Yep, I was nervous.
I hadn’t been on a blind date in 10 years and I’d been waiting for this one for a couple of months. That first meeting always makes me wanna puke with nerves, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. 🙂
All the things that run through anyone’s mind were running through mine.
What am I going to wear?
I hope I make a good impression.
Man, this bad hair day sucks!
What perfume should I wear? I want to smell good.
Good grief I have to shave. My hair is growing its own hair.
Do these pants look good on me?
I hope I’m not too chatty.
When it comes time to get nekkid, I hope everything is in its proper working order.
After all that build up, the time has arrived.
I have to work all day first and it’s in my mind on and off during all my endless meetings.
Finally it’s time to get ready, so I get up, take a shower, shave til my razor is dull, fix the hair, put on make-up, spritz on some perfume, check the mirror more than once as first impressions are lasting ones. Then it’s time to go.
I hop into my car and put on some head-banging music to get me in the right mood.
When I arrive I go up to the girl at the front to let her know that I’m here.
Finally my blind date is ready for me, so I go back to our reserved area and after a little playful conversation I get a few minutes of alone time and then start stripping off the clothes.
Shirt first. Then bra. Then pants. Then panties. Always in that order, though I don’t know why. If you’re gettin’ totally nekkid, why does the shirt always come off first? Makes no sense.
Then a knock at the door and it’s time to party…well, as much as you can with your new gynecologist.
Yep, I’m not cheating on the hubby! I love him! Though my new gyno now knows me as intimately. Good gravy, nothing is left to the imagination.
As I was getting ready to head to my appointment I realized that going to the gyno is like going on a first date. You’re all nervous and hoping that he/she isn’t a dickhead. You hope they’ll be gentle with all your girlie parts and not make you limp for a week. You hope they’ll be sweet and really listen when you talk.
It’s just like a freakin’ date. Though most of my first dates over the years haven’t ended up with me naked…well…most… 😉
Luckily, she was awesome and fun and super friendly and I only limped for a day or two.
God bless nice gynos. I had one when I was a teenager that was the most wretched bitch on earth. It’s as though she delighted in trying to rip me a new muff. But I was a teenager and she was the only female choochie-doctor around, so what was a girl to do?
As a matter of fact, when I thought back on her while writing this post, a very special song came to mind. Cartman, on Southpark’s very first Christmas special, sang a song which is a perfect description of my ex-muff-punisher.
Watch at your own risk as it is in no way polite, un-gross or politically correct. Actually, no one should watch this, but I’m gonna put it here for your viewing pleasure anyway. Click on “Cartman” below.
Have a great weekend, my friends!