What the Hell? It’s Spring Fever up in here! ;)

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I promise that I am not setting these pics up.

I know that seems impossible.

Alas, it is true.

I come into a room and voila, this is what I see.

I have to wonder if they are sentient and doing shit while my head is turned.

Or maybe it’s the kitties sneaking around, setting them up and being all naughty and perverse.

Either way, may you enjoy the filth that goes on in my house on a daily basis. ;)

I walk in to go to bed and what do I find? Daisy is a naughty little cowie!

Daisy and Otter

This scene greeted me last night at 3am.

Eve is going to town on sweet, innocent little W.A.L.L.E. Good grief!

WALLE and Eve

This one is just fucked up! She looks ridden hard and put away filthy! If I was as flexible as Lambchop, I’d never leave the house!

Lambchop

By the way, my latest article came out at Acquiring Man magazine. It tells you all about the perfect gift (for free!) for your hot mama this holiday season. Check it out here. :) XOXO

Here’s a little teaser pic for what you can expect. ;)

Naughty Balls

The Life and Times of an Abused Kitty Owner

I love love love love love love love this short little animation!

It resembles the kind of 3am wake-up call Moopy gave me early this morning. I was quite tempted to fricassee her tubby little behind!

Enjoy!

Oh yeah…it’s NOOKIE-TIME!

Yep…it’s that time again. My latest yarn on all things nookie related is out, about and ready to be read by all you perverts out there. ;) Kidding! Well, it is ready to read, but you don’t have to be a pervert (though I KNOW most of you are!) Feel free to pop on over the The Acquiring Man magazine for my monthly column.

Acquiring Man Oct Article

Beyond me trying to help you get some knickers on the floor, let’s see what else is going on around here while I’m plagued with insomnia.

Things I was thinking about last night while laying in bed begging God (and sleeping pills) to help me sleep:

  1. If I don’t stop thinking about work I’m going to hang myself. (Yeah…kept thinking about work for a while…and then these thoughts came and distracted me.)
  2. Why can’t I have two otters in the pool in the backyard? That would make my life complete.
  3. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand why God made oil, butter, cream, cheese and Italian deli meats so fattening? Why can’t it all be healthy like broccoli? Was it just to test us? Ugh!
  4. I wonder if my teddy bears talk and run around while I’m gone? I sometimes come home and they’ve moved–how can that happen? Are the kitties playing with them?
  5. I wonder just how much information my hamster’s brain actually processes. Ahhh…to be a hamster for one minute.
  6. What am I going to wear to my class reunion in a couple of weeks? I hate my clothes!
  7. Crap…gotta get my hair dyed as NOW I HAVE FUCKING GRAY HAIRS! (Okay, gray hair–singular, but still.)
  8. Maybe I’ll head to Macy’s and see if I can find something pretty to wear. Man, I hate shopping.
  9. I wish Clark Color would put their wall art on sale again. I’m NOT paying full price. Nope, not gonna happen.
  10. I hope my sister likes all her insane birthday presents.
  11. Why have so many people stopped pronouncing consonants in words? It’s not “di’in’t” it’s fucking “diDn’t.” Kill me.
  12. UFFF! Cat jumped dead center onto my left boob. OUCH!
  13. I wonder if the cat does that shit on purpose? I may have to kill her.
  14. Dammit, now I’m never going to go to sleep–cat scratch on nip.
  15. I love FrootLoops. I want some right now. (So, I go get a dry bowl of them…)
  16. Shit…the crunching is waking up the man. Gotta let them soak in my mouth til mushy, then chew. Eww…not so good. (Went and sat in the floor in the hall to finish eating them.)

Yep, those are my 3am ramblings. Sorry you had to suffer through them too!!

Have a great weekend. I’ve been on my computer for about 70 hours this week and I have to put it down for at least a few hours or I’m going to become unpleasant. XOXOXO

 

I LOVE COWIES (and other furries), DAMMIT!!

Woo hoo! I nabbed a computer for a few hours and had to jump on here and say hi. I miss you guys! I feel like I live back in the 80s before the Internet and awesome blog buddies and all that good stuff.

While I wait for my currently technologically-challenged life to get back to normal, I thought I’d share a few more pics from my Bearizona adventure. They make me smile just looking at them.

Love you guys! Have a great weekend and I hope to be back to my normal blathering self soon. XOXOXOXOX

BABY BEAR BUTT

BABY BEAR BUTT!!!! What on earth is as cute as that???

HUGS!!!

BABY BEAR

Grrrrr…I’m a ferocious bear! Grrrrr….. (I wanted to EAT him!) :)

COWIE

Moo. Moo moo. Moo. They walked right in front of the car and just hung out. It was awesome!!!

CUTIE BEAR

If this little furry doesn’t define what a Doofus Bear is, I don’t know what would. :)

HUGS!

Farewell Evil Computer…Hello Awesome Hamster!

So this nightmarish, pissing me off, wanna take a bat to it computer is off to the shop tomorrow! Woo hoo!

Sorry I’ve been so utterly unavailable, but typing with my left hand only (I’m right handed) while I hold the power cord in with my right hand SUCKS DONKEY BALLS! ;) Once I get my computer back, I too will be back with a vengeance and you’ll all want to run for your lives! ;)

To bid you adieu for a short time, I’m going to leave you with a little video treat of me and my hamster. It’s only about 90 seconds and it builds to the final payoff at the end (unlike porn where the climax comes early–no pun intended!).

Enjoy my furry little friend and I’ll talk to you all when I get my ‘puter back.

HUGS and TONS OF LOVE!

Oh and forgive the ungodly mess and all the squished teddy bears in the floor! This is the room where we are storing everything as we remodel the living room, so it is not pretty. Not pretty at all. :)

My Computer Hates Me, But Owlie Loves Me!

Howdy everyone!

I have not died nor decided to shun electricity! I have a computer whose A/C jack isn’t functional so I can only get on my computer if I HOLD the fuckin’ cord in, and even then it doesn’t stay on half the time. UGH!!! Dummyheaded technology! ;)

BUT! Until it gets fixed (please God this week) I wanted to quickly post a few pictures from my recent wildlife adventure. It was truly awesome. Once I can type again with both hands, I’ll post tons of pics and give you all the fun details of my commune with all things furry!

Meet Owlie. He actually grabbed my hair with his feet as he flew by, which made me very happy I wasn’t a toupee-wearing man! ;)

Owlie!

More Owlie

Owlie the Great!

Owlie Kicks Ass

Ain't Owlie Pretty?

And for those of you who like precious little baby bears, here’s a sneak preview of bear love to come!

I love Bears!

HUGS!!

 

I Made Me a New Kitty!

Howdy!

I’m heading out of town on business, so I may be away for a few days. I wanted to leave you with a vision of my newest pet, Baldie, compliments of FuzzyButt the Cat, while I’m away.

Fuzz ball

That is ONE short brushing of FuzzyButt and I know it’s hard to tell but that fur ball is as big as 2 fists! It’s a wonder we don’t asphyxiate on kitty fur!

Hugs!

Ma! Hey Ma! Lookit me! I made a new page!

Yeah, I’m a dork.

But I made a new page and wanted to let you guys know.

It’s the Fun Videos page and has my WGN-TV cooking segment and a promo video for each book.

Just wanted to get the word out so you could waste a few minutes of your life that no matter how hard you try you can never get back. ;)

XOXOXO

PS: I’m quite certain this is the shortest post I’ve ever written or will ever write! Aren’t you lucky today!?

Here’s a cute picture for your viewing pleasure:

furry critter

Favor? Pretty please with sugar on top?

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TGIMFF!!! (Yeah, TGIF just doesn’t capture how happy I am that it’s Friday!) The hubby and I are doing a double feature tomorrow. First, Pain and Gain. Any suggestions for movie number 2?

As for the favor, I’m wondering if those of you who I sent complimentary copies of my books to, or who got in on the $.99 Kindle/Nook book special, would do me a favor? If you got the books and enjoyed them, can you pretty please leave a delicious review of them on Amazon? I hate to even ask, but I’d be super grateful. After Amazon went bonkers last year and deleted tons of reviews off of everyone’s books including mine (I will still never understand why they did that), it appears that hardly anyone has read my books when they actually do quite well. It was so devastating to go from having tons of all 5-star reviews (except 1 from someone who liked the content but not my slightly naughty mouth ;) ) to having almost no reviews at all. Absolutely heartbreaking. pretty please kitty

I heard back from tons of you via email on how much you laughed or how yummy the food was–and was so delighted by your wonderful stories, but it would be great to see that wonderful commentary on Amazon too. And just so you know, it doesn’t have to be a tome. It could literally be one happy sentence and I’d be thrilled. I’d really appreciate it, my lovely blog buddies, if you’d help me out with this. And if you don’t want to or didn’t like the books, I totally understand and don’t feel like you have to leave a review–no pressure. I just thought I’d ask those of you who did enjoy them or got a good chuckle out of them to leave a review.

If you do decide to post a review (for any or all books), just click on the pictures below and it’ll take you right to the book’s Amazon page.

Thanks so much, guys! I really appreciate it! Love you!

Book Cover Small  New Intimacy Book Cover Small with black border 1-20-13        New Sex Book Cover 225 pixels wide black outline

Kitty says, “To all of you who’ve already left reviews, thank you! Mommy and I love you!!!”

happy kitty

Shortest Post Ever: Things I’ve Learned Today

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  1. I am NOT OLD, dammit, but I barely knew ONE FRIGGIN’ song being sung on American Idol the last two nights. What the hell is going on here? Is there a conspiracy to make me feel out of touch with what the kids are up to these days? Oh God. I said, “the kids.” Okay. I’m old.
  2. American Idol is better when you have 2 things: 1) Frozen chocolate icing on a spoon 2) A fast-forward button.
  3. I am lazier than I thought as I have remote controls on half the lights in my house so I don’t have to move to turn one on or off.
  4. Then again, I’m not particularly lazy as I do bust my butt doing a million things a day. Okay, I’m lazy about lights. I can live with that. Oh, and dishes too. And washing the sheets. And vacuuming. Okay, kinda lazy.
  5. I truly love my doppelganger, crazy as a shit-house rat hamster. She is truly entertaining and nutso cuckoo.
  6. I dislike stepping in cat puke. Did it twice today in bare feet. Ick. I wiped it off with a paper towel and then used anti-bacterial wash from Bath & Body Works. Think that was good enough?

Oh, and I found one of those age progression sites where they’ll take a pic of you and turn you into an old lady. Here’s what my old ass probably looks like to those teeny boppers singing all those songs that I’ve never heard of before.

Jodi as an old broad

Okay, that’s it for What Jodi Learned (or Pondered) Today. :)

I hope you are all having a lovely night.

Picture copyright Denis Cox, illustrationsof.com