Hi! Wow, 2 post in 2 day–I must be feeling better. (Yep, 2 typos within the first 7 words–okay, maybe not feeling 100% better yet!)
Plus, this one is time sensitive. You guys know I write a monthly column for the Acquiring Man magazine. They just posted a book giveaway on Facebook for my Sex book and I wanted you guys to have a shot at it. If you are on Facebook, go like the post (for one entry into the drawing) or share it (for two entries).
Oh, I was on an awesome radio show yesterday. It was my 3rd or 4th time and we had a blast. It’s called Sex and Politics Radio and guess what we talked about? Yep, you got it. Otters. NOOOO! We dished about some great sex stuff, though I had to keep it kinda clean since it airs online and on broadcast radio. It was NOT easy, let me tell ya! Give it a click HERE to listen.
I also awoke the other day to a wonderful surprise review of my book. Joey Pinkney is a best selling author and book reviewer and he surprised me with a review of my Intimacy book for the ladies. I was so tickled! Especially because I’m always nervous when a man reads it as it was written for chicks–but he gave it 5 stars. Yay! Click HERE to give it a read. Watch out though–he used my red haired pic, so if you haven’t seen me incognito like that before it may cause nightmares. Just warning you!
Last but not least, I realized that I hadn’t blogged about a wonderful woman who wrote the nicest reviews of my books on her blog. She blogs as: Ramblings from a Strange Woman… I Am Not Your Average Housewife!! I almost fainted with appreciation when I read these, so I wanted to say a very public THANK YOU to her and send all of you over there to follow her. She’s a total sweetheart!
Now, please don’t think I’m some kind of narcisstic lunatic for blogging about all these things. I promise you this is not me “Oooo Oooo Ooooing” like Horshack in Mr. Kotter’s class to get attention (google it youngins! or see below). This post is more a huge thank you to everyone who has taken the time to do something lovely for me. As you guys know, it humbles me that people would be so kind as to invite me onto their radio shows and write things about my books. It thrills me to my very toes, so THANK YOU to everyone who has been so wonderful to me. It is appreciated more than you know. MUCH LOVE!!!!
Yep…it’s that time again. My latest yarn on all things nookie related is out, about and ready to be read by all you perverts out there. Kidding! Well, it is ready to read, but you don’t have to be a pervert (though I KNOW most of you are!) Feel free to pop on over the The Acquiring Man magazine for my monthly column.
Beyond me trying to help you get some knickers on the floor, let’s see what else is going on around here while I’m plagued with insomnia.
Things I was thinking about last night while laying in bed begging God (and sleeping pills) to help me sleep:
If I don’t stop thinking about work I’m going to hang myself. (Yeah…kept thinking about work for a while…and then these thoughts came and distracted me.)
Why can’t I have two otters in the pool in the backyard? That would make my life complete.
I’m not sure I’ll ever understand why God made oil, butter, cream, cheese and Italian deli meats so fattening? Why can’t it all be healthy like broccoli? Was it just to test us? Ugh!
I wonder if my teddy bears talk and run around while I’m gone? I sometimes come home and they’ve moved–how can that happen? Are the kitties playing with them?
I wonder just how much information my hamster’s brain actually processes. Ahhh…to be a hamster for one minute.
What am I going to wear to my class reunion in a couple of weeks? I hate my clothes!
Crap…gotta get my hair dyed as NOW I HAVE FUCKING GRAY HAIRS! (Okay, gray hair–singular, but still.)
Maybe I’ll head to Macy’s and see if I can find something pretty to wear. Man, I hate shopping.
I wish Clark Color would put their wall art on sale again. I’m NOT paying full price. Nope, not gonna happen.
I hope my sister likes all her insane birthday presents.
Why have so many people stopped pronouncing consonants in words? It’s not “di’in’t” it’s fucking “diDn’t.” Kill me.
UFFF! Cat jumped dead center onto my left boob. OUCH!
I wonder if the cat does that shit on purpose? I may have to kill her.
Dammit, now I’m never going to go to sleep–cat scratch on nip.
I love FrootLoops. I want some right now. (So, I go get a dry bowl of them…)
Shit…the crunching is waking up the man. Gotta let them soak in my mouth til mushy, then chew. Eww…not so good. (Went and sat in the floor in the hall to finish eating them.)
Yep, those are my 3am ramblings. Sorry you had to suffer through them too!!
Have a great weekend. I’ve been on my computer for about 70 hours this week and I have to put it down for at least a few hours or I’m going to become unpleasant. XOXOXO
Alrighty then. I’m sneaking writing this post on a computer that I shouldn’t be on, but I’m a rule breaker dammit, so I’m doin’ it anyway!
First, may I tell you that I’ve been working my poor little brain to a nub. And I’ve had to do it in a professional environment. And you know what that means don’t you? It means I’ve not been able to say, “Fuck” nearly enough and I’m in withdrawl. I mean SERIOUS withdrawl. It’s just my favorite word…
As a tribute to it, I’m nabbing pics off the internet that make me happy. They are all awful and offensive and no one should view this blog from HERE down.
Ummm…still not sure what the “Press This” button means, but I’m Pressing This!!!
A HUGE, heartfelt, love-filled, squishy-hugged thank you to the lovely Elizabeth Melton Parsons for writing such amazing reviews of my books. You’d think I’d given her money for her kind words (I sooooo would have!!!).
It means a tremendous amount to me that anyone would take the time to write reviews on my books. I really mean that from the bottom of my heart. I find it so strange and wonderful and surreal that I even wrote 3 books, much less that anyone would read them and then like them enough to say sweet things. I’m very humbled…
If ya wanna check out what she had to say, click the link below.
Okay gentlemen, you are allowed to read this, but it’s really for the ladies.
Of course I’m going to put a disclaimer here because you know how I am.
Guys, you know I love you. I’m a terrific fan of men. I love them so much I married me one. But that is not to say that sometimes the ladies couldn’t use a little dose of “Kicking Ass and Taking Names.” I know I’ve had those moments in my life and I just thought if any of the ladies out there needed a little extra support, girl power (though I loathe that expression), or encouragement that I’d share with them what helped me straighten my ass out when I was going through a bit of a rough time.
So, before I share with you what helped me, I’m going to tell you a brief story. I did a post on this over a year ago, so I’ll make it short and sweet here.
I’ve not always had the best luck with men. Those of you who know me well or have read the intro to my Sex book know that I’ve dated ALL kinds of guys. While I have not a single regret in life (thank God), I have experienced quite a lot of shit over the years. The good thing is that I learned from it all and got wiser along the way.
Well, not too long before I met my wonderful hubby, I was dating a guy (not seriously at all) and he called me one day and said he wanted to marry me and wanted me to give him a daughter (you guys know I don’t want kids and he knew this too). BUT!!!! I had to “be better” first. What? I have to be WHAT first? Dumb asshat mother fucker.
As you can imagine, with those words I was done. D.O.N.E. But I was also fascinated by what he meant by “better.” So I asked. I was curious after all. What on earth could this idiot mean?
It turns out that he’d cyber stalked me and found pictures of me from my early 20s when I was a model. So he thought that almost 20 years later that I should look the exact same as I did then. Clearly he’s a total fuckin’ moron. Do most cars look the same 20 years later? Do your slippers not age over time? Had his dumb ass looked in a mirror lately? Now, I know I sound angry, but honest to God I wasn’t (and am not now–you know how much I like sarcastic 4-letter words! ) I actually found this quite entertaining. What he didn’t realize he was saying was, “I’m the type of guy who will cheat on you when you get older. I always want a woman to look 20 so you better never get a gray hair or gain a pound. I will hit mid-life crisis and go wild. I will not support you as you age because real women aren’t supposed to age, etc…” So many things he communicated in such a short sentence.
Needless to say I never answered a phone call or text from him ever again. Fuck that noise.
Now on to my little ball-kickin’, ass-smackin’, take no guff empowerment for the ladies!
Right after this idiot showed his ass, I heard this song and it changed my life in so many ways. I was always a strong girl. Sweet but with a taking care of business, don’t fuck with me head, and a kind and forgiving heart. Lord knows I’m no saint, but I do try to be kind. Well, there’s a time for “kind” and a time to stand the hell up. That’s what this song is all about. It’s about knowing that you and your thoughts and your actions are as valuable as the opposite sex’s thoughts and actions and not to let anyone or anything make you feel otherwise.
I liked it so much I wrote the lyrics down and put them on an old picture of mine (from days when I was “better!” HA!) and hung it on the wall right inside my front door to remind me daily that I can look however the fuck I want, that no one looks like a supermodel (not even supermodels do thanks to Mr. Airbrush) and that if someone doesn’t like me for who I am they can go bite a dick.
Below is the pic in case any of you ladies want the lyrics. There is also the song. It has more than one naughty word in it, but it is BRILLIANT and I love it and it’s my anthem, but if there are small ears around put in your earbuds.
The best way to enjoy it the first time is to hit play and then read along with the lyrics so you know what she’s saying. Then just crank it to 11 and let your ears bleed!
UPDATE: Big thanks to all of you who have given me feedback on the pics! You don’t know how much I appreciate it. Since most of you thought that a different color scarf might look better, I went in and futzed with the pic and now have a red scarf. What about this? Is this better, worse? Again, HUGE thanks!! You guys kick ass!
So I was goofing around taking pics a few weekends ago and one of them actually turned out okay, which is NOT easy as I can take some ugly damn pictures! (Honest to God, that is not me being self-deprecating, I seriously look like a F.R.E.A.K. in a LOT of my pics!) I was also going through the pics from my last author pic photo shoot and found one I kinda like.
I’m getting kinda sick at looking at my current author’s photo and want some options, so I thought I’d reach out to you guys and you could let me know which pic you like better.
We’ll call them Purple Scarf and White Sweater to make it easy.
Any help you can be will be super duper extra appreciated!
Thanks, I and hope you are all having a kick ass weekend! XOXOXO
Man, you get some seriously fucked up, turn-me-into-a-vegetarian results when you search for Pickled Pigs Feet. Ugh!
I just came across this adorable, funny and snarky blog post from DamBreakerabout moi. ME? Really?
It just tickles me so and humbles me tons when someone takes time out of their day to write something about me or my books. Thank you so much, dear friend, for the wonderful post. (Though I am gonna kick your ass for those pics you used of me!!!)
Read how DamBreaker thinks I hate his tummy (I secretly do!). KIDDING! He’s the cat’s meow.
Thank you, dear, for the lovely post. You just made my day.