.
Yeah, yeah, TMI I know. But dammit, sometimes a girl just has to share.
10 reasons PMS sucks donkey balls:
- Men don’t have it. NOT FAIR!
- I’m hungry all the time.
- Did I mention that I’M HUNGRY ALL THE TIME!?
- All I want to eat is pizza, chocolate, McDonald’s french fries, more pizza, more chocolate, spaghetti with homemade sauce, Snickers and funnel cake.
- After eating all that, all I want to do is sleep and then wake up and then sleep some more.
- I gain like 3 pounds of water weight for about 6 days.
- I wake up 5 times a night to a bursting bladder. Then I can’t fall back asleep and lay there cursing anyone and everyone that is asleep at that precise moment.
- It’s the precursor to even more fun the next week. Yay!
- Did I mention that I can’t stop stuffing my gullet?
- MEN DON’T HAVE IT! STILL NOT FAIR!!!
I guess I should be thankful that I don’t get bitchy or whiny or weepy. I know the hubby is thankful for that! But dammit, the absence of one misery doesn’t negate the presence of others.
I saw on a TV show a man saying that women should just shut up about it because men, after all, have to get prostate exams. Needless to say I went over to the TV and smashed it with a bat. Then I found where the guy lived and burned his house to the ground with him and his prostate in it.
EVERYBODY. Do not make any sudden movements. She might not see you.
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Excellent advice! 😉
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LMAO!!
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1 & 10 – Haven’t heard of the man-struation yet, no?
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Any man who tries to steal PMS from us gets a swift kick in the nads. 😉
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I understand and relate to your violent tendencies. But one must also agree that men can be just as well… yeah. That. Minus the obvious symptoms.
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Yeah, it’s just that men have no excuse for it! 😉 KIDDING! (Sort of.) 🙂
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Hope you feel better.
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Thanks doll. All is good. If only I could find enough food! 🙂
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Um, excuse me, but you said in there that you’re NOT bitchy. And the whole thing was a bitch!! I’m going to run now, I’ll be in one of those countries that accepts outlaws 😉
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Oh my God! That made me burst out laughing! Well done, young lady…well done! Now, git yourself to an outlaw country fast!! 😉
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I always wanted to live in France, however after 4 years of French in high school, all I can remember is how to ask to go to the bathroom!! True story!! Oh, and I can count to 10 🙂
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I did the 4 years of French too and I think Ou est la toilet? is one of the only sentences I remember too! We are two peas in a pod!
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Once again, I am peeing in my pants!! LOL!! I too am about to start and just ate a whole movie sized box of Sprees and lied to my son (they were his) and said I hadn’t seen them. It’s okay, he’s almost 13. He’ll live. Especially now that I got my sugar high. And I totally understand the whole “wanting to eat everything” syndrome. I literally turn into PacMan every time this month.
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I LOVE that you liberated your son’s Spree!!! I LOVE Spree too! I’m totally picturing you as Ms. PacMan but you are eating Spree instead of dots! Mmm…Dots are good too. Dammit! Now I’m hungry AGAIN! 😉
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Crazy bitches. It’s a gross phenomenon, let’s just say that and agree.
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Honest to God, it’s disgusting! It’s not called “the curse” for nothin! 🙂
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Ha! This was a good one! What a great way to crack me up…!
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Always happy to give you the giggles my friend! 🙂
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I had a prostate exam last week. That was 2-3 seconds of discomfort. I don’t relish things going up my ass. It’s for things coming out of, or when I’m talking shit. Women have PMS and their smear tests are longer and more uncomfortable. I lived with someone who was on permanent PMS, so that time of the month, it was more hell than it normally was lol
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Yuck!!! You poor thing. Ya know, I know plenty of men that would be happy to pay for butt play. Send them to your proctologist! 🙂 As for permanent PMS, that shit sucks! If a woman PMSes hard, she should be a sweetie the other 3 weeks of the month if at all possible. That way she can still have friends. 😉
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Never mind. All in the past now
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I therefore conclude, whenever I got PMS, I will go back to this blog and read this. It will make me feel better 🙂 Funny and true!
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Awww…that is lovely. I’m glad my PMS rant will make you feel better while PMSing! 🙂 Hugs!
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PSSHH… Prostate exams, so what?! Women have to get VAGINAL exams all the time! Same concept here, equally unenjoyable! Women always have it worse, and any man who disagrees is a giant monkey’s butt.
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Seriously! “Scootch down. More. That’s it. Now spread them wide. Wider please. WIDER PLEASE.” WHAT THE FUCK!!!??? Nothing a man has to go through will EVER match that! 😉 And I totally agree about the monkey buttness of any man who disagrees. RUN you disagreeing monkey butts before we catch you!
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Misery loves company so it’s good to know I’m not the only one when it comes to number 7! Your whole article hit home…unfortunately. lol
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Heck yeah, misery loves company. Hence my ranting blog! 😉 Sorry you are a PMS person too. Ugh! Many hugs!
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I have pre- during- and after- MS. After having my baby and then having a giant fibroid removed, my hormones are all over the place. Not only do I eat everything in sight (ok, I haven’t been caught gnawing on my baby’s arm…yet) but I also gain the water weight, PLUS I get to be both hugely bitchy and I cry about the stupidest shit.
You’re damn right it isn’t fair that men don’t have to deal with this… Then again, if they did a cure would have been found YEARS ago.
Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go eat an entire bag of Doritos, wash it down with a hot fudge sundae, and cry over an episode of Perry Mason.
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“Gnawing on your baby’s arm.” HA!!! That is awesome!!! I laughed my a off when I read that. Hormones suck when they are out of whack. I tell my hubby that men will NEVER understand what it’s like to be in pre- during- or after-MS state of mind and body. It’s friggin torture. I will look at my lunch and say to myself, “This is not healthy. I’m going to hate myself if I eat this. Why do I do this mrmph mrmph… (Can’t talk. Eating.)
I couldn’t agree more that if men had to suffer from it that there’d have been a cure when the first man had the first cramp! Totally unfair! Now you go enjoy those Doritos (YUMMY!!), hot fudge sundae (DOUBLE YUMMY!) and Perry Mason (LOVE HIM!!!). XOXOXOXOXO Thanks for the giggles!
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LMAO between your blog & the comments! 1st PMS, 2nd Hot Flashes because women can handle it. Ladies, we do know how a itty, bitty cold can make our man so whiny and needy! Poor baby 🙂
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I know…the comments are usually the best part!! 🙂 Hot flashes. Yuck. I feel like I live in a perpetual state of hot flash. Complete suck! And yeah, I’m always stunned at how quickly a manly man can turn into a 5 year old if they sneeze more than once in a day. Not all of them are like that, thank God, but enough!!! 😉
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Ovary Action – ROFL. Yep, HATE PMS!!!!! Ohhh and the whole “your in a bitchy mood, must be THAT time of month” – SERIOUSLY????
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I loved the “Ovary Action” play on words too! God help the man that ever asks me or suggests that it’s “that time of month.” I can assure you those would be the very last words he ever spoke. He’d likely have to eat through a straw for the rest of his days! 😉
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I have a very nice boyfriend who has an “Emergency-Please-Don’t-Kill-Me” PMS bag full of chocolate and potato chips. It saves him every time.
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You have the wisest of boyfriends!!! Bless his very smart heart! 🙂 You are a lucky woman. Hugs!
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Ok you had me rolling on the floor laughing my ass off!! My cure was a hysterectomy! Tee hee! Now to deal with the hot flashes!! Hugz Lisa
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Well, that just tickles me pink! I love making you giggle! Based on the doc’s suggestion, I’ll be getting my girl parts yanked out too in a few years. We can send each other portable fans and grab bags stuffed full of at least 20 pounds of chocolate! 🙂 XO
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Get over it, men have a serious condition known as man flu
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I’ll give you a case of man flu!!! Kidding! 😉 XOXO
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I’ll give you the facts about man flu.
http://dribblingpensioner.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/man-flu-the-facts/
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Uh oh! Is there some strange man affliction we ladies need to be aware of?? 😉
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Loved this entire post and my relief was a hysterectomy, too, a few years ago! The best thing I ever had done! Hehe! However, I do love the diner menu! 🙂 Keep up the humor, it’s what keeps us going! 🙂 Thanks for the smiles, too! Lauren
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So happy you enjoyed! I’m going to be one of the Hysterectomy Sisters in the next 5-6 years myself. You and I can bond over hot flashes and Hershey Bar lasagna! 😉 HUGS!
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Well, I will admit the hot flashes are coming in a bit stronger now and I have yet to take anything for relief. I like to hold out as long as I can, so we shall see! The fans are now my best friends! 🙂 And Hershey Bar lasagna sounds awesome! Oh, btw, my motto is “hand over the chocolate and nobody gets hurt!” 🙂 Hugs back, Jodi p.s. glad you’re soon joining our sister club!
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Don’t I know it! I swear… I went all the way through pregnancy and breastfeeding feeling damn smug that mine was gone. Then, pretty much five days after the last breasftfeed of my boys *BAM* it hit me in the face like a sack of rocks.
Nobody around here knows what hit them, least of all me.
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So not fair! After giving birth a woman’s reward should be perfectly balanced hormones for the rest of her life!! 🙂
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That would be awesome. Along with life long supplies of chocolate and salt n vinegar crisps!
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Mmmmm…salt and vinegar…mmmm…drool… 🙂
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Haha…good one! It sure gets one out of the blues!!
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Thank you, doll! I’m so glad you enjoyed! 🙂
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You hit it on the head! Except I get the moody/emotional part, too! Ugh. But the cravings are the worst. I’m a lunatic for snacks. Women def. have it way worse than men, no doubt! Thanks for commiserating! lol And for coming by my blog! Love your style here!
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You poor thing! The moody/emotional part sucks! Though the cravings totally suck too. All I wanna eat is Ding Dongs, Twinkies and Doritos. 🙂 Oh, and you are tremendously welcome for visiting your blog! My pleasure. Glad you are enjoying the insanity over here. 🙂 Hugs!
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Only 10 things, eh? 😉 Funny post!
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I know, right? I could have listed 30, but most of them would have been too gross! 😉 XO
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True… 😉
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