Dear Cracker Jack people,
You can suck it!
What kind of rip off, jacked up “prize” is this?
I’ll tell ya, it’s a shit prize. No. It’s not a prize. It’s a turd in a box of cheap popcorn with nuts so hard if you bite on them you’ll break your teeth.
Are you seriously telling me that your gift to me is an explanation I can get on Wikipedia? WHERE’S MY DIAMOND RING OR ACTION FIGURE OR TATTOO!?
I want my money back. I want my childhood dreams of finding a diamond ring in the box back. I want the Cracker Jacks makers to be shamed for their cheapness.
Back in the day there were few things more exciting then when Mom would surprise you with a box of Cracker Jacks and you couldn’t wait to get to the bottom for that awesome prize that you’d cherish until your sister stole it or you lost it or Mom sucked it up in the vacuum.
Now? I wouldn’t wipe my hamster’s butt with your “prize.”
Shame! Cracker Jack makers. Shame! Have some pride in your product please.
(Now a full and complete Poppycock lover! (Heh heh…she said cock.))