KILL the Road Rage! Banish the Angst!

So, a lot of you guys have read my book excerpts page, which contains some crazy suggestions for how to properly behave in a bathroom–ewww…ick! But I wanted to share this next excerpt with you because I had dinner with a girlfriend the other night and she said that this particular part of my book changed her life. Yay!!! Now, while this section is out of the book for the ladies, it applies to both men and women alike. I think I’m going to put this one in the new book too because I’ve gotten so much positive feedback on it and it should not just be in the chick book. I hope you like it and that it helps you quell fits of rage! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Live by the 10 to the 5th power rule. (Can’t do superscripts, dangit!)

What, you may ask, is the 10 to the 5th power rule? This is how it breaks down. When something aggravates me I think to myself, โ€œAm I still going to be mad about this in 10 minutes? 10 hours? 10 days? 10 months? 10 years?โ€ My reaction to the situation is determined by how long what is happening is going to affect me.

  • 10 minutes? Sit and grumble and curse to yourself for a minute and then let it go. Itโ€™s not worth the stress to harp on it.
  • 10 hours? Maybe have a short (VERY short) conversation with the person who has made you mad, but keep it to less than 5 minutes, donโ€™t get riled up, and then let it go. If you wonโ€™t care about it tomorrow, is it worth causing a fight that might still bother you tomorrow? Probably not.
  • 10 days? It needs to be dealt with, but donโ€™t beat it to death. While not sweating the small stuff will likely give you a longer and healthier life, you do have to sweat some things. If you are still going to be pissed in 10 days, then you need to air your grievance and find a way to come to some sort of conclusion about it.
  • 10 months? This is a real issue that could impact your overall happiness. If something annoys you today that will still be rubbing you the wrong way almost a year from now, then a serious discussion is necessary to iron it out and clear the air. This type of incident is not the kind to sweep under the rug. Doing so will only do further damage to you, to him and to your relationship.
  • 10 years? This is likely one of those, โ€œThis needs to change or Iโ€™m going to have to do something drastic,โ€ types of conversations. This is another reason why itโ€™s so important to tell your man what makes you angry and what you consider to be deal-breakers. He has to KNOW not to do this kind of stuff or itโ€™s hard to hold him responsible for doing it (keeping common sense in mind, of courseโ€”you may never have explicitly told him not to bed your sister, but if he does, Hell hath no fury, right?).

Just like we talked about before, when learning how to have โ€œtalksโ€ with your man, if you decide that what has happened is important enough to address, then itโ€™s important to broach the subject of your anger in a calm, timely, non-accusatory, non-defensive way.

If what has happened is so dramatic that itโ€™ll affect you for a year or ten years down the line, then give yourself some time to figure out how to respond. You donโ€™t have to fly into a rage immediately. You donโ€™t need to burst into sobs right in front of him. Sometimes, it is a great idea to step into another room and just process. Then you can cry or punch a wall or call him every name in the book while you are alone. Process the rage or hurt by yourself, and then come up with the most productive way of handling both him and the situation.

Yet again, itโ€™s about picking your battles. The 10-minute battles are usually not worth fighting about, so just let them roll off your back. Having that kind of attitude will save you from having a million fights about who forgot to buy the milk. All those tiny irritations just arenโ€™t worth the negative energy and the constant, underlying vibe of annoyance and disharmony. Youโ€™ll find that when you and your man live in a home where you accept each other and donโ€™t pick over the small things, your home will be a warmer and more wonderful place to live for both of you. Ahhhโ€ฆblissโ€ฆ

33 comments on “KILL the Road Rage! Banish the Angst!

  1. Choosing your battles is so important; are you going to argue about skilled coffee grounds? Do they really matter that much? Choosing my battles has been a hard one for me because I can be really picky (no yellow plates remember). So I have to assess what I really want to focus on and understand that some things about my husband will just never change. For example, he’s super smart, but very absent-minded. I once found the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard.


    • Sorry, have to comment on that. usually people who are super smart have “deficiencies” elsewhere which in your husband appears to be the absentmindedness, and the thought of putting cereal in the fridge just cracked me up. ๐Ÿ™‚


    • Milk in the cupboard and cereal in the fridge. That is awesome!!! But, like you said, realizing that people are who they are can really help curb the urge to get mad about the small stuff. Having all these little mad-episodes throughout the day just sucks and help no one. I’ve always been pretty easy going, but once I found a way to articulate my approach to getting angry, I’m even more laid back. Fighting, unless it’s important, is just useless most of the time.

      PS: I’ll always love you for your yellow plate aversion. ๐Ÿ™‚


      • Because of my husband’s absent-mindedness, I am the official “handy wife”, too. If it needs repair, I fix it. He once tried to change a shower head (easy, right?), and ended up causing a major leak, a stain on our first floor ceiling, a handyman visit, and another shower head purchase. However, if I need technical help or someone to get angry for me, he’s the man. (If someone hurts my feelings, he normally gets so mad, that I don’t need to.). BTW, it’s spilled coffee grounds, not skilled (but does that variety brew itself?).


        • Your poor hubby! Sounds like he has the best intentions but just gets lost en route! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I once found the TV remote in the freezer. That shit made me laugh (AFTER cussing and screaming for 5 minutes tearing up the house looking for it!) It’s wonderful that your hubby is the go-to man for people hurting your feelings. What a good hubby! I gotta tell you, I’ve told more people that I can count that I don’t need a man to do things for me that either I can do or can hire someone to do. I need a man around for the other stuff–like the emotional support your hubby gives you. THAT is what is truly important. (Though, my hubby now is Mr. Fix It–which I’ve never encountered before in a man of mine–and I LOVE IT!!!)


  2. I got a 10 centuries problem with someone, but that worked itself out by my avoiding them utterly ๐Ÿ˜‰ It is a great way to look at something.

    When I was in my last relationship, I looked at the situation I was in (two years ago now) and I saw it as the 10 years issue, so I moved out. I doubt I will talk to her again in that time or after it as she is not the type of person who listens to reason and can’t admit that being doesn’t make her right 200% of the time (even though I do stand by women’s intuition and give them the benefit of the doubt).

    This rule is a fantastic one.


    • Thank you, dear! I’m so glad you like my rule of life. ๐Ÿ™‚ You are SOOOO smart for simply avoiding the 10 century person. Two of the “rules” in the book I’m writing now are all about learning when to cut and run (as you did with your last relationship) and learning when to cut cancerous people out of your life (like with the 10 century person.) Being around people that make you wanna die or commit murder is just not worth it. Glad you kicked their asses to the curb. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  3. As an added thingy wossname, I was just doing my blog dooflip and was doing the th th thing so I thought I would look up how to do it, and as you are typing, do the “th” then go to HTML mode, and then either side of the th. So it is th ๐Ÿ™‚


  4. Really liked this – it added some dimension to what I live by: if it won’t bug me in six months, it’s small stuff. Don’t sweat the small stuff… I’m so easy going about most things, I can tend to be walked on easily because it won’t matter in six months or there would be something wrong with me.



    • Hey Jim! How ya doin’? ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you! I’m glad you liked it. Not sweating the small stuff makes life soooo much better. Like you, I used to be so nice that people would sometimes take it as a weakness and step all over me. Now I’m still nice and easy going but can cut someone off at the knees with a sentence (when there are no other options left.) I try to avoid doing that, but it’s a good skill to have. ๐Ÿ™‚ Have a kick ass weekend.


  5. I thought you were mouthy, not smart! I’m kidding, of course. My wife often tells me how, when she’s gone, I’ll miss all the little annoying things she does. Good stuff here, Jodi – I rather hope you get 17,000 views!


    • Awww…Sid!!! You are so sweet!! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m so glad you liked it. I wouldn’t terribly mind 17,000 views either! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’m pretty sure I’d love your wife! She sound like my kind of woman.


    • Hi Lytlejoc! Thank you so much!!! I’m so pleased you enjoyed it. I figured the other book excerpts were so tongue in cheek that I ought to put a more serious one out there for people to read. It’s wonderful knowing that you liked it and are passing it along. ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs!


  6. Great advice you’ve got there. I’ll definitely give myself a try and also share these with whom I think need these advices ๐Ÿ™‚


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