Or Jester on a Jackass? Find out!
Yeppers, my new article came out just a few minutes ago at Acquiring Man mag. Just wanted to let ya know in case you, well, want more nookie! I know. I’m a perv.
So, the hubby doesn’t really need anything for Christmas. I’ve swamped him with so many presents over the last 6 years for this birthday and Christmas that we can’t fit one more damn thing in the house. He did come up with one thing he needs–a new table saw. So, that’s definitely on the list. But I like to bury him up to his eyeballs in gifts and was running out of ideas. Then I saw a Groupon that would totally be fun.
Grant and I went horseback riding on our honeymoon (I was terrified and riding a limping horse for fuck’s sake!), but haven’t been back since. I figured this would bring back wonderful memories and be a great time in the 75 degree weather of an Arizona winter.
So if you have one of those pesky damn people in your life that already has everything they need and want, so buying presents is a pain in the ass because you have no clue what to get, might I suggest fun stuff to do instead of a material gift? I’ve started taking Mom on vacations each year for her main Christmas present (plus a bunch of other little things too) and now I’m going to start doing that for the hubby. It may sound totally sappy (okay, it IS totally sappy) but those awesome memories are better than something in a box any day.
Of course, since I like to have him unwrap a zillion presents, I made this for him and printed it as an 8×10, and then stuffed it into a box so that he has a gift to unwrap that tells him about his gift. Yeah, I’m a doofus!
Yes. There was drinking.
Yes. There was inappropriate behavior.
Yes. Laws were broken.
Yes. Babies were made.
Yes. We had a BLAST at my reunion!!! (Even if we did come home sick as dogs.)
Yes. I really really really really need a tan. I’m almost translucent.
Here’s a little peek at the illicit behavior we reveled in all weekend (faces should have been blurred to protect the not-so-innocent, but fuck it–they get exposed right along with me!) :) :)
Then, the next day I took my baby to DC because he’d never been there before. When you grow up there you think, “Ugh…if I have to tour the White House or go to the Smithsonian ONE MORE TIME!!!!” But he’d never toured around DC before and I hadn’t been there in ages, so we hung out and had a wonderful day! Especially after we got a pedicab to ride us around. My damn friggin’ feet hurt SO much from walking around on 5 inch stilettos for 6 hours the night before. Poor little footies!
And FINALLY!!! A pic where no one’s drunk, no one’s eyes are closed and Grant and I are both smiling without spinach or some other nightmare in our teeth!
Well, there ya have it. We came home sore, tired, broke and with some kind of biological weapon used on us (what else makes you sick for OVER A DAMN WEEK??!!), but it was worth everything to go home and see my dear old friends.
It’s amazing how you can go years and years without seeing someone and just pick up right were you left off like not a day had gone by. I’m so truly blessed to have such great people around me.
Okay, I have to go try and drain the 4 gallons of snot currently living in my sinuses into a beach towel. WTF did I catch??? I guess at least it’s not the syph! XOXOXO
PS: How could I have forgotten to put this in here? The pic on the left is from our Senior Day on a big pretty boat cruising the Potomac River back in 1988. The one on the right is of us girls 25 years later. Still love those two awesome mamas!
So this nightmarish, pissing me off, wanna take a bat to it computer is off to the shop tomorrow! Woo hoo!
Sorry I’ve been so utterly unavailable, but typing with my left hand only (I’m right handed) while I hold the power cord in with my right hand SUCKS DONKEY BALLS! Once I get my computer back, I too will be back with a vengeance and you’ll all want to run for your lives!
To bid you adieu for a short time, I’m going to leave you with a little video treat of me and my hamster. It’s only about 90 seconds and it builds to the final payoff at the end (unlike porn where the climax comes early–no pun intended!).
Enjoy my furry little friend and I’ll talk to you all when I get my ‘puter back.
HUGS and TONS OF LOVE!
Oh and forgive the ungodly mess and all the squished teddy bears in the floor! This is the room where we are storing everything as we remodel the living room, so it is not pretty. Not pretty at all.
I have not died nor decided to shun electricity! I have a computer whose A/C jack isn’t functional so I can only get on my computer if I HOLD the fuckin’ cord in, and even then it doesn’t stay on half the time. UGH!!! Dummyheaded technology!
BUT! Until it gets fixed (please God this week) I wanted to quickly post a few pictures from my recent wildlife adventure. It was truly awesome. Once I can type again with both hands, I’ll post tons of pics and give you all the fun details of my commune with all things furry!
Meet Owlie. He actually grabbed my hair with his feet as he flew by, which made me very happy I wasn’t a toupee-wearing man!
I’m goin’ on vacation!!! Woo hoo!!!
As a Christmas present for my mom, I told her I’d treat her to a vacation back home on the east coast. And we’re heading off tomorrow! Yay!!!
Luckily, I was able to save enough airline miles to get us there first class for free. My sweet little 74 year old mommy should be able to enjoy a nice, wide seat and good food, so I did everything but hook on the corner to get airline miles saved for the last year (I plan my Christmas presents WAY in advance). Thankfully, I was able to save enough with 300 miles to spare!
We’re going to hang out in our old home town and then head to the beach. I’m going to eat more blue crabs than anyone on earth. I can’t wait.
I hope you guys all have a wonderful long weekend (for those of you in the States)! I’ll be back in the next couple of weeks.
Yeah, yeah, I know…weird topic, right? But I have an undying love of cereal. I’d eat cereal all dang day if the kind I like wasn’t filled with more sugar than a dozen cookies. Mmmm…cookies….
As I just recently found one of my all-time favorite cereals at the store and celebrated by doing a Happy Cereal Dance in the aisle (yes, people stared. No, it was not pretty!) I thought I’d share with you how cereal has affected my life.
Okay, I just realized that this is already a tome and I could seriously go on for about 8 more cereals. To save you eye strain, I shall not. I just wanted to share my cereal love with you and how my love affair with it saved my ass one time. My entire teenage years would have been so much more boring had my mom truly busted me. She’d have locked my bedroom door from the outside each night and I’d probably still be a virgin! Eeee Gawds, no!!!
Meet Tick Teddy. Tick Teddy is one bad ass mo fo who takes no guff offa anyone. At the same time, he is a sweet little creature and even though he looks like a bloated, blood-filled tick, we love him all the same.
Tick Teddy is very blessed and gets to fly around the world with Daddy on his travels. Tick Teddy has been everywhere. This week he’s in Vancouver, BC and lovin’ life. Actually, I think he may be partying a bit much, but he can take it. Like I said, he’s bad ass.
So, today I get a picture of Tick doing his thing with a little commentary to go along with it. This is how the conversation ensued.
Email from Tick Teddy to Mommy:
Oh …daddy told me that you are a piece of ass…what does that mean?
Email from Mommy to Tick Teddy:
Tick Teddy…I think it’s time we had “the talk.”
Daddy is what is known as a perverted stinker. Perverted stinkers like to grab hold of sweet, angelic little girls (like Mommy) and defile them with their joysticks. In order for perverted stinkers like Daddy to want to take advantage of that doe-like innocence, the girl must first be, as Daddy said, “a piece of ass.” Otherwise, Daddy’s joystick isn’t so full of joy.
Now, go kick Daddy for making me corrupt you like this at your sweet and tender age. Oh, and while he’s curled up in the floor crying from your swift kick, tell him Mommy loves him. It’s good to measure out both pleasure and pain at the same time–but that discussion is for another day.
Mommy loves you, Tick Teddy!
Yep, that’s how we do it in the Ambrose house.
I am soooooooooooooooooooooo happy to tell you that my new cookbook is available as of this morning! Woo hoo!!!
For those of you who haven’t heard me talk about it before, here’s the blurb from the back of the book so that you know that it’s a cookbook with a rather different spin on cooking.
Whether you love to cook or would rather starve than spend time in a kitchen, Darn Good Eats: The Cookbook for Creative Chefs and Reluctant Cooks is for you!
Reluctant Cook and author Jodi Ambrose teamed up with her Creative Chef husband, Grant, to bring you a cookbook with an unusual twist. Darn Good Eats provides scrumptious recipes for both the kitchen aficionado and the bumbling cook. Pooling together all of their combined kitchen savvy, they’ve created a cookbook that applies to anyone and everyone.
Along with a list of must-have items for your kitchen, helpful measurement conversions, delightful personal anecdotes and a witty sense of humor, this cookbook delivers over 70 delectable and inspired recipes for both the kitchen novice and cooking expert. You no longer have to be a good cook to make great food.
So that it’s easy to navigate, the cookbook is split into two parts. The first part is for Creative Chefs who love, or at least like, to cook. It contains tantalizing recipes which range from simple to challenging and are bound to be crowd-pleasers. The second part is for people who prefer eating over cooking and find the kitchen to be more of a chore than a delight. The Reluctant Cook will now have a wonderful array of options for making “homemade” meals that (shhh…don’t tell) in some cases are far from homemade, but are still mouthwateringly delicious.
Whether you love or hate the kitchen, Darn Good Eats: The Cookbook for Creative Chefs and Reluctant Cooks has plenty of tasty recipes to please even the most discerning palate. We know that you’ll enjoy both the food and fun contained within this cookbook and we wish for you many happy and delicious meals.
I’ve published both a full-color interior version and a black & white interior version so that it’s affordable for everyone and if you want to get some as holiday presents you have a choice on which one to get. Both have the full-color cover.
As of right now, you can get them at Amazon as printed books. In the near future, they’ll be available for the Kindle and Nook, but formatting them (especially with bullets and numbered lists) is a NIGHTMARE and takes forever. You’d think that Kindle and Nook would have figured out how to properly format something so simple by now. Over the next couple of months, the black & white interior version will be available online at Barnes & Noble and other places, but you can get them at Amazon today.
Here’s the link to the color version on Amazon: CLICK HERE TO GET A COPY
Here’s the link to the black & white version on Amazon: CLICK HERE TOO!
I hope you guys love the cookbook! My hubby and I worked very hard to bring you the recipes that we love the most, with just a little bit of sass thrown in the mix. No worries though. For a change of pace there are no F-bombs in one of my books. This one is rated G.
Actually, I don’t like fruitcake. I do like banana nut bread though. Mmmmm…banana nut bread. Now I want some. I do think I’m going to make some funnel cakes this weekend. Talk about yummy and SO healthy!! Lord, my ass grew 3 inches just thinking about funnel cake.
Since a bunch of you have asked where I ran off to last week and why I haven’t been around its because the hubby and I went to visit his family last week in Minnesota. The weather was AWESOME! Nice and cool and cloudy and the trees were so colorful. It was just beautiful. Why someone like me, who hates heat and the awful torturer known as the sun, lives in AZ is beyond me. I’m not bright, I guess.
Okay, so for my rambling thoughts (and they are rambles, let me warn you!! As a matter of fact, no one should even read this. Run from your computer now!!!).
Okay, I’ve got to go get ready for the kitchen inspector. If you actually stayed the course and read this tome, bless your heart. I was just having Random Thought Friday and thought I’d share. Have a great weekend, everyone! XOXO
PS: I know “countertop” is two words, but it should be one word, so I took a stand!