Oh yeah…it’s NOOKIE-TIME!

Yep…it’s that time again. My latest yarn on all things nookie related is out, about and ready to be read by all you perverts out there. 😉 Kidding! Well, it is ready to read, but you don’t have to be a pervert (though I KNOW most of you are!) Feel free to pop on over the The Acquiring Man magazine for my monthly column.

Acquiring Man Oct Article

Beyond me trying to help you get some knickers on the floor, let’s see what else is going on around here while I’m plagued with insomnia.

Things I was thinking about last night while laying in bed begging God (and sleeping pills) to help me sleep:

  1. If I don’t stop thinking about work I’m going to hang myself. (Yeah…kept thinking about work for a while…and then these thoughts came and distracted me.)
  2. Why can’t I have two otters in the pool in the backyard? That would make my life complete.
  3. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand why God made oil, butter, cream, cheese and Italian deli meats so fattening? Why can’t it all be healthy like broccoli? Was it just to test us? Ugh!
  4. I wonder if my teddy bears talk and run around while I’m gone? I sometimes come home and they’ve moved–how can that happen? Are the kitties playing with them?
  5. I wonder just how much information my hamster’s brain actually processes. Ahhh…to be a hamster for one minute.
  6. What am I going to wear to my class reunion in a couple of weeks? I hate my clothes!
  7. Crap…gotta get my hair dyed as NOW I HAVE FUCKING GRAY HAIRS! (Okay, gray hair–singular, but still.)
  8. Maybe I’ll head to Macy’s and see if I can find something pretty to wear. Man, I hate shopping.
  9. I wish Clark Color would put their wall art on sale again. I’m NOT paying full price. Nope, not gonna happen.
  10. I hope my sister likes all her insane birthday presents.
  11. Why have so many people stopped pronouncing consonants in words? It’s not “di’in’t” it’s fucking “diDn’t.” Kill me.
  12. UFFF! Cat jumped dead center onto my left boob. OUCH!
  13. I wonder if the cat does that shit on purpose? I may have to kill her.
  14. Dammit, now I’m never going to go to sleep–cat scratch on nip.
  15. I love FrootLoops. I want some right now. (So, I go get a dry bowl of them…)
  16. Shit…the crunching is waking up the man. Gotta let them soak in my mouth til mushy, then chew. Eww…not so good. (Went and sat in the floor in the hall to finish eating them.)

Yep, those are my 3am ramblings. Sorry you had to suffer through them too!!

Have a great weekend. I’ve been on my computer for about 70 hours this week and I have to put it down for at least a few hours or I’m going to become unpleasant. XOXOXO

 

24 comments on “Oh yeah…it’s NOOKIE-TIME!

  1. Haha!! Sorry I haven’t commented in a while, the last time I tried was with my new IOS update on my phone, and instead of commenting, I almost reblogged your post. One of your recent raunchy ones! Not sure how my recipe readers would have felt about that 😉

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  2. Nothing says “I love you” more than going and sitting in the hallway at 3am eating FrootLoops so you di’in’t wake the man up. You’re right, Jedi. The majority of us ARE perverts and proud of it 😉

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  3. Did you know otters have to hold onto each other while sleeping or else they would drift apart from each other. I thought that was the cutest thing and hopefully you can envision that next time you have trouble falling asleep–sweet dreams!

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    • See! They are the best furry critters on earth! What is cuter than a hand holding pair of otters??? I’m sure God will be kind to me when I’m in Heaven and let me roll around with otters all day. Ahhh…the good life! 🙂

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