Jul 17 2013

10 Things I Hate About PMS! ;)

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Yeah, yeah, TMI I know. But dammit, sometimes a girl just has to share.

10 reasons PMS sucks donkey balls:

  1. Men don’t have it. NOT FAIR!
  2. I’m hungry all the time.
  3. Did I mention that I’M HUNGRY ALL THE TIME!?
  4. All I want to eat is pizza, chocolate, McDonald’s french fries, more pizza, more chocolate, spaghetti with homemade sauce, Snickers and funnel cake.
  5. After eating all that, all I want to do is sleep and then wake up and then sleep some more.
  6. I gain like 3 pounds of water weight for about 6 days.
  7. I wake up 5 times a night to a bursting bladder. Then I can’t fall back asleep and lay there cursing anyone and everyone that is asleep at that precise moment.
  8. It’s the precursor to even more fun the next week. Yay!
  9. Did I mention that I can’t stop stuffing my gullet?
  10. MEN DON’T HAVE IT! STILL NOT FAIR!!!

I guess I should be thankful that I don’t get bitchy or whiny or weepy. I know the hubby is thankful for that! But dammit, the absence of one misery doesn’t negate the presence of others.

I saw on a TV show a man saying that women should just shut up about it because men, after all, have to get prostate exams. Needless to say I went over to the TV and smashed it with a bat. Then I found where the guy lived and burned his house to the ground with him and his prostate in it.

PMS

PMS 1

PMS 2

56 comments on “10 Things I Hate About PMS! ;)”

  3. Um, excuse me, but you said in there that you’re NOT bitchy. And the whole thing was a bitch!! I’m going to run now, I’ll be in one of those countries that accepts outlaws 😉

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  4. Once again, I am peeing in my pants!! LOL!! I too am about to start and just ate a whole movie sized box of Sprees and lied to my son (they were his) and said I hadn’t seen them. It’s okay, he’s almost 13. He’ll live. Especially now that I got my sugar high. And I totally understand the whole “wanting to eat everything” syndrome. I literally turn into PacMan every time this month.

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    • I LOVE that you liberated your son’s Spree!!! I LOVE Spree too! I’m totally picturing you as Ms. PacMan but you are eating Spree instead of dots! Mmm…Dots are good too. Dammit! Now I’m hungry AGAIN! 😉

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  7. I had a prostate exam last week. That was 2-3 seconds of discomfort. I don’t relish things going up my ass. It’s for things coming out of, or when I’m talking shit. Women have PMS and their smear tests are longer and more uncomfortable. I lived with someone who was on permanent PMS, so that time of the month, it was more hell than it normally was lol

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  9. PSSHH… Prostate exams, so what?! Women have to get VAGINAL exams all the time! Same concept here, equally unenjoyable! Women always have it worse, and any man who disagrees is a giant monkey’s butt.

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    • Seriously! “Scootch down. More. That’s it. Now spread them wide. Wider please. WIDER PLEASE.” WHAT THE FUCK!!!??? Nothing a man has to go through will EVER match that! 😉 And I totally agree about the monkey buttness of any man who disagrees. RUN you disagreeing monkey butts before we catch you!

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  10. Misery loves company so it’s good to know I’m not the only one when it comes to number 7! Your whole article hit home…unfortunately. lol

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  11. I have pre- during- and after- MS. After having my baby and then having a giant fibroid removed, my hormones are all over the place. Not only do I eat everything in sight (ok, I haven’t been caught gnawing on my baby’s arm…yet) but I also gain the water weight, PLUS I get to be both hugely bitchy and I cry about the stupidest shit.

    You’re damn right it isn’t fair that men don’t have to deal with this… Then again, if they did a cure would have been found YEARS ago.

    Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go eat an entire bag of Doritos, wash it down with a hot fudge sundae, and cry over an episode of Perry Mason.

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    • “Gnawing on your baby’s arm.” HA!!! That is awesome!!! I laughed my a off when I read that. Hormones suck when they are out of whack. I tell my hubby that men will NEVER understand what it’s like to be in pre- during- or after-MS state of mind and body. It’s friggin torture. I will look at my lunch and say to myself, “This is not healthy. I’m going to hate myself if I eat this. Why do I do this mrmph mrmph… (Can’t talk. Eating.)

      I couldn’t agree more that if men had to suffer from it that there’d have been a cure when the first man had the first cramp! Totally unfair! Now you go enjoy those Doritos (YUMMY!!), hot fudge sundae (DOUBLE YUMMY!) and Perry Mason (LOVE HIM!!!). XOXOXOXOXO Thanks for the giggles!

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    • I know…the comments are usually the best part!! 🙂 Hot flashes. Yuck. I feel like I live in a perpetual state of hot flash. Complete suck! And yeah, I’m always stunned at how quickly a manly man can turn into a 5 year old if they sneeze more than once in a day. Not all of them are like that, thank God, but enough!!! 😉

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    • I loved the “Ovary Action” play on words too! God help the man that ever asks me or suggests that it’s “that time of month.” I can assure you those would be the very last words he ever spoke. He’d likely have to eat through a straw for the rest of his days! 😉

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    • Well, that just tickles me pink! I love making you giggle! Based on the doc’s suggestion, I’ll be getting my girl parts yanked out too in a few years. We can send each other portable fans and grab bags stuffed full of at least 20 pounds of chocolate! 🙂 XO

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  17. Loved this entire post and my relief was a hysterectomy, too, a few years ago! The best thing I ever had done! Hehe! However, I do love the diner menu! 🙂 Keep up the humor, it’s what keeps us going! 🙂 Thanks for the smiles, too! Lauren

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      • Well, I will admit the hot flashes are coming in a bit stronger now and I have yet to take anything for relief. I like to hold out as long as I can, so we shall see! The fans are now my best friends! 🙂 And Hershey Bar lasagna sounds awesome! Oh, btw, my motto is “hand over the chocolate and nobody gets hurt!” 🙂 Hugs back, Jodi p.s. glad you’re soon joining our sister club!

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  18. Don’t I know it! I swear… I went all the way through pregnancy and breastfeeding feeling damn smug that mine was gone. Then, pretty much five days after the last breasftfeed of my boys *BAM* it hit me in the face like a sack of rocks.
    Nobody around here knows what hit them, least of all me.

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  20. You hit it on the head! Except I get the moody/emotional part, too! Ugh. But the cravings are the worst. I’m a lunatic for snacks. Women def. have it way worse than men, no doubt! Thanks for commiserating! lol And for coming by my blog! Love your style here!

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    • You poor thing! The moody/emotional part sucks! Though the cravings totally suck too. All I wanna eat is Ding Dongs, Twinkies and Doritos. 🙂 Oh, and you are tremendously welcome for visiting your blog! My pleasure. Glad you are enjoying the insanity over here. 🙂 Hugs!

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