I’m buying a shotgun tomorrow. Period. People sure can suck.

So, I just got home from a wonderful night with my mommy. We made cookies and yummy homemade Fettuccini Alfredo for the cookbook and had such a relaxing day. As I pull into my driveway my neighbor comes up to my car and asks me if I knew that someone broke into my car at 2:00am on Wednesday night (Thursday morning). WHAT?????? Ummmm…no.

Apparently, our other neighbor gets home from work at 2:00am and saw a man bent into the driver’s side door of my car, rifling around in it. Being the ballsy chick that she must be, she shouted over for him to get the hell out of my car. She called the cops and her husband came out and chased him down the street. He followed him all the way to an old Nova and when the guy realized that he was caught, he jumped into the Nova, waved a gun and took off. HOLY SHITCAKES!

When I went out to my car on Thursday I noticed that when I opened the door it didn’t give me the normal resistance–kinda like it wasn’t shut all the way, but I figured since it was 6:30am that I was just still half-asleep and imagining things. I guess not!

What I want to know is why the fuck didn’t my car alarm go off? What is the point of having one of those damn things if it doesn’t work? And, nothing is missing, not that there is anything to take other than two 9-packs of Charmin, a happy-faced umbrella and some trash. And, it’s a 7 year old Hyundai Elantra. What in the hell did he think he’d get?

The thing that really freaks me out is that I sit in my car in the middle of the night all the time playing Angry Birds (evil fuckin’ game! :) ) and listening to music. I was out in my car THAT night around 1:30am. I’d sit in the backyard to play instead of the front yard, but if I go out there late at night my rooster wakes up and starts cockadoodledooing like it’s dawn. I don’t want him to wake up the neighbors so that they complain and make me get rid of my beloved chicken.

Now I’m completely and totally unsafe feeling. My hubby travels all the time for work and I’m here alone (stalkers of the world, now you have more info than you need). We are well-armed in this house and I came in first place in my concealed carry weapons class, so I can shoot a damn fine shot, even in dim lighting and under stressful circumstances, but I’d really prefer to not shoot anyone.

Shit. This blows. I’d say it’s high time for a LOT more outside lighting. My house is going to be so brightly lit at night it’s gonna seem like daytime.

Man, I fuckin’ hate shitty, bad people who make me feel unsafe in my own home. I do believe I’m now in the mood to kick some ass. Oh, and I’m off to the gun shop tomorrow. You can get a shotgun in about 60 seconds out here in the wild west and there’s a gun shop 3 minutes down the road.

Total suck. Yep. I’m pissed.

65 comments on “I’m buying a shotgun tomorrow. Period. People sure can suck.

  1. My question is why didn’t the neighbors knock on your door to tell you? If I know your a night person I’m sure your neighbors do! By the way, let me know how that cookbook is going :)

    • I almost fell over when she told me tonight! Totally freaked me out. I’m just glad they had the balls to chase the fucker down the street. Maybe he’ll think twice before raping my poor car if he knows my neighbors will run him down. Ugh.

      As for the cookbook, it’s going GREAT! I’ll have a proof in my hands on Tuesday for a final edit. It should be out by the very end of October. I even have a placeholder page on my website for it: http://www.jodiambrose.com/DarnGoodEatsCookbook.html Woo hoo! The moment it’s available, I’ll let you know. Thanks again for the awesome recipes! You are the best. :)

  2. That totally sucks and I am glad you’re safe!! And definitely go out and buy a shotgun tomorrow!! Good for you. Wish they were so easy to buy here in NJ!!

    That is freaky knowing that you were there not to long before it happened.

    Be safe my friend! I wouldn’t want to mess with you! :)

    • Thank you…you are so sweet. Yeah, me and the hubby, while being peace-loving pseudo-hippies also believe in having a nice collection of self-protection weapons in the house. The only one we’re missing is a shotgun. So, tomorrow, that will be all taken care of. And I wake up at the drop of a dime, so bad asshat intruders beware. Yeah, growing up in MD no one could get guns. Out here in AZ, people wear them on their hip to go grocery shopping. It is TOTALLY weird!! :) Crazy Arizona.

  3. When we first moved out to Arizona from California and bought our gun, I was completely flabbergasted that we were able to walk out of the store with it the same day we purchased it. And the first time I saw someone open carry in public, I was so beyond nervous it’s not even funny. I’m sorry someone tried to jack your stuff, boo stupid people who can’t respect other people’s stuff :(

    • Isn’t it crazy to see people carrying handguns everywhere? The first time I saw it, not knowing that AZ really is the wild west, it scared the hell out of me. My first thought was that they were going to rob the store. I have to say I’m quite fond of the gun laws out here now. Mine are ready to go if the need arises (God forbid). Thanks for the sweetness too. I’m sorry some asshat violated my private space. I just put lights up all around the outside of the house so it’s nice and bright outside now. Maybe that’ll help. :)

  4. I hate mingers like that. Ruining life for people. They should be strung up by their gonads until their testicles fall off and heads explode!!! Decent neighbours for chasing him off

  5. Yeah. I agree with you I hate shitty people too, like the kind of people that stole my son’s four-year old bike as it was sitting across from the fire department. We went to go visit the firefighters because my son loves fire trucks and all that. We went in, we came out, it was gone. People do suck.

  6. That’s terrible!! Sorry to hear it, break ins are the worst! But it’s good that nothing was taken.

    I really, really wish guns were allowed in Portugal. Or that I was allowed to move to Arizona :p sounds like the perfect solution for when you’re stuck at home alone.

    • I used to not like guns at all. But after a scary incident the cops told me to buy one, get a concealed carry license and learn how to shoot. So I did. Now I’m super glad I have one. It makes me feel much more secure. The key is, you can’t be afraid of it. If you are going to have a gun, you have to be prepared to use it. I pray to God I never have to shoot the thing, but I’m glad I have some home protection.

      Yeah, if you move to AZ, you can have assault rifles and take them to the local gun range to play with them. It’s insanity out here in the wild west!

  7. What goes around Honey! He will get whats coming to him, which is very little of anything nice cause some other shitty person will steal it from him! ;)
    We had the same thing happen to us not long ago. Our 1yr old Black lab was at the front fence going off her head at about 3 one morning. I looked out the window but could see nothing and told her to be quiet but she only got louder. When my eyes finally focused I saw someone at the door of my Hubby’s ute which was half hidden from my sight by some bushes. I yelled as loud as I could “FK Off you thieving pricks” and they got in their get away car and sped off. They got nothing but broke the ignition, they were trying to steal his car…Its a 17year old piece of crap! So guessing they were probably gonna use it in a ram-raid or something.
    Some people do well and truly SUCK! Good job someone is watching ;)
    I am sorry to hear you feel unsafe and sending comforting prayers your way.

    • What a sweetie you are. Thank you for the kind words. :)

      I’m so sorry to hear your hubby’s car was broken into by a bunch of asshat thugs!!!! It’s such a violation. What a good doggie you have!!! My cats/hamster/chickens are not nearly as good as your doggie for burglar alerting. Worthless little beasts! KIDDING! I love their fuzzy selves.

      Hopefully, neither one of us will ever have anything like that happen again. Sending you Safe Vibes!! :)

  8. Lock and load Jodi. Glad to know you too have a concealed carry license. I believe that an armed citizenry is a polite citizenry. Take away the guns as the gun grabber crowd wants to do, only criminals will have guns. They don’t play by the rules, something the gun grabbers just don’t get. ;)

    • You’re going to love this. I called the hubby to tell him that I was going to go buy a shotgun today and he had to spoil his surprise 5 year anniversary gift that he got me–a shotgun! How adorable that for our 5 year, first date anniversary he buys me a shotgun. I feel like Annie Oakley. ;)

  9. Girls, guns, damsels in distress, yep, this is the kind of awesome shit I love to read. Ms. Ambrose, you just made my night.
    Oh, and if you want my advice…don’t get a shotgun, get a minigun. After all, you don’t want to miss, and with 1,000 rounds every ten seconds, what criminal mastermind could avoid that kind of firepower?

    • So happy to entertain. ;) Gotta love a gun-totin’ damsel!

      You know what I like about a shotgun? It’s the noise it makes when you chamber(?) a load. That noise will scare the shit outta anyone and then I hopefully won’t have to use it. I’d really prefer to never have to use any of my guns, so if that scary-ass noise can make someone go away, then it’s the best use of a self-protection weapon ever. :)

  10. Aww, Jodi! Thankfully he couldn’t do any serious damage, but holy crap, that’s so scary! There are way too many losers/crazy/evil people these days. Stay stafe. If he’s smart, he won’t bother you EVER again!

  11. The last time someone broke into my car they broke the damn window out. I was SOOOOOOOOOO pissed. I know exactly how you feel. Except they took my CD player/radio with my favorite Alice in Chains CD in it. I can live without the radio but I am still pissed about the CD!

    • I’m mad too. It is the violation that makes me angry. Who the hell is this guy to scare me like that? Assface.

      I’ve lit up our yard like daylight at midnight and the hubby is going to install security lights all over the place when he gets back from his business trip, so that should help a lot. But I must admit, I think I’m going to use the backyard instead of the front from my late night fun. Doesn’t it suck to not feel safe enough to go out alone at night. I’m sorry you had to give up your nighttime walks. Mean, scary people STINK!

  12. You could always move to a poor section of town. I’ve lived on the edge of the wrong side of the tracks and I’ve only been the victim of a robbery once — when I lived in a nice middle class neighborhood.

    Actually, you can’t move away from it, but I find living in a lower middle class neighborhood offers some protection, since burglars, etc., assume you don’t have anything worth stealing.

    Personally, I’d rather move than own a gun.

    • I used to feel the same way about guns. I hated them. I didn’t even like to be in the presence of one because it just seemed dangerous to have one in the room. But, life can deal out some pretty scary stuff and after having an icky stalker and having the cops tell me to get a gun and learn how to use it, I felt much safer knowing I was protected. The key is respecting its power, learning how to use it in various situations and understanding that using it is a life-changing event that you want to avoid at all costs–while at the same time not being afraid of it. Gun ownership is complex and serious and I don’t take it lightly. But I have to tell you, I’m thankful everyday that I have mine and I’m glad we’re adding a shotgun to the mix. I’m hoping just the noise a shotgun makes will be a deterrent for any would-be robber. The best gun is one you never have to use.

      • A gun owner once told me that unless you’re willing to kill, you should never own a weapon. I agreed with him then, and still do. I just don’t want to be responsible for the death of another human being. Of course, people who own guns never imagine using it to kill, but maybe they should.

        Of course, I haven’t been stalked by scarey ex-boyfriends, or threatened face to face. I may sing a different tune then.

  13. What gets me is that people break into old cars, my sister had a car of hers stolen they didn’t get far she found it at the end of the street why because it was a piece of shit that brok down a lot and was always running on empty when she found it they had to push it back to her place as it wouldn’t start………….lol

    • Oh lordy. I don’t even want to think about that! I’m going to say that he was breaking in to get free copies of my books that were hanging out in the back seat. Yep, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. :) Thanks for the book suggestion too. You rule. :)

  14. I totally empathize with you. Some idiot broke into my car back when it was a rusted silver bullet 20 yr old junk Pontiac. Unfortunately he smashed out a window to do it… He didn’t get anything since I was poorer than dirt in those days anyway, but I got footed with the bill of replacing the window. Seriously, what do these moron criminals think they’re gonna get from a crap car?

    I’m envious of your state’s gun laws. My state’s are decent, but certainly not 60 seconds to gun ownership. Go AZ!

    Sorry you had to go through that. Sounds like you have good neighbors if they were willing to chase after your moron thief.

    • I’m sorry you had to go through that too. It’s so icky feeling knowing someone targeted something 20 feet from where you are sleeping. Ick! And I agree, what on earth do they think and old beater of a car is going to have in it? Lord have mercy.

      Yeah, AZ gun laws are crazy easy. Unless you’ve recently murdered someone, with a gun, in front of the cops, you can pretty much buy a gun with ease. Totally nutty!

  15. I can’t imagine being the victim of a personal crime, because I’ve had stuff stolen from me (like you) and the sense of violation is outrageous. Imagine if what was stolen was your dignity or privacy (as in rape or something).

  16. That sucks. The morning after I returned from my Honeymoon (the first time I got married…hehe), the police knocked on my door at 7 am to tell me that someone had busted all the windows out of my poor car. They didn’t take a thing. Again, NOTHING to take! It makes you feel violated. And pissed off!
    Two random comments–I love that you have a happy face umbrella. I want one. Where did you find such a thing?
    And, you have a rooster? Really? That is so Kramer-from-Seinfeld. Are you into illegal cock-fighting? haha. No, seriously. That is quite possibly the coolest pet ever. Almost as cool as an aardvark.

    • I had one of those “first time” honeymoons too! Though we were to poor to go anywhere. :) Sooooo sucky that you came home to find your car busted up. PEOPLE CAN SUCK IT! Well, bad people at least. :)

      As for your random comments. I love my happy face umbrella too. I think I got it at a Ross or TJ Maxx for like $8. It’s black with yellow happy faces. It always makes me smile, so I’m glad the fucker didn’t get it. :)

      And you bet your butt I have a rooster! I have one rooster, who never shuts his yap, and a little black chicken who he rapes 5-10 times a day. It’s disturbing to watch, but I just can’t look away. I’m a sicko! My hubby built me a huge chicken coop with a fenced in chicken-only yard for Christmas (best hubby ever!). They are spoiled rotten little buggers and I love them like crazy. :)

  17. Hilarious, wonderful post. Horrible incident provoking it. It feels like you live on a completely different planet to me. We’re careful about security and wellbeng but our level of care pales to beyond insigificance in comparison, and for that, after reading your post, I’m now grateful I can forget to lock the door sometimes :)

  18. Blimey, that’s mad. I’m sorry such a terrible thing has happened; it would be awful to feel so unsafe.
    Interesting though, I was reading Kana’s blog about guns and the laws in the US vs the UK. I still think its crazy about how easy it is to get a gun in your end of the woods. I don’t know what I’d do with a gun if I ever got my hands on one, but thinking that so many people are just allowed to have them makes my mind bend. Particularly in the case of this would-be car thief who could just wave one around after committing a crime!

    • Thanks for the sweetness. :)
      I was never a gun person either and then I had a whacky stalker and the cops told me to get one and learn how to use it. I’d still prefer if there were NO guns anywhere, but since the bad guys have them, I’m glad that I have a couple laying around too. Where I grew up (outside of Washington D.C.) you couldn’t just get a gun in the blink of an eye, but Arizona is still the Wild West. No doubt about it! :)

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