Nooooooooooo! The Beginning of the End.

Well, it’s confirmed.

I’m older than Methuselah!

And I’m able to document when my ancient-ness started to the exact day. How many people can say that?

So, there I am, putting on a little makeup before the man gets home so that I don’t rival the Crypt Keeper for ugliest freak show on earth and I see something in my eyebrow.

“What on earth is that?” I ask myself.

Then I flip the mirror around to the 10x magnification side (eeeee gawds, don’t ever do that!) and saw this monstrosity:

Eyebrow from Hell 2014What in the ever-loving hell is that?

Who ever heard of such a hideous thing?

Half luxurious black. Half Jodi-is-old-as-dirt gray.

What the fuck????????

I’m too young for this!

Oh, and add to the grayness the fact that that eyebrow hair is 300 feet long.

It looks like a 90-year-old man’s nose hair.

Hmmm…what shall I do to cheer myself up?

I’m thinking a splurge of pizza for dinner.

Yep, that’ll heal what ails me.

:)

Hope you guys are having a good week! XO

 

 

“Gotta have it or I might die” fudge recipe

Since you guys seemed to enjoy the macaroni salad recipe (except Mondrak who doesn’t like macaroni–WTF my friend!? ;) ) I thought I’d give you another one. We’ve had the appetizer and now it’s time to go straight to dessert!

Below is my all-time favorite fudge recipe. I made a double batch for Christmas and gave my mom a ton of it. She was in her 7th heaven.

Again, this is straight from the cookbook as I ain’t retyping all that! ;)

Best Damn Chocolate Fudge on Earth

This recipe used to be on the side of the Domino’s™ Powdered Sugar box when I was a kid. For some dumb reason they stopped putting it on there years ago. Luckily, my mom found a copy of it that I’d jotted down in 1980 and we all get to benefit from that cheat sheet. I hope I’m not violating some horrible recipe copyright law here, but this recipe is too good to not pass along.

Oh, and the paper this recipe is written on is the same paper my mom used to write our absent-from-school notes on and the same paper on which I used to use to forge those same notes when I was a teenager. Ahh…the memories this little pink piece of paper brings back.

Fudge Recipe

Goodies from the store:

  • 1 pound box of Domino’s™ Powdered Sugar
  • 1/2 cup of cocoa powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon of salt
  • 6 tablespoons of salted butter
  • 4 tablespoons of milk
  • 1 tablespoon of REAL vanilla extract (no imitation allowed!)

Whipping up the fudge:

  1. Butter the bottom and sides of an 8×8 or 9×9 pan.
  2. Using a double boiler, add all ingredients and cook on low to medium, stirring until the fudge is smooth. If you don’t have a double boiler, use a non-stick pot on the lowest heat setting, stirring constantly.
  3. Pour into the pan and refrigerate.

One reason this fudge is awesomely perfect is because it’s not like any other fudge you can buy. This fudge is more crumbly and velvety. Now, if you are thinking that doesn’t sound as good as smooth, creamy fudge, you will change your mind after eating this. It is amazing. I like to keep it refrigerated as I think it tastes best when it’s cold. I take a piece and let it sit on my tongue and dissolve. If I could live off of this fudge, I would. Were I single and didn’t care about prematurely meeting my Maker, I’d eat only this until I died of malnutrition.

Enjoy everyone! XOXO

What the Hell? It’s Spring Fever up in here! ;)

.

I promise that I am not setting these pics up.

I know that seems impossible.

Alas, it is true.

I come into a room and voila, this is what I see.

I have to wonder if they are sentient and doing shit while my head is turned.

Or maybe it’s the kitties sneaking around, setting them up and being all naughty and perverse.

Either way, may you enjoy the filth that goes on in my house on a daily basis. ;)

I walk in to go to bed and what do I find? Daisy is a naughty little cowie!

Daisy and Otter

This scene greeted me last night at 3am.

Eve is going to town on sweet, innocent little W.A.L.L.E. Good grief!

WALLE and Eve

This one is just fucked up! She looks ridden hard and put away filthy! If I was as flexible as Lambchop, I’d never leave the house!

Lambchop

By the way, my latest article came out at Acquiring Man magazine. It tells you all about the perfect gift (for free!) for your hot mama this holiday season. Check it out here. :) XOXO

Here’s a little teaser pic for what you can expect. ;)

Naughty Balls

Reunited and it feels so good!

:)

Yes. There was drinking.

Yes. There was inappropriate behavior.

Yes. Laws were broken.

Yes. Babies were made.

Yes. We had a BLAST at my reunion!!!  (Even if we did come home sick as dogs.)

Yes. I really really really really need a tan. I’m almost translucent.

Here’s a little peek at the illicit behavior we reveled in all weekend (faces should have been blurred to protect the not-so-innocent, but fuck it–they get exposed right along with me!)  :)  :)  :)

If the kids can make that stupid damn duck face, so can we!

If the kids can make that stupid damn duck face, so can we!

Yeah. I don't know and I got no excuse!

Yeah. I don’t know and I got no excuse!

I'm pretty sure I sat on a stick 1 second before this pic was taken. Boing!

I’m pretty sure I sat on a stick one second before this pic was taken. Boing!

Yep. Not a normal pic in the bunch yet! At least I don't have red eye!

Yep. Not a normal pic in the bunch yet! At least I don’t have red eye!

I swear my face hurt the next day from giggling all night long.

Do not adjust your screen. I’m blurry in real life too.

Then, the next day I took my baby to DC because he’d never been there before. When you grow up there you think, “Ugh…if I have to tour the White House or go to the Smithsonian ONE MORE TIME!!!!” But he’d never toured around DC before and I hadn’t been there in ages, so we hung out and had a wonderful day! Especially after we got a pedicab to ride us around. My damn friggin’ feet hurt SO much from walking around on 5 inch stilettos for 6 hours the night before. Poor little footies!

Honeybear at the Lincoln Memorial

Honeybear at the Lincoln Memorial

The Reflecting Pool looks like a bad chromakey from some reason!

The Reflecting Pool looks like a bad chromakey from some reason!

And FINALLY!!! A pic where no one’s drunk, no one’s eyes are closed and Grant and I are both smiling without spinach or some other nightmare in our teeth! :)

Happiness Bliss! I love me some hubby!

Happiness Bliss! I love me some hubby!

Well, there ya have it. We came home sore, tired, broke and with some kind of biological weapon used on us (what else makes you sick for OVER A DAMN WEEK??!!), but it was worth everything to go home and see my dear old friends.

It’s amazing how you can go years and years without seeing someone and just pick up right were you left off like not a day had gone by. I’m so truly blessed to have such great people around me.

Okay, I have to go try and drain the 4 gallons of snot currently living in my sinuses into a beach towel. WTF did I catch??? I guess at least it’s not the syph! ;) XOXOXO

PS: How could I have forgotten to put this in here? The pic on the left is from our Senior Day on a big pretty boat cruising the Potomac River back in 1988. The one on the right is of us girls 25 years later. Still love those two awesome mamas!

Trust me...behind those innocent smiles lurk nothin' but trouble!

Trust me…behind those innocent smiles lurk nothin’ but trouble!

It’s Butterfly Insanity! Run! They’re Gonna Git You, Sucka!

First and foremost, big thanks to my dear friend Al for helping me create a slideshow of all the butterfly pics. I had no clue and he gave me directions like a pro. Thank you! Oh, and go check out his blog. It’s crazy awesome and he takes the most amazing pictures. :)

I guess I should also thank my deliciously wonderful hubby for making all these pics possible by taking me to the Butterfly farm for our anniversary. I had so much fun I about peed myself.

I hope you guys love my little winged friends. I wanted to take them all home with me.

PS: I’m off to my 25 year class reunion this weekend. Wish me luck! I know it’ll be great, even if we are old, bald and tired (and that’s just me!). ;) :) ;)

XOXOXO

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It just don’t get better than this! :)

Well, I have to admit, my hubby made me speechless. ME? ME?? How is that possible? I’m quite certain I’ve never been speechless before.

How, you may ask, did he achieve such a feat? With a billion flowers!

Anniversary Flowers

More Anniversary Flowers

Forgive the unpainted door–still finishing the renovations!

He is just the sweetest man ever. :)

Last Saturday was our 6 year, first date anniversary and we had the most wonderful time. First, he surprises me with hundreds of flowers, and then he took me to a butterfly farm where I got to play with butterflies all day and have Koi chew on my fingers. It was pretty much heaven! That man knows me like nobody’s business. Then we did a movie and dinner. Flowers, critters, food and movies. Can’t imagine a better day.

I am so truly thankful for my amazing hubby. Thank God that of all the whores, oh–I mean ladies, on Match.com that he picked me. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for my sweet muffinator!

I’m going to do some serious butterfly picture posting this week, but here are a few to show you how incredible the butterfly farm was.

Big hug!!!!

butterfly 1 smaller butterfly 6 smaller Butterfly 11 smaller

Have a great week! XOXO

I miss my favorite word, so YOU have to suffer!

Alrighty then. I’m sneaking writing this post on a computer that I shouldn’t be on, but I’m a rule breaker dammit, so I’m doin’ it anyway! ;)

First, may I tell you that I’ve been working my poor little brain to a nub. And I’ve had to do it in a professional environment. And you know what that means don’t you? It means I’ve not been able to say, “Fuck” nearly enough and I’m in withdrawl. I mean SERIOUS withdrawl. It’s just my favorite word…

As a tribute to it, I’m nabbing pics off the internet that make me happy. They are all awful and offensive and no one should view this blog from HERE down.

image credit: thaumaturgical.com

image credit: thaumaturgical.com

image from: thaumaturgical.com

image from: thaumaturgical.com

thaumaturgical.com

thaumaturgical.com

Image Credit: s50.photobucket.com

Image Credit: s50.photobucket.com

Image Credit: www.demotivationalposters.org GOTTA LOVE A BAD ASS ANTEATER!

Image Credit: http://www.demotivationalposters.org
GOTTA LOVE A BAD ASS ANTEATER!

Whew…I feel so much better now!

I hope you have enjoyed my hideously foul mouth (well, not really mouth…fingers? attitude? hmmm…). If not, I’m terribly sorry, but I warned you, remember?

Okay, I have to get back to the day job. I hope at least some of these made you giggle and not just recoil from your screen.

Love you guys!

…til my next computer theiving adventure. :) XOXO

OH! I almost hit Publish before I mentioned that my newest article in The Acquiring Man magazine just came out. If you want some tips for being happy (and, of course, getting nookie) go read it. :)

 

 

I LOVE COWIES (and other furries), DAMMIT!!

Woo hoo! I nabbed a computer for a few hours and had to jump on here and say hi. I miss you guys! I feel like I live back in the 80s before the Internet and awesome blog buddies and all that good stuff.

While I wait for my currently technologically-challenged life to get back to normal, I thought I’d share a few more pics from my Bearizona adventure. They make me smile just looking at them.

Love you guys! Have a great weekend and I hope to be back to my normal blathering self soon. XOXOXOXOX

BABY BEAR BUTT

BABY BEAR BUTT!!!! What on earth is as cute as that???

HUGS!!!

BABY BEAR

Grrrrr…I’m a ferocious bear! Grrrrr….. (I wanted to EAT him!) :)

COWIE

Moo. Moo moo. Moo. They walked right in front of the car and just hung out. It was awesome!!!

CUTIE BEAR

If this little furry doesn’t define what a Doofus Bear is, I don’t know what would. :)

HUGS!

My Computer Hates Me, But Owlie Loves Me!

Howdy everyone!

I have not died nor decided to shun electricity! I have a computer whose A/C jack isn’t functional so I can only get on my computer if I HOLD the fuckin’ cord in, and even then it doesn’t stay on half the time. UGH!!! Dummyheaded technology! ;)

BUT! Until it gets fixed (please God this week) I wanted to quickly post a few pictures from my recent wildlife adventure. It was truly awesome. Once I can type again with both hands, I’ll post tons of pics and give you all the fun details of my commune with all things furry!

Meet Owlie. He actually grabbed my hair with his feet as he flew by, which made me very happy I wasn’t a toupee-wearing man! ;)

Owlie!

More Owlie

Owlie the Great!

Owlie Kicks Ass

Ain't Owlie Pretty?

And for those of you who like precious little baby bears, here’s a sneak preview of bear love to come!

I love Bears!

HUGS!!

 

I Made Me a New Kitty!

Howdy!

I’m heading out of town on business, so I may be away for a few days. I wanted to leave you with a vision of my newest pet, Baldie, compliments of FuzzyButt the Cat, while I’m away.

Fuzz ball

That is ONE short brushing of FuzzyButt and I know it’s hard to tell but that fur ball is as big as 2 fists! It’s a wonder we don’t asphyxiate on kitty fur!

Hugs!