I like big words and I cannot lie! (But NOT if they make no sense, dammit!!!!)

.Big Bootie!

I’m shakin’ my ass all over the place now that the Big Butts song is stuck in my head!! πŸ˜‰

Alas, I digress. Let’s get down to it!

Good grief. People drive me bonkers.

All of you guys know that I like to rant and fume about grammar, punctuation, word choice, etc… I find it fun (if not horribly hypocritical since I make mistakes all the time!) to throw fits over the ways that people speak and write. I’m a hideous person. I know.Β  πŸ˜‰

IΒ  also know that I like to occasionally use words that are longer than 6 letters. Not because they are longer than 6 letters, but because they fit with what I’m trying to say. I’m an old (stress the word old) English major, so I’ve read a bunch and know a fair amount of words.

BUT!!!! What I do NOT do is throw in 25 cent words to try and make myself sound smart because guess what? It doesn’t make anyone sound smart to use big words for the sole purpose of using big words and confusing people. It only makes the person speaking (or writing) look like an insecure asshat when they use words, especially buzz words, to sound all fancy.

This drives me insane: “I’m smarter than you because I said, ‘wheelhouse, out of the box and quorum’ all in one sentence! Don’t you feel dumb that you didn’t understand my sentence at all? You should, because I’m smart and use words in a way that no one gets because I’m brilliant and you are stupid.”

I swear, people who speak like that make me want to pull my hair out for several reasons. 1) Stop being a pompus ass! 2) You aren’t communicating effectively, you retarded moron 3) You are clearly incredibly insecure because you are trying to sound smart by confusing everyone with your idiotic words.

If no one understands you, then maybe you shouldn’t speak? What’cha think about that? I personally like that idea.

If you say this sentence, “I think we should meet on Friday to discuss the project,” like this, “I am in favor of uniting a quorum of individuals to address which artifacts should be discussed in our iterative meetingΒ  based on the developmental progress of our deliverable on the last day of the work week,” I immediately want to kill you. And not just kill you, but KILL YOU kill you. Painfully. With malice. Some kind of medieval or Shakespearean kind of death.

Why oh why does anyone think they sound smart by speaking like that? Why? Help me understand. I don’t get it. It’s so annoying and frustrating and makes me feel sorry for you. I think to myself, “Awwww…that poor fucking idiot must feel so small and stupid that they think speaking like a research paper being graded on a per-word basis makes them sound smart.”

Sorry, I know that my filter removal is at an all-time high (especially the death threats) but I’m constantly surrounded by people who do that and it makes me want to jam pencils into my ears while screaming, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

ScreamingOtter

Communication, effective communication, is all about speaking or writing in a way in which people are able to, wait for it… understand what you are saying. If you aren’t effectively communicating, then why bother speaking?

My heart goes out to people who are so insecure. I want to both shake the shit out of them and pat their little insecure heads and tell them it’ll all be okay.

Alrighty, I’m done. All these words have worn me out. I’m going mono-syllabic for the rest of the day. (Right!!) πŸ˜‰

62 comments on “I like big words and I cannot lie! (But NOT if they make no sense, dammit!!!!)

  1. Fab. Couldn’t agree more! What gets me are the journo’s here in the UK that use a long word, or something obscure, then add what it means in the same sentence. Like I haven’t bothered to read every book by Virginia Woolf and every sodding play by Shakespeare. A$$wipes!

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    • That is a riot. I can’t believe they do that!!! Talk about just coming out and saying, “I’m smarter than all of you idiots, so here’s what my big, unnecessary word means.” Dorks. If they think you won’t know what the word means, don’t use the word. Duh! πŸ˜‰

      PS: LOVE me some Shakespeare too!

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  2. Hey, girl! It’s been a while! Glad you’re still up to your sassiness. I have had high school students who try to use big words and they’re barely able to use the small ones. This is why I wear glasses, so I don’t poke out my eyes while I read essays. I even look up big words before I use them to make sure they are the “perfect” word… because you know, some words are just perfect.

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    • It’s been TOO LONG, my dear!!! And heck yeah I’m still as sassy (and annoying and horrible) as ever!!!

      My kids did the same when I was teaching HS. It used to crack me up. I’d think, “You don’t know the difference between there and their and yet you are using a word like “indefatigable’? Wha? Where’s the thesaurus?? I know you are hiding one close by!” πŸ˜‰

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  3. I totally agree! People often ask me to edit their work and when I do, I bring it down to the basics. I’m seriously like why the F do you need to use all these big words. Thesaurus is good, but big fancy words just confuse people and make you sound pompus. I think there’s some incessant need for people to make them feel fancy or better about them self, so they throw big sentences around like you described. At my last place of employment, I literally started running workshops like β€˜How to deliver an effective company communication with less than 50 words.’

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    • You are awesome! Can you please come teach everyone I know your workshop???? I lose my ever-loving mind some days!!! Honest to goodness…a simple, easy to understand sentence is SO MUCH MORE VALUABLE then a bunch of muckity muck (how’s that for a made up word??)! πŸ˜‰ I figure I’m probably an IQ point or two smarter than a turnip, so if I can’t understand you how on earth is poor turnip going to? πŸ˜‰

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  4. AMEN! People who talk like robots who’ve memorized the whole dictionary are soooo uncool. No one is ever impressed, and most people just think you’re a snob if you write that way. Ugh! I think those people think that they’re being professional (by writing like a robot), but really they’re just being asshats. Asshats! Lol.

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    • Love that you like “asshat”. One of my very favorites!!!

      I just got a craving for cookie dough. Wow. Talk about a non-sequitur!

      Yeah, people who speak/write like that drive me nuts. If I have to read a sentence 3 times to glean what you are saying, then you SUCK! πŸ˜‰ Tee hee hee… πŸ™‚

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  5. I’ve always had a rather extensive vocabulary, not to mention a phenomenal grasp of grammar and a superlative command of syntax. With great grammar and vocabulary comes great responsibility and evidently,power.

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  6. You know what’s even worse? (Of course you do. That was one of those rhetorical questions.) What REALLY fries my potatoes are people who think they’re being impressive by using big words…except that they don’t know what their Big Word of the Day means, exactly, and they use it wrong.

    There is no faster way to prove that you’re an ass than to use a word that’s kind of vaguely related, maybe, to the fancy word that means what you’re trying to say.

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  7. Yes yes yes I so agree…………not that I come across many people like that since I don’t know anyone smart enough or should I say stupid enough to talk like that and I am glad don’t because it would be hard for me to remain polite and not tell said person they sound like an ass………….

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    • Ha! I’d love to hear you not remain polite!!! That would be awesome!! πŸ™‚ It’s hard for me too. There’s one person in particular I regularly interact with that talks like this and I want to smack him around. πŸ˜‰

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  8. Ok, are you ready? Wait for it and excuse my spelling of big words…”Why, the audacity of you taking presumption of me is overwhelming! I ought to take you outside, engage you in a pubalistic affair and knock you into oblivion!!” I’ll let you stew over that one until later tomorrow then I’ll explain it πŸ˜‰

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  9. Ok yeah, I hate that, tooβ€”but I need to vent real quick about something else, and I’m here so why not? I was catching up on some blogs I follow this a.m. and one of them is going to END ME with the ever-constant misuse of your/you’re and lack of punctuation. I want to email this person SO BAD and tell her she has really good content and needs to TRULY get this stuff right! I’d NEVER, obvs, but it’s making me die a slow death. HOW HOW HOW do people let this happen? We all make mistakesβ€”that’s a given. But consistently reading “your” when it should be “you’re” makes me want to fall on a sword. NO IDEA why you just got the brunt of this, but somehow I feel better πŸ˜‰

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    • I’m so pleased you feel better after your mini-rant!! That’s what my blog is for, my dear! Freedom to spew! Lord knows I do it enough. Oh, and I couldn’t agree more with you. I have a friend that writes poetry and I love her stuff, but she uses crazy capitalization and punctuation and I can’t tell where sentences begin and end. It makes me INSANE!!! πŸ™‚

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  10. I am a collector of words. The English language is rich with words that are rarely used but can capture the precise meaning of what you are trying to communicate. The kind and clever communicator (versus the pompous ass communicator) will select one of the divine and delicious words but use them in a context or accompany them with a more well known word so as to make the meaning fairly obvious. Then the listener/reader will possibly expand her/his vocabulary without feeling like an idiot.

    But I agree, more people use obscure words to alienate people than to invite them into conversation.

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    • Oh yeah, I love me a divine and delicious word too. πŸ™‚ I even enjoy using the dictionary option on my Kindle when I learn a new word. I just go nuts when people use 30 of them in a sentence to communicate this, “I have to pee.” Did I need 30 words for that??? πŸ™‚

      PS: I always love it when you visit me here. πŸ™‚

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  11. Well Ms. Ambrose, after reading this post it has come to my attention that I am a pompous ass and a retarted moron. πŸ˜€
    I am a sesquipedalian and I absolutely adore using massively gargantuan words and even though I may seem pretentiously egotistical and a mortifying terror to be around due to the verbose use of such irritating vernacular, I will never stop promulgating sentences that contain an indefinitely grand amount of words when only a few might elegantly suffice.
    Being smart is cool Ms. Ambrose, and the use of big, smart words is even cooler, and true, hot chicks today don’t dig smart guys, but they will all regret it when they are older and married to men who can only verbally orchestrate a sentence comprised of four letter words. Unfortunately by then I probably would have reached decrepitude.
    Although I disagree with you Ms. Ambrose, this was yet another very well executed and thoroughly enjoyable article of writing.
    Also, some offense intended Ms. Ambrose, but I hope my excessive use of gigantic, unnecessary words has caused you great distress, for I was in great distress upon discovery that I am an asshat. Is that even a word? I’ll go check in my massive Oxford Dictionary, and I’ll be sure to get back to you with even more huge words!

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    • Woo hoo!!! If I didn’t have at least one pompous ass/retarded moron blog buddy I’d feel like something was missing in my life. πŸ™‚ KIDDING!!! πŸ˜‰ I love massively gargantuan words too (nice use of two there, my friend!) though I’m pretty sure once I got past that I needed a dictionary for about 400 of your words. Kidding again. πŸ™‚ Quite well written, my dear. πŸ™‚ “Decrepitude” is a truly awesome word, by the way.

      I promise, you are not an asshat. Unless every comment you ever leave me from this point forward is as difficult to read as this one. Then I shall buy you an asshat hat to wear. πŸ˜‰

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  12. I am laughing so hard. But in defense of the pompous, sometimes it just happens that way, and let me tell you why. See, in my case, English was not my mother tongue, and I learned it from the books, not much on the street or conversational mode. So many times, I ended up using those big words in casual conversations, and yes, many times english-speaking natives, had no idea what I was talking about – LOL. On other ocassions, I sounded like Data from Star Trek, due to my use of “do not” instead of don’t when speaking. I have gotten better over the years; however, many times I am guilty of the sin of pompous talking. I enjoyed your post so much, and you always make me “crack-up” – see? I did it πŸ™‚ Love it!

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    • I’m so happy you enjoyed! I must say though, I love the way people whose first language is not English actually speak English. I think it’s lovely to sound so polished. πŸ™‚ Data from Star Trek—that is awesome. πŸ™‚ And since you said, “crack-up” I’d say you are officially verbally Americanized!

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    • Exactly! Me too! I want anyone and everyone to be able to understand what I’m trying to communicate. I don’t feel the need to “impress” anyone with trying to sound all fancy. There is definitely a time and a place for fancy, just not every day with every sentence one utters. πŸ˜‰ Have yourself a lovely weekend! πŸ™‚

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  13. I’m late to this party, Jodi, but this is all kinds of awesome. I ain’t got none o’ them big words in my vocabulary, so I only use’n the littler ones. Dig?

    I’ve spent too many hours of my life in meetings with people who do just what you’re talking about, and am beyond glad to not have anything like that going on anymore. Nature center types, apparently, don’t have time for shenanigans like that. Woot!

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    • Awwww…thanks, hon! I likey the little words and the big words. Just wanna strangle people who use them whoppers just to sound smart. πŸ˜‰ My sister reminded me yesterday of a favorite of ours: apoplectic. What a great word!!! Pretty much describes my state of mind lately. πŸ™‚

      I must admit I’m jealous of your nature center life. I’d love to work in a nature center or live on a ranch or just be smothered in critters. Ahhh…to dream… πŸ™‚ Your nature center people sound like good people. πŸ™‚

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      • Hmm – not good. But, yours often is an apoplectic kind of blog, isn’t it? Just don’t let that state of mind take over! You’ll scare the chickens, if nothing else, you know?

        Yes, those – well, WE – nature center types are good folks. Doesn’t stop us from occasional fits of anger, though…

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      • It certainly leans towards apoplexy! πŸ˜‰ I promise not to let my nervous breakdown continue for much longer. Just gotta find a new temporary coping mechanism. I’m the queen of compartmentalizing, so I need to figure out how to do that in one more way and I’ll be good to go. πŸ™‚

        As for you Nature Folks–a little fit of anger sometimes is healthy–it lets off the steam. I’m sure Mother Nature understands. πŸ™‚

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