Yeah, yeah, I know…weird topic, right? But I have an undying love of cereal. I’d eat cereal all dang day if the kind I like wasn’t filled with more sugar than a dozen cookies. Mmmm…cookies….
As I just recently found one of my all-time favorite cereals at the store and celebrated by doing a Happy Cereal Dance in the aisle (yes, people stared. No, it was not pretty!) I thought I’d share with you how cereal has affected my life.
- Boo Berry, Frankenberry and Count Chocula: What on earth could be better than these? When I was a little girl, my mom didn’t let us eat sweets and candy all the time, much to my sister’s and my chagrin. But for some wonderful reason she let us eat pure sugar cereal. Woo hoo! LOVED those three cereals. And while I usually hate putting more than a small splash of milk into my cereal, for these I would make an exception as the cereal-flavored milk was YUMMY!! Of course now Frankenberry and Boo Berry taste like cardboard vomit. I don’t know why they mess with perfection (except to save a buck here and there–cheap bastards) but I can’t eat either of them now as they taste so nasty. Count Chocula I can still eat, but it’s not as good as before. I think they use leftover cardboard from the cereal boxes in the actual cereal. Oh and they are so skimpy with the marshmallows now! I have to throw away half the box of cereal just to have the proper marshmallow to cereal ratio. WTF?? It’s simply a shame.
- Crunchberries: I do love me some Crunchberries. Remember when they were only red in color, not this rainbow of yumminess they currently are? The only thing that SUCKS about Crunchberries is that I’ve spent my entire life throwing away 3/4 of the box because I don’t want the Cap’n Crunch that goes along with the Crunchberries. I need at least a 2:1 ratio of Crunchberries to Cap’n Crunch. Essentially, 3 bowls of Crunchberries costs $5 because I throw out most of it. Absolutely ridiculous! So, imagine my sheer delight when I first discovered OOPS Berries. Crunchberries without the Cap’n. WOO HOO!!! It was like a dream come true–both taste bud dreams and wallet happiness dreams! I could eat Oops Berries til the cows came home. I bought 4 boxes and ate until I was sick. Ready to puke and stuck with a bluish-colored tongue, I still had to have more. So back to the store I went and they were GONE! SON OF A BITCH! Where are they??? Apparently, they were just a special. NOOOOOO!!!! See, it even says, “Limited time only” on the box. So, I took to the Internet and would buy them in bulk. 10 boxes to an order. I’d be so embarrassed about my Oops Berries addiction that I’d hide like 8 of the boxes in the closet so no one else would eat…OH, I mean, see them. Freudian slip there. Thank God I can now usually find this delicious box of yum at the Fry’s or at the Walmart. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have my Oops. Best damn cereal on earth. (This was the Happy Dance inducing cereal the other day.)
- Frootloops and Apple Jacks: Mmmmm…loved these then. Love these now. They are essentially the same cereal to me. I just snuck a single serving of Frootloops into the movie theater 2 weeks ago and crunched on it throughout the movie. I’m sure everyone within 10 feet of me wanted me dead. Crunch crunch crunch! As for Apple Jacks, well, my story is a bit naughtier. When I was a teenager my friends and I would sneak out all the time after curfew. ALL the time! It was awesome. Once Mom and the step-dad were asleep and either the A/C or heat kicked on (it made quite the racket) I’d quietly pry open the front door and off I’d be for many hours of illegal activities and whoring. KIDDING! The whoring didn’t start until much later. KIDDING AGAIN! Okay, we’ll just say that my adventures often involved pot, booze and making out, but I kept my pants on for the most part. Anyway, I digress…so one night my best friend and I decided to sneak out. We happened to be sitting on the front porch eating Apple Jacks when our friends pulled up to whisk us away. So, we stuffed the bowls of Apple Jacks into the mailbox and off we went. Well, those Apple Jacks saved us because we didn’t drag ass back home until about 8:00am and surprise, surprise right as we finished removing the bowls of soggy Apple Jacks from the mailbox my mom (who ALWAYS slept late, dammit!) opened the front door and asked us what in the Hell we were doing. Since I’m a quick thinker I said, “We’re just eating our cereal outside because it’s such a pretty day!” Mom totally fell for it!!! Had we not had bowls of cereal (because who would think we’d stashed cereal in the mailbox overnight?) my mom never would have bought that we had just come from inside the house. She’d have known we were just arriving home. I’d have been murdered. My mom did not put up with that shit and I’d have been killed in a less-than-pleasant way involving thumb tacks and a potato peeler! Apple Jacks saved my life!!!
Okay, I just realized that this is already a tome and I could seriously go on for about 8 more cereals. To save you eye strain, I shall not. I just wanted to share my cereal love with you and how my love affair with it saved my ass one time. My entire teenage years would have been so much more boring had my mom truly busted me. She’d have locked my bedroom door from the outside each night and I’d probably still be a virgin! Eeee Gawds, no!!!