FREE Kindle books for you! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, even if you are a Humbug! ;)

If you don’t already have all 3 of my books, you can download them for FREE on Kindlechristmas_animated_gifs_05 this Tuesday through Saturday.

Since I’ve tortured all of you with my Christmas decorating pics (here’s one in case you missed it–note the new Christmas Teddy Hammock on the right side!), I thought I’d give you Christmas presents too, starting tomorrow.

Christmas 2014 Plus Teddy Hammock

Remember, if you don’t have a Kindle, no big deal as you can download the Kindle reader to almost any device. Click HERE to download the Kindle reader. And then click HERE to download my books.

If you do have a Kindle, click HERE and download away!

Love you guys! Your friendship and support mean the world to me, so I hope you enjoy my Holiday presents! XOXOXOXO

MerryAWChristmas

arg-dancing-happy-holidays-red-sm-url

 

Nooooooooooo! The Beginning of the End.

Well, it’s confirmed.

I’m older than Methuselah!

And I’m able to document when my ancient-ness started to the exact day. How many people can say that?

So, there I am, putting on a little makeup before the man gets home so that I don’t rival the Crypt Keeper for ugliest freak show on earth and I see something in my eyebrow.

“What on earth is that?” I ask myself.

Then I flip the mirror around to the 10x magnification side (eeeee gawds, don’t ever do that!) and saw this monstrosity:

Eyebrow from Hell 2014What in the ever-loving hell is that?

Who ever heard of such a hideous thing?

Half luxurious black. Half Jodi-is-old-as-dirt gray.

What the fuck????????

I’m too young for this!

Oh, and add to the grayness the fact that that eyebrow hair is 300 feet long.

It looks like a 90-year-old man’s nose hair.

Hmmm…what shall I do to cheer myself up?

I’m thinking a splurge of pizza for dinner.

Yep, that’ll heal what ails me.

:)

Hope you guys are having a good week! XO

 

 

Because I’m a total freakin’ whacko!

Wow. I’m proud of myself. My mind came up with “freakin” before “fuckin.”

I must be tired! ;)

So, I’m in the middle of writing my yearly birthday post, which takes more than a minute, and thought in the meantime I’d share with you the totally ridiculous stuff that goes on around my house while my hubby is out of town.

These are the kinds of things I send him while he’s gone to let him know he’s loved and missed.

Yep. I’m 5 beers short of a six-pack! ;)

Counterfeit DaisyShe drank all the liquor! Little shit!

Gotta love a Counterfeit Daisy!

PS: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammit! Just noticed a typo in the pic.  Fuck a duck. ;)

 

What the Hell? It’s Spring Fever up in here! ;)

.

I promise that I am not setting these pics up.

I know that seems impossible.

Alas, it is true.

I come into a room and voila, this is what I see.

I have to wonder if they are sentient and doing shit while my head is turned.

Or maybe it’s the kitties sneaking around, setting them up and being all naughty and perverse.

Either way, may you enjoy the filth that goes on in my house on a daily basis. ;)

I walk in to go to bed and what do I find? Daisy is a naughty little cowie!

Daisy and Otter

This scene greeted me last night at 3am.

Eve is going to town on sweet, innocent little W.A.L.L.E. Good grief!

WALLE and Eve

This one is just fucked up! She looks ridden hard and put away filthy! If I was as flexible as Lambchop, I’d never leave the house!

Lambchop

By the way, my latest article came out at Acquiring Man magazine. It tells you all about the perfect gift (for free!) for your hot mama this holiday season. Check it out here. :) XOXO

Here’s a little teaser pic for what you can expect. ;)

Naughty Balls

Reunited and it feels so good!

:)

Yes. There was drinking.

Yes. There was inappropriate behavior.

Yes. Laws were broken.

Yes. Babies were made.

Yes. We had a BLAST at my reunion!!!  (Even if we did come home sick as dogs.)

Yes. I really really really really need a tan. I’m almost translucent.

Here’s a little peek at the illicit behavior we reveled in all weekend (faces should have been blurred to protect the not-so-innocent, but fuck it–they get exposed right along with me!)  :)  :)  :)

If the kids can make that stupid damn duck face, so can we!

If the kids can make that stupid damn duck face, so can we!

Yeah. I don't know and I got no excuse!

Yeah. I don’t know and I got no excuse!

I'm pretty sure I sat on a stick 1 second before this pic was taken. Boing!

I’m pretty sure I sat on a stick one second before this pic was taken. Boing!

Yep. Not a normal pic in the bunch yet! At least I don't have red eye!

Yep. Not a normal pic in the bunch yet! At least I don’t have red eye!

I swear my face hurt the next day from giggling all night long.

Do not adjust your screen. I’m blurry in real life too.

Then, the next day I took my baby to DC because he’d never been there before. When you grow up there you think, “Ugh…if I have to tour the White House or go to the Smithsonian ONE MORE TIME!!!!” But he’d never toured around DC before and I hadn’t been there in ages, so we hung out and had a wonderful day! Especially after we got a pedicab to ride us around. My damn friggin’ feet hurt SO much from walking around on 5 inch stilettos for 6 hours the night before. Poor little footies!

Honeybear at the Lincoln Memorial

Honeybear at the Lincoln Memorial

The Reflecting Pool looks like a bad chromakey from some reason!

The Reflecting Pool looks like a bad chromakey from some reason!

And FINALLY!!! A pic where no one’s drunk, no one’s eyes are closed and Grant and I are both smiling without spinach or some other nightmare in our teeth! :)

Happiness Bliss! I love me some hubby!

Happiness Bliss! I love me some hubby!

Well, there ya have it. We came home sore, tired, broke and with some kind of biological weapon used on us (what else makes you sick for OVER A DAMN WEEK??!!), but it was worth everything to go home and see my dear old friends.

It’s amazing how you can go years and years without seeing someone and just pick up right were you left off like not a day had gone by. I’m so truly blessed to have such great people around me.

Okay, I have to go try and drain the 4 gallons of snot currently living in my sinuses into a beach towel. WTF did I catch??? I guess at least it’s not the syph! ;) XOXOXO

PS: How could I have forgotten to put this in here? The pic on the left is from our Senior Day on a big pretty boat cruising the Potomac River back in 1988. The one on the right is of us girls 25 years later. Still love those two awesome mamas!

Trust me...behind those innocent smiles lurk nothin' but trouble!

Trust me…behind those innocent smiles lurk nothin’ but trouble!