Category Archives: Recipes

May 17 2013

Mmmmmm…food…

Howdy everyone! I’m so thankful it’s Friday I could weep like a sad kitten! sad kitten

Since it is hot as friggin’ hell out here in Arizona (someone kill me) I thought since I’m staying inside (never to leave the house again until November) that I’d do two things.

  1. Give you a lip-smacking, damn good recipe from my cookbook.
  2. Give you a link to vote for Rants From My Crazy Kitchen as being one of the top 25 Foodie Moms. You’ll remember her not only from her awesome blog, but she contributed two delicious recipes to the cookbook. Yummy drool drool! Click HERE to vote for her and her awesome blog. I’m sure she will be very thankful you took the time. :)

RECIPE TIME!!!

Okay, so you guys know that I’m a cookbook writer that HATES HATES HATES to cook. Yeah, I know. I’m a whacko. Anyway, I’m going to give you a recipe for one of THE BEST desserts you can ever make and I kid you not, a blind hamster could make it–it’s THAT easy! It’s the perfect cake to take to a BBQ. It’s the perfect cake to take to bed and eat with your hands until you pass out (at least you are already laying down–less likely to get injured).

This recipe is good for a few reasons:

  1. It’s cheap to make.
  2. It’s easy as hell to make and takes about 4 minutes to throw together.
  3. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t want a second helping.
  4. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t want a third helping.

I’m going to give you the recipe straight from the book, little story and all (each recipe has its own story because I talk too damn much!). :) I hope you love it! Oh, and GO VOTE for Rants!! She’s awesome and I’d love to see her make it into the top 25 Foodie Moms again this year. :)

Dump Cake

Let me say that on their own, I don’t like many of the ingredients in this cake. The first time my mom made it and handed me a piece I thought to myself, “GROSS! Cherries and pineapple? Vomit. Must. Keep. Smile. On. Face. While. Gagging.” Then I took a bite. Then I took another. Then I took 20 more and ended up eating 3 pieces of it. Somehow, all the flavors come together into this conglomeration of co-mingled delights in a way that I never would have expected. Of course, anything with a stick and a half of butter is bound to be delicious. Besides which, it truly is the single most easy homemade cake you will ever make. Ever. Period.

Below is Mom’s recipe from 1978. Thank goodness that she saves everything. I sure know who I get my pack rat tendencies from.

 dump cake

The list of yum yums:

  • One 18- to 20-ounce can of cherry pie filling—the extra cherry kind if possible
  • 1 – 1½ sticks of butter
  • One 20-ounce can of un-drained pineapple rings
  • 1 box of yellow cake mix

 Dumping it all together:

  1. Preheat the oven to 350 °F.
  2. Butter the bottom and sides of a 9×13 glass dish.
  3. Place a single layer of pineapple rings on the bottom of the dish and pour the juice over the pineapple.
  4. Pour the can of cherry pie filling on top of the pineapple and spread so the cherries are distributed evenly.
  5. Pour the dry yellow cake mix over the pineapple and cherries and level it out. Don’t mash the cake mix, just gently level it out and make sure it’s evenly dispersed.
  6. The take a stick or stick and a half of butter, slice it into 1/8-inch thick slices and put it over the entire cake top about an inch apart.
  7. Bake at 350 °F for about an hour or until the top is crispy brown.

I can’t even begin to describe how tasty this cake is. And seriously, have you ever read an easier cake recipe? It’s even easier than boxed cake. I would serve this cake to a chef. A president. A Nobel Prize winner. There is no shame in serving this cake to anyone and everyone. It may have taken you 3 minutes to make it, but no one would ever guess that in a million years. It is absolutely fantastic.

Enjoy everyone! Have a fantastic weekend! :) Luv ya!

Apr 9 2013

Upcoming post and KICK ASS COOKBOOK REVIEW!!!

Okay, so I’m halfway through writing my new post–dedicated to online dating–and I get an email about a blog post reviewing my cookbook, Darn Good Eats. I’m so freaking excited about this review that I saved my online dating post into MS Word (cause you KNOW how easy it is to lose a post on WordPress by accident) and had to do a quick post sending you to her page. She not only blogged her review, but put it up on Amazon and Goodreads. I’m all verklempt!! What a sweetheart.

Big thanks to all of you guys who are posting reviews for the books. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart!!! I’m so thankful I busted out with the colors! I want to marry each of you! Wow, that’s illegal and makes me sound like a tramp. ;)

Okay, I’ll shut up now and give you the link to check out her blog: Book Review Blog (this lovely lady does not mess around with her reviews–crazy amounts of detail–it’s like a thesis!)

I’ll get back to my online dating blog (for those of you in the dating world, I think you’ll enjoy it) tonight or tomorrow.

Big hug to you all! Have a great night!

Book Cover Small

Apr 2 2013

My New Cookbook!!! (Reblogged from BlondiesBEARista.com) :)

Ummm…I don’t know what clicking a “press this” button does. Is this gonna post on my blog? I hope so!

Check out the wonderful post by the lovely blondiesBEARista.com.

I’m just tickled pink. :)

Thank you so much and thanks to all of you for everything. I’m so happy I have a blogging family that makes me smile every day. I value you guys more than you will ever know.

Now click on this link, follow her blog, and have a lovely evening. :)

My New Cookbook!!!.

PS: In case you didn’t notice, I kept all my Kindle books at $.99 because I’ve been so delighted by the reviews and all the wonderful feedback I’ve gotten that I wanted to keep them on the cheap a bit longer. MUCH LOVE!!!

Mar 15 2013

$.99 Kick Ass Book Special Almost Over. Let the Weeping Begin! ;)

$.99 to get some yummy nookie, tons of cuddles and scrumptious tasty treats for only a few more days! Holy cow!

    New Sex Book Cover 225 pixels wide black outline    New Intimacy Book Cover Small with black border 1-20-13    Book Cover Small

You guys all kick ass for being some book buying mo fos! :) I am thrilled at how many of you have taken advantage of my $.99 get your nookie-, intimacy- and food-on special!!

Since there is less than a week left of the special before the books go back to full price, rather than cost, I wanted to do one more blog post so that anyone who missed the first one could still grab ‘em up while they’re on the cheap! ;)

  • If you read the first blog on this, but didn’t get any books, then READ WHAT’S BELOW! ;)
  • If you read the first blog on this and did get some books, then ignore the rest of this one and know that I love you dearly.
  • If you didn’t read the first blog on this then read on my friend and grab some book goodies for the next few days.

Here’s how this is gonna go down. (All the purpley text below are links that’ll take you to the books.)

First, for those of you with Nooks, I lowered the price as low as they’ll let me go to $.99 for both Sex: How to Get More of It and Intimacy: How to Get More of It. I’m going to leave the price at $.99 for another few days so that you have plenty of time to download them. The cookbook is not on Nook as formatting the bullets and numbered lists is a friggin’ bitch and the cookbook is chock full of both bullets and numbered lists. Just the idea of the 200 hours it’d take to format it (and it would still look poopy!) makes me wanna kill myself, but there is a solution, which I’ll share in a minute. So, if you wanted to get copies of the “how to have a kick ass relationship” books, but I either ran out of hard copies during the giveaway or you live in another country or you just prefer having books on your Nook, then this is your time to get them nearly free. :) Woo hoo!

After the $.99 pricing is over, I’m going to temporarily make Sex and Intimacy unavailable on the Nook and join a program called Kindle Select. By doing so, Kindle Select makes you remove your books from sale anywhere else electronically for 3 months, which is why I’ll have to take them off the Nook on B&N.com.

Now, for those of you with Kindles, I also dropped the price of both Sex: How to Get More of It and Intimacy: How to Get More of It  down to $.99 (the lowest price Kindle allows) for the next few days. Yay!

But wait, there’s more! For the next few days I’ll also keep the Kindle price of Darn Good Eats down to $.99. Yay!

If you don’t have a Kindle or a Nook, fear not! Kindle has free apps you can download to your desktop computer, laptop computer, iPad, iPhone, Android phone, etc…which allow you to read Kindle books without an actual Kindle. Here’s the link to download those apps: KINDLE APPS. (This link is for the US Kindle/Amazon page, but it’s available for all countries. Just go to either of the Kindle links for my books on your own country’s Amazon page and you should see a link on the right-hand side of the screen that’ll take you to the page to download the readers.)

Last, but not least, one more goodie for you! Also, for the next few days, I’m going to keep the price of the paperbacks for Sex, Intimacy and Darn Good Eats dropped down to cost on Amazon. I can’t drop the price on the paperbacks on Barnes & Noble or I’ll actually owe them money for selling my books. How crazy is that???? So, pretty please get them on Amazon.

Here are the lowest prices they’ll allow me to sell the paperbacks for since they cost money to print (in US pricing, though I brought the international pricing down as low as they’d let me too!) :) :

Just as with the hard-copy giveaway, if you guys wouldn’t terribly mind, if you like the books you read or feel like you learned something valuable from them, would you pretty please with a cherry on top write a kick ass review on Amazon? I would appreciate it more than you could ever know. :) :)

I hope for the next few days you guys are some downloading maniacs and that you enjoy the books tremendously. Tons of love! :)

Guess I shouldn't advertise such things in public!

Guess I shouldn’t advertise such things in public!

Mar 2 2013

Free books and a little tit (for tat!)

..

Does anyone else have a room in their house which is the Collect All room? A room where all the “I don’t know where this shit goes!” goes? Lord knows I do. I have about 3 of them. Okay, I’m not that bad…but close! The reason I’m telling you that I’m a pack rat psycho who has one room whose door is always shut in fear that someone, anyone, might see inside it is that I finally decided to clean it up. Ugh. What an undertaking. It’s been on my to-do list for about 6 months and I finally started on it tonight.

Why, you may ask, did I decide to actually clean something (cause you KNOW I hate cleaning!)? Well, because I’m a bit wrecked on pain killers as I broke a tooth last week. OH MY GOD does that fucking thing hurt. It hurts right now. I wanna chop off my own head to stop the hurt. OUCHY!!! The reason this hideous pain has inspired me to clean a bit is that I take a pain pill, fall asleep, wake up screaming in agony a few hours later and then have to do something to take my mind off my nightmarish misery while the next pill kicks in. I’ve decided that cleaning The Room from Hell is how I can distract myself from grabbing a pair of pliers and self-extricating the sonofabitching tooth.

How this has led me to Free Books and a Little Tit (for tat, you perverts!) is that I found a stash of all 3 of my books that I didn’t realize I had. I have 24 Sex: How to Get More of It. 28 Intimacy: How to Get More of It. And about 25 Darn Good Eats cookbooks (with the black and white interior). The Sex and Intimacy books don’t have the updated cover and some of them even have my author’s pic as me being a red head. So, when I found the books it sparked an idea (2 actually). Shocking, I know.

Idea one:

I will happily mail you a copy of one or more of my books on-the-house (I’ll even pay for shipping) in exchange for a review on Amazon (and any other place you wanna put it, but definitely Amazon). Now, this is not me bribing you. If you don’t like a book, I don’t want you to say you did–that is dishonest and poopy. I only want people who genuinely enjoyed the books or learned something valuable to leave reviews on Amazon. Obviously, if you hate a book I’d prefer you didn’t leave a review. Especially one like this, “That Jodi bitch can go suck it! I hate her. I hate her books. I’m going to burn her house down and eat her cats while she watches.” I’d feel pretty stupid if I paid to ship them to you and then you publicly ripped me to shreds. That would kinda blow. But if you like them, I’d super appreciate kick ass reviews. That would pretty much rule.

If you’d like to participate in this (keeping in mind I have a limited amount of books) email me at authorjodiambrose@gmail.com and give me your mailing address, your name (for those of you who go incognito on WordPress) and the books you’d like copies of.

  • Ladies, you can have any/all of my 3 books. Even though the Sex book was written for men, I get tons of feedback from chicks that they love it, so you can have that one too if ya want it.
  • Gentlemen, you can have the Sex book and/or the Darn Good Eats cookbook. Trust me, you do NOT want to read the Intimacy book that I wrote for chicks unless you want to read about menstrual cycles and things of the like.

Before you email me and request the Sex or Intimacy books (the cookbook is G-rated, so it’s not an issue), just remember that I’m a mouthy broad. If you follow this blog you know that I love to cuss, have a smart ass mouth and pretty much tell it like it is. The Sex and Intimacy books are just like that (though they have less cussing than my typical blog–totally unbelievable, I know), so if you know ahead of time that you’re going to be offended and hate them, please don’t ask me to send them to you. I truly want people to enjoy the books and be happier as a result–if you think that might be you, then definitely email me with which books you’d like.

One small caveat: Idea one is for US residents only. I am sooooo sorry my dear friends who are not here in the US, but it’s sooooo expensive mailing you stuff I’d go broke. I spent $47 mailing 2 books last week–one to Canada and one to New Zealand. I love you guys, but I just can’t afford all that. I would if I could–I promise, because you know I love your accent-having-asses even more than I love otters.

Now for idea 2, in which everyone can participate.

Idea two:

I always want my books to be as affordable as possible. As you guys know Darn Good Eats comes in both a black & white interior version (inexpensive) and a full-color interior version (slightly more expensive) so that everyone can afford it. I never want anyone to want to read one of my books but not have the bucks to do it. So, I thought I’d combine the Sex book and the Intimacy book into one book so that I could essentially sell both books for the price of one.

Here’s where you guys and your awesomeness comes in. I would love your help in naming the book. If you’ve read them, you know what’s in them and could probably come up with some amazing, fun and witty suggestions. If you haven’t read them (and don’t participate in Idea one above) you can always go to Amazon and do the Look Inside to see the first few pages of each book. That’ll give you a good idea about their content. Click here to preview Sex. Click here to preview Intimacy.

In exchange for your wonderful book title ideas, whoever either comes up with the name I end up using or the person whose suggestion sparks my imagination into finding just the right name, will get credit in the book and a link to their blog or other website. This way, all my readers get to see how wonderfully talented you are in naming books, and having your blog/website address in the book (both hard copy and digital) should help drive more traffic to your own personal awesomeness.

You can either leave your book title suggestions here (give me as many as you’d like–the more the merrier) as a comment or if you want to email it (them) to me feel free to email me at: authorjodiambrose@gmail.com.

See, there’s all kinds of tit for tat going on here!

OH, and one last thing–for those of you who have read one or more of the books and are now at least slightly happier, if you have a pic of you and your honey that you’d like to share with me, I’m thinking (not guaranteeing though) of doing a happy-reader-photo-collage either on the cover or inside of the new combo book. If you’d like to see your and your honey’s smiling faces in print, send me a pic WITH CLOTHES ON YOU BUNCH OF PERVS and it may just appear in the upcoming book. I thought it would be fun to actually show the happy faces of people who’ve been helped by my books. :) Please know that by sending me the pic you are giving me full rights to use the photo both in print and digitally from now until the end of time. I won’t edit the photo at all except to possibly crop it or do some color correction (if necessary).

Click on any of the book covers below to visit their page on Amazon if you want to read more about them or read reviews from other people. That info may help you decide which books you want me to send you (idea one) and might help spark an idea for the combo book name (idea two).

New Intimacy Book Cover Small with black border 1-20-13 Book Cover Small New Sex Book Cover 225 pixels wide black outline

Just so you know, I’m so tickled that I found that stash of books so that I can get them into your hands. For once, cleaning turned out to be a good thing!!!

I hope you guys enjoy whichever books you get and that they all not only make you giggle, but make life a little sweeter. Love ya!! :) XOXOXO

Jan 17 2013

Prepare to weep for the yumminess!

Tzatziki time!!

I am, at this very moment, stuffing my happy face with mounds and mounds of tzatziki. This is THE best batch the hubby has ever made. Drool!!! I figured since I’m slobbering all over the place that I’d give you the recipe too. You can also find this in my cookbook, Darn Good Eats. Mmmm….

Here’s the recipe as it appears in the cookbook:

Oh, do I love this. I love this so much that the plate in the picture got an extra special placemat upon which to sit. Tzatziki is royalty in this house and deserves to be treated as such.

Just so you know, this is not your everyday tzatziki. No sirreebob! This recipe has evolved through many variations and has ended up like no other tzatziki on earth. It’s got some weird ingredients that you wouldn’t expect to find in it (I actually frowned when Grant first told me what he put in it, thinking it would be inedible) but it is incredibly delicious. And, it’s crazy healthy. So you can eat and eat and eat and not feel the slightest bit of guilt.

Mmmmm...tzatziki

Ingredients:

  • 16 ounces of plain Greek yogurt (get the low fat one to keep it healthy or get the nothing-but-fat one to make it extra creamy. I actually prefer the texture of the low fat yogurt).
  • 2 large, peeled cucumbers
  • Approximately 1 teaspoon of finely chopped dry mint from the spice section at the store (sounds gross, right??). If you use fresh mint, use a tablespoon.
  • 1 rounded tablespoon of finely chopped fresh dill
  • 1 – 1½ tablespoons of fresh lemon juice (I like WAY more than this, but it’s better to start slow and add more if you need it)
  • 4 cloves of garlic, pressed, minced or cut up very small (I personally like slightly more than 4 cloves)
  • Salt and pepper, to taste

Directions:

  1. Peel the cucumbers.
  2. Quarter the cucumbers lengthwise and then cut the quarters lengthwise again.
  3. Take the knife and slice the seeds off the top of each strip of cucumber (you won’t use the seeds in the recipe).
  4. Cut the eights lengthwise a couple more times so you have 16 – 32 long, skinny, deseeded strips of cucumber.
  5. Cut the cucumber strips into tiny pieces.
  6. Put the cucumber into a bowl.
  7. Add the rest of the ingredients and stir.
  8. Refrigerate for at least an hour before serving.
  9. Serve with warmed pita bread.

You can also serve it on a pita smothered in gyro fixings. We buy gyro meat at the store (we have to go to a fancy schmancy store to find it) and cook it up like bacon. Then chuck a bunch of sliced tomato and red onion on it, add the tzatziki sauce, wrap it all up in a warm pita and you have one heck of a scrumptious meal.

One rather special element of this tzatziki is that we don’t puree it. Just about everywhere you go the tzatziki is smooth. Well, I don’t want it smooth. I like it with tiny cucumber chunks. To me, it’s more substantial that way. It’s not just a dip; it feels like you are eating an actual meal.

Feel free to puree the recipe I’ve just given you, but you will be breaking the tzatziki rules and I’m afraid we just can’t have that. Kidding! If you are unsure about the cucumber chunks, take half of the recipe and puree it and then do a taste test and compare it to the chunky version. Or puree half of it and mix it together with the un-pureed half. That way it’s just a little chunky. I’m gonna bet that you like the chunkier one better. It is one of the freshest tasting foods you’ll ever eat.

dragon breath

ENJOY!!

Jan 11 2013

Drum roll please!!! Here it is! The snort heard round the world!

Okay, so it wasn’t heard round the world. Apparently, my snort was a quiet one so it’s not like some horribly loud nightmare from which I can never escape. THANK YOU, GOD!!! :) Book Cover Small

For those of you that either don’t get the first hour of the midday news on WGN or for those of you who live somewhere far, far away…I have a link for you to see it. Yay!

Just click this link or on the pic below to watch: Jodi Cooking? WTF???

Thanks so much to all of you for being so wonderful and supportive!!! :) I hope you enjoy the segment and love the sammich!! :)

PS: I realized that I look preggers in my apron!!! I must get a new apron that doesn’t add a 6 month old fetus to my outfit!

Holy crap! There I am! :)

Holy crap! There I am! :)

 

Jan 10 2013

I dropped an “LY” and snorted and you can see it happen!

Yep, the girl that wrote an entire blog about people not properly using “LY” on the end of adverbs didn’t use one while filming my upcoming WGN-America segment! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Honest to God, I almost corrected myself right then and there. I was horrified. And tomorrow, Friday 1/11/13, you too can be horrified! My cooking segment will be airing around-ish 11:45 am Central time during WGN’s mid-day news. Woo hoo!

Oh, and to add insult to injury, I freaking SNORTED while laughing!!! I bet I snort maybe once a year while laughing and yet for some reason my body decided to do it on film right at the very end of the segment. Ugh! I don’t even remember what we were chuckling about, but yep, I snorted. EEEEEEE gawds, what on earth!?

So, if you want to see a non-cook actually cook something on air (if I can cook it, anyone can!) and if you want to hear me use improper grammar and snort like some kind of rutting animal, set your DVR. ;)

Once it airs, they’ll post a video of it on their site. I’ll post it for you guys in America or Canada who don’t get WGN (do you live in a cave??) or for those of you who are abroad and so it makes sense you wouldn’t get WGN.

I’m nervous as hell, so hopefully it turns out well. I’m not usually nervous on air, but COOKING on air? ME? Goodness gracious. Keep your fingers crossed that it rocks (or at least doesn’t suck!). :) XOXO

Me, with 2 lions growing out of my head, at the WGN studio. Yay!

Me, with 2 lions growing out of my head, at the WGN studio. Yay!

Nov 21 2012

I DESPERATELY NEED YOUR SWEET POTATO AND MARSHMALLOW RECIPE!!!

 

Holy shitcakes. My hubby is down for the count with the flu and I have to cook Thanksgiving dinner. Now, you may ask yourself–doesn’t she have a cookbook out? Why would cooking Thanksgiving dinner be scary? Well, IT IS!!! I’M FREAKING OUT PEOPLE!! ;)

This is me right now.
HELP!!

Here’s what I’m going to make:

  1. Turkey–kill me…the only time I ever made poultry before I almost killed everyone with food poisoning
  2. Cheesy taters–I got this one nailed, and the recipe is in the book so you can have it too!
  3. Green bean casserole–how hard can it be? Right?
  4. Sweet potato and marshmallow casserole–I NEED YOUR HELP!!! I need THE EASIEST recipe on earth. If you have one, will you please post it? Pretty please??
  5. Stuffing–mom is making this–whew! (recipe in the book)
  6. Strawberry angel food cake delight–a blind cat could make this. (recipe in the book too)

I’ve not cooked this much on one day EVER in my life, and I’m more than a bit nervous. Any help you can be with a sweet potato marshmallow casserole recipe (that is ridiculously easy) would be awesome!!! THANK YOU!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Nov 13 2012

HOLY CRAP! OH MY GOD! I’M FREAKING OUT! HAPPINESS!!

 

I’m going to explode from terror, excitement and more terror!!!

I’m going to be on NATIONAL MO FOing TV!!!

I’m going to do a cooking segment on WGN out of Chicago–but it’s broadcast nationally.

I’m going to go pass out now. HOLY SHITCAKES!!!

This is my HOLY SHITCAKES face!