TIRADE TIME! Oh yeah, it’s ON! Don’t read if you don’t like cussing for the sheer fun of cussing. :)

Me at 4:00am

Okay people, I’m going to throw a fit here. A BIG, impolite fit. But before we get into the nitty gritty of said fit, those of you who know me know that there isn’t a mean bone in my body. I’m caustic, sarcastic and mouthy but only when being playful (well, 95% of the time). So, while I’m going to yell and scream and pitch a hissy, please know that if you fall into any of the categories of people I’m about to rage about that I still love you and mean no harm. It’s just that what I’m going to whine about has happened 5 times in the last 2 weeks and I’m DAMN sick and tired of it. So please forgive me ahead of time. How’s that for a disclaimer? :)

Let’s start out by me sharing with you that I’m a night owl. Always have been. Always will be. When I was old enough to sneak out of my crib I’d crawl down the stairs, turn on the TV and watch static in the middle of the night. I’ve hated mornings since birth and wish that I never had to be up before noon. Of course, I always have jobs which make me get up at the crack of dawn. ICK! It just ain’t right!

When I was young, my wonderful mom let me sleep in late on the weekends. She wasn’t one of those “You’re wasting your life in bed!” type moms. Thank God. She understood that my body clock works on a different schedule than a lot of people’s. I just start being creative and perky around midnight. As I got older and moved out on my own, for whatever reason people started calling earlier and earlier in the morning to chat about their drunken adventures the night before, their despicable boyfriend and his weird sexual habits, or just to say, “What’s up?” WHAT’S UP? WHAT’S UP? I’m fucking sleeping, that’s what’s up. Unless someone in your immediate family is dead, you are in the hospital or my house is on fire, don’t fucking call me before 2:00pm. I care about nothing and no one before early afternoon on the weekends. Unless it’s an emergency, shut up. Period.

Once I moved to Arizona it got even worse. Because stupid Arizona doesn’t do stupid daylight savings time, we are 3 stupid hours behind the East coast (where I’m from) for almost 8 months a year. What does this mean for people like me? That people, be they friends or business associates, DON’T FUCKING PAY ATTENTION TO THE TIME DIFFERENCE and call and text me starting at 5:00am. I’ve usually only been asleep for an hour or two at that point, and only because of an over the counter sleep aid as God doesn’t seem to want me to sleep like a normal person. So when my phone makes a noise because someone has rudely thought “Well, I’m up. Why shouldn’t everyone else be up?” I want to smash it with a hammer and then drive/fly to whoever has disturbed my impossible-to-get sleep and smash them with a hammer too.

These early morning calls were even worse when I was deejaying at a club. I didn’t get home from work until 3:00am, and I was all hyper at that point and didn’t get to sleep until 6 or 7 am. Then my phone would ring at 9:00? What the hell? Everyone knew I worked until the middle of the night. What on God’s green earth could be so monumentally important that I needed to know about that early in the day? NOTHING DAMMIT! NOTHING!

It got so bad that I eventually put a song on my answering machine instead of a personal message (yes, I’m old–I’m sure you youngins’ probably don’t even know what an answering machine is) to announce to the world that they should not call me early. It was a tune called “Up all night, sleep all day” or something like that, by the band Slaughter. (Side note: Stupid band name, but the singer and drummer were easy on the eyes!) ;) So, instead of hearing me say in my chipper little voice, “Hi! You’ve reached Jodi. I’m sorry I can’t take your call right now, but if you leave me your name and number I’ll get back to you as soon as I can, ” they’d instead hear a blaring heavy metal song that essentially told them to STOP FUCKING CALLING ME IN THE MORNING!

I realize I may sound awful here, but think about it this way, especially if you are a morning person: what if I called YOU at 1:00am to tell you about the great sushi I had for dinner? There you are, all snuggled into your bed, finally asleep and I call you to bullshit about nothing and then you can’t fall back asleep ever. You are done. You are awake until the next night when you crawl your morning-person-ass back into bed at 9:00pm. Would that suck? Yep. It would. You would think I was a horrible, selfish douche bag. Then why is it acceptable for people to do that to me?  Your 1:00am is my 8:00am.

Do I wish I was a morning person? Yes.

Have I tried to be a morning person? Yes.

Has it ever worked? No.

Am I sick as shit of people saying, “Your sleeping your life away…  I get more done by noon… You’re missing out on the world… You’re lazy, get out of bed…” YES! I’m sick of it!

Luckily, even though I have a morning person hubby who is voluntarily out of bed by 6:30 am even on the weekends (WTF???), he understands my insomnia and sleep issues and is silent as a mouse when I’m asleep. His considerate ways get him many, many brownie points. :) Right now, he’s been asleep for 5 hours. It’s 3:19 am and I’m bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. If I never saw the sun again and could exist only in moonlight, I’d be good to go. Stupid, overly-bright sun. Yuck. Oh, and I too am silent while he’s asleep. Consideration goes both ways in our happy home.

So, may I just say, if you are a morning person, and lord it over other people’s heads like it makes you special, shut it. It’s not nice to be a prick about the fact that you love getting up early. Good for you. I’m glad your body clock works normally. But some of us suffer from hideous insomnia and a reverse body clock and have had to endure going to work and school for 35+ years at the crack of dawn when doing so is as unnatural to us as you going to work at 2:00am. Wouldn’t that suck, you morning people, if you had to get up and be all happy and chipper and at the office at 1 or 2 am? That’s how I feel having to be at work at 7:30 or 8. It’s simply awful. But I do it. I’ve done it for a million years and I’m even nice to people that early. I don’t take my morning-hating-misery out on anyone else as that would be impolite.

Last but not least, and then I’ll wrap up my hissy fit, if you live on the East coast and have friends or business acquaintances who are towards the West coast, please keep in mind the time change. It’s just so awful when the phone rings before the birds are even chirping. The first thing I think is “Who’s dead or dying?” Not a nice way to wake up after a mere few hours of sleep. Especially, since once I’m up, I’m up. I can rarely get back to sleep and all I do is lay there and plot how to kill you and not go to prison.

And for those of you who are thinking, “put your phone on silent or don’t bring your phone into the bedroom” I don’t have that option as I want to be available to my sweet mommy if something comes up in the middle of the night. I’m not so selfish as to be unavailable to people who may actually need me for something real and important. And why should I have to leave my phone in the other room just because other people are rude??? That is total shit.

Whew, I’m exhausted!!! That is over 40 years of pent up hostility regarding living in a world where night owls have to suck it up and adjust to everyone else’s schedule. I feel so much better. I hope I haven’t made you all so fuming mad you could kill me. Really, this wasn’t a “Bash the morning people and East coasters” post. It was a “Bash the morning people who think everyone should be on THEIR schedule and inconsiderate East coasters” post. So, if you aren’t a dick about it, then this doesn’t apply to you at all and we can still be friends. ;)

Okay, I’m done. I wish I could say I was sleepy and heading off to bed, but I think a round of Angry Birds is calling my name (DAMN THOSE FRIGGIN’ ANGRY BIRDS!!!!). :)

77 comments on “TIRADE TIME! Oh yeah, it’s ON! Don’t read if you don’t like cussing for the sheer fun of cussing. :)

  1. When I was single (well before I became married then single again – but what would you class as single?), I was a night owl. Sometimes I wouldn’t even see the daylight. That was fine by me, but I would not go out and call someone late at night. It’s roooood. Same as being called early in the morning. I remember one time, I had actually gone to bed at a reasonable time (2am) as I had been awake for about 36 hours. I was in a communal building with a phone downstairs. It rang at 4:30 in the morning. I answered it, saying that if they hung up now, there would be no repercussions (or words that a stoned drunk person would say), if it was important, fair enough. But if I heard their voice and it was something meaningless I would remember their voice for the last two days of their life. Bearing in mind, I did know who it was because they kept ringing at the same time every morning asking to speak to their friend who inhabited a different room.

    It was an empty threat, but it worked :-D They hung up without saying anything and the phone didn’t ring again at that time. Well, up until the point I moved out. ;-)

    • Oh yeah, I never said “divorced” back when I was. I figure if one is not married or in a committed relationship, one is single! :)

      And I LOVE LOVE LOVE the threatening side of you! You scary man! Your story cracked me up. There’s nothing like a little fear of bodily harm to make someone STOP FUCKING CALLING in the middle of the night. I don’t know why people think that is ever appropriate. I love that it worked. :)

      • I can be scary (apparently) but I would never follow through with it. Only ever been violent three times in my life, and I can remember them all like they were yesterday. Oh wait, they were yesterday ,.. just kidding last one was over 20 years ago lol

        I have had a few answers for cold callers as well.

        CALLER: “Hello, we were offering a cut price membership to the gym”
        ME: “I’ve got no legs”

        CALLER: “Can we replace all of your windows?”
        ME: “I’ve just been evicted”

        CALLER: “Can we offer you a quote for your windows”
        ME: “Yes let me just go and get a pen and piece of paper” [leaves phone on the side and goes back to what I was doing]

      • Oh my God, you are a riot!!!! Numbers 1 and 3 are the best things I’ve ever read. Number 2 was pretty awesome too. You are such a crack up! :) Like you, I’m not violent either. I may threaten to stab people in the face or bury the hubby in the backyard, but I’m only ever joking. If I so much as accidentally bumped into someone and hurt them, it would break my heart. No pain allowed, dangit!

        I’m sooooooooooooo stealing your telemarketing ideas. They truly are brilliant!

      • Sometimes I wish I hadn’t signed up to a company here in the UK that stops you getting calls from telesales. I think occasionally it would relieve boredom just to have a laugh with them :-) At their expense of course. ;-)

        Oh, just for a hint for you … I got your book out to read again the other day ;-)

      • OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh!!! Does that mean that things are a’brewin’ with uhh…well…don’t wanna say it out loud in case it’s a secret. If so, WOO HOO!!!! I’m going to need details, sir. DETAILS!!!

  2. Well, that was just more evidence that we are sistas from another mother. I too am a night owl and keep what I call vampire hours. The difference is, my work life is well-suited to my body clock, not the other way around. Prince Charming is like yours a morning bird… which is why I’ve said before, we don’t “sleep” — as in actually SLEEP — together much. I don’t seem to have the problem with people calling me during the day though… maybe you are just more loved than I. ;>

    • Hell yeah, ma’am! :) We totally are! I’m a total vampire too. There was this guy that used to be afraid of me because he’d never seen me in the daylight, I have black hair, pale skin and light eyes. Freak. Were I a vampire, I’d never need sleep!

      I wish my job was well-suited to my night owl ways. A girl can dream. You are so lucky!

      You and your Prince Charming are just like us. We probably “sleep” together for all of 2 hours a night.

      As for being more loved…I doubt that! :) I think I just know ruder people than you. :)

  3. The circadian rhythm in mammals is regulated by two clusters of nerve cells called the suprachiasmatic nuclei (SCN) in the anterior hypothalamus. Geneticists have identified a set of genes that regulate the SCN and thus the circadian rhythm among mammals. However, humans, unlike other mammalian species, have the unique ability, consciously and cognitively, to override their internal biological clock and its rhythmic outputs. In other words, at least for humans, circadian rhythm is not entirely a matter of genetics. Within broad genetic constraints, humans can choose what time to go to bed and get up. Humans can choose to be night owls or morning larks. I am a night owl too, and you snatched the thoughts right out of my mental lexicon for morning larks.

  4. I suggest a separate phone with a number only your mother has, and shutting the other off. Arizona is beautiful. We are considering moving there in the future. Can I make a friendly suggestion Jodi, the black background is incredibly hard to read. I had to stop reading several times to complete the post as the B&W contrast just burns my eyes. Sorry, don’t mean to be a weenie. Now, go back to bed!

    • John, you motivated me! As you can see, I’ve completely redone my page so that it’s easier to read. It needed a facelift anyway. Thanks for being bold enough to make the suggestion. :) I really appreciate it! :) You aren’t a weenie at all. :)

  5. Hey, Ms. Jodi Ambrose, guess what? I’m a morning person, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, I’m so awesome,
    I could have been up all night dancing in the dark, riding on a train or having a foursome
    and I will still be able to get up at 6:45 in the morning
    to hear all of the amazingly beautiful Australian birds singing,
    ‘CA! CA! CA! CA! CA! CA! CA! KAW! KAW! CO! CO! CA!’,
    it’s like listening to my personal guitar
    in the very morning. I start the glorious day with a great big pile of toast,
    yes, two pieces, and I have to say, I think I enjoy the morning more than most,
    even though I too suffer from some kind of insomnia. Ever since I was fourteen
    I have been unable to properly sleep, and at night, I’m a wide awake human being
    because my stupid fucking body forgot to adjust to daylight savings that year,
    and one day I might fail to wake up in the morning, yes, it’s the thing I always fear
    cuz then I wouldn’t be able to go ‘nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah’ to every single person alive who doesn’t get up.
    Anyway, back to my insomnia; I went to my GP and I said ‘hey my brother from another mother, s’up?’
    and he said ‘I honestly cannot begin to fathom nor try to detect what is wrong with you,
    like many doctor’s I’m secretly an incompetent nincompoop and haven’t a single clue,
    I don’t even know how I got my license to practice friggin’ medicine.’
    I shook my head angrily and counted to five, and suddenly it was then,
    that I shouted (a lot of fucking profanities and other shit you do not wish to hear)
    and with those last final words allow me to say that was a very impressive post my dear!

  6. I so totally get this. I used to be a night owl too, until my biological clock did the bitch switch on me and now my clock has gone in reverse. I feel the same way you do, and hey while we’re ranting, how about the inconsiderate fucks that show up at your house unannounced. I soooooooooo hate that! So, you are not the only one…..Peace Jaz

  7. Oh Jodi, I frickin love your rants and would be very surprised if anyone here took offense to them. Totally understand! And as an east coaster, I can definitely say that other east coasters are sons of bitches! At my old job, we had a lot of people in the west coast, and I always took into account what time it was, so as to not wake them up. And if I could do that for people I didn’t give a shit about, then people should be more considerate when calling their FRIENDS! There’s nothing wrong with being a night owl, everyone’s got their own schedule. I would hate to be woken up over something retarded. Injury and death are the only reasons for late night/early morning calls. Here’s hoping the people who bug you are reading this post…and trembling in fear. ;)

    • You are so cute! I’m glad you liked my tirade. I was having a fit! :) And I totally agree with you–death and injury are the ONLY exceptions to the early call rule. I’m glad, and not surprised, that you are a good, respectful East coaster. As if the Eastern time zone is the ONLY time zone???

      Oh, I love your idea of people trembling in fear! That is awesome, if not slightly evil (which is why I like it). :)

  8. That seemed very therapeutic for you, glad you feel better. Like you, I don’t have a mean bone in my body. My problem… I am neither a morning or night person. I’m a person from about 9:00 am until about 11:00 pm. During the 10 hours in between those two times, you can all go f…k yourselves…..

      • They say the early bird gets the worm… I want my pick of the litter.

        Technically, there are family factors that enter into that. My dad was a good man but not exactly there for us as kids – I work early so I can be home when my kids get off the bus (or as close to it as possible).

  9. I like moonlight, I like night animal noises and I usually have more energy at night. Yes I was told as a child to rise early and not be lazy. But lazy is not when you get up, its when you choose to handle your business. I am thirty now and respect mornings a bit more because of work and all. But night owls can be fun people. This is why I am a writer. I prefer to carve out my own schedules.

    • Erica, you sound just like me. I LOVE nighttime critter noises and I love the moonlight. Thank God my mom never gave me that “sleeping in = lazy” bullshit. It’s all about what you do when you are awake, not the time that you awaken. People are just silly. Early to bed, early to rise can bite me. ;)

  10. So, I’m a morning person–really early morning person. I vow never to call you at 4:30 AM if you vow never to call me at 11:00 PM. Deal?

    By the way, the sunrise was beautiful this morning… ;)

    • Total deal!!!! I wish I was a morning person like you. It would make my life soooo much easier. Actually, if you called at 4:30am, I’d probably still be up. It’s those 6:00 callers that make me wanna punch a wall. :)

      Oh, and sunrise schmunrise! ;) Actually, I love the sunrise too. I’m just still awake when watching it instead of just getting up. I’m a freak. ;)

  11. It’s absurd, the behaviours (yes, I spell that with a ‘u’ cuz I’m Canadian) that are culturally linked with moral superiority for no apparent reason.
    I manage a community organization that provides free play programs for parents and little kids. By 10 am they are overcrowded and unsafe, so we had to figure out a better way to make sure everyone could access the program, but safely, and within a limited budget. I wanted to make the program shorter and offer a second session a bit later in the morning to ease crowding, but there was this attitude that we should just lock the door when the program became too crowded, and anyone who came later and found the door locked, deserved it. That is when I became fully aware of the hostility directed toward people who are not up at the crack of dawn, and the entrenched attitude that anyone who gets up early should be rewarded for it. Because, according to some arbitrary moral code, it’s the RIGHT thing.

  12. I’m a night owl, too…I think there are actually a lot of us around, although many are ‘closet’ night owls, afraid to admit to the world that we are different. I still deal with guilt when I’m in bed at twelve noon, even though I didn’t go to sleep until after eight am…still worry that someone will come to my door and find me in my nightgown and proclaim me to be ‘lazy’, but I’m slowly getting over that.
    I loved your rant because it echoed all my thoughts and saved me writing them down. May just have to reblog this post soon!
    BTW, I wrote about 1500 words last night on my novel and only started that after midnight. Point proven, right? Right! It’s now 1pm where I live and I’m checking email, etc while still in bed on a rainy Sat. Good times.

    • No guilt Sylvia!!! I stayed in bed until noon today and only dragged my pathetic ass out of bed then because the hubby woke me up. I bet I could have slept until 3pm easily!

      Good for you with 1500 novel words! That is awesome! I do most of my book writing after midnight too. That’s when I’m my most creative. Night owls RULE!!

  13. Just like you I am a night person. Always have been. I am more productive after 10pm until even 6 am than any other time. I was fortunate both my boys were night owls as well. It was rough when they were in school, but after a couple of years I began homeschooling and life was wonderful. We got to shop for groceries when others were asleep having the store to ourselves etc. 2 of my 3 grandchildren are morning people. Ugh! So I have problems when one spends the night. They want to fall asleep by 10 pm and up by 7am. The other sleeps till noon, my preferred time to get up.

    I also know what you mean about moving to AZ. I moved from PA to AZ and had trouble with a few people calling early, but for the most part it worked out well. My son’s friends were also night people so with the phone being free after 9pm they did their catching up then, happily. I usually fell asleep before he did by then anyway.

    I still can’t turn my phone off to sleep as I worry one of my boys will need me for an emergency with their children, but at least neighbors have learned to respect the fact the door is still closed and don’t knock to wake me.

    • I’m like you–I am super creative at night and barely functional during the day. How wonderful that you were able to homeschool your night owl boys. That is simply awesome! As for the morning bird grandkid, NYQUIL! ;) Kidding. That’s just awful to say. :)

      Most of my East coast friends have learned not to call me early, but for some reason they still text me early. As if that freaking ring tone doesn’t wake me up too. Ugh.

      I also won’t turn my phone off to sleep in case there is a real emergency. I want to always be there if someone needs me. I just don’t want to be there if someone is forwarding me a stupid joke at 6am! :)

  14. I prefer the night too. And I don’t have any problem telling people that either. If you can take care of your shit, then who gives a damn when you do it?
    When I was in my early twenties someone called me around 7am on a Saturday morning, I was still a bit drunk and more than a bit pissed off when I answered the phone. Before the person on the other end could say anything I snarled “Somebody had better be f***ing dead or someone is going to be dead”. The person hung up without saying a thing and I went back to sleep.
    A few weeks later my mother called and told me I needed to apologize to my grandmother.

    • PREACH ON, my friend!!! :) I’m DYING laughing at your story. I read it to my husband and we both cracked up!!! I don’t blame you one bit for growling into the phone–what a hoot it was grandma. Sorry grams! ;)

  15. I HATE the time change. WTF is that about?! I’ve heard all sorts of rationale but it sounds like bullshit to me. Oh, this was your rant… [deep breath] Sorry, rants can be contagious ;) Yay Arizona for not partaking in the saving of the daylight. And double yay for your rant that echoes the sentiments of so many hoot-less night owls.

    • I do too!!! HATE IT! It was one thing, 150 years ago, when there were no air conditioners, to have it. But we’ve come far from those old days and now it’s just some stupid leftover crap from our past. And while it’s great that AZ gives the finger to daylight savings, it also sucks. If we did do it, we’d only ever be 2 hours behind the east coast. Because we don’t, we are 3 hours behind for most of the year. Total SUCK! ;) Glad it’s not just me that thinks daylight savings is stupid and night owls rule! :)

  16. Jodi,
    You cussed, and it’s the first thing I read very early this Sunday morning. I love the sound of cussing with my coffee in the morning.
    Le Clown

  17. Count me in – don’t call before noon at the earliest. I made my body get up at the insane hour of 4:30 a.m. for 20 years – - I’m so over that – - if I make it out of bed by noon and get a couple hours for coffee — I’m good to go until about 6:00 the following morning. It takes awhile to train the crazy people that occupy your world to stop calling before 2:00 p.m.

    • See, I’ve had to do that up early BS too and HATED IT!!! I had a job where I had to be on-camera (full make-up, fixed hair, blah blah blah) at 5:00am. It was HELL!!! Ugh. Unless I’m getting paid a million dollars, never again. Your schedule is just like mine (or how I like it to be). I like sleeping until noon or a little after and staying up until about 4am. For me, that is the perfect schedule. :) One of these days maybe the world will realize we aren’t lazy or wacko–we just have different body clocks. :)

    • Thank you!!! Someone commented that the blog was hard to read, which is horrifying and I’m glad they told me, so I thought I’d give it and my regular website a total overhaul. Now they kinda match as they have the same background. The only weird page is going to be when I launch the cookbook because my Bad Ass Heavy Metal Don’t Fuck With Me looking website design doesn’t really work for grandmas who want a cool cookbook. So, I’ll have one page that is all sweet looking. Man, that is going to be WEIRD!! :)

  18. Although I get by OK in the mornings to be honest I can sympathise with where you’re coming from. We get cold calls at the most inconvenient hours, especially at the weekend and the birds. The dawn chorus should be retired -forcibly if necessary- so yeah, I get that. Given a choice I’m a late riser but work doesn’t go for that as you say. On the upside at least you nuisance callers are from a different time zone, in the UK they don’t have that excuse. They’re just ignorant.
    The only thing I can think of is a separate mobile/phone line for your mum and those who only call when they have to and the rest get turned off at a suitable time – even if it means pulling the cord out!

    • Another night owl! Yay!

      You know, I thought of having a separate phone line but the idea of spending all that extra money on a phone/line/chargers/etc… and then having to manage two freakin’ phones just because people are inconsiderate buttfaces just annoys me to no end. I used to have 2 cells, one personal and one for work, and it drove me bonkers. I guess I just gonna have to get fierce and throw a fit next time the phone rings early. Scare the inconsiderate outta them! :)

  19. Why the HELL do I always miss your posts by two days??!! I swear to, well whatever, I looked at my reader last night and missed this!!
    Anyway, I’ve been a night person since birth and was lucky enough to work second shift for many years. That just made the night person thing worse. I would work until midnight, come home and stay up until 4 am. At the time I also babysat two girl that KNEW it was a bad idea to wake me up before 9 am, and yet they did it, and still do it today. The oldest is 19 now, my daughter’s godmother and lived with me for this past summer. One morning she woke me up at 7:30 am to inform me that her laundry needed to be done. I’m greatly surprised I let her live! Oh, same girl 15 years earlier ( so age 4) jumped on me one morning and SCREAMED “I’M HUNGREY!” I immediately started crying, her mom came down and said “Now you made your babysitter cry, nice!”

    • You are so funny!!! Your computer must say, “NOOOOO! Another post from Jodi. MUST HIDE FROM BERNADETTE!!!” Someone woke you up at 7:30? In my book that is cause for immediate termination of life and limb. :) As for the “I’m hungry,” I’m quite sure I’d have said something like, “I hope you starve to death,” then wept on my pillow for the early morning hour! ;) People just don’t understand we night owls! :)

      Just so ya know, the cookbook should be out at the very end of October or very early November. Woo hoo! Thanks again for your two recipes. They are awesome!! :)

  20. I too am a night owl, but for some reason everyone calls me between 9:30 and 10:30 am. I can go the entire day without anyone calling or texting me then the next morning at 9:30 the phone is ringing… and what is the first thing they ask? “Did I wake you up?” My answer: “Yes, just like the last time you called me at 9:30 am.”

    • Don’t you wish you had some kind of taser-zap that could go through your phone line for anyone that calls before noon? THAT would teach ‘em!!! :) My thought is if they even THINK they might be waking someone up DON’T CALL SO EARLY!!! Ugh. I need independent wealth so I no longer have to work for people that expect me to be up early. Blech!

  21. Pingback: TMI and Vampires | Fibronaut At Home

  22. Great rant! I am a night owl and always have been. But sadly, I’ve given birth to three larks (and only one night owl) and my day now begins at 0600 – or as I like to say “dark o’thirty). I have trained two of my boys that 0519 is not a suitable time to wake up, and now they will sleep until 0600 most mornings…and it doesn’t matter what time they went to bed, which is outrageous because then they’re sleep deprived and grumpy as well as being up at an unreasonable hour. I can only be thankful that the older one is now 12, the younger two are 6, and the three of them get themselves up and occupied/ breakfasted together.

    I should state for the record that I have always had daytime jobs (aside from the whole mother thing) and I am never late in even though I detest early morning starts.

    And what’s with all these people who can eat hearty breakfasts when they’ve just got out of bed? How does that work! My stomach wakes up about 2 hours after I do.

    Nice to know there are others out there like me!

    • Bless your heart!!! A house filled with 75% morning boys? Oh good Lord. Kill me. You are a saint for not having dropped them off a the bus stop and never returning! ;) Thank goodness they are old enough to take care of themselves in the morning. Whew!

      Like you, I always have morning jobs and am never late. Being late to anything is anathema to me, though when the alarm goes off in the morning, my first thought is always, “Screw it. How badly do I really need this job!?” My alarms actually have names in my phone. The first alarm is named, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The second alarm is named, “Fuck you.” And the third alarm, for those mornings when getting out of bed is especially hard, is named, “Why does God hate me?” I can’t tell you how much I wish I was a morning person, though I doubt I’d have had nearly as much fun in my formative years had I been in bed by midnight! ;)

      As for hearty breakfasts when you first wake up? That is just WRONG! My sweet hubby always wants to fix me breakfast right when I wake up on the weekends and it’s so sweet, but I eat 3 bites and I’m done. I too just can’t have all that rich food right when I wake up. Ick!
      :)

      • It’s only 50% actually! I have a 4th (girl) who can go either way, and two (both 14 year olds, one boy and one girl) who are definitely not morning people. They stagger out zombie like dressed for school, but not in any meaningful way awake!

        LOVE your alarms! Truly awesome! Oddly, the little quiet ding-ding-ding alarm on my Blackberry is the thing that wakes me up the fastest. Aside from a child standing beside the bed saying “Mama I feel like I’m going to throw up”. Slow waker, morning person or not, that galvanises me into instant response! Hmm, maybe I should record that and use it as my alarm?

        And breakfast, blech. Only my daughter and I have this issue. Two of boys get up and have breakfast as the biggest meal of their day. What is with that?

    • Oh, that poor girl!!! My thought is to have her put a new outgoing message on her voicemail. “Hi. You’ve reached Kristen. If it’s before 5:00pm and you are calling me, you clearly don’t like or love me, so please fuck off and never call me back again. If it’s after 5:00, I’m probably still asleep anyway, so you too can suck it.” That might do the trick! ;)

  23. I am so with you! LOL I am so much more a night person, but alas must be up before 7 a.m. for work each morning. And being out in AZ too, I totally get what you’re saying about those silly folks who don’t pay attention to the time differences. As for the whole phone thing? I haven’t figure that out either, except giving my mom the loudest ringtone possible and making the others quiet enough tones that I can sleep through them. ;)

    • Your phone ringtone solution is a GREAT idea!!!! You are a smartie! :)

      Isn’t getting up for work just hideous??? I just thank God I work from home. I worked until after 2:00am yesterday and then slept in an extra hour this morning. I figure after starting work at 6:30am (kill me) and working for the next 20 hours (minus a quick lunch and dinner) that I deserved an extra hour of sleep :)

  24. Pingback: Lostnchina’s One Year Anniversary « lostnchina

  25. Awesome… I am not a morning person and no one in my family is. I had that mother that always said, go back to sleep… Like you God never wants me to sleep so I usually fall asleep three to four hour before I have to get up for work which is a pain. Being a East coast person with family near Arizona I do understand what you mean about respecting the time change. For me it took some getting use to, but because I understood how they felt I made it a point to catch on fast… Great post…

    • Thank you! I love your mom. Bless a woman who understands that it’s not being lazy to sleep in. If I didn’t got to bed until 3:00am, why on earth would I get out of bed before 11:00?? :) Oh, and you rule for being considerate about the time change. Can we clone you? :)

  26. Pingback: It’s Morning Somewhere… « The Hand-Written Life

    • Hi Lisa! Thanks so much for visiting. :) I totally think your schedule still qualifies you as a night owl. I don’t know how you do it, up at 3am. Unless I’m still up, I can’t get up that early. You are a better woman than I! :) I’ll definitely check out your post.

  27. I understand, really ,I do.But Maybe you don’t realize that people don’t care WHAT your hours are, they wake you up.I used to work for and then run a bakery but people would call me until one AM, knowing I would have to be up by 3-3:30. I ran for years on 3 hours sleep, at best…and it as started to show on me. My husband worked third shift for some time and people would call all day for him, knowing his hours…Isn’t he up? No; since he got home at 7:30 still wide awake and it is now 10-1, he is asleep, strange as that may seem to you.
    Now, I am up late with him coming home at 11:30 PM and I don’t have to get up most mornings at 6 AM ,(as I had to with my grandson), but people call every time I try to sleep in. There seems to be an anti-sleep war going on.

    • It is SO unfair! I’ll never understand how people can be so rude. Sorry you’ve had to deal with it too. I don’t get how they can’t correlate their ill-timed calls with us calling them at 1:30am. They’d be furious. Why shouldn’t we be? You’ll have to pardon my language here, but when I was younger and knew it wouldn’t be someone work-related on the phone, I’d answer like this when people would wake me up, “Fuck you, die.” Then I’d hang up. I figured that communicated my emotions pretty well. ;)

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