In Rememberance of Cereal

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Yeah, yeah, I know…weird topic, right? But I have an undying love of cereal. I’d eat cereal all dang day if the kind I like wasn’t filled with more sugar than a dozen cookies. Mmmm…cookies….

As I just recently found one of my all-time favorite cereals at the store and celebrated by doing a Happy Cereal Dance in the aisle (yes, people stared. No, it was not pretty!) I thought I’d share with you how cereal has affected my life.

  1. Boo Berry, Frankenberry and Count Chocula: What on earth could be better than these? When I was a little girl, my mom didn’t let us eat sweets and candy all the time, much to my sister’s and my chagrin. But frankenberryfor some wonderful reason she let us eat pure sugar cereal. Woo hoo! LOVED those three cereals. And while I usually hate putting more than a small splash of milk into my cereal, for these I would make an exception as the cereal-flavored milk was YUMMY!! Of course now Frankenberry and Boo Berry taste like cardboard vomit. I don’t know why they mess with perfection (except to save a buck here and there–cheap bastards) but I can’t eat either of them now as they taste so nasty. Count Chocula I can still eat, but it’s not as good as before. I think they use leftover cardboard from the cereal boxes in the actual cereal. Oh and they are so skimpy with the marshmallows now! I have to throw away half the box of cereal just to have the proper marshmallow to cereal ratio. WTF?? It’s simply a shame.
  2. Crunchberries: I do love me some Crunchberries. Remember when they were only red in color, not this rainbow of yumminess they currently are?Β  crunchberries 2The only thing that SUCKS about Crunchberries is that I’ve spent my entire life throwing away 3/4 of the box because I don’t want the Cap’n Crunch that goes along with the Crunchberries. I need at least a 2:1 ratio of Crunchberries to Cap’n Crunch. Essentially,Β  3 bowls of Crunchberries costs $5 because I throw out most of it. Absolutely ridiculous! So, imagine my sheer delight when I first discovered OOPS Berries. Crunchberries without the Cap’n. WOO HOO!!! It was like a dream come true–both taste bud dreams and wallet happiness dreams! I could eat Oops Berries til the cows came home. I bought 4 boxes and ate until I was sick. Ready to puke and stuck with a bluish-colored tongue, I still had to have more. So back to the store I went and they were GONE! SON OF A BITCH! CrunchberriesWhere are they??? Apparently, they were just a special. NOOOOOO!!!! See, it even says, “Limited time only” on the box. So, I took to the Internet and would buy them in bulk. 10 boxes to an order. I’d be so embarrassed about my Oops Berries addiction that I’d hide like 8 of the boxes in the closet so no one else would eat…OH, I mean, see them. Freudian slip there. πŸ˜‰ Thank God I can now usually find this delicious box of yum at the Fry’s or at the Walmart. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have my Oops. Best damn cereal on earth. (This was the Happy Dance inducing cereal the other day.)
  3. Frootloops and Apple Jacks: Mmmmm…loved these then. Love these now. They are essentially the same cereal to me. I just snuck a single serving of Frootloops into the movie theater 2 weeks ago and crunched frootloops and applejackson it throughout the movie. I’m sure everyone within 10 feet of me wanted me dead. Crunch crunch crunch! As for Apple Jacks, well, my story is a bit naughtier. When I was a teenager my friends and I would sneak out all the time after curfew. ALL the time! It was awesome. Once Mom and the step-dad were asleep and either the A/C or heat kicked on (it made quite the racket) I’d quietly pry open the front door and off I’d be for many hours of illegal activities and whoring. KIDDING! The whoring didn’t start until much later. KIDDING AGAIN! Okay, we’ll just say that my adventures often involved pot, booze and making out, but I kept my pants on for the most part. Anyway, I digress…so one night my best friend and I decided to sneak out. We happened to be sitting on the front porch eating Apple Jacks when our friends pulled up to whisk us away. applejacks in mailboxSo, we stuffed the bowls of Apple Jacks into the mailbox and off we went. Well, those Apple Jacks saved us because we didn’t drag ass back home until about 8:00am and surprise, surprise right as we finished removing the bowls of soggy Apple Jacks from the mailbox my mom (who ALWAYS slept late, dammit!) opened the front door and asked us what in the Hell we were doing. Since I’m a quick thinker I said, “We’re just eating our cereal outside because it’s such a pretty day!” Mom totally fell for it!!! Had we not had bowls of cereal (because who would think we’d stashed cereal in the mailbox overnight?) my mom never would have bought that we had just come from inside the house. She’d have known we were just arriving home. I’d have been murdered. My mom did not put up with that shit and I’d have been killed in a less-than-pleasant way involving thumb tacks and a potato peeler! Apple Jacks saved my life!!!

Okay, I just realized that this is already a tome and I could seriously go on for about 8 more cereals. To save you eye strain, I shall not. I just wanted to share my cereal love with you and how my love affair with it saved my ass one time. My entire teenage years would have been so much more boring had my mom truly busted me. She’d have locked my bedroom door from the outside each night and I’d probably still be a virgin! Eeee Gawds, no!!! πŸ™‚

42 comments on “In Rememberance of Cereal

  1. I love you jodi ambrose.

    I did a post about how I revisited my beloved Frankenberry after it was unavailable for years in my area. Like you said, it was garbage compared to how it was. Crunch Berries are freaking great still, as is lucky charms, frosted flakes, honey smacks and apple jacks. I still love sugar cereal and say fuck you dick and your nasty grapefruit! to everyone who bad mouths my breakfast.

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    • I’m quite sure I love you!! Totally fuck you to breakfast haters!! I don’t want no stinking grapefruit (though in reality I’m totally jealous of people who enjoy it for breakfast and that’s where my “fuck you” comes from!) πŸ˜‰ . I do so LOVE LOVE LOVE sugary cereals. Crunchberries are the shit! I love Honeycomb, Cookie Crunch, Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch…all of that stuff too. I’m going to go eat a bowl right now. YUMMY!! PS: So glad I’m not the only Frankenberry lover out there, even if that shit is inedible now.

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  2. Count Chocula hasn’t been available in my neck of the woods in many many years. It was easily my favourite cereal of all time. I was a little peeved when they added the white ghost marshmallows, since they would have had to leave out some far superior chocolate marshmallows to maintain the aforementioned ever decreasing marshmallow to cereal ratio.
    I can’t remember if Crunch Berries was ever available here, but I do have a love/hate relationship with Cap’n Crunch. I love the sugary sweetness, but I hate the sharp edges of the cereal that chew up the roof of my mouth. I don’t know if that’s strictly a recent development or if it happened when I was younger too and just didn’t care!

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    • Awww…that’s a shame about the Count Chocula not being around. It’s always been a favorite of mine. I have a hard time getting it here, but can usually find it at Walmart. As for the white marshmallows–poop on them! Only the chocolate ones deserve to be in Count Chocula, dammit! πŸ˜‰

      As for Cap’n Crunch–always have had the square edges. But like you said, when you’re a kid it doesn’t matter. All that matters is a big old bowl of yummy! πŸ™‚

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  3. Well, in my best (and rarely used) sycophant’s voice, Jodi, I’ll say that your Happy Cereal Dance could only have been gorgeous given the subject doing said dance.
    This post cracks me up, so thanks for that. And because I’m reading this with my Irrelevant Thought Helmet on, I wondered what your chef hubby thinks of your addiction to these cereals.
    And I wish I’d’ve known about stashing bowls of cereal in the mailbox when I was sneaking out.

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    • Awwww…you are far too kind. Thank you, doll. What a nice thing to say. πŸ™‚ But believe me, I’m sure I woulda scared the hair off a rabbit had they seen the happy dance! πŸ˜‰

      My hubby thinks my taste in cereal leaves A LOT to be desired!! He’s more of a healthy cereal eater–YUCK! He’ll mix Cherios, Granola and Total all together in a huge bowl and eat it. Just the smell of all of that wheat makes me wanna puke! Crunchberries smell sooooo much better! πŸ˜‰

      As for the cereal bowl in the mailbox trick, I hope to help the youngsters of today learn the tricks of the trade for an effective sneak-out. Since I have no kids of my own, I have to pass along my wisdom somehow. πŸ˜‰

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  4. I was a Franken Berry man myself. Although the occasional bowl of Boo Berry did hit the spot, for me with Boo Berry, it was a case of “Too much of a good thing is never a good thing.”

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    • Boo Berry will give you a cavity by just looking at the box!! πŸ™‚ I never could pick between them back in the day. One day it would be Count Chocula, the next would be Frankenberry and the next Boo Berry. I wish they were as good now as they used to be. Absolutely loved them!

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  5. My daughter LOVES Lucky Charms, but to her almost 4 year old mind they are called Marshmallows and Cereal, and you better NOT tell her different!! As a kid my grandmother let me pot sugar on Rice Krispies πŸ™‚

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    • Lucky Charms rule! Your daughter has good taste buds! πŸ™‚ I like her name; I too believe in just getting to the point. Marshmallows and cereal works for me. πŸ™‚

      My mom used to let us put sugar on Rice Krispies too! Ahhh….the good ole days! πŸ™‚

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      • Thank you for allowing me to use Grant’s profile. It worked πŸ˜€

        Either that or I had the most wonderful dream and so did she and somehow manage to get my mobile number lol

        Or maybe it’s the start of a cereal drama πŸ˜‰

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      • How cool you ended up using his profile!! I love that!!! πŸ™‚ That rules. I’m also quite happy it worked, my friend. Yay!!! I’m going to need details–you know how I am. “Cereal drama.” Good lord… πŸ˜‰

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      • May I offer a suggestion without your having asked for one? I try to not do that, but… just be careful, my dear. She’s going to have a LOT of emotional distress to deal with (guilt peppered with relief which may cause more guilt). She’s going to need people to lean on for comfort and love after going through a physical and emotional trauma like that and you may not want to begin a relationship during that kind of need. Maybe postpone the first date for a few months until she’s feeling better. You, of course, can tell me to go blow myself–just trying to keep your sweet little heart safe. πŸ™‚ XOXO

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      • We’ve had a couple of dates already, and we’ve sat and talked about it. I will be helping her through it. I showed her your books as well πŸ˜€ She thinks you’re cool πŸ™‚ I didn’t tell her about the douchebag incident πŸ˜†

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      • I don’t think anyone should go through that alone. She’s someone that shows an interest in me. I never expected anyone to. So it’s the least I can do

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      • Thank you Jodi, I know you’re just saying that to make me feel better. Thanks 😌 . She did it yesterday so I told her today. I couldn’t string her along and it killed me to tell her. The thought of hurting someone, reducing someone to tears so that I can be happy sounds awful. But I had to be selfish. We are going to stay friends and I said I didn’t want “f**k buddies” I’m not into that. I need commitment of some sort.

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  6. You and your love of cereal, so cute! Lol. When I eat cereal, I tend to eat it dry, with a separate cup of milk. Hate soggy cereal! And hate the poor ratio of cereal to marshmallows even more. COME ON, they have to know it’s all about the marshmallows!! 😦

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    • I’m a silly weirdo! πŸ˜‰ I hate soggy cereal too! Total ick!!!! I never thought of the separate cup of milk idea. That’s great!

      Glad I’m not the only one that understands that it’s ALL ABOUT THE FREAKING MARSHMALLOWS!!! How do they not know that????

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  7. Love it! With you on every choice. My wife brought home the threesome of boo berry, frankenberry and count chocola recently. My kids didn’t want them so I ended up eating all three. I’d add Lucky Charms to the list too!

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    • Glad you have such good taste in cereal. Somehow, I knew you would! πŸ˜‰ Boo Berry, Frankenberry and Count Chocula are the only threesome most guys can bring home and not get stabbed over. πŸ˜‰

      Your kids didn’t want them? I don’t understand that. I’m going to pretend I didn’t read that. NA NA NA NA NA NA NA–I can’t hear you. πŸ™‚ Oh, and hell yeah to good ole Lucky Charms! πŸ™‚ Slurp. Gonna go eat some Opps Berries right now. πŸ™‚

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      • They are kind of weird, the kids that is. Son will eat breakfast foods but mostly just frozen waffles, pancakes, etc. Daughter only eats (for breakfast) stuff that you would serve for dinner. Oh well… they probably won’t end up being as well adjusted as me!!!

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      • I love that your daughter eats dinner for breakfast. I do that all the time–usually pull cold leftovers out of the fridge and stuff my face. She and I are kindred spirits. πŸ™‚ Your boy has good taste buds too. Who’d turn down waffles and pancakes.

        As for well-adjusted—life’s more fun when you are bonkers anyway! πŸ˜‰

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  8. LOL What a great story about Apple Jacks! If I had know you back in the day, what trouble makers we would have been:) On a sad note I can’t eat cereal because of a traumatic experience in my childhood. (: One morning while eating my cereal, my sister forgot to cover her nose while she sneezed. That’s right snot all over my food. I protested to my parents who ignored me and my sister did it again when their backs were turned. I had to eat booger cereal. Needless to say I was damaged for life!!!

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    • Oh yeah…we’d have terrorized the town!!! πŸ™‚

      As for snot-cereal–EWWWWWWW!!!!! Now I’m damaged for life. I mean LIFE! Sisters can be so gross!!! πŸ™‚

      I had one of those scarring moments last night. The hubby made calamari pasta and it was sooooo good!! But then I saw this bunch of fucking NASTY tentacles all gross and icky sitting in the bowl and literally ran to the bathroom and puked like I was a puke machine built for the sole purpose of puking. I don’t think I’ve EVER actually puked from almost eating something. It was so visceral of a reaction. Just something about those damn tentacles being all creepy crawly turned my stomach over. You with cereal scarring. Me with tentacle scarring! What a pair we are!

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      • It was VILE!!!! I figured I’d pick the calamari rings out of the pasta and just eat the noodles, but shockingly enough they were super tender and not rubbery at all. But. Then. I. Saw. The. Tentacles. I swear I puked like someone had told me I’d just eaten the foot of a small baby. It was like the Exorcist. UGGGHH!!!!

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  9. Love this! Capn Crunch is my fav as a kid. So sweet n crunchy and at the end of the box comes that yummy powder! These days its Honeynut Cheerios. By the way, hi neighbor. We have moved to Las Vegas. Love this place!

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      • Sooo dang much work moving into our little apartment Jodi, but it will pass. Got the TV/phone and internet hooked up today, sweet! So many things yet to do too. The valley is heating up for summer, we love baking in the desert sun. πŸ™‚

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