On Eulogies and What Really Matters

Setting the Scene: A beautiful Spring day. 72 degrees with white puffy clouds in a crisp blue sky. 100 people standing together, sharing their love for their beloved friend or dearest family. Up to the casket steps the widower. Grief written in his eyes and a hushed tone in his voice, he begins to talk about the love of his life and what he’ll miss most.

The Eulogy: My beautiful wife… I will miss you more than you could ever know.

All of those many, many hours you spent in the gym every week to make sure that I could worship at your 6-pack abs are hours I’m glad you spent away from me and our family because look at the amazing results. Wow. The ripped muscles I could see pressing up against those tight dresses were so worth all the missed dinners and little league games you didn’t attend.

Every time you ate salad with no dressing, it proved to me how much you loved me. Each time you refused to eat birthday cake or passed up even a bite of french fries deepened my adoration of you.

Of course, I can’t forget those slim hips and delightfully petite tush that reminded me so much of how you looked when I first met you in Elementary school. I know that staying the same size you were when you were but a budding adolescent was challenging to say the least, but you did it so well and it made the world such a better place. You brought joy to everyone when they looked at you. They didn’t even have to know you or your mind to be thankful you were in the world.

What I’ll miss most is knowing that you loved me enough to spare yourself every bit of joy that good food, good drink and a lazy Saturday in bed could give us because you knew I needed you to be model-perfect everyday in order to keep our marriage strong and filled with passion.

In Heaven, may you find the gym of your dreams and may God give you a cup of 5 raw eggs every morning because I know how much you loved to start your day with protein. I’ll miss you, my love.

My thoughts: Of course that is an insane pile of shit! Hopefully, no one would really give a eulogy like that because when it all comes down in the end, what truly matters is what shines through. But I wanted to put it out there because I got stuck watching some commercials this week against my will and so many of them focused on: Being thin. Being built from the waist down like a 10-year-old boy. Having giant tits. A tiny waist. Bigger lips. Smaller hips. Being hairless from the neck down, but we have some great hair extensions to sell you to make the hair on your head twice as thick–all other hair is unacceptable. It was just ridiculous!

I’m soooooo sick of the pressure put on women to be “perfect.” First off, we all have a different idea of what perfect is, so let’s say bye bye to that word altogether. Secondly, who ever said that being a Victoria’s Secret model made anyone happy or secure? Men cheat on their model-hot girlfriends all the time. An expression I hate more than just about anything on earth is: “See that beautiful woman over there? Some guy is tired of fucking her.” I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard use that expression and it makes me wanna punch something. Being beautiful is not the key to happiness, love, security or anything else. It might get you your Starbucks faster, but in the scheme of things…

The truth of it is, most of the beautiful women I’ve known in my life are also the most insecure. When everyone tells you how pretty you are, then it’s easy for your self-worth to tie only to your external beauty. Since we all grow old, how well can someone like that fare as they begin to age? If one’s only perceived value is what they see in the mirror, what happens when what they see is 50 or 60 or 70 years old? Our value should come from everything beneath the façade.

So what if you are 40 pounds or 90 pounds overweight? Who cares if you are 20 pounds underweight? The only reason I’d give a rat’s ass is that I’d be worried about your health. What matters to me is WHO you are, not what you look like. What a shallow bunch of shit. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind a peek at a nice photo of Chris Hemsworth every now and again. I’m not blind. But if I met him and he was a dick? Then I’d never want to meet or see him again. It’s all about the love and joy and fun and support and strength that someone brings to others’ lives. Fuck how pretty their hair is or how nice of an ass they have. When life gets hard and you need someone to help carry you through those dark hours, do you really care if they have a 24 inch waist? Or do you care that they love you enough to endure any hardship that comes your way?

Here is an excerpt from a real eulogy a man spoke for his wife. This is the kind of  love I’d hope to hear at my own funeral. Note he never once talks about missing her 6-pack abs.

I don’t know about anyone of you, but as for me, getting married to my wife was the best thing that every happened to me. She was my best friend, my lover, and my wife. She was the source of all the happiness and all the fun I had in my lifetime.

The best part of each day was waking up to find her by my side and the best part of each night was going to sleep knowing she was laying next to me and the best thing about life was knowing no matter how hard it got, how scary it was, or how poor we were, all I had to do was go home, close the door behind me, and see my wife and the sun would shine and nothing else would seem that important any longer.

I guess what they say about your home being your castle is really true because whenever I got home everything outside my door was no longer of any concern. 

I will miss her terribly, but then I will see her in my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws and children and even grandchildren and I will smile knowing that a part of her is still with us.

I am saddened by my loss. She died too soon. “Why did god take her from me?” That is what I asked myself when Kathy passed last Sunday. It took this entire week before I realized that I was looking at it all backwards. That I had taken the wrong perspective to examine what had just occurred.

Try to imagine with me, if you will, that first day when the spark and fire of love was first felt by me. I went home and thanked the Lord for sending Kathy to me.

Did I ask him to give me 43 years of bliss and happiness? Would I have been so bold and brazen to have said, “Lord I demand 43 years of having a companion to share life with?”

Of course not. I was and always am timid and shy when speaking to our Lord. Do Your will, not mine. Who knew how great His love for me would have been. Who could have expected God to be so caring as to have granted to me such a wonderful life.

I would like to end this now with a simple prayer. If you would all bow your heads.

Heavenly Father, Your servant Kathy has returned to Your side in Heaven. We give You thanks for allowing her to stay with us as long as she did and we know it was time for her to leave us. Please Lord, let her know of our love for her and keep her in eternal peace. Amen

15 comments on “On Eulogies and What Really Matters

  1. When I was reading the first eulogy, I was waiting for the sarcasm. There are some people who love to see their other half looking like Adonis. I know I look like Adonis (to a blind person), but why spend all the time at the gym so you can flex your muscles to make up for a shortcomings.
    When I see a gorgeous woman, I don’t think “some guy is tired of fucking her”, I wonder if she is intellectual company or just someone that goes on show. Don’t get me wrong, a redhead will always turn my head and want me to go stalking them (especially if they have freckles too) but I would prefer someone who was a chunky munky and fun to talk to rather than a skinny minny who can’t tell the difference between a pun and fun.

    Great post Jedi, and not a blow up rubber rabbit in sight.


  2. This was such a great post! This is what deserves to be on Freshly Pressed! I completely agree with you on what I discovered to be “Eulogy Values” instead if “Resume Values” … or superficial body ones. OH! I’m so tired of seeing that on TV but I see it so much more on social media with stupid reality stars heading the charge on such bad values. The “Eulogy Values” the things people would say about us at our eulogy matter more than anything else, more than what we’d look like in a damn bikini selfie or our 10-pound loss diet that’s for sure. Great post!!


    • Thank you, sweetie! I’m so glad you liked this. And you are so right about social media being the worst culprit. You can’t go to many web pages without someone telling you that you and your body aren’t quite good enough. It’s repulsive. When we die, people won’t say, “I would be so much sadder at her passing if she’d been 20 pounds thinner…” There’s too much other important stuff to focus on without worrying about being a size zero. ♡♡♡♡

      Liked by 1 person

  3. OMG Girlfriend!!! This was awwwwwesoooome!!! Thanks so much for putting some things into perspective for us! LOVE the eulogy! We should all be so blessed to have a spouse who loves us that much!
    And you’re right. “I am so GLAD I spent ALL that time at work and the gym so I could impress other people! I love the way I look and ALL the money I get to take with me into the next life! I do NOT regret not spending time with my family and loved ones because they don’t matter…. ” SAID NO ONE EVER!!
    You’re the bomb! 😉


    • I just love you!!!! ♡♡♡♡♡ It was really amazing how much stupid stuff I was seeing that kept telling everyone that they weren’t good enough. What a crock of shit. I care about who will hold my hair as I puke. And who will make me laugh just by beinf a silly head. That person having ripped abs means nothing in the end.

      Glad you enjoyed, sweetie. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. When I was going in for my last spinal surgery I knew it was high risk so I wrote funeral instructions and a couple of letters, when I came out I was going to destroy them but instead I tweaked them a little, I can be a bit f a control freak and like to have the last word so I wrote a letter to be read at my funeral rather than the eulogy after all who knows me better than me lol


    • I love that! And I’m so happy you came out of surgery okay.

      I was having some medical issues at one point and was very concerned about coming through it in one piece, so I video taped a farewell to my family and the hubby in case I croaked. I know I saved it, but I have no idea where it is. It would be interesting to go back and watch it. Totally freaky too.

      I’ve told my family that they are to throw a party with good food and lots of Pink Floyd when I die. Just remember the good times and celebrate what’s been an amazing life. I tell the hubby he can just throw me in a ditch or bury me with the hamsters and chickens in the backyard. Whatever makes him happy. Just NO TAXIDERMY! 😉


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