In Honor of a No Profanity Law, I Hereby Declare Myself a Soon-to-be-Jailbird Mo Fo

So, I’m watching a show called Beyond Scared Straight (I know…I know…feel free to judge) and the youth offenders in this episode are particularly foul mouthed. Towards the end of the show one of the prison guards informs the mouthy young ladies that public cussing in that state is punishable by a fine of $1,092.50 or 30 days in jail.  WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL???? I’d be spending the rest of my life in lock up if that was the case here in AZ.  After hearing this crazy statement, I had to look it up and alas, it’s true! I’m removing the name of the state from the bill amendment because I’m quite fond of this state and its inhabitants and don’t want anyone to think I’m saying anything bad about it. After all, all states have crazy laws, but usually they are left over from the 1950s and no one has taken the time to remove them. This one about public cussing is from the last few years. Shocking!

Before I share the bill with you, you know I always like to point the finger at myself first, or in this case at my own state. So here are some insanely whackadoo laws in AZ and my thoughts on them.

  1. Donkeys can not sleep in bathtubs. (Well, shit. I guess there’s enough room in the bed. Donkey show, anyone?)
  2. It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine. (Ummm…wha? What is considered imitation coke? Baby powder? If so, Johnson & Johnson is fucked.)
  3. It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water. (This has to be because we live in Satan’s backyard. I have my damn A/C on right now it’s so warm. But seriously??? Illegal? What if I want the person to die from dehydration?)
  4. No more than six girls may live in any house. (Sorry guys. There go all of your college girl pillow fight fantasies.)
  5. You may not have more than two dildos in a house. (Well, if there are 5 girls living in a house, since 6 is illegal, I’d say this limit of 2 fake-man-junk-devices is being violated every moment of every day by every household across the state.)
  6. Women may not wear pants. (Okay guys, you may not be able to have 6 chicks in nighties wrestling around on a bed in AZ lest they face prison time, but you can rest assured that the 5 that do live together and wrestle playfully will be naked from the waist down!)

Yep, I’m pretty sure I’ve now heard it all. Well, except for the fairly new cussing law.

Here’s the bill:

“TO AMEND THE CODE OF LAWS OF SOME UNNAMED STATE 1976, BY ADDING SECTION 16-15-370 SO AS TO MAKE IT UNLAWFUL TO COMMUNICATE PROFANITY IN A PUBLIC FORUM OR PLACE OF PUBLIC ACCOMMODATION.

Be it enacted by the General Assembly of the State of Unnamed State:

SECTION    1.    Article 3, Chapter 15, Title 16 of the 1976 Code is amended by adding:

“Section 16-15-370.    (A)    It is unlawful for a person in a public forum or place of public accommodation wilfully (yes, they spelled willfully wrong in a legal bill!!) and knowingly to publish orally or in writing, exhibit, or otherwise make available material containing words, language, or actions of a profane, vulgar, lewd, lascivious, or indecent nature.

(B)    A person who violates the provisions of this section is guilty of a felony and, upon conviction, must be fined not more than five thousand dollars or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.”

Holy cow! I’m just stunned. Can anyone say First Amendment? Now, granted, I don’t think it’s appropriate to go into a nursery school and make it your goal to teach all the 3 year olds how to say, “You fucking cow.” But, c’mon…really?

So, this law that I just learned about prompted me to write a post that I’d been contemplating for the last few days (which I’ll include here). I wasn’t sure whether or not to write it because it just seemed like such a gratuitous use of bad language (not written by me, but stolen from a TV show) and you guys are always so tolerant that I didn’t want to seem like I’d gone off the deep end. But now I feel it is my duty to share with you the wonderfully horrible and foul scene from a TV show the hubby and I just recently watched.

The show is an HBO show called The Wire. It’s a cop drama set it Baltimore (where I went to college) and so far I’m enjoying it. One of the things about it being an HBO show is that there is no language filter like you’d find on Network TV. I commented to Grant how I’m quite sure they use the “f” word even more often than I and he giggled and said that wasn’t possible. 😉

Then along comes episode 4 and for one of the first times in recorded history my jaw dropped to the floor from the sheer, unadulterated, intentional use of cussing written to clearly make a statement about censorship. Apparently, when the show first began airing it received some flack for the copious amount of “fucks” thrown into the dialog and the producers in return decided to stick it to the language dissenters. When we saw this almost 5 minute scene in the show we both about died laughing as it is so clearly the producers flipping the bird to anyone who doesn’t approve. Prepare yourselves. It truly is shocking.

Let me set the stage. Two cops go to a crime scene that had been poorly processed by the first team of cops. They are now checking it out for themselves and are more than shocked by what they find. Before you click “Play” know that this is not a scene for those with delicate ears or for those easily offended (of course, you wouldn’t be reading my blog if either of those things were true!). 🙂 Also, there are a few crime scene photos which quickly show boobs. I’m not one to post things with nudity, but the pics are as far from sexual as they can possibly be. Consider yourself warned as this clip is not for the faint at heart–though the hubby and I laughed our asses off after about one minute when we realized that the entire scene contained only 2 words but lasts almost 5 minutes. Enjoy the insanity! 🙂 🙂 🙂

(Once you click on the video, click on the Watch this Video on Youtube link to watch it.)

35 comments on “In Honor of a No Profanity Law, I Hereby Declare Myself a Soon-to-be-Jailbird Mo Fo

  1. – This post is hysterical! Loved, just loved your inclusion of AZ state laws – and I thought the UK was bad!
    – Though I’m saintlier than Sir Cliff Richard I do love the occasional expletive. Although, for the locals to understand I have to use their pronunciation – Faa*’ing ‘ell!

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    • I’m so glad you enjoyed!!! I had fun writing it. I love insane shit. 🙂 The AZ laws are nutso! I busted up laughing when I read them. I went to about 10 sites just to verify that they actually are laws! 🙂

      I wish I could say I was saintlier than anyone when it comes to my mouth. I blame my best friend who made me say, “fuck” when I was in 4th grade. The dang word just stuck! 😉

      I love the way Brits say, “Faa*ing ‘ell.” It sounds so much nicer than the way American say it–you know, including all the syllables and everything. 😉 🙂

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  2. Haha, wow…to the video and the laws…especially the laws! Why do people waste time making such ridiculous laws! I’d really like to know if someone’s actually received a fine for cursing. And how the fuck does someone think they have the right to limit the amount of TOYS a woman can fucking have…for real?! I’m shocked. I mean it’s funny but really fucking ridiculous, lol. WOW.

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    • I’m afraid it’s either prison or drowning one or more of them in a sack in the river. What a bonkers law!!! I’m quite certain it goes unenforced, but who would ever even write such a thing? People are nuts. 🙂

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  3. Fuck yeah. I could move to your state just so that I could see the women not wearing pants. But I could only have five of them in my house at any one time. But there again, with only two dildos, I’d be knackered. I’d be fucked. Or they would. Haha. I know, rather narcissistic of me thinking I am God’s gift to women. 😆 I’m just the lucky one that when no one else is available they go for me. :mrgreen: Well, there is one case that that’s not true, but there you go.

    I do like the stupidity of laws. I know there is one place where you are not allowed to have sex with a cow (could be donkey) if you are wearing a hat. Who wears a hat while having sex with an animal anyway? That came out wrong. Which is what he said to the cow (or donkey) 😆

    So if you refuse to give the sixth woman living in your house who is wearing pants and holding the three dildos she owns a glass of water as it has the imitation cocaine that you have manufactured because your donkey is sleeping in the bathtub that you make it in, you are completely fucked.

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  4. I’ve always hated a bath. If I understand this, I can move to AZ, and every time Mom starts to give me a good scrub, I have a legal right to tell her I have to get my ass out of the tub. *Sigh* A fine example of our tax dollars at work.

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  5. OK, my bad. I neglected to watch the video before posting. Now that I’ve seen it, I have to ask you, what the fuck are they trying to say? Tell me, because I can handle the fucking truth. With the “norms” of our society being what they are, aren’t laws like this a bit archaic? Do these lawmakers ever get out of the office and walk down the street?

    If I had any command of the English language (Shit, no opposable thumbs, no speaky English…ugh!), I would find it hard to NOT use the word fuck. It’s all purpose, and appropriate in so many conversations. Sometimes there is not any other word that will suffice.

    Alright, I’m done. I’ve got nothing else to say. Fuck.

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    • Fuck is my favorite word on earth. Any word that can be used to convey angst, anger, happiness, randiness, who-cares-ness and a whole host of other emotions has to rule. As for the law makers–heads up their asses. That’s the only thing I can think of. 🙂

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  6. I was laughing so hard at your listing of the crazy AZ laws! It gives me something to Google later…other states crazy, TOTALLY outdated and/or useless laws.

    And seriously? What exactly happened that called for a requirement of: Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

    And that is just the beginning my clueless pondering…..

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    • I’m so happy you are enjoying it! I was laughing uproariously when I read those laws. I was like, “WTF????” Donkeys in bathtubs??? Right there with ya on that one! 🙂 I hope you have fun Googling all the other law insanity out there. I’m sure there is TONS of it! 🙂 Have a great weekend!

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