Utterly Random Babbling from a Fruitcake

Actually, I don’t like fruitcake. I do like banana nut bread though. Mmmmm…banana nut bread. Now I want some. I do think I’m going to make some funnel cakes this weekend. Talk about yummy and SO healthy!! 😉 Lord, my ass grew 3 inches just thinking about funnel cake. 🙂

Since a bunch of you have asked where I ran off to last week and why I haven’t been around its because the hubby and I went to visit his family last week in Minnesota. The weather was AWESOME! Nice and cool and cloudy and the trees were so colorful. It was just beautiful. Why someone like me, who hates heat and the awful torturer known as the sun, lives in AZ is beyond me. I’m not bright, I guess.

Okay, so for my rambling thoughts (and they are rambles, let me warn you!! As a matter of fact, no one should even read this. Run from your computer now!!!).

  1. People who are dickfaces can suck it. How’s that as a start? 😉 I say this because in the last couple of weeks I ran up against a dickface. (Ooohhh, that sounds dirty…) I try to never surround myself with such people because my normally agreeable, fairly sweet self gets stuffed into a jar and the “Don’t fuck with me or I’ll cut you” side of me comes bubbling out. For example, back when I used to party in Scottsdale some of the funnest times I had were slowly disassembling cocky assholes at bars until they were fetal and crying for mommy. I just can’t take it when a guy comes up and essentially says, “I’m the shit (ummmm…no). I’m hot (they rarely are). I’m rich (they never are). I’m drive a fancy car (leased and paid for by them and their 9 roommates). I only like girls with fake tits (mine are real, douchebag). I don’t like girls with opinions (as that means you have to actually think to have a proper conversation). I’ll buy you a drink, but expect head as a thank you (on this they are never kidding). Everyone loves me–I know you do too (not in your wildest dreams, mo fo).” While I’m sure a better person than me would just blow them off, every one and I while I get a little hot in the blood and have to verbally throw down until my opponent is decimated. I know this makes me a bad person (it doesn’t happen that often!) but I just cannot suffer fools and people who behave like that just fuel my fire. I know there is the female equivalent to my bar guy, so gentlemen don’t think I don’t understand that chicks can be just as annoying. 🙂
  2. If you are not happy with your life, change it. I know this is WAY easier said than done. I know there is no magic wand that we can just wave and BING! we’re rich, happy, healthy and built like a brick shit house. But there are things one can do to make life a little happier. All this constant sulking and blaming and whining and blah blah blah is so pointless. Don’t get me wrong. I occasionally sulk and whine. Everyone gets to do that every once and a while. But to just live life like that is a waste. First step to a happier life? Cut the people who make you want to kill things out of your life. If you can’t stand them or they make you unhappy, choose to not be around them. If they don’t like that, tough shit. They need to be nicer or then can go screw.
  3. I need a ranch. Yep. One of these days, I’m going to have a ranch with chickens and goats. I want the little pygmy goats that are black and white and look like cow-goats. Then they’ll also look like my Moopy kitty. I’ll have a Moopy Cat and Moopy Goats. Ahhh…sounds like heaven.
  4. While I love traveling in first class, there shouldn’t be one. I got Grant and myself an upgrade on the way to Minnesota and it was HEAVEN!!! You can see how much we enjoyed it by the pic. Even the teddies were in heaven. Yes, we travel with teddies. But I digress. If they could just give everyone a speck more room and treat everyone with a little more dignity, then we could ALL be happier on a plane. I understand they can’t give out free food and drinks to a plane full of people. They’d go bankrupt. But if we could just get a little more space and not (in most, but not all, cases) be treated like a chore, then those sitting in coach may not want to burn down all of first class.

    Tick Teddy and Dopple Bear having the time of their lives! DRUNKS!!

  5. I miss my furries when I’m away from them. I guess this is how people with kids must feel when they are away from the kiddos for an extended period of time. I wanted my little kitties in my lap while I was out of town. I missed their stupid retardedness so much. I love me a FuzzyButt and Moopers. 🙂
  6. I”m never happier than when I’m at a zoo with my honeypie.🙂 That one kinda speaks for itself.

    Grant and me on our 5 year 1st date anniversary. 🙂

  7. I’m going to be a photographer at a wedding in 2 weeks. Woo Hoo! I’m terrified that I’ll fuck it all up, but deep down I know I won’t. I usually take pretty darn good pictures, so hopefully I won’t go blind between now and then. A friend of mine has been with her guy for 17 years (and she’s only like 35!) and they are finally tying the knot. Can you see why I’d be scared to death to have that responsibility? But I figure if I take 2000 pics, I can find at least 10 that’ll be presentable. Keep your fingers crossed, please!! 🙂
  8. Quartz countertops stain. DON’T BELIEVE ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU THEY DON’T!!! Liars!!! We just redid our kitchen and when deciding on a countertop I told the lady that we needed something that wouldn’t stain. I was willing to get a super-dark counter (even though the white is so pretty and clean looking) if it meant that it would be worry free. The LIAR told me that I could let coffee and red wine sit on the white quartz for 2 years and it wouldn’t stain. Ummmm…NOT TRUE! My brand new, expensive countertop SUCKS. The countertop inspector guy is coming over in an hour to look at it. I can only hope he can figure something out because if I have to sue Home Depot, I will.
  9. I have THE best Mommy ever!The more I hear people’s stories, and see first hand, what other people have had to deal with when they have moms that aren’t so sweet and loving, I appreciate my mommy more and more. I’m pretty sure my mom has never said an unkind word to me in my entire life. My mom is a sweet little Southern Baptist and when I was in my teens I dressed like a street whore and listened to AC/DC. She never once made me feel judged or unloved. Ultimately, I was a pretty good girl. Yeah, I drank my share and may have puffed off of a few things that burned, but I was always a nice kid and never got into really bad things. I mean, I never went to school, but I ended up pretty well in terms of education. Through all of this, my mom never criticized me. Don’t get me wrong, she was tough. We couldn’t cuss (can you IMAGINE????). We had ridiculously early curfews and got severely grounded if we were late. She didn’t put up with any backtalk or any bullshit, but she understood that we were individuals, so she let us fly high our freak flags. 🙂 God bless a good mommy.

    Yep, that’s me 100 years ago with a can of Busch beer and no, that is not cigarette smoke in the air.

    Okay, I’ve got to go get ready for the kitchen inspector. If you actually stayed the course and read this tome, bless your heart. I was just having Random Thought Friday and thought I’d share. 🙂 Have a great weekend, everyone! 🙂 XOXO

    PS: I know “countertop” is two words, but it should be one word, so I took a stand! 😉

34 comments on “Utterly Random Babbling from a Fruitcake

  1. Ahhhh the good old days, I so remember partying down like that! Cool picture. We replaced our counter tops recently withe the help of Home Depot, they were good to work with. You two are a cute couple, and oh the lucky little guys in the first class seats! Have a dandy weekend Jodi. 🙂


    • Oh yeah, the good old days ruled! 🙂 I’m glad you had a good experience with Home Depot. I wish we’d had a good one. Luckily, the counter inspector just left and he was AWESOME! He’s going to have the distributor out in a couple of week and likely replace the countertops. He saw all the same issues we did–they are a mess. 🙂 Thanks for the sweetness on us being a cute couple. We sure are a happy one, I can tell you that. 🙂 Yeah, we had to fight the little guys to get them the hell outta our seats! BRATS! 🙂 Hugs!


      • That’s great news that HD will work with you on the counters, they are outrageously expensive as is any home improvement. Our new counter top is black onyx granite, looks kick ass.


        • Yeah, I’m so glad he was such a nice guy. Whew! I did not want a brawl on my hands! I’m thinking we’ll go with something super dark too. That way, I’ll never have to worry again. 🙂 I bet your counters look fantastic. There is something so sleek about the onyx. 🙂


          • somewhere on my site there should be a shot of it, we did some serious house renovations inside -n- out this summer. It does look nice, but be sure to use non-ammonia glass cleaner on it… lemme know what happens with your counter tops. Counter top is two words… 😉 hehe


            • I REFUSE to put it as two words. Why should it be two words??? It should be one. I’m sticking to my guns on this one, John. 🙂 Ooohh…I’ll have to find the pic. I wanna see. Our CounterTop (hee hee) guy is coming back out in early November, so once I know what’s going on, I’ll let you know. 🙂

              Oh, here are other things that should be one word: icecream, teddybear and everytime. I’m going to change the face of the English language if it kills me! (Or makes me look really stupid.) 🙂


  2. How do you always make our Mummy laugh and then she won’t let us read it?! 🙂

    Mummy says she agrees with you on some guys being dumb. She only recently entered the world of adults and says that the shelf (our word for her boobs! 😉 ) often gets her lots of inappropriate comments. Whee tell her to just stick with us guys of the cavy variety. All whee want if food, water, love and cuddles and the occassion ear scratch. Mummy says maybe she will find a guy out there like us one day! 🙂

    Love you Miss Jodi! And good luck with those photos.

    Nibbles, Nutty, Buddy & Basil

    ps. You just set us off on a rambling rant. Must be catching. Rambling Rantius. Treated only with a good blog post. See, Jodi Ambrose! 😉


    • Well, hello there my little fuzzy loves! It’s so good to hear from you. Please tell your mummy that I simply adore her. 🙂

      Now that Mummy is a big grown up, tell her that men who only look at a girl’s shelf (great word) are not keepers. It’s natural that they look, but occasional eye contact is a good thing too! You can also tell Mummy that I’m quite certain that she’ll find you a good Daddy that loves to cuddle you too. If I found one that’ll play with teddybears with me, she’ll find a furry-cuddler too! 🙂

      Thanks for the luck with my picture-taking. Please God, let it go well. 🙂 I’ll swing by to check out Rambling Rantius soon. XOXOXO


  3. What a wonderful mother you have, if only everyone could be so fortunate. As for the dickheads at the bars. I have my share of stories and like you, I loved putting them in their place. Those were the days.


  4. Very cute picture! You know, I love me some randomness, so this post was great. I agree with planes, if they could just even out first class and coach and treat everyone nicely, that’d be great. But I DO think they can afford to feed us, ticket prices are getting higher and higher! 😉 Anyway, good luck with the counter top. Can’t believe it stained, how can the guarantee that it wouldn’t, tsk tsk. 😉


    • Hey there, doll! 🙂 Thank you! 🙂 I’m so glad other people like random blathering. I’d be outta luck otherwise! 😉

      Ya know, you are right. I was too easy on the airlines. They should feed us, dammit!!!! It wasn’t so long ago that they did and they seemed to manage to stay in business. Asshats! 🙂

      I think we’ll be good to go with getting a new counter. The counter inspector was horrified when he saw it, so he’s going to bring the distributor over and see about putting in a new one. Thank God. I was, well…let’s say… less than happy when I saw all the issues with the counter. 🙂


  5. Ooh, great funny post that inspires me to a couple of random comments –
    – Yeah, the BEST way to get a few good shots is to take many many lots of pictures, and weed out the failures later. Aren’t digital cameras wonderful?! Go for it – you’ll be a great wedding photographer!
    – (Combining reactions to two of your topics) How wonderful that you have a great mom! Enjoy her, appreciate her, like you clearly do. Only…the bad days will come, as age catches up with her, unless sudden massive heart attacks run in your family, and taking care of her will become massively stressful – the more you love her, the harder it is. “If you’re not happy, change things” is good advice most of the time, but sometimes just cutting off contact with people who make you unhappy is a horribly immoral thing to do. (Sorry to be depressing.)
    – OH YEAH AIRPLANES! I hate airplanes worse than, worse than, I can’t think of anything miserable enough to compare to airplanes. They make it SO obvious that you’re nothing but cargo to be loaded into the smallest possible space until it can be delivered at the end of the flight. And then they make you troop through the huge comfy first class section on your way to being stowed in the back, just to make sure you realize you’re worthless.
    – I would love to be a spider on the wall and listen in when you take on one of those dickfaces!


    • Hi! I’m so glad you enjoyed it! 🙂

      As to your comments–I LOVE me a digital camera! How did we EVER live before them? I took over 300 shots to get the cover of the cookbook and it was THE ONLY good shot in the bunch. Horrible, but true. I’m going to be a picture taking fool at her wedding!

      I am very blessed to have a good mommy. She’s truly wonderful. And she’ll be 74 in a couple of months and, so far, is in pretty darn good health. I’ve had 10x more health issues in my life than she’s had. I’m hoping she’ll just get struck by lightning one day and boom! go to Heaven. Best way to go. One minute you are here. The next, poof!

      Now, as for cutting off people that make you unhappy–no worries about being depressing. I’m just trying to figure out why that would be horribly immoral? I guess if they were your kids who were still under the age of 18 that would probably be pretty bad to do, but otherwise? I’ve had to cut people out of my life before; sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently. It’s never easy, but it lets people know that they can’t just walk all over you or be cruel without consequences. It’s never healthy, emotionally or physically, to be around someone who treats you poorly. People need to understand that if they are going to be evil, mean or unbearable to be around, that they are going to be alone.

      Airplanes–UGH!! Not only do they suck balls in all ways, but I just booked a flight cross-country for work and the only seats left for my 6 hour flight were middle seats–EXCEPT for the premium ones. I could pay $45 to “upgrade” to another seat 2 feet away from my currently assigned seat. That shit makes me lose my mind. As if paying a million dollars for a crappy flight in coach isn’t bad enough, now they want us to pay upgrade fees to literally move 2 feet to the left? Ugh. Hate ’em all! 😉

      As for being a spider on the wall when I come unhinged–it really is quite fun. I can be very subtly caustic and those circumstances are the perfect time to hone my skills! 😉

      Thanks so much for dropping by and being so thoughtful. It was great having you here! 🙂


      • Oh, when I talked about people it’s immoral to cut off contact with, I was talking about close family – dependent children and dependent (due to failing health) parents! Not “friends” who mistreat you. My remarks were motivated by two things – I’ve seen people “divorce”, i.e. cut off contact with, their young children when a marriage failed, and at present my mother, at 89, needs a lot of support and forbearance.

        One of my great-uncles was found sitting in his favorite chair, dead. Not a bad way to go, I suspect.


        • I agree wholeheartedly–can’t cut small kids or elderly parents out of one’s life. That would be a bad path to take. I think your great uncle chose just the right way to go. Peaceful, in his own house, in his favorite chair. If only we could all go out like that.


  6. #1 Not a fruitcake – and if you are hate to think what that makes me 😛
    #2 Love Banana Nut Bread here too (Damn girl now your making me hungry for one)
    #3 Well I must not be too bright cause I didn’t run at your warning


  7. I don’t have any good old days when I partied because that is not me I have always been a straight laced boring woman………………I never ever would wonder from one bar to another at night somewhat drunk nope I did that…………..lol


    • I somehow feel like you are pulling my leg here. 😉 Like you, I was actually a saint. That beer in my hand wasn’t mine and all that ummmm…smoke (not saying where it came from) has nothing to do with me. Never did it. Wasn’t even there. The picture must be Photoshopped! 😉 Good grief, my nose just grew so long it poked my computer monitor! 😉


    • Thank you! I’m so pleased that you enjoyed it. The counter top guy was great. Whew! If he’d been a jerk I don’t know what I would have done. As for the wedding pics, your mouth (or typing fingers) to God’s ears!!! 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement. You rule!


  8. I laughed all the way through this, and I couldn’t agree more with everything you said! Except I’m pretty sure my mom is the best in the world 😛

    Good luck dealing with the counter guy and taking wedding pictures!!


    • Awwww!!! Yay!!! I love giving people the giggles. That just made my day. 🙂

      Just so you know, I will challenge you to a duel over who has the most kick ass mom. Consider the gauntlet thrown! You have now been lightly smacked with my white dueling glove. Tomorrow. Sunrise! 😉 Actually, I’m delighted to hear that someone else has such a wonderful mommy. Sometimes you hear such horror stories that it’s especially nice to hear of others whose mommy kicks ass just like mine. Give her a hug from your blogging fruitcake friend. 🙂

      Oh, and thanks for the counter top and picture support. Please God, let both go beautifully! 🙂


  9. The counter top issue… not sure if they fixed it for you or not, but I once had a really nice coutner top that ended up with a blueberry jam stain at a house I was renting. I was having a major freak out thinking I was going to have to pay for a new counter top. (You know, I really do think counter top should be one word.) Anyway, I tried everyting I could think of and nothing worked. Then I did what I thought would be a very bad idea and it worked, I gently scrubbed one of those little white eraser sticks over it. You know, those ones for taking marks off your walls and such and the stain vanished.


    • I’m soooo glad I’m not the only one who thinks “countertop” should be one dang word!! 😉

      The distributor is coming over next week to evaluate the stains and the other issues. We are praying he’s as nice as the first inspector. I can’t live with a counter I can use. That is just silly.

      As for your blueberry jam stain, I’d have had a heart attack!!!! I can’t believe an eraser stick worked! That’s sooooo cool. 🙂 If we get stuck with this counter (I will NOT be happy), at least I know how to fix it now. Thank you for the great tip!


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