Good Grief! The Things I Overhear While Getting a Pedicure!

Shocked Kitty

This was me, getting my toes spruced up, while laying there in stark horror!

Now, you know I always have fun when getting a pedicure. It’s either entertaining because they scald/maul/slice me to death or because someone around me is outta control funny. This time, it was the funny.

Here are some snippets of conversations overheard while getting my little toesies buffed:

  1. I don’t know why, but I love the smell of rotten feet. If I did pedicures for a living like you, I wouldn’t let anyone wash their feet first. (HOLY SHIT CAKES!! That one about made me puke in my mouth!)
  2. Genital warts ain’t so bad. Just try not to let the lights be too bright so that no one can see ’em. (Oh. My. God.)
  3. I peed myself. No seriously, I actually peed myself. It got all over the car seat. I’m guessing there won’t be a date number 2. (I about peed myself!)
  4. My mom asked me last week how to give a blow job. I wanted to kill myself. (Ummmm…uhhh…yeah.)
  5. Girl 1: “Does my ass look fat in these pants? I should never wear white.” Girl 2: “Your ass looks HUGE in those pants. When we leave here we should burn them in the parking lot. You’d look better walking around in your underwear.” (With friends like that…!!! To Girl 1’s credit, she did laugh her voluptuous ass off when her friend said that.)
  6. This one from a guy on the phone: “Yeah man, I keep telling her that she’ll get used to it. I love the smell. Why can’t she just get over it and quit barking at me? My farts smell great.” (I swear I wanted to get up and pound him with a hammer. NO ONE’S colon smells good, you dolt!)
  7. I need a line of blow. (Seriously??? Where people can hear you? Decorum, my friend. Decorum.)
  8. Girl on phone: “Last night I ate a whole large pizza plus an order of garlic bread.” …. “Yeah, about 15 minutes later.” … “It went everywhere! All over the sheets. All over him. It was so gross.” (Good God almighty. I gather that she puked all over the place while doing the dirty? That poor guy!!)
  9. Why do I get so many eye boogers? It’s like my eyes have a cold. I have eyeball snot factories. Gross. (Yep, gross. Though I have to admit I used to love looking at eye boogers under a microscope. Fascinating.) πŸ™‚
  10. And the creme de la creme: I only have 9 fingers. Do I get a discount on a full set of acrylics. (Nope. So not kidding!)

I always find it shockingly funny when in the course of 2 hours I get to hear so many different kinds of bat shit crazy stuff!!! I spent the entire time laughing my ass off. Yep, just another trip into Crazy Town on a Saturday afternoon!

πŸ™‚

43 comments on “Good Grief! The Things I Overhear While Getting a Pedicure!

  1. I thought this sort of thing only happened to me at the spa I go to. People act like no one can hear them. I have a hard time managing my facial expressions at times. Other times the nail tech will look at me and we’ll both get hysterical.

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      • LOL! I’ve noticed that some people are much louder than others, and I mean they walk in with their voice at a level not fit for their present situation. I go there to relax and get an hour or so of pampering, not to hear other people say outrageous things, but it can be overwhelmingly hysterical at times. My new place is much quieter and laid back, whichg means I walk out feeling that sense of calm, which I need, but the place I used to go was FULL of people like the ones you mentioned. One of the best was a guy that came in for a pedicure and then asked the tech to “paint all my toes a different color”. I thought my nail technician was going to fall right off her chair, she was almost in tears trying to conceal the laughter. She looked at me because she wanted to verify she’d heard him correctly. Lots of bizarre moments if you go in there at any point on Saturday or Sunday. You could write a book based solely on those stories.

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      • I feel ya. My intention is always to be silent and zone out during my pedicures. I’ve yet to experience that!! It’s always bonkers!

        I’m glad that I’m not the only one who has been to a shop that’s bonkers! I sometimes feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone! πŸ˜‰ I love the “paint my toes a different color” dude. What a riot! I’d have passed out laughing (and secretly video taped it!). πŸ™‚

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      • Every place has a different vibe. I’m used to the loud, noisy people on their cell phones that think no one can hear them. Come on, you’re yelling, and everyone just heard about your ob/gyn appointment and the results. We now know WAY too much about you, and we didn’t askfor this info.
        The place I go to now is really relaxed and I get to walk out feeling peaceful, which is nice. Occasionally a character will come in and it’ll shift the vibe a bit, but overall I prefer to just have “me time”. That’s the whole point. I used to take my MP3 player with me and just drown it all out, but then they started playing really great music and it became unnecessary.

        I’ve had some hilarious encounters at the various places I’ve done business with over the years. I’ve also had some unpleasant experiences where people bring their children with them, the kind that want to run around and knock into people. That’s more than I can handle if they’re loud and crying or loud and screaming. I’m fine if someone is taking their newborn with them and the baby is pretty much sound asleep the entire time, but I’m also iffy about taking a newborn into a place that’s not well ventilated.

        Guys are hilarious when they come in for pedicures and they’ve got these wacky requests. More and more are coming in for eyebrow waxing, which is so much funnier to me for some reason. I’ve looked at some of these guys who barely have anything to pluck, leave alone wax and I’m speechless. They’re ballsy though, it’s not like you’re laughing at them, but you’re definitely finding it comical when it’s three guys in an hour and a half, as opposed to one guy in six months.

        I always think I’ve seen and heard it all, until it becomes a laundry list of people and the things they say when they think they’ve got some bizarre measure of privacy.

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      • So true. I’ve been to places where you could hear a pin drop. Obviously NOT my current place! πŸ™‚

        And yeah, kids in spas don’t always go well together. I don’t have kids and I’m sure getting a babysitter isn’t always easy (God bless parents) but it still sucks to hear shrill screaming when you are paying $100 to relax. I once had a kid come up to me during a pedicure and say, “You are so white you are blue.” OH. MY. GOD. I KNOW I’m Casper the Friendly Ghost pale, but blue?? Dang. Luckily, her mom had the decency to be horrified and apologize. I just laughed…out of the mouth of babes, right?

        I love the eyebrow waxing, pedicure getting guys. They can be truly funny and often more high maintenance than the ladies. πŸ™‚ Hope you are having a great Monday (ick!). πŸ™‚

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  2. Oh they are CLASS!!!

    Many years ago (about 1985 – my sister was 15) my mum asked her what a blow job was. So my sister licked her finger from the palm up and then stuck it in her mouth. After that, every time we had guests, my sister would walk behind the guest, and lick her finger then slide it into her mouth. It would stop our mum in her tracks and my sister would walk off smiling sweetly πŸ˜€ We are all freaks lol

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  3. Those are sooo funny! I have overheard some strange things just on the bus. A woman with a pram sitting next to me, talking into her phone . . . .

    “Honey I told you that was the only clean one . . . Have you checked your shirt draw . . . No the others have only just been washed . . . Why do you need my hairdryer? . . . Under the sink but sweetie you can’t dry a shirt with it.”

    I was trying soo hard not to laugh! Another time some stroppy looking guy with such an attitude was yelling into his phone, “Yeah, I know man. I dumped her for being such a rude f***ing b*tch!” I was just shaking my head and trying not to laugh to loudly

    I think we just get what we deserve for eavesdropping πŸ˜›

    ~ Amy

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    • Oh my gosh! You’ve suffered the insanity too! πŸ˜‰ What a riot! I mean, I don’t have much of a filter, but I do at least occasionally attempt to not horrify everyone sitting around me. πŸ™‚ Give the furries love from Aunt Jodi. πŸ™‚ XO

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  4. How…how does this happen to you ALL the time! Are you shitting us, Jodi? Lol. Where do you live…how can there possibly be so many crazy people in one little place! Tooooooo toooooooo funny. πŸ˜†

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    • I KNOW!!! The place is about 2 miles from the university, about 3 miles from snobby Scottsdale and about 5 miles from some seriously scary places, so it gets ALL kinds of people. And they are always packed to the brim with people waiting, so there are tons of people to eavesdrop on! πŸ˜‰ It makes for such fun. I’m just always STUNNED that people say that shit loud enough for others to hear. If I had any of their issues I’d be in therapy, in the fetal position, weeping and sucking my thumb! πŸ˜‰

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      • Wow, how eclectic! I would definitely keep my mouth shut if I were that crazy. If they had any idea that their stories would end up on your blog to entertain us, I’m sure they’d watch what they say. πŸ˜€

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  5. Where the fuck do you get your nails done?? The place I used to go to only had women who read magazines and never talked to the girls doing their feet even if they were asked questions. It was like a library, I swear. And just to clarify, whenever I comment that “I just peed my pants reading your post”, I don’t actually pee my pants. I thought given number three and the fact that I’ve made that comment several times, I thought I should clear that up in case there was any confusion. LOL

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    • I know! Right???? Bunch of fuckin’ cuckoo peeps all over the place! It’s truly awesome.

      Ha! Your pee your pants comment had me laughing my ass off. If only you really peed and I really laughed a small portion of my butt off. Ahhh…to dream. πŸ˜‰ XOXOXO

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  6. I’m so jealous. I mean, really, if I lived where you do, I’d have to quit my day job and just write. SO much sensational material. Dear God. I get my feet done once in a while (why I let 54 years go by without, I have no idea, but it’s fantastic), and all I get are a bunch of folks who speak broken English and women who act like their asses smell like lilacs…
    Duly blogged, faced, linked, googled, digged, tumbled and stumbled πŸ™‚
    Thomas
    http://thomasrydder.wordpress.com/http://thomasrydder.wordpress.com/

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    • Thomas, my dear, you would have so much stuff to write about it would make your head go POP! I’m so glad you get your little toes treated to pedicure love sometimes! All men should. I’m taking the hubby next time I go–I hope they have a belt sander for his heels!

      If you lived out here, we could go together to my place. To say everyone is down-to-earth would be the greatest understatement ever!! πŸ™‚

      Thanks for passing along the blog love. πŸ™‚ XO

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      • I’d sit back in the chair, relax, take a sip, and get my pen ready. Bet I’d have a book idea within 30 minutes πŸ™‚
        Tell the hubster to go…he’ll wonder why he waited so long. And here I thought all these years it was gay…HAH!

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      • Not a gay thing in the world about relaxing while someone massages your feet!! Total yum! I took the hubby to a mani/pedi twice before and while he hated to admit it, he loved it. πŸ™‚ I like a manly man in a pedicure chair. Totally hot!

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  7. Holy crap! Is it possible that you made a wrong turn and wound up not in a spa, but in the mental ward at your local hospital. That wasn’t a pedicure. That was a sitz bath. And they weren’t customers…they were fart appreciating, foot fettishy, genital wart-toting, snotty-eyed, cocaine-snorting freaks. And they were probably wondering what you and your ten little piggies were doing there.

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