Tag Archives: new york

May 4 2012

Celebrities are anathema to New Yorkers! Really?

Well, well, well…for ONCE (and I mean that sincerely) I’m not in 100% disagreement with the NY DOE and Mayor Dipshit.

Banned Word of the Day: Celebrities

Okay, so this is by far less egregious then “cancer” or “birthday” or “abuse” but how many tests in NY have questions like this:

Q: If Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt currently have 6 kids, but send 2 of them back, then add 9 more, how many children will these celebrities have?

A) 2

B) 8

C) Who gives a shit?

D) I can’t add because my teachers can’t teach me things that are relevant to my daily life.

Here’s my dilemma: while I think that encouraging the worship of celebrities is probably not particularly healthy as we cannot all be Angelina or Brad, I do think that whatever helps students learn things is a GOOD thing. If you are helping kids understand math and tie it to the Knicks, those kids who don’t care about basketball still learn the math. Those kids who do like basketball make a connection to the numbers and will likely learn it better and retain it longer.

I’m still sticking to my guns and think the list of banned words itself should be banned, but I’m not ready to set the DOE on fire just for this one. I’m sure tomorrow’s word will rekindle my pyromaniac tendencies. ;)

PS: The Brad pic is my gift to the ladies! :)

Apr 27 2012

Drunk unicorns? WTF?

People of Florida unite! No longer will your hurricanes be mentionable on tests in NY.

Japanese citizens, your tsunami is off limits to the children of NY.

New Orleans, I guess the levee didn’t break. At least according to NY.

You may have guessed it, but our Word(s) of the day are: Catastrophes/disasters (tsunamis and hurricanes)

From now on it will be sunshine, rainbows and unicorns for all of the children of NY as anything Mother Nature can dish up beyond that is off-limits.

I’m quite certain that NY is right about this one. If we simply deny the existence of hurricanes, tsunamis, tornadoes, etc…then they don’t exist, right? Were it only so simple.

NY, please stop being so friggin’ stupid as you are making my brain hurt.

In celebration of the moronic musings of the idiots on the NY DOE and the yellow-spine quality of the NY mayor, may I direct you to the best Southpark episode ever. Maybe they all should have watched this before writing their list. It may have given them the clarity to pull their heads out of their asses. ;)

If you are one of the 10 people who’ve never seen this episode, please watch. Just don’t eat while you watch. Later, you’ll understand why and thank me for the suggestion. :)

Southpark rules!

Unicorn pics sourced from this blog.

Apr 25 2012

Horse’s Arse Award Appropriately Timed!

Well, well, well…I didn’t even realize that my “You are a ridiculous horse’s ass” word of the day is…drum roll please…cancer. What timing, seeing how I just got such good news about my aunt’s cancer today.

So, I guess the word “cancer” is too upsetting for kids to ever hear about. I mean, I’m sure they’ve never known anyone with cancer. I’m sure it wouldn’t be wise to teach them steps they can take to avoid cancer, like not smoking. Oh, wait, can’t discuss smoking either, so let’s throw that baby out with the bath water.

In a world where you can’t go to the grocery store without the secure knowledge that you will more than likely bump into at least one or two people with cancer while you are there buying bread, why on earth would we shelter kids from better understanding it? Cancer.org predicts that a bit over 20% of Americans die from cancer. So yeah, I guess a 1 in 5 figure is no reason to concern ourselves with ensuring our kids understand what causes and how to prevent cancer.

Have mercy, this list of forbidden words just gets sillier and sillier.

Apr 24 2012

The kids book, “Everbody poops” is a LIE!

Well, at least according to the NY DOE and Mayor Duh.

Word of the day: Bodily functions

Honest to God, while I pretend that women don’t have any bodily functions other than breathing, I’m not so insane that I think in a SCHOOL, where children learn about the human body in science class (and under the bleachers, and in the locker room…) that there should be no mention of bodily functions on assessments. It’s ludicrous!

Every time I watch a TV show, I have to see some guy pee. Shrek is so full of bathroom humor that I can barely watch it. You guys know how I feel about bathroom issues. I posted 2 excerpts from my books that deal with keeping that stuff private. Clearly it’s not a topic of discussion in which I willing engage. But c’mon, is it REALLY so traumatizing for children to have a reference to the most natural thing in the world if they are taking a test regarding the human body?

Let’s see, the average person probably pees between 5-7 times a day? Does the “other” maybe once? (Ewwww!) So, it’s not like the schools would be bringing up a subject with which the students are unfamiliar. It’s not like they are testing kids on S&M practices in 8th grade.

Hats off to the NY DOE and Mayor “The Lobbyists Pay Me Well” to adding yet another absolutely stupid word/concept to their list of no-no words.  Maybe they think if we don’t talk about it, it won’t ever happen again. I give us all 2 days before we literally blow up.

Hey, maybe that is their problem! They are so FULL OF SHIT that they’d prefer the topic be taken off the table. Yep, makes sense to me. :)

Might I suggest this the next time they go to the invisible House of Poo to take care of business:

Apr 22 2012

Sex, drugs and rock-n-roll NO MORE!

Well, that’s just bollocks!  That was my mantra for years! Okay, kinda kidding. I wasn’t come crazed nympho druggie running around backstage at concerts tearing off my shirt and bribing roadies for access to rock stars with sexual favors. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. We all have stages we go through and if that was one of yours, then I wanna hear ALL the stories! ;) There are no judgments here (well, except for my HUGE judgment towards the NY DOE and Mayor. That judging I’ll cop to.)

Today we are going to evaluate the next item on Mayor Butthead’s list of words that are forbidden on tests in New York. Ugh. Every time I write that I wanna throw something.

Word(s) of the day: Alcohol, Tobacco and Drugs

I’m not sure why these words aren’t allowed. After all, kids/teenagers don’t know what any of that stuff is anyway because those things are illegal for them at that age and therefore don’t exist. I’d imagine if they heard any of those words they would think someone was speaking a foreign language. “Wha? What’d you say? I don’t know what those words mean.”

It is beyond ludicrous to hide these words in the back of a dark closet. WHEN WILL PEOPLE LEARN that stuffing away things they consider to be unpleasant only makes matters worse? A LACK of education is the breeding ground for ignorance, intolerance and abuse (oh shit, “abuse” was yesterday’s word and is forbidden…going to hell again today, I guess.)

New York DOE and Mayor Dumbass, let me assure you that it’s likely your kindergarteners know what alcohol, tobacco and drugs are. Most certainly your 3rd graders do. And your 6th graders have likely tried at least one of them. Might it not be prudent to educate them on the risks involved in using them rather than removing any trace of them because they might get a kid all juiced up and wanting to go on a binge? Trust me, if they want to do that, they will. You removing those words from tests doesn’t make life more pleasant for kids. It doesn’t keep them off drugs/booze/cigs. It is, yet again, ridiculous and offensive.

I suggest coming down off your high horse, no longer allowing yourself to be bullied by political pressure and lobbyists, and doing something of ACTUAL value. You know, pay your teachers more. What a novel idea. Improve the quality of food that growing kids buy at the cafeteria. What CRAZY thoughts!!!

Okay, tirade over for the day. Actually, I find this quite fun, in case you can’t tell. What a bunch of dullards. ;)

Apr 21 2012

Sh*t! F^&k! Da#N! Whoops, going to jail in NY.

Okay, I usually avoid politics like the plague as I wouldn’t trust any of them to care for my hamster for an hour, but I’m so excited about something that I’m going to blog about it on a regular basis. I’m thinking one word a day off the list of 50 words that Mayor Butthead in NY has deemed detrimental to students and has thus banned their use on tests in schools.

I’m going to go alphabetically or I’ll never remember what words I’ve already used. Probably a leftover brain issue from my upbringing in public schools that would DARE to use any of these words (I’m hoping you heard the sarcasm dripping off of those words!)

Word of the Day: Abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological)

Eeee gawds! We should certainly NEVER use such a word around children until they are 18 years of age. You know, about the time they can go off and fight wars. (Oh wait, can’t use the word “war” anymore. I’m going to Hell.) I mean, isn’t abuse something we should play ostrich about? We’d never want kids to think abuse of any kind ever happens, anywhere. It’s a shame they didn’t include “Abuse of Power” as Mayor Butthead clearly understands this one spectacularly.

It has been a hard-fought battle and one that hasn’t been won yet, to try and get people, especially kids, to speak up when abuse is taking place. But God forbid that word be used on a test.  It would rattle the fabric of our society. It’s such a better idea to not use that word so that we can all pretend it doesn’t happen.

My hats off to the Mayor for dropping to his knees in the midst of political pressure and well-funded lobbyists. Congrats for getting my Candy Ass of the Year award. (I know my pic says “Horse’s Ass” but I LOVE the term Candy Ass. It makes me giggle.)

PS: For those of you out there who are religious and think that I’m hideous for saying such things I want you to know that I too am a Christian. But I do not believe that banning the words he has banned helps anyone, least of all the children. The list (which I’ll post one a day from) pretends a Utopia that does not exist here on Earth. I find it offensive, overly-PC and ridiculous. Instead, why not spend the time and money fixing things that need to be fixed? The money alone it will take to rewrite all of the tests could feed a small city.