So, my real name for this post is more along the lines of, “Don’t be a douche bag,” but I thought I’d go for a less in your face title since I’m new here and people don’t know me very well quite yet. In all honesty, I’ve never met a 4-letter word I didn’t like.
What I really want to address here is that so many times I’ve seen (we probably all have) that a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife will immediately assume the worst when confronted with an uncomfortable or confusing situation. This always confounds me. Shouldn’t the love of your life be the first person to believe you and have your back in all situations?
Here’s an example. One time I was out with friends and one of the guys said to another of the guys, “Hey man, that was so much fun last Friday night! We had such a great time. Those girls were HOT!” Now, before the poor guy he was talking to could say anything, his girl jumped all over him. “YOU SAID YOU WERE WORKING ON FRIDAY! WHAT THE HELL??? DID YOU GO TO SOME STRIP CLUB?? I HATE YOU!” This she screamed in front of everyone. It was mortifying.
I immediately had a few thoughts run through my mind.
- I felt bad for her because if he had been lying to her, getting busted in front of everyone is simply humiliating to everyone involved, but especially hurtful to her.
- I felt bad for him because I knew he actually WAS working. The other guy was about to tell him what he had missed by being stuck at work. Only he wasn’t able to continue his thought because the wife freaked out.
- I felt bad for everyone else because the evening had just gone from fun to hell in a hand basket in 2 seconds flat.
It’s this type of gut reaction that is the death knell of a relationship. While I too would immediately think WTF?? I would also give my husband the benefit of the doubt. She could have solved the entire situation without it turning into a nightmare of he said/she said by simply and calmly asking the loud mouthed guy what he was talking about. Instead, she flew into a rage and blew the entire situation into something that was awful for all of us, but especially damaging to her relationship.
Of course, if there is a history of lying between them, she’s likely to be sensitive and prone to yelling first and asking questions later. But even if there is a history of dishonesty, screaming like that never solves problems.
Before assuming the worst and flying off the handle, take a moment to collect yourself. Leave the room if you have to. And then broach the subject in a calm and non-threatening way. You are much more likely to find out what really is going on if you don’t have everyone within a 10 mile radius hiding under the table in fear of your wrath.