Category Archives: Work

May 5 2013

I Gots Me the Buzz Muff! Don’t read this. No one should read this. You’ve been warned.

Well, well, well…I can’t believe how many of my early readers emailed me and suggested that I post this again. You guys are just too adorable and I really appreciate that you took the time to email me. :) I guess my horrifying childhood memory post spawned a desire to reread some of my very early, new-to-blogging posts. As I live to please, I thought I’d go ahead and post it. It is truly awful though, so honest to God, no one should read this. You’ve been warned twice!! :)

So, what is the Buzz Muff you ask?The Buzz Muff

Lemme tell you a little story…

I used to have to travel for work all the time. I was the consummate Road Warrior! I had 2 sets of makeup. 2 curling irons. 2 of everything so I could just grab a suitcase and go. About 2 years ago I was traveling back and forth to Florida every week for about 8 weeks. Kill me. That is a LONG ASS flight, especially in coach. Total suck. For those of you who’ve spent a lot of time in a plane, you know that when you unfold yourself out of those teeny tiny, made for 90 pound 4 foot tall people seats, that your body sometimes rebels. This is such a story.

Having finally arrived in the ungodly miserable heat and humidity (my damn glasses always fog up the second I walk outside and I’m essentially blind for 45 seconds) I head to the car rental place. It was right at the terminal, so not a bad walk. While standing there I all of a sudden felt this “buzz” in my nether regions. WTF??? What the hell was that?? Is my phone in my pocket? 10 seconds later: BUZZ!! 10 seconds after that: BUZZ. What on earth??!!!  Maybe it’s some vibration coming up through the floor since we are still at the airport. Maybe the close flying planes cause the floor to blah blah blah. I had NO clue what the hell was causing it. I was looking for any excuse to grab on to as I’d never before had the Buzz Muff.

I get my rental (BUZZ) car. Put my luggage in (BUZZ) the trunk. Start driving to (BUZZ) the hotel. Now I realize that I cannot blame this on any kind of floor vibration climbing up my leg and landing in my, ummm…girl parts. And while some of you out there may be thinking, “HOW AWESOME!!! It must be like having a “personal massager” on demand every 10 seconds,” let me assure you: NOT FUN! Especially when you don’t know what in the hell is causing it. My brain is thinking: Spinal injury; caught some ungodly worm or mite from the bathroom in the plane; my muff is going to fall off; clearly I’m dying and this is the first throe of death. It was funny and horrifying all at the same time.

Eventually, I find my hotel, get (BUZZ) checked in and unpacked. I call the hubby and say, “Ummm…honey. I gots me the Buzz Muff.” He was like, “What in the hell are you talking about (while laughing his ass off–I still owe him a small stick in the kidney with an ice pick for laughing so hard!). I try to explain to him my muff insanity, but it was hard to explain! All I could relate it to was the time I was swapping out a regular outlet for a GFCI outlet and turned off the wrong breaker. I got a hell of a shock with that and that is exactly how this felt.

So, on to the next day where I have to train a handful of teachers from 7:30am-4:00pm and then another group from 4:30pm-8:30pm (my bosses are clearly child labor enthusiasts!). This is to be my schedule for the next 3 days. And right on time, every ten seconds, BUZZ! Can I even begin to express to you how incredibly difficult it is to train 30 teachers how to use computers in the classroom while BUZZ is happening with every 5th word I utter???

On day two I called my gyno and said to her, as she is awesome, “What in the fuck is wrong with my coochie??? I’m going to tear it off and throw it in the ocean if it doesn’t stop!” She too cracked up laughing! Bitch. ;) She came up with many scenarios including this one which is my favorite: “Well…could it be that…ummm…could Grant have, you know, left something in there by accident?” OH MY GOD!!! That made ME die laughing. No. That is not what happened. She told me that happens all the time. She told me this right as I was taking a long drink of coffee and I spit it everywhere!! How does one “forget” an object like that in a place like that??? Good Lord have mercy. Alas, she has no answer for me. Dammit!

On day three I called my boss. I said to her, “I don’t think I can finish this training. I gots me the Buzz Muff.” Yep, you can guess her response. And yes, I told my BOSS that. Why not? We’re all chicks. She told me that if I needed to come home early that she’d understand. Of course, her being so understanding made me stay and finish out the week because I didn’t want to let her down.

On day four I finally get to go home. I’ve gotten NO sleep. The thought of “returning from a business trip” sex makes me wanna puke. I’m quite certain I’m dying of some hideous nerve cancer or some other horror. But I persist and get on the plane. I fold myself into my 2 square feet of space, take 2 sleeping pills and pass out. There was NO way I’d have made it on the plane for 6 hours with the Buzz Muff hounding me without tearing open the emergency exit and jumping to my delightful and wished-for death.

We finally land. I stand up to stretch and while doing so I feel no buzzing. NONE! Where’d the Buzz Muff go? I say out loud, “THANK YA JESUS!” The lady next to me says, “Yeah, thank God that flight is over.” Pretending that was what I was talking about I concurred and then stood there reveling in the fact that my muff had returned to its previously happy state of well-being.

The following week I went to the doc and he told me (through not-so-veiled giggles) that while he had NEVER, EVER heard of the Buzz Muff  that I must have pinched a nerve on the plane on the way to Florida and unpinched it on the plane back. It was his only solution to my ever-curious girlie parts.

Since then, everyone at work either called me Buzz/Buzzy or would walk by and make a buzzing noise. I guess word travels fast when it’s one’s who-ha in crisis! ;) I don’t even work there anymore and some of my old coworkers STILL call me that. Never dull…nope, life is never dull.

If any of you have suffered the Buzz Muff or are doctors and would like to share with me your theories, please feel free. It is still the Great Unknown Muff Adventure and a little insight would be awesome. :)

Mar 19 2013

I like big words and I cannot lie! (But NOT if they make no sense, dammit!!!!)

.Big Bootie!

I’m shakin’ my ass all over the place now that the Big Butts song is stuck in my head!! ;)

Alas, I digress. Let’s get down to it!

Good grief. People drive me bonkers.

All of you guys know that I like to rant and fume about grammar, punctuation, word choice, etc… I find it fun (if not horribly hypocritical since I make mistakes all the time!) to throw fits over the ways that people speak and write. I’m a hideous person. I know.  ;)

I  also know that I like to occasionally use words that are longer than 6 letters. Not because they are longer than 6 letters, but because they fit with what I’m trying to say. I’m an old (stress the word old) English major, so I’ve read a bunch and know a fair amount of words.

BUT!!!! What I do NOT do is throw in 25 cent words to try and make myself sound smart because guess what? It doesn’t make anyone sound smart to use big words for the sole purpose of using big words and confusing people. It only makes the person speaking (or writing) look like an insecure asshat when they use words, especially buzz words, to sound all fancy.

This drives me insane: “I’m smarter than you because I said, ‘wheelhouse, out of the box and quorum’ all in one sentence! Don’t you feel dumb that you didn’t understand my sentence at all? You should, because I’m smart and use words in a way that no one gets because I’m brilliant and you are stupid.”

I swear, people who speak like that make me want to pull my hair out for several reasons. 1) Stop being a pompus ass! 2) You aren’t communicating effectively, you retarded moron 3) You are clearly incredibly insecure because you are trying to sound smart by confusing everyone with your idiotic words.

If no one understands you, then maybe you shouldn’t speak? What’cha think about that? I personally like that idea.

If you say this sentence, “I think we should meet on Friday to discuss the project,” like this, “I am in favor of uniting a quorum of individuals to address which artifacts should be discussed in our iterative meeting  based on the developmental progress of our deliverable on the last day of the work week,” I immediately want to kill you. And not just kill you, but KILL YOU kill you. Painfully. With malice. Some kind of medieval or Shakespearean kind of death.

Why oh why does anyone think they sound smart by speaking like that? Why? Help me understand. I don’t get it. It’s so annoying and frustrating and makes me feel sorry for you. I think to myself, “Awwww…that poor fucking idiot must feel so small and stupid that they think speaking like a research paper being graded on a per-word basis makes them sound smart.”

Sorry, I know that my filter removal is at an all-time high (especially the death threats) but I’m constantly surrounded by people who do that and it makes me want to jam pencils into my ears while screaming, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

ScreamingOtter

Communication, effective communication, is all about speaking or writing in a way in which people are able to, wait for it… understand what you are saying. If you aren’t effectively communicating, then why bother speaking?

My heart goes out to people who are so insecure. I want to both shake the shit out of them and pat their little insecure heads and tell them it’ll all be okay.

Alrighty, I’m done. All these words have worn me out. I’m going mono-syllabic for the rest of the day. (Right!!) ;)

Mar 2 2013

Free books and a little tit (for tat!)

..

Does anyone else have a room in their house which is the Collect All room? A room where all the “I don’t know where this shit goes!” goes? Lord knows I do. I have about 3 of them. Okay, I’m not that bad…but close! The reason I’m telling you that I’m a pack rat psycho who has one room whose door is always shut in fear that someone, anyone, might see inside it is that I finally decided to clean it up. Ugh. What an undertaking. It’s been on my to-do list for about 6 months and I finally started on it tonight.

Why, you may ask, did I decide to actually clean something (cause you KNOW I hate cleaning!)? Well, because I’m a bit wrecked on pain killers as I broke a tooth last week. OH MY GOD does that fucking thing hurt. It hurts right now. I wanna chop off my own head to stop the hurt. OUCHY!!! The reason this hideous pain has inspired me to clean a bit is that I take a pain pill, fall asleep, wake up screaming in agony a few hours later and then have to do something to take my mind off my nightmarish misery while the next pill kicks in. I’ve decided that cleaning The Room from Hell is how I can distract myself from grabbing a pair of pliers and self-extricating the sonofabitching tooth.

How this has led me to Free Books and a Little Tit (for tat, you perverts!) is that I found a stash of all 3 of my books that I didn’t realize I had. I have 24 Sex: How to Get More of It. 28 Intimacy: How to Get More of It. And about 25 Darn Good Eats cookbooks (with the black and white interior). The Sex and Intimacy books don’t have the updated cover and some of them even have my author’s pic as me being a red head. So, when I found the books it sparked an idea (2 actually). Shocking, I know.

Idea one:

I will happily mail you a copy of one or more of my books on-the-house (I’ll even pay for shipping) in exchange for a review on Amazon (and any other place you wanna put it, but definitely Amazon). Now, this is not me bribing you. If you don’t like a book, I don’t want you to say you did–that is dishonest and poopy. I only want people who genuinely enjoyed the books or learned something valuable to leave reviews on Amazon. Obviously, if you hate a book I’d prefer you didn’t leave a review. Especially one like this, “That Jodi bitch can go suck it! I hate her. I hate her books. I’m going to burn her house down and eat her cats while she watches.” I’d feel pretty stupid if I paid to ship them to you and then you publicly ripped me to shreds. That would kinda blow. But if you like them, I’d super appreciate kick ass reviews. That would pretty much rule.

If you’d like to participate in this (keeping in mind I have a limited amount of books) email me at authorjodiambrose@gmail.com and give me your mailing address, your name (for those of you who go incognito on WordPress) and the books you’d like copies of.

  • Ladies, you can have any/all of my 3 books. Even though the Sex book was written for men, I get tons of feedback from chicks that they love it, so you can have that one too if ya want it.
  • Gentlemen, you can have the Sex book and/or the Darn Good Eats cookbook. Trust me, you do NOT want to read the Intimacy book that I wrote for chicks unless you want to read about menstrual cycles and things of the like.

Before you email me and request the Sex or Intimacy books (the cookbook is G-rated, so it’s not an issue), just remember that I’m a mouthy broad. If you follow this blog you know that I love to cuss, have a smart ass mouth and pretty much tell it like it is. The Sex and Intimacy books are just like that (though they have less cussing than my typical blog–totally unbelievable, I know), so if you know ahead of time that you’re going to be offended and hate them, please don’t ask me to send them to you. I truly want people to enjoy the books and be happier as a result–if you think that might be you, then definitely email me with which books you’d like.

One small caveat: Idea one is for US residents only. I am sooooo sorry my dear friends who are not here in the US, but it’s sooooo expensive mailing you stuff I’d go broke. I spent $47 mailing 2 books last week–one to Canada and one to New Zealand. I love you guys, but I just can’t afford all that. I would if I could–I promise, because you know I love your accent-having-asses even more than I love otters.

Now for idea 2, in which everyone can participate.

Idea two:

I always want my books to be as affordable as possible. As you guys know Darn Good Eats comes in both a black & white interior version (inexpensive) and a full-color interior version (slightly more expensive) so that everyone can afford it. I never want anyone to want to read one of my books but not have the bucks to do it. So, I thought I’d combine the Sex book and the Intimacy book into one book so that I could essentially sell both books for the price of one.

Here’s where you guys and your awesomeness comes in. I would love your help in naming the book. If you’ve read them, you know what’s in them and could probably come up with some amazing, fun and witty suggestions. If you haven’t read them (and don’t participate in Idea one above) you can always go to Amazon and do the Look Inside to see the first few pages of each book. That’ll give you a good idea about their content. Click here to preview Sex. Click here to preview Intimacy.

In exchange for your wonderful book title ideas, whoever either comes up with the name I end up using or the person whose suggestion sparks my imagination into finding just the right name, will get credit in the book and a link to their blog or other website. This way, all my readers get to see how wonderfully talented you are in naming books, and having your blog/website address in the book (both hard copy and digital) should help drive more traffic to your own personal awesomeness.

You can either leave your book title suggestions here (give me as many as you’d like–the more the merrier) as a comment or if you want to email it (them) to me feel free to email me at: authorjodiambrose@gmail.com.

See, there’s all kinds of tit for tat going on here!

OH, and one last thing–for those of you who have read one or more of the books and are now at least slightly happier, if you have a pic of you and your honey that you’d like to share with me, I’m thinking (not guaranteeing though) of doing a happy-reader-photo-collage either on the cover or inside of the new combo book. If you’d like to see your and your honey’s smiling faces in print, send me a pic WITH CLOTHES ON YOU BUNCH OF PERVS and it may just appear in the upcoming book. I thought it would be fun to actually show the happy faces of people who’ve been helped by my books. :) Please know that by sending me the pic you are giving me full rights to use the photo both in print and digitally from now until the end of time. I won’t edit the photo at all except to possibly crop it or do some color correction (if necessary).

Click on any of the book covers below to visit their page on Amazon if you want to read more about them or read reviews from other people. That info may help you decide which books you want me to send you (idea one) and might help spark an idea for the combo book name (idea two).

New Intimacy Book Cover Small with black border 1-20-13 Book Cover Small New Sex Book Cover 225 pixels wide black outline

Just so you know, I’m so tickled that I found that stash of books so that I can get them into your hands. For once, cleaning turned out to be a good thing!!!

I hope you guys enjoy whichever books you get and that they all not only make you giggle, but make life a little sweeter. Love ya!! :) XOXOXO

Jan 19 2013

New Book Covers. What’cha think?

Howdy! I sure hope everyone is having a great weekend!

So, I’ve never been a huge fan of my relationship books’ covers and I am excited to say that I finally get to see them updated. Woo hoo!!!

In an effort to keep them similar to what they were, but a bit more streamlined looking, they use the same graphics only with a different treatment.

I wanna know what you think. Is there anything that jumps out at you as horrific or do they look okay?

Thanks so much for any feedback. I really appreciate it! :)

Oh, and the back of the book is what’s on the left and the front cover is on the right. I’m sure you know that, but jut in case! :) XOXO

New Intimacy Book Cover 1-19-13

New Sex Book Cover 1-18-13

Jan 11 2013

Drum roll please!!! Here it is! The snort heard round the world!

Okay, so it wasn’t heard round the world. Apparently, my snort was a quiet one so it’s not like some horribly loud nightmare from which I can never escape. THANK YOU, GOD!!! :) Book Cover Small

For those of you that either don’t get the first hour of the midday news on WGN or for those of you who live somewhere far, far away…I have a link for you to see it. Yay!

Just click this link or on the pic below to watch: Jodi Cooking? WTF???

Thanks so much to all of you for being so wonderful and supportive!!! :) I hope you enjoy the segment and love the sammich!! :)

PS: I realized that I look preggers in my apron!!! I must get a new apron that doesn’t add a 6 month old fetus to my outfit!

Holy crap! There I am! :)

Holy crap! There I am! :)

 

Jan 10 2013

I dropped an “LY” and snorted and you can see it happen!

Yep, the girl that wrote an entire blog about people not properly using “LY” on the end of adverbs didn’t use one while filming my upcoming WGN-America segment! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Honest to God, I almost corrected myself right then and there. I was horrified. And tomorrow, Friday 1/11/13, you too can be horrified! My cooking segment will be airing around-ish 11:45 am Central time during WGN’s mid-day news. Woo hoo!

Oh, and to add insult to injury, I freaking SNORTED while laughing!!! I bet I snort maybe once a year while laughing and yet for some reason my body decided to do it on film right at the very end of the segment. Ugh! I don’t even remember what we were chuckling about, but yep, I snorted. EEEEEEE gawds, what on earth!?

So, if you want to see a non-cook actually cook something on air (if I can cook it, anyone can!) and if you want to hear me use improper grammar and snort like some kind of rutting animal, set your DVR. ;)

Once it airs, they’ll post a video of it on their site. I’ll post it for you guys in America or Canada who don’t get WGN (do you live in a cave??) or for those of you who are abroad and so it makes sense you wouldn’t get WGN.

I’m nervous as hell, so hopefully it turns out well. I’m not usually nervous on air, but COOKING on air? ME? Goodness gracious. Keep your fingers crossed that it rocks (or at least doesn’t suck!). :) XOXO

Me, with 2 lions growing out of my head, at the WGN studio. Yay!

Me, with 2 lions growing out of my head, at the WGN studio. Yay!

Jan 4 2013

Awesome Awards, New Year’s Resolutions and Other Such Goodies

Happy New Year! I hope with all my heart that every last one of you had a wonderful holiday season and a safe and happy New Year! :)

I took a much needed vacation from everything and decided today to dip my toe back into humanity one tiny inch at a time. And what did I find upon my return? I found I was mentioned by several awesome bloggers who somehow survived my potty mouth to live and say kind things about my blog! Yay!

My dear friends at Alastair’s Blog and Feed the Piglet both nominated me for Blog of the Year 2012 (the check is in the mail!) and Rural Spaceman listed my blog amongst his “Favorite Things”. Also, in the last few months I was blessed to be nominated by the following kick ass people for some kick ass awards:

  1. Sparky the Dragon creator Kimberley at The Embiggens Project for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award
  2. Jottings and Writings for the Addictive Blog Award and the Liebster Award (Two awards? you are awesome!)
  3. Life in the Drivethru for the Food Stories Nominee for Excellence in Storytelling Award
  4. Alastair’s Blog (again, you sweetheart!) for the One Lovely Blog Award
  5. TotalOvrdose for the Versatile Blogger Award

A big, huge thanks to all of you for your mentions, awards and kind words. I can’t tell you how humbled I am that you guys would think of me. Thank you so very, very much from the bottom of my heart. Your sweetness means the world to me. :)

Now that we’ve talked about the Awesome Awards (and the even more awesome awarders!), let’s move on to the New Year’s Resolutions. My thought about New Year’s Resolutions is poop on their head! Like a lot of people, I’ve made them over the years only to be disappointed in myself a few months down the road for my miserable failures. I’d have been so much happier with myself had I never made the unachievable resolutions in the first place. So, I’ve decided to never make another resolution! Alas, that does not mean that I don’t have things I wanna do in 2013.

Horrifying as it is, my 25 year class reunion is this year. Good God–how is that possible? Am I not still 17 riding around in my girlfriend Susan’s Bronco with a Bartles & James wine cooler in one hand, a cigarette in the other, gossiping about boys? Wasn’t it just yesterday, not 28 years ago, that while at the 7-11 I ran into the guy who stood me up for a movie at my place (my mom actually rented a VCR so I could have him over to watch a movie as we didn’t have one yet–yep, that tells you how old my ass is) and his other date (kill me)? Man, was that awkward! How could it be 25 years ago that I graduated? It just doesn’t seem possible!!!

Well, like most women, I’m bound and determined to lose a few pounds before the reunion. Writing that cookbook put a few extra hunks of delicious, savory butter on my ass (oh, I mean pounds…the butter put the pounds on my ass) that I’d like to shed before flying home, so either I’m going to have to learn how to eat healthier or I’m going to have to borrow a vacuum from someone and perform home liposuction. I’m not sure which one would be more painful!!! :)

This desire to knock off a pants size is not a resolution though. I just happened to be notified about the upcoming event in the last week, so the timing makes it appear to be a resolution, but it is not.

Something else I wanna do in 2013 is learn to curb my potty mouth.  I know I cuss a LOT and I thought…oh shit, I can’t pull that off. I’m sooooo lying here!!! That just ain’t gonna happen. ;)

Ummmm…what else do I wanna do? I don’t know. I figure if I can continue to be happy and healthy, then life is good. I just try and keep that going and that should really be enough.

Okay, so now onto the Other Such Goodies.

I have two things here for ya. One: my cooking spot on WGN-America’s Lunchbreak is gonna air on January 11th. WOO HOO!!!! I’m so excited I could puke. Two: I quit smoking 6 weeks and 1 day ago and I’m so proud of myself I could puke. Wait, that’s a hell of a lot of puking. Let’s just say that my cold-turkey-smoke-quitting-ass is very happy that I’ve been able to maintain the quitting without even a single slip up. Yay!!! And, I haven’t even been a rancid bitch during the emotional withdrawal of one of my very favorite things on earth. I had whittled down my consumption to 4-5 a day (though I crave a pack a day dammit!!!) over the last year so that quitting wouldn’t be such a fuckin’ nightmare, and I still crave those evil (wonderful) sticks constantly, BUT, I’m bound and determined to stay quit as I’d like to live a long and healthy life, so send me no-smoking happy vibes please! :)

Again, I hope you all had a simply magnificent holiday season and I want you to know that I’m thankful for all of your friendship. I’ve met some wonderful people through this blog and you guys mean a ton to me. XOXOXOXO

Blog of the Year Award 2 star thumbnailfoodstoriesnominee_250x286The addictive blog award liebster one-lovely-blog-award1-1 versatileblogger11

Nov 13 2012

HOLY CRAP! OH MY GOD! I’M FREAKING OUT! HAPPINESS!!

 

I’m going to explode from terror, excitement and more terror!!!

I’m going to be on NATIONAL MO FOing TV!!!

I’m going to do a cooking segment on WGN out of Chicago–but it’s broadcast nationally.

I’m going to go pass out now. HOLY SHITCAKES!!!

This is my HOLY SHITCAKES face!

 

Nov 6 2012

Sneak peek from my Darn Good Eats cookbook! Prepare yourself for some serious YUM!

Mom’s Spaghetti Sauce (with extra Jodi spice)

I’m going to sneak to all of you…drum roll please…my mom’s famous spaghetti sauce recipe!  It may have morphed a bit over the years, but Mom was the creator of this zesty treat and I’ve just kind of kicked it up a spicy notch. Speaking of spicy notches, if you are the heartburn-getting type you do NOT want to do this. Put the book down. Walk away from the kitchen. Save yourself.

Before we get started, know that you will be making enough spaghetti sauce to feed your family and the family down the street more than once. I simply refuse to make something like this in small batches. Why would anyone waste all this time making enough for one or two meals? That just seems silly to me. So, make sure you have a bunch of food storage containers and space in the fridge—you are going to need it.

Goodies needed from the store:

  • 1½ – 2 pounds of hamburger (doesn’t have to be lean—the more grease, the better)
  • A one-pound package of spicy Italian sausages (you can use turkey sausage if you want to save some calories)
  • 3/4 of a green pepper
  • 3/4 of a medium/large white or yellow onion
  • Three 28-ounce cans of crushed tomatoes
  • One 28-ounce can of tomato sauce
  • Three 28-ounce cans of petite diced tomatoes (none of that pre-spiced stuff though)
  • Half of one of those tiny cans of tomato paste (the hubby and I always whine about the fact that even those tiny cans are too big. Why can’t they make a half-sized tiny can? Who uses a whole can?)
  • Between 8 – 12 cloves of minced garlic (or a ton of garlic salt)
  • Italian seasoning, to taste
  • Crushed red pepper flakes, to taste
  • Salt, to taste
  • OPTIONAL: A sprinkle of freshly-grated Parmesan cheese never hurts as a nice topping on the spaghetti
  • OPTIONAL: 6 basil leaves, chopped

Putting it all together:

  1. Peel the skin off the sausage, (ewwww!) then slice into half-inch slices.
  2. Brown the sausage until thoroughly cooked and then set aside in a bowl. Don’t throw out the grease. The grease makes the sauce even better.
  3. Cut up the green pepper into large chunks (I always take these chunks out after the sauce has cooked for several hours as I don’t like eating chunks of green pepper–blech!).
  4. Dice the onion into fairly small pieces.
  5. Mince or cut the garlic into to small pieces.
  6. Combine the garlic, green pepper, onion and hamburger in a frying pan and brown all together. Stir often as you don’t want the hamburger to get chunky and stick together. You want it to be pretty crumbly.
  7. Once the hamburger is thoroughly cooked (no pink) dump everything, including the sausage and grease, into an enormous pot. You are going to be making enough for an army! Leftover sauce is the best thing on planet earth.
  8. Add all the tomato stuff and stir.
  9. Add a thin layer of Italian seasoning across the entire top of the sauce. I don’t have a specific measurement here, I just coat the top of the sauce and that usually works.
  10. Add crushed red pepper flakes, to taste—I like it spicy so I probably usually put in a little less than a tablespoon.
  11. Add salt. I crave salt in my sleep so I use a fair amount. If you are a normal person just chuck in a little and as it cooks add more in small amounts until it’s got enough.
  12. Cook on low, stirring frequently, for as many hours as you can take the yummy smell before attacking the pot.
  13. If you like basil you can chuck about 6 chopped leaves into the sauce about an hour before it’s finished cooking. I usually don’t, but my hubby sneaks it in. Stinker! It’s that dang chef part of him that just has to mess with my recipes!

I wrote earlier that a little fresh Parmesan cheese never hurts. I was wrong. This is what happens when non-chefs try to be chefs:

 

I grated my thumb. Yes, we ate thumb-laced Parmesan cheese on top of our spaghetti. Do yourself and your thumb a favor and just buy the Parmesan at the store that is pre-grated. If you want it to be fancy, you can get the shaved Parmesan in the cheese section of the store. It looks very pretty and is far less bloody atop your awesome spaghetti.

I serve this on regular spaghetti noodles. Nothing fancy. No fettuccine as it’s flat and stupid and should only be used with Alfredo sauce. No angel hair as it’s too thin for the heavy sauce. Just normal spaghetti.

Serve all of this with some yummy, butter-soaked garlic bread (mmmmm…garlic bread…) and you will have an AWESOME dinner that really is pretty easy to make. With that amount of sauce, a family of 4 could live off of it for days and days. Whatever is left over after 3 or 4 days, just freeze. It’s just as good out of the freezer a month from now.

Dragon-breath-o-meter:

PS: I promised How to Online Date that I’d post this recipe, so here it is! :)

Nov 1 2012

MY KICK BUTT NEW COOKBOOK IS AVAILABLE! Yay! Happiness!

I am soooooooooooooooooooooo happy to tell you that my new cookbook is available as of this morning! Woo hoo!!!

Yay!!!!! Here it is!

For those of you who haven’t heard me talk about it before, here’s the blurb from the back of the book so that you know that it’s a cookbook with a rather different spin on cooking.  :)

Whether you love to cook or would rather starve than spend time in a kitchen, Darn Good Eats: The Cookbook for Creative Chefs and Reluctant Cooks is for you!

Reluctant Cook and author Jodi Ambrose teamed up with her Creative Chef husband, Grant, to bring you a cookbook with an unusual twist. Darn Good Eats provides scrumptious recipes for both the kitchen aficionado and the bumbling cook. Pooling together all of their combined kitchen savvy, they’ve created a cookbook that applies to anyone and everyone.

Along with a list of must-have items for your kitchen, helpful measurement conversions, delightful personal anecdotes and a witty sense of humor, this cookbook delivers over 70 delectable and inspired recipes for both the kitchen novice and cooking expert. You no longer have to be a good cook to make great food.

So that it’s easy to navigate, the cookbook is split into two parts. The first part is for Creative Chefs who love, or at least like, to cook. It contains tantalizing recipes which range from simple to challenging and are bound to be crowd-pleasers. The second part is for people who prefer eating over cooking and find the kitchen to be more of a chore than a delight. The Reluctant Cook will now have a wonderful array of options for making “homemade” meals that (shhh…don’t tell) in some cases are far from homemade, but are still mouthwateringly delicious.

Whether you love or hate the kitchen, Darn Good Eats: The Cookbook for Creative Chefs and Reluctant Cooks has plenty of tasty recipes to please even the most discerning palate. We know that you’ll enjoy both the food and fun contained within this cookbook and we wish for you many happy and delicious meals.

I’ve published both a full-color interior version and a black & white interior version so that it’s affordable for everyone and if you want to get some as holiday presents you have a choice on which one to get. Both have the full-color cover.

As of right now, you can get them at Amazon as printed books. In the near future, they’ll be available for the Kindle and Nook, but formatting them (especially with bullets and numbered lists) is a NIGHTMARE and takes forever. You’d think that Kindle and Nook would have figured out how to properly format something so simple by now. Over the next couple of months, the black & white interior version will be available online at Barnes & Noble and other places, but you can get them at Amazon today.

Here’s the link to the color version on Amazon: CLICK HERE TO GET A COPY

Here’s the link to the black & white version on Amazon: CLICK HERE TOO!

I hope you guys love the cookbook! My hubby and I worked very hard to bring you the recipes that we love the most, with just a little bit of sass thrown in the mix. No worries though. For a change of pace there are no F-bombs in one of my books. ;) This one is rated G.

Hugs!! Enjoy!!!