Mar 27 2013

I’ve become a Happy Hooker! Oh! I mean a Happy Housewife!

Sorry. Sometimes I get the roles of hooker and housewife confused. 😉 KIDDING!!!

So, for those of you who know me, you’ll recall that I freaking HATE HATE HATE any kind of cleaning. Well, I’ve been a cleaning mo fo for the last week because my mother-in-law is coming into town tonight to stay for 3 weeks and I wanted the house to be all clean and pretty. We’ve spent a fortune in time and money remodeling the house, so I wanted it to look nice.

One constant cleaning issue we were having is that now that we have wood floors, our vacuum does nothing but blow the bits of junk that accumulate on the floor all over the place. It is SO frustrating!!! It’s like there has never been a home in which anyone ever wanted to vacuum over hard wood. And I gotta tell ya, I ain’t sweeping the dang thing then trying to navigate all that crap into a dustpan–which ALWAYS leaves that little dust line on the floor. I just don’t care that much. I’d rather live in filth.

Because of this complete vacuum fail I went on a mission to find a dang vacuum that would work on hard wood and didn’t cost the 4 million dollars that a Dyson costs. Alas, I FOUND ONE!!! YAY!!! And because I love you guys and I well imagine I’m not the only person with this problem, I thought I’d turn my blog into a Hints from Heloise column and tell you that I found the most amazing little vacuum that costs about $50. And it’s shaped like a V so you can vacuum right up along side the corners of walls and chair legs and table legs. It is Mr. Supreme Bad Ass Vacuum and I love him and want to marry him.

Bissell Vacuum    Bissell Vacuum 2

Okay, I don’t want to marry him, but for ME…ME!!! to blog about a cleaning implement, you know it must be good.

Here’s the link to the Bissell site where I bought it: http://www.bissell.com/poweredge-pet-hard-floor-vacuum/?cid=&et_cid=2325499&et_rid=423784763

You need not have pets to enjoy this kick ass vacuum. It works like magic on tile and hard wood (heh heh… I said “hard wood”–sorry, HAD to go there!).

Also, you get free shipping if you order from Bissell.com and I got a 10% off coupon for signing up for their email list.

I think I now have to go lie down because I’ve forgotten who I truly am. Who is this strange woman blogging about vacuums? It certainly can’t be me. Good grief, NO!

39 comments on “I’ve become a Happy Hooker! Oh! I mean a Happy Housewife!”

    • I tell ya, if it wasn’t for this vacuum, I would we wading around in floor filth. 😉

      Oh, we got laminate wood floors (fake). We are WAY too rough on a floor to use real wood. It’d be damaged horribly within a year.

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  3. THANK YOU. But I have questions. What you said you wouldn’t do … the sweeping bit. It’s the ONLY thing I can do. We have all hardwoods and stained concrete and the vacuum puts TINY scratches on the hardwoods, so I end up sweeping (yes with a freaking broom) the ENTIRE house and then I CARRY the vacuum and take the hose and suck up the piles. Sounds super fun, huh? Yeah, no.

    So – is this fella soft on the wheels and bottom to keep it from scratching as you roll it all over the hardwood floors? Thanks for the tip!!

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  4. Good Lord, I’m reading about vacuums now! I just bought a Dyson from the Home Shopping Network because the toddler stepped on the remote and that’s where it landed and I had a few drinks in me and I was mesmerized by the suction and double turbo whatever and kickass blue color.

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    • HA!!!! That is awesome (and awful) all that the same time. Dysons are great if you have carpet, but this little guy is amazing for hard floor surfaces. I love love love it!!

      (Yeah, who ever knew that I would post anything about a vacuum???)

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  7. Seriously thought I was on someone else’s blog! You’re so funny. But hey, that is pretty exciting. I always feel weird vacuuming hardwood floors. I may need to check out that pet vacuum, lol. 🙂

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    • I know, right?? ME??? Extolling the virtues of a VACUUM? Did Hell freeze over an no one told me??? 🙂

      You would love love this vacuum. It makes dealing with hard wood floors soooo easy. I can vacuum my entire house in 10 minutes. It kicks ass! 🙂 XO

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  9. I am sure many people do confuss housewife and hooker………………..ok maybe not……… but all who use a vacumm like one with lots of suck……………….when it doens’t suck you want to kick it to the curb……………..but I guess if a hooker doesn’t suck you might want to kick her to the curb too………….lol

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  10. “She asks me why, I’m just a hairy guy
    I’m hairy noon and night, hair that’s a fright
    I’m hairy high and low, don’t ask me why, don’t know…”

    We all know these lyrics are of the borrowed variety, but no less apt than if they were of my own making. If you know nothing else about me, you know that I am a hairy guy.
    And because this is one of my more prominent features, the subject of this blog is news I can use.
    I feared it was living in Hicksville that prevented us from finding a decent dustpan. (What a misnomer! Dust makes up a very small percent of what is swept into a “dustpan”.) After reading your blog, it seems this could be a problem of global proportions. That little line you speak of is the bane of good housewives everywhere. It makes my usually stable mother (OK, “stable” might be a stretch…) lose her mind. Of course it will make her little nuts to see I have actually used the phrase “good housewives” in this (or any other) comment. But, I digress.
    We are going to try this little sucker because of your glowing review. Anyone familiar with your blog knows you are the “go to” gal of cleaning tips. HA! And again I say, “HA!”
    After my smackdown with Mr. Supreme Bad Ass Vacuum, we’ll just see how good he really is.
    AND Bissell will thank you for boosting their bottom line.

    So sing it with me, Jodi-
    “Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair
    Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
    Give me down to there, hair, shoulder length or longer
    Here baby, there, momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy”

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    • HOW DID I MISS YOUR COMMENT???? I’ve been asleep at the wheel this week.

      I love your hairy guy lyrics. My house is filled with a long-haired hubby, a long-haired wifey, a long-haired kitty, a regular-haired kitty and other various and sundry varmints that do NOTHING BUT SHED!!! It’s like living in a dustbin at a hair salon. So, yes, my dear, I will sing with you!!! 🙂

      And yes, the dustpan issue is of global proportions. What a waste of time!! I hope you love the vacuum. I adore it. It almost…let me stress the word almost…makes me want to vacuum more than once every 6 months. 😉

      Let me know what you think. I hope you love it too or I will feel bad and want to send you $50. I won’t, but I’ll want to. 😉 XOXOXOXOXOXO

      PS: The crack about your “stable” mom made me bust out laughing! 😉

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  13. Pingback: First: Stripper Smell. Next: Clean Floors. Now: Kissable Lips! | Jodi Ambrose's Blog

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