FREE BOOKS for 3 More Days! Get ‘em while they’re hot (and FREE!)

Oh my gosh! I can’t tell you guys how exciting this is! My books have been downloaded literally thousands and thousands of times in the last 36 hours and I’m so happy I could explode!

Intimacy and Darn Good Eats have each reached #1 in the categories! Sooooooo happy! Sex reached #2 (beaten out only by my Intimacy book, so I can’t really complain!)

I hope all of you that downloaded them are enjoying them and getting a good giggle. :)

I wanted to make sure that anyone who may have missed my last blog about the free books got another opportunity, so I’m putting links here at the bottom of the page for you so you can go download them. Just make sure to do it by late on the 16th cause then the promotion will be over.

Also, I want to thank Jason Anthony of The Acquiring Man Magazine (who I write a monthly column for) as he posted some wonderful review of my Sex and Intimacy books earlier today. If you are wondering whether or not to download my books (for free!) click HERE to check out his reviews first. That way you can hear from him why he thinks they are worth a quick read.

Much love to all of you who downloaded them. May you enjoy yourself silly and have a happier, sexier, more well-fed life as a result! :)

XOXOXXOXO

Click HERE to go to my Amazon page to download all 3 books.

Or click on each picture below to go right to that book’s page.

Sex book cover inside printed books

Love you guys!!!

3 FREE BOOKS! Yep, you heard me…FREE because I love you! ;)

Well, I’m all in a Christmasy mood, so because I love you guys I’ve decided that on December 12th-16th you can get all 3 of my books on Kindle for F.R.E.E! Holy shit, Batman!

Batman

Last year I did a book giveaway around Christmas and you guys made me feel all warm and fuzzy with your amazing response, so I thought I’d do it again this year.

Fear not, if you don’t have a Kindle that’s okay. You can go to Amazon and download a free Kindle reader onto any device–tablet, iPad, iPhone, android phone, desktop computer, laptop, blah blah blah…the list goes on forever. That way you don’t need to buy a Kindle to read Kindle books. Yay! Click HERE to go to the page that lets you download the reader to your device.

As for my books, you can go right to my author’s page and get all 3 of them. Click HERE to be a downloading for free fool! ;)

Or, if you already have a couple of them and just need one or two more, you can click on any of the covers below and go directly to that page. See, I’m all about makin’ it easy for you to get free stuff. :)

Sex book cover inside printed books

From my heart though, I hope that everyone has a wonderful, loving, relaxing and happy holiday season.

As you can see, my Moopers kitty is enjoying sitting in the glow of our Christmas tree. I think I may just join her. :)

MUCH LOVE!!!!

Christmas Tree 2013 and Moopy

What the Hell? It’s Spring Fever up in here! ;)

.

I promise that I am not setting these pics up.

I know that seems impossible.

Alas, it is true.

I come into a room and voila, this is what I see.

I have to wonder if they are sentient and doing shit while my head is turned.

Or maybe it’s the kitties sneaking around, setting them up and being all naughty and perverse.

Either way, may you enjoy the filth that goes on in my house on a daily basis. ;)

I walk in to go to bed and what do I find? Daisy is a naughty little cowie!

Daisy and Otter

This scene greeted me last night at 3am.

Eve is going to town on sweet, innocent little W.A.L.L.E. Good grief!

WALLE and Eve

This one is just fucked up! She looks ridden hard and put away filthy! If I was as flexible as Lambchop, I’d never leave the house!

Lambchop

By the way, my latest article came out at Acquiring Man magazine. It tells you all about the perfect gift (for free!) for your hot mama this holiday season. Check it out here. :) XOXO

Here’s a little teaser pic for what you can expect. ;)

Naughty Balls

Christmas presents for the peeps that already have it all!

So, the hubby doesn’t really need anything for Christmas. I’ve swamped him with so many presents over the last 6 years for this birthday and Christmas that we can’t fit one more damn thing in the house. He did come up with one thing he needs–a new table saw. So, that’s definitely on the list. But I like to bury him up to his eyeballs in gifts and was running out of ideas. Then I saw a Groupon that would totally be fun.

Grant and I went horseback riding on our honeymoon (I was terrified and riding a limping horse for fuck’s sake!), but haven’t been back since. I figured this would bring back wonderful memories and be a great time in the 75 degree weather of an Arizona winter.

So if you have one of those pesky damn people in your life that already has everything they need and want, so buying presents is a pain in the ass because you have no clue what to get, might I suggest fun stuff to do instead of a material gift? I’ve started taking Mom on vacations each year for her main Christmas present (plus a bunch of other little things too) and now I’m going to start doing that for the hubby. It may sound totally sappy (okay, it IS totally sappy) but those awesome memories are better than something in a box any day.

Of course, since I like to have him unwrap a zillion presents, I made this for him and printed it as an 8×10, and then stuffed it into a box so that he has a gift to unwrap that tells him about his gift. Yeah, I’m a doofus! :)

Christmas present for my Muffin!

Christmas present for my Muffin!

Reunited and it feels so good!

:)

Yes. There was drinking.

Yes. There was inappropriate behavior.

Yes. Laws were broken.

Yes. Babies were made.

Yes. We had a BLAST at my reunion!!!  (Even if we did come home sick as dogs.)

Yes. I really really really really need a tan. I’m almost translucent.

Here’s a little peek at the illicit behavior we reveled in all weekend (faces should have been blurred to protect the not-so-innocent, but fuck it–they get exposed right along with me!)  :)  :)  :)

If the kids can make that stupid damn duck face, so can we!

If the kids can make that stupid damn duck face, so can we!

Yeah. I don't know and I got no excuse!

Yeah. I don’t know and I got no excuse!

I'm pretty sure I sat on a stick 1 second before this pic was taken. Boing!

I’m pretty sure I sat on a stick one second before this pic was taken. Boing!

Yep. Not a normal pic in the bunch yet! At least I don't have red eye!

Yep. Not a normal pic in the bunch yet! At least I don’t have red eye!

I swear my face hurt the next day from giggling all night long.

Do not adjust your screen. I’m blurry in real life too.

Then, the next day I took my baby to DC because he’d never been there before. When you grow up there you think, “Ugh…if I have to tour the White House or go to the Smithsonian ONE MORE TIME!!!!” But he’d never toured around DC before and I hadn’t been there in ages, so we hung out and had a wonderful day! Especially after we got a pedicab to ride us around. My damn friggin’ feet hurt SO much from walking around on 5 inch stilettos for 6 hours the night before. Poor little footies!

Honeybear at the Lincoln Memorial

Honeybear at the Lincoln Memorial

The Reflecting Pool looks like a bad chromakey from some reason!

The Reflecting Pool looks like a bad chromakey from some reason!

And FINALLY!!! A pic where no one’s drunk, no one’s eyes are closed and Grant and I are both smiling without spinach or some other nightmare in our teeth! :)

Happiness Bliss! I love me some hubby!

Happiness Bliss! I love me some hubby!

Well, there ya have it. We came home sore, tired, broke and with some kind of biological weapon used on us (what else makes you sick for OVER A DAMN WEEK??!!), but it was worth everything to go home and see my dear old friends.

It’s amazing how you can go years and years without seeing someone and just pick up right were you left off like not a day had gone by. I’m so truly blessed to have such great people around me.

Okay, I have to go try and drain the 4 gallons of snot currently living in my sinuses into a beach towel. WTF did I catch??? I guess at least it’s not the syph! ;) XOXOXO

PS: How could I have forgotten to put this in here? The pic on the left is from our Senior Day on a big pretty boat cruising the Potomac River back in 1988. The one on the right is of us girls 25 years later. Still love those two awesome mamas!

Trust me...behind those innocent smiles lurk nothin' but trouble!

Trust me…behind those innocent smiles lurk nothin’ but trouble!

It’s Butterfly Insanity! Run! They’re Gonna Git You, Sucka!

First and foremost, big thanks to my dear friend Al for helping me create a slideshow of all the butterfly pics. I had no clue and he gave me directions like a pro. Thank you! Oh, and go check out his blog. It’s crazy awesome and he takes the most amazing pictures. :)

I guess I should also thank my deliciously wonderful hubby for making all these pics possible by taking me to the Butterfly farm for our anniversary. I had so much fun I about peed myself.

I hope you guys love my little winged friends. I wanted to take them all home with me.

PS: I’m off to my 25 year class reunion this weekend. Wish me luck! I know it’ll be great, even if we are old, bald and tired (and that’s just me!). ;) :) ;)

XOXOXO

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I LOVE COWIES (and other furries), DAMMIT!!

Woo hoo! I nabbed a computer for a few hours and had to jump on here and say hi. I miss you guys! I feel like I live back in the 80s before the Internet and awesome blog buddies and all that good stuff.

While I wait for my currently technologically-challenged life to get back to normal, I thought I’d share a few more pics from my Bearizona adventure. They make me smile just looking at them.

Love you guys! Have a great weekend and I hope to be back to my normal blathering self soon. XOXOXOXOX

BABY BEAR BUTT

BABY BEAR BUTT!!!! What on earth is as cute as that???

HUGS!!!

BABY BEAR

Grrrrr…I’m a ferocious bear! Grrrrr….. (I wanted to EAT him!) :)

COWIE

Moo. Moo moo. Moo. They walked right in front of the car and just hung out. It was awesome!!!

CUTIE BEAR

If this little furry doesn’t define what a Doofus Bear is, I don’t know what would. :)

HUGS!

My Computer Hates Me, But Owlie Loves Me!

Howdy everyone!

I have not died nor decided to shun electricity! I have a computer whose A/C jack isn’t functional so I can only get on my computer if I HOLD the fuckin’ cord in, and even then it doesn’t stay on half the time. UGH!!! Dummyheaded technology! ;)

BUT! Until it gets fixed (please God this week) I wanted to quickly post a few pictures from my recent wildlife adventure. It was truly awesome. Once I can type again with both hands, I’ll post tons of pics and give you all the fun details of my commune with all things furry!

Meet Owlie. He actually grabbed my hair with his feet as he flew by, which made me very happy I wasn’t a toupee-wearing man! ;)

Owlie!

More Owlie

Owlie the Great!

Owlie Kicks Ass

Ain't Owlie Pretty?

And for those of you who like precious little baby bears, here’s a sneak preview of bear love to come!

I love Bears!

HUGS!!

 

Musings of an Old Hag on her Birthday, part deux

So, I went back and reread my Musings of an Old Hag on her Birthday, part one from last year and I must say that it all still holds true.

For those of you new to my blog since June of last year, you can read it here: OLD HAG. I really hope you enjoy it and/or identify with it because I have to tell you that I’m happier in my 40s than I’ve ever been before and it’ll tell you exactly why.

As I don’t want to repeat what I said last year I’m going to list a few things that I’ve learned and a few things for which I am thankful.

Things for which I’m thankful:

  1. I have a loving family who always makes me feel special
  2. My husband kicks so much ass that it hurts my brain sometimes
  3. I have wonderful blogging buddies that add so very much to my life
  4. My 2nd toe is shorter than my big toe and that makes me very happy
  5. I’ve added about 15 new teddy bears to the Sofa Teddy collection and I have fun with them all the time
  6. Getting emails from people who’ve been helped by my sassy mouth–such a wonderful feeling
  7. I’ve managed to stay a non-smoker for approximately 6 months, 13 days and 2 hours (not that I’m counting)
  8. I’ve managed to only gain 8 pounds since I quit–really, that sucks, but it could have been 20, so I can’t complain
  9. I’m healthier since meeting the hubby than I’ve ever been in my life and he loves me even if I’m covered in scars from head to toe
  10. I still think that aging gracefully is a wonderful thing

Things I’ve learned:

I recently went back home for a visit (last week) and while I was there I saw two old friends who are so very dear to my heart. One I’ve known for 29 years. The other I’ve known for 22. Both of them have made such a great impact in my life–I wouldn’t be who I am today without either of them. One taught me what true friendship is. One taught me when to cut and run, how to heal and how to forgive. It was really quite emotional being back there, but I’m so thankful I went. Here’s what I’ve learned over the the last half of my life from knowing those two people:

  1. Friendship doesn’t need to be constantly reminded of itself. True friends can go years without seeing one another and then fall back into place like only a day has passed in the meantime.
  2. Friendship isn’t full of bullshit and fear. True friends love you enough to risk telling you when you are being a dumb ass and are loyal enough to hold your hand through the worst and best of times.
  3. Bravery is a beautiful thing, even if it means facing something you worry will cause you great pain. There is something about just the facing of it that can give you such great relief.
  4. Faithfulness and loyalty are the greatest gift you can give the one you love AND the greatest gift you can give yourself. Being able to look in the mirror in the morning and not shudder from disappointment in yourself is truly a blessing.
  5. Separating your heart from your mind and saying, “Enough is enough” is a skill that I’m so very happy to have, even if it is a bitch to put into practice.
  6. I have so much room in my heart for love that it astonishes me sometimes. Often I worry that I’m a little bit hard–things that make others cry often don’t really affect me. But I think that what it really is, is that I love those close to me so very deeply and completely that there isn’t a great deal of room left. That may sound bad, but I mean it in a good way. I love fully and with abandon. I don’t love with fear. I don’t love with regret. I love openly and I’m so very happy and thankful for that.
  7. And finally, forgiveness is truly the most glorious of all human abilities. It may take 10 minutes or 20 years, but forgiving yourself for your own mistakes (be they intentional or not) and forgiving others who have harmed you (again, whether or not they intentionally harmed you) will not only make the world a bit brighter, but will reduce the ache of that pain at least down to a very tiny pin prick, if not remove it completely.

As you can see, these two old friends have helped me achieve the beautiful life I have now and I thank God every day that they not only came into my life, but that they stayed.

On an entirely different note: Did I go an entire post without using the word “fuck”? Holy crap!  ;)

Last but not least, here is a pic of my Mommy and me last week at the beach. I’m 5 days shy of being 43 in this pic and my mom is 74. We both embrace our age, though we also both still feel 22 (and often act it too!). I am most grateful that my mom is not only still around, but that she is for the most part happy and healthy. She is a true gift from God and I’m forever thankful to have her.

Mom and me at the beach

Vacation Time!!

I’m goin’ on vacation!!! Woo hoo!!!

As a Christmas present for my mom, I told her I’d treat her to a vacation back home on the east coast. And we’re heading off tomorrow! Yay!!!

Luckily, I was able to save enough airline miles to get us there first class for free. My sweet little 74 year old mommy should be able to enjoy a nice, wide seat and good food, so I did everything but hook on the corner to get airline miles saved for the last year (I plan my Christmas presents WAY in advance). Thankfully, I was able to save enough with 300 miles to spare!

We’re going to hang out in our old home town and then head to the beach. I’m going to eat more blue crabs than anyone on earth. I can’t wait. :)

Mom and Jodi at Christmas

I hope you guys all have a wonderful long weekend (for those of you in the States)! I’ll be back in the next couple of weeks.

Love ya!