Favorite New Crap to Buy

Howdy and Happy New Year! 

Yep, the sentiment is a bit late, but I still hope you all had and will have a happy one.

Now for the scoop.

Every once in a while I do a post that details some fabulous product I’ve come across. This time you get 2!

First is something my sister got me last year and again this year. It’s a face powder foundation that kicks ass!

Lancome Dual Finish PowderI wore foundation and powder for the past 30 years and never thought I’d do anything else, but this shit rules!

When my sister gave it to me she said, “I’ve found the best foundation powder ever and I can finally get some for you. They just came out with their Corpse Line of Colors and they have one light enough for your white ass.”

Well, my white ass was also a dumb ass because I totally believed her! Ha! Little snot.

While there is no Corpse Line of Colors, I do have to get the very lightest one they sell. I’m a pale mo fo!

Two caveats to keep in mind with this stuff:

  1. You should wipe down your face with some water and a washcloth to get any sleepy crust off your mug (mine is usually trails of dried drool and eye boogers).
  2. Use a moisturizing cream under it, but LET IT DRY COMPLETELY or you’re fucked. This powder will turn into some kind of impossible to remove sludge if you have ANY dampness on your face.  I use Estee Lauder Hydrationist Maximum Moisture Cream and while it reminds me of old ladies with fancy creams sitting on doilies on their antique dressing tables, the shit does work. And since I never wash my face, it has quite the job to do. Luckily, it does it well. But I wait about 10 minutes after applying the cream before I put on the powder.

I get compliments all the time on my skin and how smooth it looks. I give 75% of the credit to getting my mom’s genes and 25% credit to Lancome. None of the credit goes to me.

Next product (this one the guys can use too!):

Who out there has feet that you wouldn’t want to take a picture of and use as your profile pic?

Got the Crusty Heel Blues?

I get a pedicure every 4 weeks or so, but since I’m a barefoot mama and try to avoid shoes at all cost I still get feet that are a little rough around the edges. I can tell when I need a trip to the pedicure chair when at night, on my satin sheets, I can hear my feet scrape across the satin and pill the material. That is just fucked up. Ewwwwww!!!

Good news is that I discovered this kick ass, at-home foot belt sander that make my feet feel like the feet of an infant.

If I could and not be weird, I might kiss my own feet all the time like you kiss a baby’s cause they are soft as can be.

And the fun thing is you get to watch all the skin powder from your foot fly up in the air while you sand off the calluses. Yeah, I know, gross. But it’s totally fun too!

foot sanderIt’s the Emjoi Micro-pedi Battery Operated Callus Remover and I got it on Amazon for $30.

I use it for just a minute or two a night and I’m telling you, my feet are delicious now! Plus, I can get cheaper pedicures because I won’t need the callus remover treatment anymore, so this thing will pay for itself in less than 2 pedicures.

Pretty freakin’ awesome, if I do say so myself!

If you guys get them, let me know what you think. I love love love both of them and even sent my sister one of the footie things as a surprise present.

Anyway, those are my post-Christmas treats that I just had to share (along with a few pics below of our Christmas fun!).

Have a great weekend everyone!

HUGS!!

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Family Christmas Love Over the Years

Merry Christmas!

This year I put together a video for my mom and sister showing Christmas over the years. My sister said it was her favorite present ever. Nothing could have made me happier!

I’m the little one with the lighter hair. My sister is the older (and beautiful) one with the black hair. Then, of course, is adorable Mommy.

Love you all! Have a wonderful day!

Christmas Tree Update!

So, you guys recall that I was whining about how half the lights on my tree went out. Well, I bought a ton of both multi-colored lights and warm white lights (LED so they’ll last for at least a few years) and I fixed her up!

Yay! Now the tree isn’t a sad little Charlie Brown tree anymore. It’s all kinds of lit up. I think, in total, there are 1400 lights on it.

I know…whacko…

ChristmasTreeNewLights2014

And in case you are thinking that I am also insane for all of those presents (they are all from me to family and I’m not even done wrapping yet) know that some of them cost about $2.00. We just like to unwrap stuff at Christmas, so one of those presents is a 6 pack of Charmin with a $5 bill taped to it for my mom.

What can I say…clearly we are all nuts.

Love you guys! XOXOXOXOX

Nanny nanny boo boo! ;)

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I have ALL my Christmas shopping D.O.N.E.!!!! :) Woo hoo! HomerWooHoo

Oh, and I have everything wrapped and under the tree (except just a few presents that FedEx is dragging ass getting to me).

I know. I’m a freaking lunatic! It’s not even Thanksgiving.

But, if it makes you feel any better, a bunch of the lights on my tree went out, so I ordered a bunch of LED replacement lights (hopefully they’ll last for the next 10 years) and I have to take everything off the tree, fix the lights and then redecorate.

I’d almost rather burn down the tree and start from scratch. De-ornamenting (SO not a word!!) a tree to me is almost as miserable as a root canal. ;)

At least with a root canal I get Valium and laughing gas!

Here’s the tree before all the lights started going out (and before I was finished wrapping presents). PS: There are two very un-Christmas-like things in the pic…can you find them?? ;)

ChristmasTree2014

And here’s the living room (again, not quite done yet, but well on its way).

LivingRoomChristmas2014

As you can tell, I’m a Christmas maniac! :) I save all year long to make Christmas extra special for everyone as that makes it awesome for me too.

I hope you guys have a wonderful holiday season, regardless of what you celebrate.

Much love!

Happy Mommy’s Day!

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happy_mothers_day_letters

sparkle tweety

I wish all the Mommies out there the most wonderful of days.

The strength it takes to be a Mommy is something that leaves me speechless.

The love.

The dedication.

The kindness.

The patience. 

The resolve to be tough when you need to, even though it isn’t easy.

The ability to be fun, even though you are tired beyond measure.

The restraint to not kill your offspring, even though they deserve it.

For being a parent, and not a best friend, because kids have plenty of friends but only one mommy.

For all of those things and more, Thank You!

 

PS: Yes, I noticed that the Happy Mother’s Day text doesn’t have an apostrophe. Yes, it’s making me insane. And a final yes, I added an apostrophe to it in PowerPoint when creating a card for Mom. ;)

PSS: Glitter Tweety makes me happy just to look at. :)

 

3 FREE BOOKS! Yep, you heard me…FREE because I love you! ;)

Well, I’m all in a Christmasy mood, so because I love you guys I’ve decided that on December 12th-16th you can get all 3 of my books on Kindle for F.R.E.E! Holy shit, Batman!

Batman

Last year I did a book giveaway around Christmas and you guys made me feel all warm and fuzzy with your amazing response, so I thought I’d do it again this year.

Fear not, if you don’t have a Kindle that’s okay. You can go to Amazon and download a free Kindle reader onto any device–tablet, iPad, iPhone, android phone, desktop computer, laptop, blah blah blah…the list goes on forever. That way you don’t need to buy a Kindle to read Kindle books. Yay! Click HERE to go to the page that lets you download the reader to your device.

As for my books, you can go right to my author’s page and get all 3 of them. Click HERE to be a downloading for free fool! ;)

Or, if you already have a couple of them and just need one or two more, you can click on any of the covers below and go directly to that page. See, I’m all about makin’ it easy for you to get free stuff. :)

Sex book cover inside printed books

From my heart though, I hope that everyone has a wonderful, loving, relaxing and happy holiday season.

As you can see, my Moopers kitty is enjoying sitting in the glow of our Christmas tree. I think I may just join her. :)

MUCH LOVE!!!!

Christmas Tree 2013 and Moopy

What the Hell? It’s Spring Fever up in here! ;)

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I promise that I am not setting these pics up.

I know that seems impossible.

Alas, it is true.

I come into a room and voila, this is what I see.

I have to wonder if they are sentient and doing shit while my head is turned.

Or maybe it’s the kitties sneaking around, setting them up and being all naughty and perverse.

Either way, may you enjoy the filth that goes on in my house on a daily basis. ;)

I walk in to go to bed and what do I find? Daisy is a naughty little cowie!

Daisy and Otter

This scene greeted me last night at 3am.

Eve is going to town on sweet, innocent little W.A.L.L.E. Good grief!

WALLE and Eve

This one is just fucked up! She looks ridden hard and put away filthy! If I was as flexible as Lambchop, I’d never leave the house!

Lambchop

By the way, my latest article came out at Acquiring Man magazine. It tells you all about the perfect gift (for free!) for your hot mama this holiday season. Check it out here. :) XOXO

Here’s a little teaser pic for what you can expect. ;)

Naughty Balls

TOO MUCH MO FO’n TRAVEL!!!!!

Thank God in Heaven that I’m FINALLY back in my damn house!!! I miss my house!!! I’ve been traveling for the last three weeks with only my day job computer (I ain’t carrying around 2 damn computers!), which I am quite hesitant to use for personal stuff, and I feel disconnected from the world!!! I’ve missed you guys!

First and foremost, may I say, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza and Happy Anything Else I Missed! I love me some holidays!!! I hope that you are all having a blessed and relaxing holiday season. Oh, and if this post has typos, blame it on my fingernails. I got them done (a new acrylic set) for the WGN taping (airing soon–apparently it was quite festive, so they are going to air it closer to Christmas/New Years) and I can’t friggin’ type to save my life!!

On a completely separate note, a while ago, I promised John that I’d post pics of my holiday toenails. I paint them up every year. This year, though, I put the top coat on too soon and smeared my snowman. So, I’m going to redo him this weekend. In the meantime, here’s a pic of my ridiculous toes from last year. :) This year’s Christmas tree looks WAY better than the one below. I’ll post an updated pic once I get my snowman all fixed up. :)

See! No crazy long 2nd toe! But my big toe toenail is jacked up from surgery years ago. It's all stupid looking!

See! No crazy long 2nd toe! But my big toe toenail is jacked up from surgery years ago. It’s all stupid looking!

Ummm…why do my toes look dirty and hairy? I swear, there’s just a tiny bit of fluff on them!!!

Love you guys!

Happy Holidays!!!