Someone PLEASE take my mom’s smartphone away from her! PLEASE!!!

Oh my good God. Nothing is more entertaining than trying to watch my mom manage a smartphone.

Image credit: http://joyreactor.com

Image credit: http://joyreactor.com

Bless her septuagenarianย heart, but I’m thinking a flip phone is really all she can handle without giving me gray hair. (Which, by the way, I got my FIRST FUCKING GRAY HAIR LAST MONTH! WHAT THE SHIT?! I’M STILL YOUNG DAMMIT! Of course, Mom told me to keep that fact to myself and never tell anyone, but I just had to share my horror. It was only one, so I’m going with the thought that it’s an aberration. Yep. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!) ๐Ÿ™‚

Okay, so back to Mom. When she got her Samsung Galaxy 4 (my sweet sister got it for her) I knew she’d be overwhelmed, so I removed every possible button that she could touch that might have her accidentally ordering a car or creating a twitter account. God forbid!

I also taught her how to use only those things that were relevant to her daily life (calling, texting and emailing). She wanted to know, “What does that button do? What about that one? That button looks pretty…” Me: “Don’t look at the pretty buttons Mom. You don’t need them. They are bad and will immediately electrocute you and cost Becky (my sister) $3,000 if you touch it.” Honestly, I removed every dang button I could and got her down to one homescreen as swiping is such a foreign concept to her that it hurt my brain.

Now, keep in mind that for a great deal of my life I’ve been a trainer in one way or another. Whether it was via live TV, in person, on videoย or writing training documentation, I can train like a MO FO. I can pretty much train anyone on anything. Seriously, it’s one of my few talents. But nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, can ever prepare one for training their 74 year old mom how to use a smartphone.

To show you how adorable and tech-challenged my mom is, I want to share with you the first texts she ever sent me on her new Galaxy. Knowing that she wouldn’t like typing out a text I taught her how to use the voice recognition. This phone has the best voice recognition of anything I’ve ever experienced. I love it and use it all the time. Occasionally it’ll come up with something whacky, but usually it’s spot on. Except with my mom.

Let me set the stage for this text: I was out of town on business and needed her help with some deliveries that were coming to the house.

This text exhange had me rolling on the floor laughing.ย  I hope you enjoy it too. ๐Ÿ™‚

ME: Hi Mommy!!!! I just got a notification that I got a delivery at the house today. If you go out tomorrow would you mind swinging by the house and putting the delivery inside for me? I sure would appreciate it. If you can’t though, don’t worry about it. ๐Ÿ™‚

I love my little mommy. ๐Ÿ™‚

I would call you but I’m still out at a late working dinner with my coworkers. LOVE MOMMY!!!

MOM: Jedi I just got your message I had my phone charging that I will absolutely get your package in your house tomorrow I love you I’m talking this out I hoe it is readable I love you BB T Queen Anne have a wonderful night and day tomorrow love you

MOM (two days later): Jedi I don’t know if this is working it keeps coming up and telling me that Google is up not working so anyway I’m trying to let you know that my rest cme out at 6 o’clock and it was so tough after even after 4 hours of cooking that I could not even hardly cut it with a knife to take a little tip piece f s*** and I took that little piece and stuck it in my mouth it was so test that its cleat when I get out Judit s like a noise that you could bake if yo were doing and research I wanted to let you know that there would be no its tomorrow but I can bring you a pizza

ME: You are so dang adorable.ย  I love you for trying to make a frozen roast tender and yummy. Sweetest mommy ever. We would love a pizza tomorrow. Thank you. You are such a loving mama.ย  ๐Ÿ™‚ I have your Humectress. ๐Ÿ™‚ Love you!

MOM: Baby jedi!ย  That message is crazy and cut off before i finished!ย  W

MOM (separate text): e’ll talk later in english โ™ก !ย ย  Love mommy

ME: I love your crazy text. I giggled myself silly! Sweet dreams.ย  Love mommy!

That woman is so damn cute and adorable I could hug her til she pops!!! The great thing here, and what humbles me, is that she knows how to make a heart in a text and I don’t even know how to do that! Now I’ll have to ask her to teach me something new.

Mommy and me a few months ago. She's so dang cute!

Mommy and me a few months ago. She’s so dang cute!

It’s texts like these (and she did bring us a pizza the next day because she rules) that remind me how much fun my mom is. She may be 74, but she might as well be 30. She is sweet and loving and has such a good sense of humor about herself. Thank God for my mommy.

Well, off to bed I go! I hope you all have a great weekend and enjoyed my little mommy story. ๐Ÿ™‚ HUGS!

34 comments on “Someone PLEASE take my mom’s smartphone away from her! PLEASE!!!

    • It’s total insanity!! ๐Ÿ™‚ It makes me laugh my butt off. Sweet mommy… Hug your sister next time you see her–she deserves it!

      My mom will LOVE that you said she doesn’t look 74. That is so sweet of you. I’ve always thought Mommy was just lovely. God, please, let me look anywhere near that good when I’m her age. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  1. Always gets me why it is a “mofo” and not a “mufu”

    There is no way your mum looks 74, Jedi.

    Those texts remind me of the ones that my mum sends us on her smartphone. So my sister and I clubbed together and brought her a flip up phone with big numbers and a loud ring tone. Hopefully we will have texts that are more readable.

    I am going to call you Jedi from now on

    Like

    • I’ve never understood that either? I guess MuFu looks like FuFu which is like Bunny FuFu which is kinda pussy. Could that be in? Wow, that was some serious stream of consciousness typing! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      You are so sweet to say that about Mommy. She’s a cute ole bird. ๐Ÿ™‚

      When I read the first part of your sentence…”So my sister and I clubbed…” I was like WHAT? They clubbed their mom out of frustration?? What?? Whew, so glad there was no mom clubbing going on. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Jedi. My sister texted me this morning and said, “I love my baby Jedi.” I’m fucked from now on! ๐Ÿ˜‰ At least it’s cool to be a Jedi. Don’t fuck with the Warrior! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Like

      • Sir, I’m going to have to kick you. Where I place that kick is still up for debate though… ๐Ÿ˜‰

        As for the Jodhpurs–they look like mini Justin Bieber/Beeber/Beiber (WTF?) douches. Yuck! I’m so glad I’m not a teenage girl anymore. At least we had bad as MO FOs (ha!) to worship. You know, Tommy Lee, Jon Bon Jovi, David Lee Roth and the like. They were MEN with a capital M. A. N. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Lordy… I have to go smack the doofus offa myself now.

        Like

      • Haha. My daughter has thankfully gone out of the Bieber stage. She is more into You Me At Six and stuff like that. As well as Red Hot Chilli Peppers .. although I don’t she fancies them. She more swoons over actors. So of course I have to embarrass her when we are out or her friends come round.

        Like

      • I’m pretty sure I love your daughter. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m only a small swooner over actors and both of them favor the hubby, so I can’t get myself into too much trouble by having little crushes. ๐Ÿ™‚

        As for embarrassing the kiddo–that is the responsibility of a parent. If you don’t, what will she have to talk to her therapist about in her 20s? ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Like

      • When she’s 20? She’s already seeing one now. Joking aside .. that’s because of the damage her mother did to her.

        I can’t remember the namers of the actors .. oh yes .. Vin Diesel, Channing Tatum, uhhh .. think she likes Dwayne Johnson. Oh, and she’s like me. She wants a game where you can beat the crap out of Wolverine and leave him for dead. hehe.

        She doesn’t mind me embarrassing her because she knows that when it comes to it, I would rather hold my tongue than really upset her.

        Like

      • I started seeing my first shrink when I was 14 and I turned out…wait…I was gonna say “okay” but I think we all know… ๐Ÿ˜‰

        I LOVE Dwayne Johnson too! You can’t go wrong with The Rock! As for Wolverine–I couldn’t agree more. He gets on my nerves. If I could write code I’d write us a video game were we get to mangle him and get hookers as rewards. KIDDING! ๐Ÿ˜‰ (Kinda.)

        Like

      • Hookers or hookahs? Both can bring pleasure if you are into that I suppose.

        Hugh Jackman himself is a good actor, I just hate the character. So why so many films about him? Why not the ravishing Rogue? The Sexy Storm? The Juicy Jean Grey? Even Cyclops? Pegasus? Gambit? Why the bloody little yapping terrier?

        Like

  2. Great story! Reminds me when I was staying with family before moving to London and my mum got a text from an unknown number and assumed it was from me, even though she had my number programed into her mobile. Won’t even go into how long it took to explain iTunes to her when she got a new laptop a few years later lol

    Like

    • That is a riot! Isnt’ it funny how the smartest people in the world can all of a sudden get so confused and flustered? It makes me giggle and lose my mind at the same time! As for iTunes, I’m pretending it doesn’t even exist. My mom will NEVER be made aware of it by me. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  3. Your story is sooo sweeti! Love the pic of you and your sweet mom!! Here’s a chuckle for ya, tell your sis she should have got your mom a Jitterbug phone! Love ya

    Like

    • Thank you! My mom is such a doll. Honestly one of the sweetest people on earth. A Jitterbug phone? I’m going to have to look that up–I haven’t heard of that before.

      UPDATE: just looked it up. HA! That’s awesome!!! That would be a GREAT phone for mom. ๐Ÿ™‚ Love ya too, sweetie! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  4. I give your Mom an A+ for even texting. Many people of her generation would never attempt to go on the computer or have a cell phone. My 78 year old Dad is so techie. He has all the latest gadgets, can use code to build websites, has a small publishing company, makes my book covers, and find answers to everything in Google within minutes! Practice makes perfect, Jedi ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

    • I know, right? She just started texting when she got this phone a few weeks ago. I love that she’s willing to learn, bless her heart! ๐Ÿ™‚ I love that your dad is a techie! That’s awesome. Can he come marry my mom? ๐Ÿ™‚

      Love ya!
      Jedi, the Phone Warrior Princess! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  5. I have one of those ( a seventy-four year young) flitting about my home, my wife,
    who is also not completely technically adept. She loves her FB on the computer but swiping on the telephone is still foreign to her. Becoming chronologically older does not mean we can’t, it just means that sometimes it takes a little longer and/or we have lived long enough to understand what is really important.

    http://meandtheboss.wordpress.com/

    Love , hugs and [prayers…ME and the Boss

    Like

  6. I always have such fun with voice recognition on my phone (and typing isn’t always much better) – the things that it can come up with…. Damn good thing I’m pretty anal about checking before hitting “send/reply/whatever” (except those times when my phone gets a mind of its own or my fat fingers manage to do so without my okay).

    Ohhh and grey hairs??? Yeah, I think I started getting a couple of those mid 20’s (pre-child)…,,,and now (in my low 40’s w/ a teenager / teenager next year) – we won’t talk about now.

    Like

    • I’m anal as can be too about checking to make sure my texts are grammatically correct. I even put in linebreaks. I’m such a doofus. ๐Ÿ™‚

      I feel SO MUCH BETTER that you have some grays too! I need to feel like I’m not a gray-haired old broad! ๐Ÿ˜‰ We’re the same age, so now I’m just part of the club. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  7. Aww, your mom is so cute! That text was awesome, lol.
    Honestly, I hope I look that good at 74! Oh and by the way, I’m 25, and I found my first gray hair, umm, a couple years ago. Feel better? Cuz I don’t, lol.

    Like

    • Thanks, honey. I gotta say I do love my cutie pie little mommy. ๐Ÿ™‚

      You found your first gray a few years ago? At your tender age? Dang. You know, my sister is like that. She got grays in her early 20s and she (the poor thing) is alergic to hair dye! I’m quite sure I’d kill myself if that was the case for me. ๐Ÿ™‚

      BTW, you’d be amazing even if you were all gray. You could shave your head and still be on one of the best chicks on earth. ๐Ÿ™‚ XOXOXO

      Like

      • Yeah, it was rough. I had to stop and think, “Am I SERIOUSLY going gray? Is it REALLY all downhill from here already?” It was depressing, let me tell you, lol. On the plus side, on my dad’s side, they all look really young and wrinkle free, so maybe I’m not totally screwed. And awww, thank you, you’re too sweet! Hugs Jodi! ๐Ÿ˜€

        Like

  8. Awww that’s so cute. Our hooman says she has tried to teach her pawrents how to work phones but it’s a long process. Her Mummy accidentally called an ambulance when trying to view a photo she’d just taken. Yes, whee are not quite sure how she managed it either!

    Whee loves you Miss Jodi and Miss Jodi’s Mummy

    Nacho, Noah, Buddy & Basil
    xxxx

    Like

    • LOOK WHO IT IS!!!!

      I love my little furries! I hope all 4 of you are doing well and giving Mum a ton of furry love.

      Tell your mum that she’s so sweet to help her parents out. I figure they take care of us forever, it’s only fair to give some back. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Miss Jodi and Miss Jodi’s Mummy love you too!

      Like

  9. Oh funny. Reminds me of my mum (and she’s only 65) her normal phone is a nokia with a full keypad (she’s finally got the hang of how to put music onto it and she now also uses it as an mp3 player because she couldn’t get the hang of the iPod I got her). I got her a smartphone for mothers day that she uses as a kindle reader and for playing solitaire.

    Like

      • I found the need to sync iPods with iTunes annoying so when it was announced that the iPhone would be the same I just thought โ€œscrew that” and went the Android route for my first smartphone and never regretted it. I’m now on my 4th Android smartphone (all of them have been fantastic) and I now also have an Android tablet and an Android powered iPod rival.

        Like

  10. My mum says she doesn’t want so fancy phone she just likes the one she has that is easy to use, she sends a lot of texts and makes and receives calls, that is all………it took mum long enough to learn how to use the phone she has

    Like

    • My mom was the same way initially, but I can totally see her coming around. She doesn’t have a computer at home, so I’m guessing she’ll start liking having the phone. I’m wondering if some kind of easy to use tablet would be good for her. I need to find out if them make them specifically for Mom’s generation. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

What'cha think? Leave your comment here.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s