Now, you know I always have fun when getting a pedicure. It’s either entertaining because they scald/maul/slice me to death or because someone around me is outta control funny. This time, it was the funny.
Here are some snippets of conversations overheard while getting my little toesies buffed:
- I don’t know why, but I love the smell of rotten feet. If I did pedicures for a living like you, I wouldn’t let anyone wash their feet first. (HOLY SHIT CAKES!! That one about made me puke in my mouth!)
- Genital warts ain’t so bad. Just try not to let the lights be too bright so that no one can see ’em. (Oh. My. God.)
- I peed myself. No seriously, I actually peed myself. It got all over the car seat. I’m guessing there won’t be a date number 2. (I about peed myself!)
- My mom asked me last week how to give a blow job. I wanted to kill myself. (Ummmm…uhhh…yeah.)
- Girl 1: “Does my ass look fat in these pants? I should never wear white.” Girl 2: “Your ass looks HUGE in those pants. When we leave here we should burn them in the parking lot. You’d look better walking around in your underwear.” (With friends like that…!!! To Girl 1’s credit, she did laugh her voluptuous ass off when her friend said that.)
- This one from a guy on the phone: “Yeah man, I keep telling her that she’ll get used to it. I love the smell. Why can’t she just get over it and quit barking at me? My farts smell great.” (I swear I wanted to get up and pound him with a hammer. NO ONE’S colon smells good, you dolt!)
- I need a line of blow. (Seriously??? Where people can hear you? Decorum, my friend. Decorum.)
- Girl on phone: “Last night I ate a whole large pizza plus an order of garlic bread.” …. “Yeah, about 15 minutes later.” … “It went everywhere! All over the sheets. All over him. It was so gross.” (Good God almighty. I gather that she puked all over the place while doing the dirty? That poor guy!!)
- Why do I get so many eye boogers? It’s like my eyes have a cold. I have eyeball snot factories. Gross. (Yep, gross. Though I have to admit I used to love looking at eye boogers under a microscope. Fascinating.) 🙂
- And the creme de la creme: I only have 9 fingers. Do I get a discount on a full set of acrylics. (Nope. So not kidding!)
I always find it shockingly funny when in the course of 2 hours I get to hear so many different kinds of bat shit crazy stuff!!! I spent the entire time laughing my ass off. Yep, just another trip into Crazy Town on a Saturday afternoon!