THESE ARE NOT WORDS, &*%*&#^!!!!!!

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First and foremost let me say that I make up words all the time and/or use words incorrectly (usually on purpose though). If the King’s English doesn’t give me the word I want then I’ll create my own.

For example: Flarmp. That’s not a word, but I bet it gets used in my house at least 10 times a week. To the hubby and me, the word Flarmp means the act of a kitty just dropping and rolling in a very deliberate way and usually next to our legs in order to smush against us to get love. There is also the Force Flarmp where WE Flarmp the kitty so that we can give it love. I don’t even know how we came up with the word–it just seemed to fit the act of kitty love dropping.

Also, I make up words in my blog sometimes. Yesterday, I used the word “smartassedness” in a comment. I even mentioned how it wasn’t a word, but it just fit perfectly in the sentence so I used it anyway.

But, there are certain words roaming around out there in the public that are either not words or are words being used incorrectly that make me wanna pull my hair out when I hear them.

Now, please believe me that I’m not trying to be a douche bag here. If any of you use these words, please know that I’m not trying to be a meanie. I’m just putting out there that maybe using words correctly and/or correctly pronouncing words may be beneficial. Especially if you are in a job interview or some other important situation–you want people to know how wonderful and smart you are without getting hung up on the little things that didn’t come out quite right (as people tend to do).

In order to let you know that I am sincerely not trying to be mean, let me share with you a few of my colossal word fuck ups. And just so you know, I’m well aware that I probably have a ton of grammatical errors, punctuation mishaps and stupid word choice issues in this very post, so know that I cast the first stone at myself! Lord knows I screw up all the time! 🙂

  1. Exorbitant: I always said it as “exorbiNant” and thank God someone finally corrected me.
  2. Veranda: Which is a font but not a font anyone knows because it’s actually “VerDaNa.” I’ve been weirdly dyslexic for oh about 20 years with the name of that damn font and NO ONE ever corrected me! I’ve just sounded like an idiot for 20 years. Ugh. I’m incredibly thankful a coworker corrected me the other day. I felt like such a doofus, but at least I’ll say the word correctly from now on.
  3. Purview: For some reason I got it stuck in my head that “purview” and “view” could be used interchangeably. Had you asked me if they meant the same thing I’d have said no and told you why. But for some reason the “come up with words quickly” part of my brain told my mouth to say “purview” before I had time to stop the “pur”. No clue why. I think I may have beaten that outta my head at this point–hopefully. (See, I’m pretty sure I used the word “hopefully” incorrectly.)
  4. Sammich: I know it’s sandwich, but my grandma used to say “sammich” when she was being playful and so when I say/write it that way it reminds me of her.
  5. Good vs. well: I intentionally use these incorrectly sometimes if I’m trying to put across a certain emotion. For example, if someone asks me how my day is going and it has been the day from hell, I’ll sometimes say in specific tone of voice, “Good, good…how’s yours?” If I said, “Well, well…how’s yours?” it would just sound weird.

Okay, now here’s the list of words/non-words that drives me insane:

  1. Boughten: No one has ever “boughten” anything. Ever. Period. You either buy something or you have bought something. You have never boughten anything in your life.
  2. Anyways: There is NO “s” on the end of that word. I used to say it with an “s” also and my mom harped on me EVERY DAMN TIME it came out of my mouth incorrectly. I am soooo (another incorrectly used word of mine as “so” only has one “o”) thankful she did. I want to do the same thing every time I hear someone else do it, but I don’t as I’m sure that is a justifiable cause for murdering me.
  3. ConversAted. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You conversed with someone. You had a conversation with them. You are conversing with them. You have never conversAted anyone, anywhere.
  4. Medium: Wait, that is a word. But it is NOT a substitute for the word “median” and when I hear traffic people say that there is a car up on the medium so traffic on Scottsdale Road is slow I immediately want to find their helicopter and blow it up. It’s bad enough if we normal people use it incorrectly, but your JOB as a traffic person is to know words that relate to traffic and roads. Median is a pretty important part of road construction, so please use that word from now so that you don’t sound like a complete moron.
  5. HeightH: I understand that it’s “widtH”, breadtH” and “lenghtH” but it is not “heightH”. There is no H on the end of “height”, only a T. So quit it with the TH sound. Please?
  6. Supposebly: It’s “supposedly.” Just say it correctly from now on, please.
  7. Expresso: Is there an X in espresso? No. I didn’t think so.
  8. Probly: IT’S “PROBABLY” DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!!!!
  9. Axed, warshed, wrassaled, greazy and pissa: I totally understand that these word pronunciations are dialect-driven. My mom is southern and says things like “Geminee” for “Gemini” and though the “ee” pronunciation is the 2nd way to say it as listed in the dictionary, it still makes me go insane especially since I am a Gemini. My step-father of a few years came from somewhere where pizza was pronounced “pissa” and greasy was pronounced “greazy” and I’d want to scream every time I heard him say either word. So, in these cases I totally get that it’s dialect-driven and probably what someone grew up hearing so it seems completely normal to them…but can we please break the cycle of word-abuse? Please?
  10. Cra-cra: Okay, the word “crazy” has 2 syllables. So does the un-word “cra-cra.” So, can we please just go back to crazy? I’ll give you a dollar. 😉

Last year I did a post on words like: ginormous, trending, wheelhouse and other annoying as fuck words, so I won’t repeat them here, but please stop using those too. They are simply horrible.

I think from now on I’m going to make this face when I hear any of the above words being used. In an effort to NEVER see this disturbing face again, maybe people will stop using them? Maybe? Please God…

Jodi Crazyface

And, just so you know, I’m aware that a language needs to change or it will die–just like a shark needs to keep swimming or it will become fish food. We need to keep adding to our language or it will go the way of Latin. But can we at least use common sense and a wee bit of caution before we bastardize it to the point of being unrecognizable? I just cannot hear this anymore, “Me and him were conversating about trying a expresso and new that it would probly taste badly, but we boughten it anyways.” Pardon me for a moment, I’m going to go hang myself.

 

PS: for those of you in the United States–GO RAVENS!!! (I’m actually a Redskins chick, but if it can’t be them then I hope B’more kicks some ass! 🙂

80 comments on “THESE ARE NOT WORDS, &*%*&#^!!!!!!

  1. Sorry, couldint resist hehe. That’s what irtates me. So I used it for bout a year just to irtate that shite out of efrybody who sez it, Irtatid me too.

    However ……… I haves a veranda. Its anuvva name fer a balcony

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  2. Jodie, I used to read your posts all the time and you visited my blog too. I don’t know what happened but I was going through my reader the other day and found you there. I have missed your humour but please don’t show me that face again or I wont be responsible for my actions lol. Great post as always.

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  3. I hate to tell you I’m guilty of warshed, and warsh in the first place. What drives me nuts is using “he and she” interchangably ( did I spell that right?) with “him and her”. I called my friend once and her daughter answered and said “Her’s at the store.” I almost had a stroke!!

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  4. Love the post…I make up words all the time too! Gives me a soothing feeling of superiorization!
    I was fine until I saw your picture, by the way, then I was totally flamped!

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    • The picture has actually been known to literally make people blind! (Two of the most overused words in the English language!!) Sorry if I hurt your eyes. 🙂 I love “superiorization!” I may have to steal it! 🙂

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  5. No 4! Seriously? That made me laugh.
    Don’t even start me on the locals, or as I refer to them, locos – just plain simple. F**king is FA*kin’ ‘ell. And they use it every other. Why in ‘ell (oops, must be catchin’) did I move here?!? Which reminds of when a local journo asked me that same question on the phone: ‘cos I wanna look well dressed! I didn’t actually say that out loud, thankfully!
    The Muttering Patriarch would say things like, just going to bring the kettle in. Meaning?? Oh, gather the cows in from the barn. What a yokel!
    Don’t we Gems suss each other out!

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  6. Listen now, don’t go all cracra on me, but if you haven’t boughten a dictionary lately, it’s probly just as well. A lot of these are supposebly in there now on account of the whole Webster’s 3rd thing. Irregardless! I used a bunch of these yesterday in my class. We conversated all over the topic by whatever means was necessary, and they worked, I tell you! So, don’t axe me to refrain while you sit there in a warm place and drink your expresso, cause I might have to wrassle a bar in due time, and you know they can stand up to quite a heighth before delivering that hug. The you come out one greezy pissah. It won’t even help to warsh yer ass after a brawl like that.

    Anyways, I’m about done here, but yeah…

    Don’t drive on the medium!

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  7. Love it! I get sick of the misuse of their, there, they’re. Pet peeve of mine!
    I often use the word, “wheelehouse,” in reference to batters in baseball. Sorry, I’ll continue use of that one.

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  8. JOURNEY. I know it’s a word, but OMFG if I hear another reality TV star or company manager talking about their journey one more time, I will totally smash them!!! Something that always seems off to me is the US saying “I could care less”. Here we say “I couldn’t care less” – the difference grammatically being that in NZ, we really don’t care, but in the US you care, but you could care a bit less…although I think they are to mean the same thing. APOSTROPHES drive me insane, especially on great big sign written signs. I mean, c’mon people! The rules are simple!!!! There are many, many more but it’s best not to get me started…

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    • Ha! “Journey.” You are soooooo right!! Everything is a freaking journey. Too funny. 🙂 As for apostrophes…I lose my MIND with those! Possessive or contraction, people. How hard is that???? When I see it on TV or in in ads I’m always stunned that NO ONE noticed it was incorrect. Absolutely shocking.

      I hadn’t ever thought of the “care less” thing, but again, you are right! I too think they are meant to mean the same, but if you really look at it, they definitely don’t. Nice catch! 🙂

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      • Just thought of another one – AGREEANCE. This is NOT a word you idiots. The word you’re looking for is AGREEMENT!!!!! AAARRRGGGHHHH!! I must admit to having shared your rant, sweary grammar rules post with people at my work and it has improved their grammar LOL!!

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      • Agreeance??? WTF??? I would smack the mouth offa someone that said that to me (see, I made up a word!). You shared the crazy rant with people at work??? THAT IS AWESOME!!! I LOVE YOU for doing that!! 🙂 Awesome. Totally awesome.

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      • I was desperate and could no longer stand the abuses I was being subjected to 🙂 For some reason, interspersing grammatical rules with a whole lot of swearing in different fonts made it stick! Go figure!! Thanks for posting it!

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  9. I teach high school English, and one of my proofreading marks is called a “ghetto,” which means that that’s from where their English comes. They miss double the points and I tell them that they should feel ashamed (I get away with this because they’re cool with me). All of these, with the exception of “cra-cra” (never heard it), are on that list. “Stoled” is another one, as are “nowindays” (where the fuck that is from is beyond me), “brang,” “he had drank,” and “he was ran over.” You are the first person to share in my hatred of “conversated,” which when used, makes the speaker sound like a dumbass trying to sound sophisticated. Great post, obviously.

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    • I just LOVE that!!! I used to teach HS English too, but that was back in the day when there was no Internet or texting and the language hadn’t become nearly as horrible as it is now. Oh my God–he brang and he had drank and other stuff like that makes me lose my freaking mind!! I CAN’T TAKE IT!!!! I couldn’t teach in a classroom nowadays–I’d be in prison for shaking the shit outta them when they spoke that way. 🙂

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  10. I like this post apart from the swearing. I think we all use language incorrectly at some point, I guess that’s the beauty of being creative with words. I never used to use sooooo but now I sometimes use it to emphasize something.

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  11. So glad this post landed in my email today…thank you for sharing. My hubby purchased an intercom system just so he could improve his spelling when posting on Facebook. I feel as if I am a walking Webster. However, I am proud of him for caring. Perhaps these few examples will make people think before they print.

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  12. Looks like you got your wish as far as the Ravens are concerned.

    As far as words..one of my favorite topics! Love this post. I make up words all the time intentionally and love/hate it when people make up words and use them as if they were real words. My sister refuses to say “breakfast.” She says “breasfRest.” She just thinks it needs an extra “r” in there–maybe to make it heartier to get you all the way through lunch? 😉

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    • Thank you Lord for letting the Ravens win. I somehow doubt he cares too much about football as a game, but it’s nice that all that prayer worked! 😉

      Your sister sounds like a nut! 😉 I’m a word makerupper too (see, there I go!) as I think it’s creative and fun and silly. I just try not to use them in real life (outside my blog and family, that is) so that I don’t confirm what a dingbat I am too quickly. 😉

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  13. In my little corner of the world, “everybody north of county road 522 is inbred”, or so they say. I know I’ve been north of 522 for two years now and I never get bred. Anyways, I digress. The other day, I goes to the store any I says to the clerk lady, I says, “So whassappinin?” And she goes, um, she goes, “Namuch.” So then I goes to her, “Who’s babysittin’ on your kids? Theyur daddy?” And she goes to me, “Xacly.”Then I says to her, “I gotta gets home.” This is not how I talk, thanks god. But I hear this all the time! These people are not “going” anywhere (trust me on this), so why do they use the word “goes” for everything? Or “gets” and “says” in the wrong context? What ever happened to “enunciate and pronounce”? And use the crect words, dammitall!

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    • I am dying laughing!!! I love your conversation sample. Pure brilliance! 🙂

      The good Lord knows I use slang (and lots of cuss words) and made up words sometimes, especially if I’m trying to communicate an emotion, but when speaking to people and wanting to sound like my IQ is over 10, I like to think I can avoid words like cra-cra and conversated. 😉

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  14. I am pretty certain that smartassedness is a word, because I know dumbassedness is one. I have been using that for years. Usually as a reference to something my husband or one of my kids has done. As in, “Take you and your dumbassedness out of this room.” It’s very effective.

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  15. Holy heck, just found another ENORMOUS blunder on People.com http://www.people.com/people/ – the headline reads: Who Shined and Who Bombed at Dancing Premiere? Now I am sure that there were some very shiny people, and I am sure that there were some people who shined…others’ shoes, or the windows. It’s Who SHONE people!!!!!!!! Not “who shined?” that means something totally different and you’re publishing it on an international website????????? OMFG I think my head may explode. Sorry, saw this and really had to share with you because I know you’ll appreciate it!

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