Vacation Time!!

I’m goin’ on vacation!!! Woo hoo!!!

As a Christmas present for my mom, I told her I’d treat her to a vacation back home on the east coast. And we’re heading off tomorrow! Yay!!!

Luckily, I was able to save enough airline miles to get us there first class for free. My sweet little 74 year old mommy should be able to enjoy a nice, wide seat and good food, so I did everything but hook on the corner to get airline miles saved for the last year (I plan my Christmas presents WAY in advance). Thankfully, I was able to save enough with 300 miles to spare!

We’re going to hang out in our old home town and then head to the beach. I’m going to eat more blue crabs than anyone on earth. I can’t wait. 🙂

Mom and Jodi at Christmas

I hope you guys all have a wonderful long weekend (for those of you in the States)! I’ll be back in the next couple of weeks.

Love ya!

I’m the new SEXPERT for The Acquiring Man Magazine!

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Yay!!!The Acquiring Man Magazine Article Jodi Ambrose

Starting today I’ll be writing monthly articles for The Acquiring Man magazine and I’m totally psyched! 🙂 My articles will be about love, relationships, naughty-bits and all that good stuff.

Please check it out (especially if you are in a relationship where a little extra–better–yummier romping would be a welcomed thing!).

Click HERE to read my article. 🙂

I think there was a tiny copy/paste issue though as one of my sentences is in there twice, so just ignore the duplication. You know what a crazy perfectionist I am!

I hope you enjoy it and if you follow the suggestion in the article I hope you have an AWESOME nookie-life too!

XOXOXOX

 

Mmmmmm…food…

Howdy everyone! I’m so thankful it’s Friday I could weep like a sad kitten! sad kitten

Since it is hot as friggin’ hell out here in Arizona (someone kill me) I thought since I’m staying inside (never to leave the house again until November) that I’d do two things.

  1. Give you a lip-smacking, damn good recipe from my cookbook.
  2. Give you a link to vote for Rants From My Crazy Kitchen as being one of the top 25 Foodie Moms. You’ll remember her not only from her awesome blog, but she contributed two delicious recipes to the cookbook. Yummy drool drool! Click HERE to vote for her and her awesome blog. I’m sure she will be very thankful you took the time. 🙂

RECIPE TIME!!!

Okay, so you guys know that I’m a cookbook writer that HATES HATES HATES to cook. Yeah, I know. I’m a whacko. Anyway, I’m going to give you a recipe for one of THE BEST desserts you can ever make and I kid you not, a blind hamster could make it–it’s THAT easy! It’s the perfect cake to take to a BBQ. It’s the perfect cake to take to bed and eat with your hands until you pass out (at least you are already laying down–less likely to get injured).

This recipe is good for a few reasons:

  1. It’s cheap to make.
  2. It’s easy as hell to make and takes about 4 minutes to throw together.
  3. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t want a second helping.
  4. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t want a third helping.

I’m going to give you the recipe straight from the book, little story and all (each recipe has its own story because I talk too damn much!). 🙂 I hope you love it! Oh, and GO VOTE for Rants!! She’s awesome and I’d love to see her make it into the top 25 Foodie Moms again this year. 🙂

Dump Cake

Let me say that on their own, I don’t like many of the ingredients in this cake. The first time my mom made it and handed me a piece I thought to myself, “GROSS! Cherries and pineapple? Vomit. Must. Keep. Smile. On. Face. While. Gagging.” Then I took a bite. Then I took another. Then I took 20 more and ended up eating 3 pieces of it. Somehow, all the flavors come together into this conglomeration of co-mingled delights in a way that I never would have expected. Of course, anything with a stick and a half of butter is bound to be delicious. Besides which, it truly is the single most easy homemade cake you will ever make. Ever. Period.

Below is Mom’s recipe from 1978. Thank goodness that she saves everything. I sure know who I get my pack rat tendencies from.

 dump cake

The list of yum yums:

  • One 18- to 20-ounce can of cherry pie filling—the extra cherry kind if possible
  • 1 – 1½ sticks of butter
  • One 20-ounce can of un-drained pineapple rings
  • 1 box of yellow cake mix

 Dumping it all together:

  1. Preheat the oven to 350 °F.
  2. Butter the bottom and sides of a 9×13 glass dish.
  3. Place a single layer of pineapple rings on the bottom of the dish and pour the juice over the pineapple.
  4. Pour the can of cherry pie filling on top of the pineapple and spread so the cherries are distributed evenly.
  5. Pour the dry yellow cake mix over the pineapple and cherries and level it out. Don’t mash the cake mix, just gently level it out and make sure it’s evenly dispersed.
  6. The take a stick or stick and a half of butter, slice it into 1/8-inch thick slices and put it over the entire cake top about an inch apart.
  7. Bake at 350 °F for about an hour or until the top is crispy brown.

I can’t even begin to describe how tasty this cake is. And seriously, have you ever read an easier cake recipe? It’s even easier than boxed cake. I would serve this cake to a chef. A president. A Nobel Prize winner. There is no shame in serving this cake to anyone and everyone. It may have taken you 3 minutes to make it, but no one would ever guess that in a million years. It is absolutely fantastic.

Enjoy everyone! Have a fantastic weekend! 🙂 Luv ya!

In Rememberance of Cereal

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Yeah, yeah, I know…weird topic, right? But I have an undying love of cereal. I’d eat cereal all dang day if the kind I like wasn’t filled with more sugar than a dozen cookies. Mmmm…cookies….

As I just recently found one of my all-time favorite cereals at the store and celebrated by doing a Happy Cereal Dance in the aisle (yes, people stared. No, it was not pretty!) I thought I’d share with you how cereal has affected my life.

  1. Boo Berry, Frankenberry and Count Chocula: What on earth could be better than these? When I was a little girl, my mom didn’t let us eat sweets and candy all the time, much to my sister’s and my chagrin. But frankenberryfor some wonderful reason she let us eat pure sugar cereal. Woo hoo! LOVED those three cereals. And while I usually hate putting more than a small splash of milk into my cereal, for these I would make an exception as the cereal-flavored milk was YUMMY!! Of course now Frankenberry and Boo Berry taste like cardboard vomit. I don’t know why they mess with perfection (except to save a buck here and there–cheap bastards) but I can’t eat either of them now as they taste so nasty. Count Chocula I can still eat, but it’s not as good as before. I think they use leftover cardboard from the cereal boxes in the actual cereal. Oh and they are so skimpy with the marshmallows now! I have to throw away half the box of cereal just to have the proper marshmallow to cereal ratio. WTF?? It’s simply a shame.
  2. Crunchberries: I do love me some Crunchberries. Remember when they were only red in color, not this rainbow of yumminess they currently are?  crunchberries 2The only thing that SUCKS about Crunchberries is that I’ve spent my entire life throwing away 3/4 of the box because I don’t want the Cap’n Crunch that goes along with the Crunchberries. I need at least a 2:1 ratio of Crunchberries to Cap’n Crunch. Essentially,  3 bowls of Crunchberries costs $5 because I throw out most of it. Absolutely ridiculous! So, imagine my sheer delight when I first discovered OOPS Berries. Crunchberries without the Cap’n. WOO HOO!!! It was like a dream come true–both taste bud dreams and wallet happiness dreams! I could eat Oops Berries til the cows came home. I bought 4 boxes and ate until I was sick. Ready to puke and stuck with a bluish-colored tongue, I still had to have more. So back to the store I went and they were GONE! SON OF A BITCH! CrunchberriesWhere are they??? Apparently, they were just a special. NOOOOOO!!!! See, it even says, “Limited time only” on the box. So, I took to the Internet and would buy them in bulk. 10 boxes to an order. I’d be so embarrassed about my Oops Berries addiction that I’d hide like 8 of the boxes in the closet so no one else would eat…OH, I mean, see them. Freudian slip there. 😉 Thank God I can now usually find this delicious box of yum at the Fry’s or at the Walmart. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have my Oops. Best damn cereal on earth. (This was the Happy Dance inducing cereal the other day.)
  3. Frootloops and Apple Jacks: Mmmmm…loved these then. Love these now. They are essentially the same cereal to me. I just snuck a single serving of Frootloops into the movie theater 2 weeks ago and crunched frootloops and applejackson it throughout the movie. I’m sure everyone within 10 feet of me wanted me dead. Crunch crunch crunch! As for Apple Jacks, well, my story is a bit naughtier. When I was a teenager my friends and I would sneak out all the time after curfew. ALL the time! It was awesome. Once Mom and the step-dad were asleep and either the A/C or heat kicked on (it made quite the racket) I’d quietly pry open the front door and off I’d be for many hours of illegal activities and whoring. KIDDING! The whoring didn’t start until much later. KIDDING AGAIN! Okay, we’ll just say that my adventures often involved pot, booze and making out, but I kept my pants on for the most part. Anyway, I digress…so one night my best friend and I decided to sneak out. We happened to be sitting on the front porch eating Apple Jacks when our friends pulled up to whisk us away. applejacks in mailboxSo, we stuffed the bowls of Apple Jacks into the mailbox and off we went. Well, those Apple Jacks saved us because we didn’t drag ass back home until about 8:00am and surprise, surprise right as we finished removing the bowls of soggy Apple Jacks from the mailbox my mom (who ALWAYS slept late, dammit!) opened the front door and asked us what in the Hell we were doing. Since I’m a quick thinker I said, “We’re just eating our cereal outside because it’s such a pretty day!” Mom totally fell for it!!! Had we not had bowls of cereal (because who would think we’d stashed cereal in the mailbox overnight?) my mom never would have bought that we had just come from inside the house. She’d have known we were just arriving home. I’d have been murdered. My mom did not put up with that shit and I’d have been killed in a less-than-pleasant way involving thumb tacks and a potato peeler! Apple Jacks saved my life!!!

Okay, I just realized that this is already a tome and I could seriously go on for about 8 more cereals. To save you eye strain, I shall not. I just wanted to share my cereal love with you and how my love affair with it saved my ass one time. My entire teenage years would have been so much more boring had my mom truly busted me. She’d have locked my bedroom door from the outside each night and I’d probably still be a virgin! Eeee Gawds, no!!! 🙂

Your 2nd Chance at Being a Super Hero! :)

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TGIMFF! Yeah, had to add a few extra letters to the typical TGIF. you know I can’t help myself!

This post is for my amazing friend Joel, who you may know as Dambreaker (go check out his blog!). He plays sled hockey, which is an adaptive sport of hockey for people with physical disabilities. He’s been playing for over five years and is co-assistant captain of his team in Austin, Texas. Yay Joel!Superfriends

Where your Super Hero-ness comes into play is that he needs our help to raise money to participate in a national sled hockey tournament, which will be held in Boston, Massachusetts (Go Boston!) in Spring of 2014. He has joined with another player on his team to be able to go as his team in Austin is not willing to help individual players get to the tournament (dammit, that sucks). So Joel and his buddy are on his own in this adventure.

They were able to attend the tournament in 2012 which was closer to home in Dallas (Woo hoo!). It was their first time ever entering into any tournament competition and they arrived back home — WINNING THE BRONZE. Pretty dang good for their first time!!!!

Unfortunately, funds were lacking last year and the team was not willing to spend anything to go to the 2013 tournament that was held in Philadelphia.

I’m so inspired by him–I can’t even imagine the dedication it takes to play sled hockey having a physical disability. My lazy ass has a hard time even getting off the sofa and I’m strong as an ox! Bless his heart for all the hard work he puts into it.

Being the determined and hard working man he is, he’s enlisted people who adore him to help out in his amazing journey. He’s working with the Cape Cod Cookie Company who will give a dozen FREE assorted cookies to the highest donation. I’m donating 2 signed copies of each of my three books to the cause. We all want him to succeed!

If you want to help Joel on his journey, you can! Whether you can only afford $.50 or $50 doesn’t matter–every little bit helps as he and his sled hockey teammate have to pay for everything on their own, including food, travel, hotel, strippers (KIDDING!). Here is the donation site: http://www.gofundme.com/2t2pvs

I asked Joel to do some research and write a little bit about the safety of the site so that no one worries about security, and also write a little bit about how he feels about his sport. Here’s what he says, “Because the other player and I saw that there wasn’t any help coming from the team, we decided to go vigilante. Sammy and I LOVE playing the sport! It’s in our veins. And we also love the fact that we are introducing something such as sled hockey to a new group of people who never knew that the sport even existed. The USA even has its own national team. Which is MY DREAM to be a part of. The last Paralympics that was held in 2012, the USA brought home the GOLD medal and has brought home many gold medals from annual worldwide tournaments since then, playing against such sled hockey powerhouses such as Norway and of course, Canada. There IS a team in Phoenix. They are pretty bad ass (from me: of course they are!). The donation site is secure for payment. I’ve never heard of anyone having problems with this site and they have helped out millions of people from teenagers wanting to go on missionary trips to helping the families of victims of recent national tragedies, such as the Boston marathon bombing, hurricane victims in the Gulf, and the victims of the Aurora massacre.”

If you can help Joel out with a donation, that would be great! If you can’t afford to, feel free to send him well-wishes here or on his blog. Any happy vibes coming his way are good!

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I know he appreciates and I  certainly do too! Much love!

love teddy