FREE Kindle books for you! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, even if you are a Humbug! ;)

If you don’t already have all 3 of my books, you can download them for FREE on Kindlechristmas_animated_gifs_05 this Tuesday through Saturday.

Since I’ve tortured all of you with my Christmas decorating pics (here’s one in case you missed it–note the new Christmas Teddy Hammock on the right side!), I thought I’d give you Christmas presents too, starting tomorrow.

Christmas 2014 Plus Teddy Hammock

Remember, if you don’t have a Kindle, no big deal as you can download the Kindle reader to almost any device. Click HERE to download the Kindle reader. And then click HERE to download my books.

If you do have a Kindle, click HERE and download away!

Love you guys! Your friendship and support mean the world to me, so I hope you enjoy my Holiday presents! XOXOXOXO

MerryAWChristmas

arg-dancing-happy-holidays-red-sm-url

 

It’s time to get down and get funky! (Updated! Yay!)

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No, I don’t mean to roll in the dirt and get smelly! Though that does sound like fun. ;)

I mean that tonight I’m going to be on LA Talk Radio! The show is called Modern Male Radio and starts at 8pm Pacific time, 11pm Eastern. Woo hoo!

And is it going to be a show!

UPDATE: Here’s the link to listen to the show: KICK ASS YAPPING. Wow, they are fast! Listen to the one dated September 18th, 2014.

Senior Citizen Sex

Not only is it hosted by an incredible author and man about town, Jarod Zavistoski (he’s great!), but co-hosting is Nick Hawk from the Showtime TV show Gigolos.

We’re going to dish about all things relationshippy and how to have more luscious nookie and happy intimacy.

Can’t go wrong with that. Well, unless you hate sex and don’t like people to be nice to you.

If that’s the case, ummmmm…yeah…I got nothin’! ;)

Click HERE or on the pic below to get to LA Talk Radio’s site.

Listen in, my wonderful peeps. We’ll have a great time!

XOXOXOX

The “It takes 3 minutes to make a delicious dessert” Recipe

TGIMFS! Yes, that’s my spin on TGIF with a few extra choice words chucked in. ;)

Here’s another bit of yum for you guys this weekend!

Move over fancy schmancy desserts that take 19 hours and 4 chefs to make.

I have something even better.

But you have to visit the awesome and amazing Bernadette at Rants from My Crazy Kitchen to get the recipe!

That lovely lady has just posted my second recipe designed to let you spend less time cooking and more time enjoying your holiday weekend.

It’s sooooooooooo yummy! It has 4 ingredients. That’s my kind of cooking.

And while I took many wonderful pictures of this batch of yumminess, I forgot to put my stupid memory card into my camera. Can we all say it at the same time? “Duh….” What a dumbass I am! Yep, wiping the drool off my chin right now.

Anyway, I procured a picture that’s similar to what this delicious concoction looks like when finished. Here it is. SLURP!

Pineapple Cherry Dump Cake

Just imagine a bit of pineapple at the bottom of the rest of the lip-smacking goodness and there you have it.

Okay, so time to go over and get the recipe.

Check it out HERE.

It’s also in my cookbook, Darn Good Eats, so if you have that, you have the recipe whenever you want it.

Enjoy!

Have a great weekend! Love you guys!

 

img credit: tammileetips.com

 

Why Was I Talking About Dipping Your Wick Into Places It Doesn’t Belong? Ah ha! The Answer At Last!

Hello, all my lovelies!

About a month ago I posted a poll on whether or not you guys thought it was a betrayal to seek sexual satisfaction from real, live people outside of your relationship via phone or computer.

A big thanks to all of you for your thoughtful responses and poll answering.

It was so hard for me not to spew my opinion all over the place when I wrote that post, but I didn’t want to sway anyone’s thoughts on the matter before they had a chance to comment or vote. Of course now, I’m nothin’ but sass mouth on the topic!! ;)

In case you’re wondering, I used the info from that poll to write my latest article for The Acquiring Man magazine.

If you voted or just wanna see the article, click HERE or on the pic below (dang, that chick is hot!).

acquiring man is it cheating

PS: there is one typo in the article that is repeated 4 times that is making my brain itch! But the editor is going to fix them. He added the line because it’s a great summary of the article–I should have included it myself, so I’m glad he added it in. But as you guys know, I can be a grammar nazi, so forgive the missing apostrophe for now. :)

FREE Books! Just for you! (And everyone else.) :)

Okay, I promised that I’d do another book giveaway and the time is nigh! ;)

You can download to your Kindle, or any other freaking device on earth onto which you can download the Kindle reader, any or ALL of my 3 books (download the reader by clicking HERE).

Just go to my Amazon age (yep, click HERE to get there) and let the downloading frenzy begin!

Last time I did my Kindle giveaway all of the books went to #1 (HOLY SHIT CAKES!) on the Kindle Free Top 100 list (my mom was very proud!). Totally freaking cool! I was quite delighted, to say the least. I have to admit, I wouldn’t complain if that happened again.

If you like any of them, I’d be forever grateful if you’d leave a great review. I’d offer you my first born, but as I’m a childless old bat that would be an empty promise. Will eternal gratitude suffice?

Here are the 5-day freebies, in case you have no clue as to what I spout on and on about. ;)

Horribly sarcastic, naughty and full of curse words. NO ONE should read this, unless you like that stuff. ;)

Horribly sarcastic, naughty and full of curse words. NO ONE should read this, unless you like that stuff. ;)

Maybe slightly less mouthy, but still full of piss and vinegar (and tons of heart too)

Maybe slightly less mouthy, but still full of piss and vinegar (and tons of heart too)

A cookbook? Where the hell did that come from? It is chocked full of goodies though. TOTAL YUM!

A cookbook? Where the hell did that come from? It is chocked full of goodies though. TOTAL YUM!

Anyway, I hope you guys love them–that they make you laugh and help you to have the most joyful lives and happiest taste buds.

Oh, maybe telling you when this is going to happen would be a fine and dandy idea… Duh… Drool…

Friday, May 2nd – Tuesday, May 6th.

I picked those days as my dad’s birthday falls during them so it’s kinda a shout out to pops for his birthday. Good grief, I’m a sentimental old fuck. ;)

Love you guys! Enjoy! XOXOXOXO

PS: Tell all your friends to get their free copies too. Who couldn’t use good food and happiness and maybe even some naughty nookie?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot? Fuck no! ;)

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Yes, yes…I know. I’ve been gone forever. I have no good excuse (but I’m gonna give you several!) except that I needed a break.

EXCUSE 1: Sex? What’s sex?

Between twitter, FB and the 10 other sites I manage, I just had to put my foot down and realize that the hubby needed more sex from me! Too much time on the computer is not good.

KIDDING!!! He was still gettin’ it good. But I felt like I was only giving him one ear in the evenings cause my brain was in my computer all the time. That is a no-no.

EXCUSE 2: All work and no play make Jodi a raving lunatic.

The day job is killing me! I average about 65 hours a week doing nothing but using my brain to the best of its ability. My job isn’t one where you get a little brain downtime. It’s non-stop, all day long, until I run out of the house tearing out my hair and begging for the neighbors to shoot me. I thought it would have settled down by now, but not yet. Alas, the thought of even looking at a computer once the work day is over makes me rather ill.

EXCUSE 3: That mother fuckin’ Atkins diet about put me in the hospital.

I have NEVER felt worse in my life. I, and I kid you not, was falling unconscious at 6pm and sleeping like I was in a coma until the alarm would wake me up at 7am. It was horrible. And my poor tummy…man, my body does not like all that protein! Total suck.

So, please forgive my Exit Stage Left without warning. I feel like a schmuck as I love you guys and really have missed you. I just need work to calm down a bit so that I can happily embrace my computer after the workday is done.

Oh, and I’ve had two chickens die in the last month…one of old age and another one (one of the replacement-so-wifey-isn’t-sad-about-dead-chicken chickens) who drowned when our back yard had its monthly irrigation. Poor little critter. So yes, I’ve been a bit off lately. But will be back soon enough and then you’ll wish I’d stayed hidden! ;)

In an effort to say I’m sorry I’m going to do another Kindle book giveaway this upcoming Friday-Tuesday. I’ll post details later, but since you all live so far away from me I don’t know what else to do to say LOVE YA except give you free stuff.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

 

 

Knight on a Steed…

Or Jester on a Jackass? Find out! ;)

Yeppers, my new article came out just a few minutes ago at Acquiring Man mag. Just wanted to let ya know in case you, well, want more nookie! I know. I’m a perv.

XO

February Acquiring Man Article Graphic

Book Reviews – Intimacy: How to Get More of It and Darn Good Eats by Jodi Ambrose

Ummm…still not sure what the “Press This” button means, but I’m Pressing This!!!

A HUGE, heartfelt, love-filled, squishy-hugged thank you to the lovely Elizabeth Melton Parsons for writing such amazing reviews of my books. You’d think I’d given her money for her kind words (I sooooo would have!!!). :)

It means a tremendous amount to me that anyone would take the time to write reviews on my books. I really mean that from the bottom of my heart. I find it so strange and wonderful and surreal that I even wrote 3 books, much less that anyone would read them and then like them enough to say sweet things. I’m very humbled…

If ya wanna check out what she had to say, click the link below.

Book Reviews – Intimacy: How to Get More of It and Darn Good Eats by Jodi Ambrose.

And while you are over there, follow her wonderful self. She has a great and entertaining blog!

Much love!

PS: I just saw that she put reviews on Amazon too. Elizabeth, I’m going to stalk you, find you and hug you til you pop! ;)

 

For Your Listening Enjoyment! Check out my Latest Radio Show!

Howdy, everyone!

You guys know I’ve been a busy beaver recently, so I haven’t done as many radio shows as I usually do. But I had a fantastic one air today that I think you’ll enjoy.On Air

Now, I had to tame my mouthiness as my audience wasn’t the same as it was when I did Playboy SiriusXM. I had to be a good girl. I don’t think I said a single cuss word. WHAT?? How on earth is that possible? Don’t worry, as soon as I hung up I verbally assaulted my sleeping hamster to get out all of my pent up 4-letter words. Man, did that feel good! ;)

Here’s a link to the show: Talk Time with Trish. Give it a click and a listen.

During the show I have a lovely conversation with Trish’s co-host (who was the main host today), Dr. Lisa Stewart. She is an awesome doc who specializes in helping people communicate effectively to have a happier life. Ya can’t go wrong with that! She pretty much kicked ass today–just loved her.

I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed doing it.The Acquiring Man Magazine Sex Expert Jodi Ambrose

Oh, and my new article for The Acquiring Man Magazine should be coming out in the next couple of weeks. This time I also did a podcast to go along with it, so hopefully you can hear it as well as read it. I always sound so goofy when I listen to my recorded self. Yikes! ;) It’ll be called something like, Ready for Titillating Head-to-Toe Sex? My thought: aren’t we all??

Have a great weekend everyone!

HUGS!

Ready! Set! Quiche!

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Yes, quiche is for REAL MEN too! :)

Real men eat quiche

NO COMMENT!
I’m gonna be a good girl for a change. :)

To be quite honest, I’d never before had quiche that I liked. The crust was always soggy and the eggs were always runny. EWWWW!!!

And then I met the hubby. You know that meeting him has done nothing but murder every diet I’ve ever been on. But how can one NOT eat all the delicious food he makes? Especially now that we have chickens in the backyard. We have eggs coming out the wazoo–gotta do something with ‘em.

So here, my wonderful friends, is a recipe straight out of our cookbook, Darn Good Eats. It’s Grant’s own version of Quiche Lorraine, but it is a zillion times more delectable than any Quiche Lorraine I’ve ever had. ENJOY!

Can’t Say No To It Quiche

Yeah, I know, that’s a weird name for a recipe. But this ain’t your grandma’s Quiche Lorraine. This has goodies added into it which will take you to a new level of nirvana.  I just told the hubby, as I am currently chewing on a mouthful of this delicious concoction, that I’m going to kill him so that he can’t have any more of it and I get the rest. I’m only half kidding.

Just so you know, I’m fully aware that the picture of the quiche looks like some crazy, snub-nosed face staring at you with its creepy tomato eyes. I tried several angles but it always looked like a face. There was no escape. So yes, the quiche is eyeballing you!

Quiche Lorraine

Ingredients:

  • 9-inch refrigerated pie shell (get it in the refrigerated cookie section at the grocery store)
  • 6 – 8 slices of thick bacon
  • 1/2 of a large red onion, sliced into super-thin rings
  • 3½ tablespoons of butter
  • 4 small eggs or 3 large eggs
  • 1½ cups of heavy whipping cream (or you can use half whole milk and half whipping cream to cut back on the fat content)
  • 3/4  – 1 cup of shredded Gruyere cheese
  • 1 large tomato, cut into thin slices and then quarter the slices
  • 1 teaspoon of salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon of freshly ground pepper
  • A dash or slightly more of freshly ground nutmeg (buy whole nutmeg and then shave the nutmeg with a super sharp, non-serrated knife—don’t use a mortar and pestle)

Directions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 450 °F.
  2. Slice the uncooked bacon into one-inch pieces.
  3. Simmer the bacon in a quart of boiling water (a simmering boil, not a rapid boil) for approximately 5 minutes.
  4. Strain the bacon and dry it using a paper towel.
  5. Brown the bacon in a large frying pan until it’s just on the cusp of crispy, but not too crunchy.
  6. Once it’s browned, remove the bacon and dry it on paper towels to remove as much excess grease as possible (save the bacon grease in the pan for other recipes, you won’t need it for this recipe).
  7. Slice the red onion into thin rings—as thin as you can slice it.
  8. Put 1½ tablespoons of butter in the pan (after you’ve removed the bacon grease), add the onion and sauté on medium-high for about a minute, then reduce the heat to medium-low and cook for 10 – 15 minutes until the onions start to caramelize. Periodically stir the onions as they cook. You want the onions cooked past the point where they are translucent but before they are too brown and burning around the edges.
  9. While the onions are cooking, or before cooking the bacon, prepare the pie crust.
  10. Use either a glass pie dish or non-stick metal pie dish.
  11. Roll the pie crust over the pie dish and push it down into the bottom and along the edges. Make sure to either push the crust down very well or use pie weights to keep the pie crust from getting a big bubble in it as it bakes. Ours didn’t, but we wanted to make sure you were prepared, just in case.
  12. Flute the top edges of the pie crust (just pinch it) to give it the look of grandma’s homemade pies. You want to the pie crust to end up being slightly higher than the pie dish because when you pre-bake it, it will shrink and you don’t want the pie crust ending up lower than the quiche filling.
  13. Bake the pie crust on 450 °F for 9 – 10 minutes on the middle rack in the oven. You do not want the pie crust to brown yet; you’re essentially baking it about halfway done.
  14. Take the pie crust out of the oven and let it cool for at least 15 minutes.
  15. Reduce the oven heat to 375 °F.
  16. Once the pie crust is cool, layer the bottom of it with the bacon.
  17. Evenly spoon the caramelized onions over the bacon.
  18. In a medium-sized bowl, add the eggs, cream, salt, pepper and nutmeg and hand whisk until well blended.
  19. Add 3/4 to 1 cup of Gruyere into the bowl with the egg mix and stir.
  20. Evenly pour the egg and cheese mix into the crust, making sure to pour it carefully as you don’t want it to get between the crust and the pie dish.
  21. If it looks like you have more egg mix than you have space for in the dish, before the mix gets to the top of the crust, pull the cheese out of the mix and add that into the pie dish, then throw away the rest of the egg mix.
  22. Evenly space the tomato slices on top of the egg mix.
  23. Dice 2 tablespoons of cold butter into pea-sized cubes. Sprinkle the butter evenly on top of the tomatoes and cook on the middle-upper rack for 30 – 35 minutes on 375 °F. Look for your pie crust to be a golden brown. It’s okay if the top of the quiche is a little bit juicy looking as it will congeal as it cools down.
  24. Once you pull it out of the oven, let it cool for at least 15 minutes so that it can be sliced without turning into a river of goo. It’s better once it has had time to set.

Anyone who has ever said “Real men don’t eat quiche” hasn’t had this quiche before. I’m quite sure I’m not the only person, male or female, who’s willing to serve time in prison to keep everyone else in the house away from this quiche so that it’s mine all mine!

image from: www.freerepublic.com