the furries. God, where did that come from? Sicko.) I don’t do dishes. If I was rich enough, I’d pay someone to come wash and dry my hair every other day.
Now, I know that sounds lazy as hell. But I swear, it’s not simple laziness (though that is a part.)
Here are the reasons, beyond being less domestic than a corpse, that I don’t do stuff:
- I broke the garbage disposal. I have no idea how. I always run water in it. I always check it for objects before turning it on. Alas, I broke it.
- I clogged the toilet with floor cleaning TP. We were out of papertowels (which I know to throw in the trash) so I used TP. I put that where TP normally goes, but it stopped up the pot.
- I put dishes in the dishwasher and somehow missed pre-cleaning one, so there was stuck-on food all over everything and it all had to be rewashed.
- I broke the belt on the vacuum.
- I spilled coffee all over everywhere trying to dust. Damn cup got in my way! I had to show it who’s boss. Then spent 20 minutes cleaning up the coffee. It went everywhere including a power strip (yeah, that’s safe), phone charger, bed, nightstand, under the bed and nightstand, over 2 of my teddybears and on and on and on…
- I knocked over a 15 pound salt lamp and broke my foot in 4 places.
- I tried to grate cheese and grated my thumb into the mix. Yes. We ate thumb on our pasta that night.
I could go on for days here.
So, as you can see, it’s not just laziness that keeps me from being a Domestic Goddess. Domesticity hates me back. As a reslut (why do I always type, “reslut” instead of “result?”), I am breaking up with Domesticity. Forever. Good riddance to brooms, sponges, vacuums, papertowels, dishwashers and the like. Poop on all of your heads!
Image procured from: http://www.picgifs.com/clip-art/cleaning/19836/clip-art-cleaning-385513/