So, the hubby doesn’t really need anything for Christmas. I’ve swamped him with so many presents over the last 6 years for this birthday and Christmas that we can’t fit one more damn thing in the house. He did come up with one thing he needs–a new table saw. So, that’s definitely on the list. But I like to bury him up to his eyeballs in gifts and was running out of ideas. Then I saw a Groupon that would totally be fun.
Grant and I went horseback riding on our honeymoon (I was terrified and riding a limping horse for fuck’s sake!), but haven’t been back since. I figured this would bring back wonderful memories and be a great time in the 75 degree weather of an Arizona winter.
So if you have one of those pesky damn people in your life that already has everything they need and want, so buying presents is a pain in the ass because you have no clue what to get, might I suggest fun stuff to do instead of a material gift? I’ve started taking Mom on vacations each year for her main Christmas present (plus a bunch of other little things too) and now I’m going to start doing that for the hubby. It may sound totally sappy (okay, it IS totally sappy) but those awesome memories are better than something in a box any day.
Of course, since I like to have him unwrap a zillion presents, I made this for him and printed it as an 8×10, and then stuffed it into a box so that he has a gift to unwrap that tells him about his gift. Yeah, I’m a doofus!
First and foremost, big thanks to my dear friend Al for helping me create a slideshow of all the butterfly pics. I had no clue and he gave me directions like a pro. Thank you! Oh, and go check out his blog. It’s crazy awesome and he takes the most amazing pictures.
I guess I should also thank my deliciously wonderful hubby for making all these pics possible by taking me to the Butterfly farm for our anniversary. I had so much fun I about peed myself.
I hope you guys love my little winged friends. I wanted to take them all home with me.
PS: I’m off to my 25 year class reunion this weekend. Wish me luck! I know it’ll be great, even if we are old, bald and tired (and that’s just me!).
Alrighty then. I’m sneaking writing this post on a computer that I shouldn’t be on, but I’m a rule breaker dammit, so I’m doin’ it anyway!
First, may I tell you that I’ve been working my poor little brain to a nub. And I’ve had to do it in a professional environment. And you know what that means don’t you? It means I’ve not been able to say, “Fuck” nearly enough and I’m in withdrawl. I mean SERIOUS withdrawl. It’s just my favorite word…
As a tribute to it, I’m nabbing pics off the internet that make me happy. They are all awful and offensive and no one should view this blog from HERE down.
Woo hoo! I nabbed a computer for a few hours and had to jump on here and say hi. I miss you guys! I feel like I live back in the 80s before the Internet and awesome blog buddies and all that good stuff.
While I wait for my currently technologically-challenged life to get back to normal, I thought I’d share a few more pics from my Bearizona adventure. They make me smile just looking at them.
Love you guys! Have a great weekend and I hope to be back to my normal blathering self soon. XOXOXOXOX
BABY BEAR BUTT!!!! What on earth is as cute as that???
Grrrrr…I’m a ferocious bear! Grrrrr….. (I wanted to EAT him!) :)
Moo. Moo moo. Moo. They walked right in front of the car and just hung out. It was awesome!!!
If this little furry doesn’t define what a Doofus Bear is, I don’t know what would. :)
So this nightmarish, pissing me off, wanna take a bat to it computer is off to the shop tomorrow! Woo hoo!
Sorry I’ve been so utterly unavailable, but typing with my left hand only (I’m right handed) while I hold the power cord in with my right hand SUCKS DONKEY BALLS! Once I get my computer back, I too will be back with a vengeance and you’ll all want to run for your lives!
To bid you adieu for a short time, I’m going to leave you with a little video treat of me and my hamster. It’s only about 90 seconds and it builds to the final payoff at the end (unlike porn where the climax comes early–no pun intended!).
Enjoy my furry little friend and I’ll talk to you all when I get my ‘puter back.
HUGS and TONS OF LOVE!
Oh and forgive the ungodly mess and all the squished teddy bears in the floor! This is the room where we are storing everything as we remodel the living room, so it is not pretty. Not pretty at all.
Okay gentlemen, you are allowed to read this, but it’s really for the ladies.
Of course I’m going to put a disclaimer here because you know how I am.
Guys, you know I love you. I’m a terrific fan of men. I love them so much I married me one. But that is not to say that sometimes the ladies couldn’t use a little dose of “Kicking Ass and Taking Names.” I know I’ve had those moments in my life and I just thought if any of the ladies out there needed a little extra support, girl power (though I loathe that expression), or encouragement that I’d share with them what helped me straighten my ass out when I was going through a bit of a rough time.
So, before I share with you what helped me, I’m going to tell you a brief story. I did a post on this over a year ago, so I’ll make it short and sweet here.
I’ve not always had the best luck with men. Those of you who know me well or have read the intro to my Sex book know that I’ve dated ALL kinds of guys. While I have not a single regret in life (thank God), I have experienced quite a lot of shit over the years. The good thing is that I learned from it all and got wiser along the way.
Well, not too long before I met my wonderful hubby, I was dating a guy (not seriously at all) and he called me one day and said he wanted to marry me and wanted me to give him a daughter (you guys know I don’t want kids and he knew this too). BUT!!!! I had to “be better” first. What? I have to be WHAT first? Dumb asshat mother fucker.
As you can imagine, with those words I was done. D.O.N.E. But I was also fascinated by what he meant by “better.” So I asked. I was curious after all. What on earth could this idiot mean?
It turns out that he’d cyber stalked me and found pictures of me from my early 20s when I was a model. So he thought that almost 20 years later that I should look the exact same as I did then. Clearly he’s a total fuckin’ moron. Do most cars look the same 20 years later? Do your slippers not age over time? Had his dumb ass looked in a mirror lately? Now, I know I sound angry, but honest to God I wasn’t (and am not now–you know how much I like sarcastic 4-letter words! ) I actually found this quite entertaining. What he didn’t realize he was saying was, “I’m the type of guy who will cheat on you when you get older. I always want a woman to look 20 so you better never get a gray hair or gain a pound. I will hit mid-life crisis and go wild. I will not support you as you age because real women aren’t supposed to age, etc…” So many things he communicated in such a short sentence.
Needless to say I never answered a phone call or text from him ever again. Fuck that noise.
Now on to my little ball-kickin’, ass-smackin’, take no guff empowerment for the ladies!
Right after this idiot showed his ass, I heard this song and it changed my life in so many ways. I was always a strong girl. Sweet but with a taking care of business, don’t fuck with me head, and a kind and forgiving heart. Lord knows I’m no saint, but I do try to be kind. Well, there’s a time for “kind” and a time to stand the hell up. That’s what this song is all about. It’s about knowing that you and your thoughts and your actions are as valuable as the opposite sex’s thoughts and actions and not to let anyone or anything make you feel otherwise.
I liked it so much I wrote the lyrics down and put them on an old picture of mine (from days when I was “better!” HA!) and hung it on the wall right inside my front door to remind me daily that I can look however the fuck I want, that no one looks like a supermodel (not even supermodels do thanks to Mr. Airbrush) and that if someone doesn’t like me for who I am they can go bite a dick.
Below is the pic in case any of you ladies want the lyrics. There is also the song. It has more than one naughty word in it, but it is BRILLIANT and I love it and it’s my anthem, but if there are small ears around put in your earbuds.
The best way to enjoy it the first time is to hit play and then read along with the lyrics so you know what she’s saying. Then just crank it to 11 and let your ears bleed!
Happy almost 4th of July for my lovely American friends! I’m going to try and get at least 50 hours of sleep the next 4 days. That’s my goal and I’m sticking to it!
As for love and ham sammiches, I just had to share this with you.
The hubby, bless his heart, is helping me on my “watch what I eat but not really a diet” diet. Which means I don’t want to eat anything made with a quart of heavy whipping cream, 2 sticks of butter and a cup of oil. Not cooking that kind of food is hard for him, but I begged him to help a girl out.
So, last night I asked him to make me his Grant Sammich without bread. I know, I know…that does not qualify as a sandwich, but in my brain it does.
This is what he brought me:
How freaking cute is that!!??? That, my friends, is true love.
Oh, and if you are watching what you eat and wanna make it, it’s just:
2 slices of super thin deli ham
1/2 a roma tomato diced finely
A little bit of diced onion
A tiny splat of Olive Oil mayo (very low fat and calorie for mayo)
A medium splat of mustard
1/2 a black olive, sliced, for decoration
In total it’s about 65 calories and 2 grams of fat. Perfect little treat to satisfy the nibbles.
Now it’s how to have the world’s softest and most kissable lips!
Living in the 4,000,000 degree hell that I do, my lips get all dry and icky sometimes. Especially in the summer. But I’ve found a cure! Woo hoo!
I went from this:
with the swipe of a little bit of lip balm.
For $9.00 I now have the softest dang lips on earth. And, the corners of my mouth aren’t splitting any more.
I’d tried everything. Neosporin, Vaseline, Chapstick, Burts Bees. You name it, I’d tried it. And I was fed up! Stupid non-working crap. So I did a ton of research on medical sites, chick sites, blogs, etc…and this one from kiehls.com got a top vote often enough that I thought I’d give it a shot. Within 10 minutes my lips felt better and when I woke up the next day they were smooth as a baby’s butt. This stuff is awesome! I got the mango favored one and it smells so yummy. It costs $9.00, which seems like a lot but isn’t because IT ACTUALLY WORKS! I’ve cumulatively spent a hell of a lot more than that trying to find something that doesn’t suck, so I’m happy to pay 9 bucks. I think the unflavored one is only $7.00.
Hi! We are two of the Doppel Teddies! We love Mommy’s new lip balm.
I have no clue if it’s sold in stores; I ordered mine fromkiehls.com. They have unscented or you can pick from 6 scents. They have an SPF one. They also have one in a tube that looks like Chapstick that isn’t glossy (for you boys who don’t want to have shiny, delicious, just-glossed-looking lips). The only one I’ve tried is the Mango one and it is a miracle worker.
I just thought I’d share this with you as I’m sure that while this is a summertime problem for me (as it was 116 degrees yesterday and dry as fuck), I’d imagine others of you have this problem in the Winter. Now you can be prepared.
So there. I’ve done my good deed for the day. Hope you’ve had a great weekend. Damn things are always way too short!
I just finished a great, fun and wonderful radio show with the delightful Pamela Cummins. She hosts The Love Channel Show on Blogtalk Radio and I was blessed to be invited to spend an hour with her. We talked about “relationshippy” (her awesome word!) stuff, book stuff and life stuff. It was a stuff-filled hour!
You guys know I’ve been a busy beaver recently, so I haven’t done as many radio shows as I usually do. But I had a fantastic one air today that I think you’ll enjoy.
Now, I had to tame my mouthiness as my audience wasn’t the same as it was when I did Playboy SiriusXM. I had to be a good girl. I don’t think I said a single cuss word. WHAT?? How on earth is that possible? Don’t worry, as soon as I hung up I verbally assaulted my sleeping hamster to get out all of my pent up 4-letter words. Man, did that feel good!
During the show I have a lovely conversation with Trish’s co-host (who was the main host today), Dr. Lisa Stewart. She is an awesome doc who specializes in helping people communicate effectively to have a happier life. Ya can’t go wrong with that! She pretty much kicked ass today–just loved her.
I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed doing it.
Oh, and my new article for The Acquiring Man Magazine should be coming out in the next couple of weeks. This time I also did a podcast to go along with it, so hopefully you can hear it as well as read it. I always sound so goofy when I listen to my recorded self. Yikes! It’ll be called something like, Ready for Titillating Head-to-Toe Sex? My thought: aren’t we all??