Free books and a little tit (for tat!)

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Does anyone else have a room in their house which is the Collect All room? A room where all the “I don’t know where this shit goes!” goes? Lord knows I do. I have about 3 of them. Okay, I’m not that bad…but close! The reason I’m telling you that I’m a pack rat psycho who has one room whose door is always shut in fear that someone, anyone, might see inside it is that I finally decided to clean it up. Ugh. What an undertaking. It’s been on my to-do list for about 6 months and I finally started on it tonight.

Why, you may ask, did I decide to actually clean something (cause you KNOW I hate cleaning!)? Well, because I’m a bit wrecked on pain killers as I broke a tooth last week. OH MY GOD does that fucking thing hurt. It hurts right now. I wanna chop off my own head to stop the hurt. OUCHY!!! The reason this hideous pain has inspired me to clean a bit is that I take a pain pill, fall asleep, wake up screaming in agony a few hours later and then have to do something to take my mind off my nightmarish misery while the next pill kicks in. I’ve decided that cleaning The Room from Hell is how I can distract myself from grabbing a pair of pliers and self-extricating the sonofabitching tooth.

How this has led me to Free Books and a Little Tit (for tat, you perverts!) is that I found a stash of all 3 of my books that I didn’t realize I had. I have 24 Sex: How to Get More of It. 28 Intimacy: How to Get More of It. And about 25 Darn Good Eats cookbooks (with the black and white interior). The Sex and Intimacy books don’t have the updated cover and some of them even have my author’s pic as me being a red head. So, when I found the books it sparked an idea (2 actually). Shocking, I know.

Idea one:

I will happily mail you a copy of one or more of my books on-the-house (I’ll even pay for shipping) in exchange for a review on Amazon (and any other place you wanna put it, but definitely Amazon). Now, this is not me bribing you. If you don’t like a book, I don’t want you to say you did–that is dishonest and poopy. I only want people who genuinely enjoyed the books or learned something valuable to leave reviews on Amazon. Obviously, if you hate a book I’d prefer you didn’t leave a review. Especially one like this, “That Jodi bitch can go suck it! I hate her. I hate her books. I’m going to burn her house down and eat her cats while she watches.” I’d feel pretty stupid if I paid to ship them to you and then you publicly ripped me to shreds. That would kinda blow. But if you like them, I’d super appreciate kick ass reviews. That would pretty much rule.

If you’d like to participate in this (keeping in mind I have a limited amount of books) email me at authorjodiambrose@gmail.com and give me your mailing address, your name (for those of you who go incognito on WordPress) and the books you’d like copies of.

  • Ladies, you can have any/all of my 3 books. Even though the Sex book was written for men, I get tons of feedback from chicks that they love it, so you can have that one too if ya want it.
  • Gentlemen, you can have the Sex book and/or the Darn Good Eats cookbook. Trust me, you do NOT want to read the Intimacy book that I wrote for chicks unless you want to read about menstrual cycles and things of the like.

Before you email me and request the Sex or Intimacy books (the cookbook is G-rated, so it’s not an issue), just remember that I’m a mouthy broad. If you follow this blog you know that I love to cuss, have a smart ass mouth and pretty much tell it like it is. The Sex and Intimacy books are just like that (though they have less cussing than my typical blog–totally unbelievable, I know), so if you know ahead of time that you’re going to be offended and hate them, please don’t ask me to send them to you. I truly want people to enjoy the books and be happier as a result–if you think that might be you, then definitely email me with which books you’d like.

One small caveat: Idea one is for US residents only. I am sooooo sorry my dear friends who are not here in the US, but it’s sooooo expensive mailing you stuff I’d go broke. I spent $47 mailing 2 books last week–one to Canada and one to New Zealand. I love you guys, but I just can’t afford all that. I would if I could–I promise, because you know I love your accent-having-asses even more than I love otters.

Now for idea 2, in which everyone can participate.

Idea two:

I always want my books to be as affordable as possible. As you guys know Darn Good Eats comes in both a black & white interior version (inexpensive) and a full-color interior version (slightly more expensive) so that everyone can afford it. I never want anyone to want to read one of my books but not have the bucks to do it. So, I thought I’d combine the Sex book and the Intimacy book into one book so that I could essentially sell both books for the price of one.

Here’s where you guys and your awesomeness comes in. I would love your help in naming the book. If you’ve read them, you know what’s in them and could probably come up with some amazing, fun and witty suggestions. If you haven’t read them (and don’t participate in Idea one above) you can always go to Amazon and do the Look Inside to see the first few pages of each book. That’ll give you a good idea about their content. Click here to preview Sex. Click here to preview Intimacy.

In exchange for your wonderful book title ideas, whoever either comes up with the name I end up using or the person whose suggestion sparks my imagination into finding just the right name, will get credit in the book and a link to their blog or other website. This way, all my readers get to see how wonderfully talented you are in naming books, and having your blog/website address in the book (both hard copy and digital) should help drive more traffic to your own personal awesomeness.

You can either leave your book title suggestions here (give me as many as you’d like–the more the merrier) as a comment or if you want to email it (them) to me feel free to email me at: authorjodiambrose@gmail.com.

See, there’s all kinds of tit for tat going on here!

OH, and one last thing–for those of you who have read one or more of the books and are now at least slightly happier, if you have a pic of you and your honey that you’d like to share with me, I’m thinking (not guaranteeing though) of doing a happy-reader-photo-collage either on the cover or inside of the new combo book. If you’d like to see your and your honey’s smiling faces in print, send me a pic WITH CLOTHES ON YOU BUNCH OF PERVS and it may just appear in the upcoming book. I thought it would be fun to actually show the happy faces of people who’ve been helped by my books. πŸ™‚ Please know that by sending me the pic you are giving me full rights to use the photo both in print and digitally from now until the end of time. I won’t edit the photo at all except to possibly crop it or do some color correction (if necessary).

Click on any of the book covers below to visit their page on Amazon if you want to read more about them or read reviews from other people. That info may help you decide which books you want me to send you (idea one) and might help spark an idea for the combo book name (idea two).

New Intimacy Book Cover Small with black border 1-20-13 Book Cover Small New Sex Book Cover 225 pixels wide black outline

Just so you know, I’m so tickled that I found that stash of books so that I can get them into your hands. For once, cleaning turned out to be a good thing!!!

I hope you guys enjoy whichever books you get and that they all not only make you giggle, but make life a little sweeter. Love ya!! πŸ™‚ XOXOXO

49 comments on “Free books and a little tit (for tat!)

  1. I already have the books, and done the reviews πŸ˜‰ I would posta photo of me and my honey together, but the only honey I have is in a jar. The thing about my honey is that it has a really sweet taste and texture when it just glides off the tip of your tongue

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    • That is because you are the supreme ruler of the universe and should be made King of All You Survey!! πŸ™‚ I think a pic of you and your “honey” would be GREAT!!! Take an awesome pic of you at sunset cuddling your honey (gotta be the honey in a bear jar) and we can put an awesome caption on it. I’m thinking of doing Polaroid style pics in a collage, that way there is room for captions if I want them. You, my friend, should be in any pic collection I do! πŸ™‚

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      • You sooooooooooooooo should!!!! That would be truly awesome. πŸ™‚ And I bet you can come up with a few combo book name suggestions too. You are one creative mo fo! πŸ™‚

        Now I have to go the fuck to bed! Why am I up at 3:16am? Why? Stupid drugs fuckin’ with my stupid brain. πŸ˜‰ XOXO

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      • I can finally reply to your comments but only if I select to receive emails about reply.

        I shall see what i can do. Just finished speaking with a dear friend so my mind is a bit fried right now (as it always is afterwards) I shall try to think up some captions and replies mWAHAHAHAHAHA .. good night Jodi

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      • That is sooooo weird! Dumb comment stupidness. πŸ™‚ Now you have to get Jodi-spammed. Poor thing.

        Hope you have a wonderful Saturday, my friend and are officially un-fried. πŸ™‚

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  2. Boo hiss. I’m in New Zealand 😦 But otherwise, the ideas are great! I love reading stuff written by people I know (even if it is a tenuous “I follow her blog” and she’s also a grammar freak kind of stalker-ish knowing) so may need to hustle my butt to Amazon. Good luck everyone else!

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    • SHOOT!!!! I would really love to send them to you! Last week, sending the books to NZ cost me $32. Otherwise, I’d send them to you in a heartbeat! I always love it when you visit me here–I wish there was some less expensive way of mailing them to you. But I’d still love it if you wanted to put in some suggestions for naming the combo book.

      Essentially, the books are like this: Sex is to teach men how not to be dumbasses and how to be sweet and attentive so that their girl actually likes them again and is so happy all the time that she wants to have more nookie.

      Intimacy is all about how to not to be a controlling maniac and how to show love to a man in a way that men respond to so that he’s happier and more affectionate because he actually likes being around his girl again. There’s a bunch of smart ass in the books, but they are so very much from the heart too and I’ve been brought to tears with some of the stories people have told me about how reading them changed their lives. It makes me all stupid happy just thinking about it.

      Each book has 20 steps for how to have a happier life (and how you don’t have to spend money to do it). If any of that his helpful and gives you inspiration for naming the new book that combines the Sex and Intimacy books together, let me know. I’m really looking forward to being able to include someone who I know and their website/blog link in the new book. I love giving back to people kind enough to help me out. πŸ™‚ DAMN, this is a long comment!! πŸ™‚ Have a good one, my dear! Hugs!!!

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  3. Girl, there you go again… we are traveling on parallel paths! Eerie….

    I JUST finished cleaning out a shed that I hoarded crap in, gave away a bunch of it, and moved my Tastefully Simple crap out there…and I STILL have a ton of craft crap left in it. AND, I just wrote about it in last week’s blog. :>

    But your give away is tons better than mine… I’ll email you my mailing info!

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  4. These are such cool ideas!

    I only got one idea for a combinated book title.
    Something like: “How To Get More Of It – A Guide to a Fulfilling Relationship for Him and Her”
    Because it’s in both book titles and essentially they are about aspects to make a relationship happy.^^

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  5. Omg, you’re cleaning! I have a closet that desperately needs some of that, and I’ve been meaning to do it for the past year…ahhh. Who would have thought that cleaning could result in this?! Awesome ideas. Already emailed you. πŸ™‚ Hope you feel better, that seems very ouchy.
    Trying to think of a combined book name. I’m so bad at titles. 😦 But pretty much what everyone else is saying, something like, “How To Get More – Sex & Intimacy.” Nothing fancy but lets people know exactly what they’re getting. πŸ™‚

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    • I know, right? Next to mass murder or drowning puppies in the river, cleaning is one of the greatest evils!!! Thanks for the well wishes for my evil mouthy! Damn thing hates me right now. πŸ™‚

      Just saw your email. πŸ™‚ Happy to send you the Sex/Intimacy books. πŸ™‚ It’s funny, I got a ton of emails from people saying they figured I was already out of books, so they didn’t give me their addresses. Soooo sweet, but I still have a few left because of it. If you have any friends you think would enjoy them and wouldn’t mind leaving reviews if they do, I can send you a few extra copies. Just let me know. πŸ™‚ XOXOXO

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  6. Once I had go over the shock of the cleaning,, I would like to say I am soooo gutted I live in the uk,, I would have been more than happy to have reviewed your books,, such as shame you cant do ebooks as well (think of all the postage you would save πŸ™‚ anyways I wish you well and I am sure your books will be as fantastic as your blog .

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    • Why thank you my dear! If you know anyone you think would enjoy them and wouldn’t mind leaving reviews on Amazon if they do, just drop me an email with your address and I’ll send you some. πŸ™‚ I haven’t posted a new blog about it yet, but I found a drawer full of books while doing more cleaning last night, so I have more than I originally thought. πŸ™‚ Yay!

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  7. Hello, Jodi. So I already e-mailed you on my mom’s behalf. Since she doesn’t have a blog, she’s a bit out of the loop. But I have her back. Something I didn’t mention it in my e-mail: You are the best looking woman (by far) that I blog with. I am sorry you are feeling so poorly, but pain pills are a wonderful thing. Cleaning is such a tough thing to actually get down to doing. I’d come help you in a minute, and you know it. Truth be told, the no-opposable-thumbs thing is a bitch. I guess I’ll get over it.
    Don’t work too hard. Get feeling better!

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    • Awwww…what a sweet thing to say! Goodness, now I’m all blushing. πŸ™‚ That is very kind. Thank you. πŸ™‚

      I just emailed you back with some thoughts on making sure the books are Mom-appropriate. πŸ™‚ I’d love to send you a set if you think they are the kinds of books that Mom will enjoy. πŸ˜‰

      As for my broken damn tooth (though it feels like the entire right side of my face is broken), thanks for the sweetness. I’m not usually one for taking medicine if I don’t have to, but GOD BLESS PAIN PILLS!!! I’d have run into traffic by now were it not for those little suckers. I appreciate the offer of being my cleaning apprentice–were it not for the lack of opposable thumbs, I’d come pick you up right now! πŸ˜‰

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  8. My lovely Jodi, I believe you were going to send me another copy of the cookbook anyway because the signed one you sent me had an error in it? Lol, just reminding you! Wait until tonight when I’ve had a few beers and don’t have a 3 year old running around and I’ll help think of a name for the book πŸ™‚

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    • I didn’t send you an updated one? Oh good grief!!! I even put a calendar reminder in my Google calendar. I so totally SUCK!!! I’ll get it in the mail at the end of next week when I make my pilgrimage to the post office.

      Do you want copies of either of the other books? Do you think you might like those? If you think you will and wouldn’t mind writing reviews on Amazon of them (only if you like them though) πŸ™‚ I’ll happily send you a copy of each of those too. Sooooo sorry I didn’t get you the updated copy of the cookbook. Luckily, the issue in the copy you have isn’t a big deal. You’d probably never even notice it, but being the perfectionist I am I just couldn’t take it! πŸ™‚ Lemme know about the other two books.

      Oh, would you terribly mind sending me your address again but to this email: authorjodiambrose@gmail.com? I’m trying to keep all the address info in one place. πŸ™‚

      As for book naming, any help would be great. I’ve been batting around the idea of including text regarding that each book has 20 steps, but I don’t want it to sound like a 20-step program! πŸ˜‰ But I want it to be clever and not too similar to their current titles either. It’s a conundrum! πŸ˜‰ Thanks for the help and for the kick in the ass about the book. πŸ™‚ XO

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      • Nope, I have the signed one you sent me and then the one I bought I gave away in a contest. Ok, technically my best friend won and it’s still sitting in my kitchen because I keep forgetting to give it to her, but I digress. You already sent me a copy of the other two with the signed cookbook, and I already reviewed the cookbook on Amazon. I’ll review the other two as soon as I get a chance πŸ™‚

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      • I am such a doofus! I kept thinking I’d sent you more than one book–that’s cause I sent the other two along with the cookbook. Honest to God, I’d forget to breathe properly without help! πŸ™‚ Thank you so much for the reminder. Yep, I’ll get it out in the mail by the end of next week. Again, sorry I’m a dork. πŸ™‚ As for the other two–no pressure about doing reviews on them. If you like them, then it would be awesome, but those books were just thank you gifts with no strings attached. πŸ™‚ Totally your call on reviewing those, my friend. πŸ™‚ XO

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  9. – Boo-Hoo Hiss! And then I read this, ‘even more than I love otters’ and you’re so forgiven – great line. Seriously, $47 to ship two books?!?
    – Is that actually you on the covers? Or am I especially Doh! tonight.
    – Great idea for the photo collage.

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    • Total Boo Hiss!!! I feel the same way! Greedy post office!!! πŸ™‚ Thanks for forgiving me. The otters were not pleased with my comment, but tough noogies to them. πŸ™‚

      That is me on the covers. I was going incognito in a red wig when I first published the books and then thought, “Eh, fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke” and decided to come out of the raven-haired closet! πŸ˜‰

      Thanks for thinking my photo collage is a good idea. I hope a bunch of people take me up on it. πŸ™‚ HUGS!!

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  10. Ok I have one of those rooms and hubby has one of those rooms so we have two of those rooms one each……………moving on…………..I would love those books I would buy them if only I had money………………….lol

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  11. Although I am sorry to hear about your tooth agony, it’s great to hear your clearing and cleaning project is going well. Notice how I said going–keep at it you can complete all your projects. Hope you get some tat! πŸ™‚

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    • Dangit!!!! I wish the shipping wasn’t so expensive. You know what? I’ve had a ton of my lovely far away friends ask about the books and the guilt of not being able to ship them so far is killing me. I think I’ll sign up for Amazon’s Kindle Select and do a give-away that way too. That way anyone with a computer can read them. Yep. Gonna do it. Gonna do it soon. πŸ™‚ Thanks for helping inspire me! πŸ™‚

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