What the Shit is This?

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Dear Cracker Jack people,

You can suck it!

What kind of rip off, jacked up “prize” is this?

Cracker Jack 1Cracker Jack 2

I’ll tell ya, it’s a shit prize. No. It’s not a prize. It’s a turd in a box of cheap popcorn with nuts so hard if you bite on them you’ll break your teeth.

Are you seriously telling me that your gift to me is an explanation I can get on Wikipedia? WHERE’S MY DIAMOND RING OR ACTION FIGURE OR TATTOO!?

I want my money back. I want my childhood dreams of finding a diamond ring in the box back. I want the Cracker Jacks makers to be shamed for their cheapness.

Cracker Jacks Ring

Back in the day there were few things more exciting then when Mom would surprise you with a box of Cracker Jacks and you couldn’t wait to get to the bottom for that awesome prize that you’d cherish until your sister stole it or you lost it or Mom sucked it up in the vacuum.

Now? I wouldn’t wipe my hamster’s butt with your “prize.”

Shame! Cracker Jack makers. Shame! Have some pride in your product please.

Yours truly,

Jodi

(Now a full and complete Poppycock lover! (Heh heh…she said cock.))Β  πŸ™‚

53 comments on “What the Shit is This?

      • Do you not feed your cats proper food? Leg of postman, arm of milkman, tail of Doberman. They will turn your cats into cheetahs and leopards

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      • My cats are sooooooo stupid you can give them fresh ham, steak, cheese and they just turn their noses up at it! They’ll lick the hell out of an ice cream bowl and chase me around the house to maul me when I’m eating a tuna sandwich. But otherwise, they are tardos! πŸ˜‰

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      • Tardos or tardis? WHuuu-UUUUuuuuuUUUmp! WHuuu-UUUUuuuuuUUUmp! WHuuu-UUUUuuuuuUUUmp! We had to have Tabitha put to sleep two weeks ago, but she used to walk on her back legs to grab ham πŸ™‚

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      • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Poor kitty. I’m so sorry. I know how awful that is. About once a month I still get gut-wrenchingly sad when I think about my BooBoo and Princess kitties. I miss them so much. And like your Tabitha, BooBoo would do about anything for human food. My favorite thing she’d do would be to stealthily hop up behind us on the sofa while we’re having dinner and slink down beside one of us (we’d never hear or see her). Then all of a sudden there’d be a SWIPE and she’d have taken her little paw and knocked half the food off your plate onto the floor. It was awesome!

        Now, in many ways I’m a tough mommy. No scratching the furniture. No getting up on the counters or tables. You know, they must behave. BUT, when BooBoo would do that I’d about pass out laughing. Little shit kitty! Man, I love kitties. I sure hope they are both in Heaven waiting for me when I kick the bucket. I’ll be sooooooo happy to play with my kitties again.

        Okay, now I gotta go maul Moopy and Fuzzybutt as I need some kitty love.

        Really sorry about the furry… XO

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      • What a fantastic kittie kat πŸ™‚ Unfortunately I have to take Gogh to the vets as well now. He has some sort of growth on his bottom lip. I am hoping it is an abscess and not a tumour. I don’t know how we would cope if he had to be put to sleep as well.

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      • His swelling has gone. He even stuffed his face full of his dinner. So much happier. He has a free health check up today anyway, so still going to take him

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  1. What kind of monkey-brained, horse-shitted, dead-headed, limp-wristed executive decision is that to fuck the consumers after so many years of great past time memories and your own damned summertime theme?

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    • I AGREE! I love your rant on top of my rant! We need to go smack the shit outta somebody on their board. Maybe we should fill their next calzone with dog poop. There they’ll be…all excited to bite into a yummy calzone…and SURPRISE FUCKER! It don’t have in it what you’re expecting. The board of your favorite restaurant got together and in an effort to save an almighty dollar decided to use their dogs’ poop as the filling for your nice Italian dinner. Who cares if it sucks and is a disappointment? Someone save $.00001 on it so all is good. Ugh. Stupid cheapies! πŸ˜‰

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      • Why stop there?? Take that damned calzone and shove it up their greedy corporate asses!! What kind of FUBAR-type bullshit are they trying to play here in the first place?? I tell you what…. wanna save a few bucks, hand over a portion of your corporate paychecks to people like Myself, and we’ll see who comes out gold and shiny.

        Fuckin’ cheapshitted bastards!!

        UGH!! I’M ON FIRE. And My childhood memories are destroyed.

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    • I just wanted to say that is the probably the most creative string of words I have seen put together in a very long time. Thank you, dear sire, for making me spit wine all over my keyboard.

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  2. I KNOW!! Right?????? WTH?? I loved eating Cracker Jacks as a kid. But now? EW… Nope…Poppycock all the way girlfriend! OR (even worse) have you ever had one of those cans from the holidays with Caramel, butter and Cheese popcorn? OMG! I can make myself sick with those dang thangs! LOL!

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    • I say we go to Cracker Jack headquarters and kick some ass!!! Mmmmm…poppycock. Now I’m hungry! As for holiday popcorn…good grief. I could eat it til I vomit and then eat it some more. It’s like a Roman vomitorium in my house! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE CHEESY POPCORN NOOOOOOOOOOOW DAMMIT! πŸ˜‰

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  3. Its a travesty! As the oldest, I always got the toy out of the box first, and now my poor brothers will never get to experience the joy first hand since they always got the prizes after I’d finished with them 😦 Stingy bastards

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  4. You know very well the corporate creeps have their excuses at the ready, It was done to maintain the quality of the product for the consumer while keeping the price down or It was an elf and safety issue. What they really mean is it gave us an extra bonus at Christmas. Cheapskates.
    xxx Massive Hugs Jodi- I wish xxx

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    • Total corporate creeps! In a word where Christmas popcorn tins and Poppycock exist, you’d think Cracker Jack would want to keep some of its market share. Apparently not with those sucky, insulting “prizes”!! πŸ™‚

      Massive hugs right back at’cha, my friend!

      Like

  5. Pingback: The Best Ever | Dambreaker

  6. Wow, are they getting cheap or what? That looks like something you would get when you unwrapped a piece of double-bubble bubble gum (remember the cartoons they had–and at least those were in color!).

    Sorry I can’t catch up on all of your posts–I’m just trying to make an effort to let you know I’m still alive, kicking, and thinking of you!

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