Truth 16: Eulogy for a Beloved Friend

 

Many of you saw my post on suicide from earlier this year, but what I didn’t share was the video eulogy I did for my dear friend (well, if I’m being honest FTF) Thommi since I couldn’t attend his memorial. Not attending it was so desperately hard, but I hope my video captured my feelings about Thommi taking his own life and the joy he brought to so many while here.

If you are AT ALL thinking of taking your life or know someone who is, PLEASE get help or give help. It’s never worth it.

I’m posting the suicide response video first, so those of you who have not seen it can see me raw and aching and know first hand the devastation it causes.

The second is my video eulogy for Thommi and has not been posted before on my blog.

I was just talking with him the week before he shot himself and had no clue what was about to happen. Watch it if you are even contemplating something permanent as a solution to something. You can see a tiny snippet of how the people you left behind feel.

So PLEASE reach out if you need help. There is NO SHAME in admitting you need help. I see a shrink and a therapist. I’m admitting it to everyone and am proud to do so because it takes courage to seek help and openly admit you could use an extra hand to hold. Find that hand and hold on as you CAN get through whatever it is.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255  

SO VERY MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL.

 

 

24 comments on “Truth 16: Eulogy for a Beloved Friend

  1. I am a survivor of suicide; my brother took his life when I was 14 years old; that was 21 years ago. And I am still dealing with the grief; my writing has helped. I am sorry for the lose of your friend; it painful and leaves questions that can never be answered. But I do take comfort in the fact that we are not alone. Thank for sharing this post and video with us. Awareness is needing on this topic

    Liked by 2 people

    • You are so kind to reblog this and thank you for your supportive comments. I want to spread the word to as many people as I can: Suicide is NOT the answer. We all go through hell in our lives, each and every one of us. And while it may feel like suicide is the only way to calm the pain, it isn’t (as we both know). I pray that people hear our stories and rethink their actions. One suicide is one too many.

      God bless and please always take care of yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

      • It is never the answer; it leaves more questions. I know there are times when I have wanted to take my life but I remember the pain of my brother and how many people loved him. What struck me the most in your video is how you said that you never how you impact others. Someone recently told me that I didn’t realize the positive effect my writing had on other people and that was so touching. Sometimes I feel alone and fail to realize that many people love me and would be sad if I left. I am working on becoming a stronger person and taking comfort in my friends and that life is worth living. I am glad I found your blog even though it is a painful topic; dear to my heart. One suicide is too many and I hope by writing we can encourage others to hold on. Thank you, friend

        Liked by 1 person

        • It truly is amazing to think about the impact each and everyone of us has on those around us. I had quite a few people email me after I posted the first video–where I’m wearing the pink sweater. And to have somebody tell you that your words stopped them from killing themselves… It’s more emotion than I can even begin to express using words. And so in my darkest hours, it’s that that I think of, along with all of those that I love.

          We all make an indelible mark on every person we touch, and remembering that is critical, especially when those times are dark and it’s impossible, or seemingly impossible, to see that one day there will be light again.

          I’m so sorry you know this first-hand. But I am so happy that your words bring joy, and peace, and all the other emotions that they bring to your readers. Keep making that mark. You never know who or how many people you are helping.

          Liked by 2 people

    • I too am thankful that you are not one of those affected. And you are very welcome for the post. More people need to understand that seeking help is courageous. Brave. Amazing. Never weak or cowardly. Seeking help takes strength like nothing else.

      I just hope it will help even one person…

      XO

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Jodi – you have such a big, kind, wonderful heart and your messages in both of these videos were so touching and so important. As someone who has both struggled with suicidal thoughts/attempts in the past and who has lost friends to suicide, these messages were SO important to hear. I’m so thankful to say that I no longer struggle with suicidal thoughts, and when I look back on the pain, fear and sadness I caused my loved ones it just devastates me, but at the same time it is a powerful reminder of why I can never go down that road again, why I can never choose that option.
    I’m so sorry that you’ve lost loved ones to suicide, and that you have struggled so much in the last year alone, my heart truly goes out to you. Thank you so much for sharing all of this with us, it’s so powerful and so important. And you’re right, there is no shame in asking for and getting help when you are struggling, and no matter how dark things get, someone always, always loves you.
    And thank you as well for following my blog, I’ve been enjoying watching your funny videos and getting to know you. Reading this post and watching these two videos, I just had to comment. Watching the videos made me wish I could give you a big hug. I’m so sorry for your losses. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sweet girl, I’m so sorry you’ve endured such struggles with suicide in the past. How scary and heartbreaking that must have been for you.

      I’m so happy to hear that you no longer face that particular issue anymore. What a blessing to you and all who love you. ❤❤❤❤❤

      Thank you for your kind words regarding my losses and struggles of late. What a kind heart you have. I just take it a day at a time and always try to stay positive. It works most days. 🙂

      It’s absolutely my pleasure to follow your blog…I love making new blog friends that are as sweet and kind as you.

      Also, huge thanks saying that you are enjoying my videos. That gave me a huge smile this morning. Consider yourself hugged right back.

      XOXOXOXO 💜🧡💛💙💚❤

      Like

  3. Very poignant Jodi – I’m sorry this has hit you so much in your life. I’ve lost friends to it too – one a couple of years back really affected me. He was a guy who just couldn’t stay sober so decided to stop the addictive cycle permanently. Why him and not me? Why me and not him?

    Like

    • Oh hon…I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s so painful and confusing. There by the Grace of God go I.

      For me, even though it’s been 8 months, it still hasn’t sunken in yet. I still expect to get some wonderfully smart ass comment from him and they never come. I wish so much he’d shared what he was going through. I’d have made sure he got help–whether it helped or not. But not having the option to even try leaves behind all kinds of difficult emotions.

      Thanks for being so kind. I’m sorry we’ve both had to deal with this…

      Like

      • The best thing I can remember Paul for is the last conversation we had. A Sunday evening AA meeting that he regularly and I randomly attended. I met him outside and could see he was struggling again – that look that other alcoholics know the lack of sparkle in the eyes.
        We spoke about it – well I let him talk. We entered the meeting just as it was about to start. As a result of that we missed out on the comfy armchairs and had to sit on the hard plastic garden chairs that are put out for the late comers. I said to him that I sometimes still thought that sitting on hard uncomfortable seats for the meeting was part of my recovery penance. He looked at me, shook his head and in his broad Glaswegian accent said “Man you’re still more fucking sick than I am”.

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        • Oh man…that is fucking hard. Like you, I clearly remember the last interaction I had with Thommi (still laugh at how he spelled his name–doofus). It’s those memories and all the others which make their loss so hard because sometimes it’s like you can still feel them because you remember something so clearly.

          Well, even though you were deemed “more fucking sick,” I’m very glad you are still with us and taking care of yourself. God bless, my friend. Always…God bless.

          Like

  4. I think that just about everyone has felt bad enough at some stage to make them feel that they don’t want to wake up ever again. Most will not admit this. Religious beliefs stop many people from taking things into their own hands. Each individual has a different breaking point, so nobody else can judge whether any situation is serious enough to justify a person killing themselves. I have had experience in the mental health field ( in an emergency setting) including dealing with suicidal people.
    I believe that we are on Earth for a purpose, the purpose is different for each individual and is not known. Unfortunately, fulfilling that individually assigned purpose for many people is not pleasant at all. I am of the belief that if one kills themselves, they are short circuiting the plan and will have to come back (reincarnation) and do it all over again. That thought alone should be enough to stop people from killing themselves. My stance is not to judge people for either having these feelings or having tried to kill themselves, but to help them to understand that these feelings are more common in the population at large than they may think and this knowledge sometimes helps. My belief of a purpose (the purpose doesn’t necessarily have to be grand, it could just be to learn some lessons) in life sometimes helped people. Regardless, I have had many people thank me at a later stage, and tell me that if I hadn’t taken the action that I did for them, they would be dead.
    I think that while positive affirmations may sound quack-ish, they could work for people and if they don’t, no harm is done. Anyone can access many of these for free on YouTube.
    This is my first visit to your blog, love the language, you are very forthright. That is a good thing.
    Sorry for your loss.

    Like

    • Thank you so much for your thoughtful insights. I completely agree with you that more people have these types of thoughts than anyone could imagine.

      Like you, I don’t judge people who feel as though they are in such dire situations that suicide is the only option. They are the only ones who truly know what’s in their head. But I do pray and hope that they seek help before doing something so permanent and devastating to those around them.

      Thank you for both the kind words about my blog and for the loss of my friend. One day it will sink in that he’s truly gone, but that day hasn’t happened yet.

      Take care of yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This needs to be talked about. I too have dealt with several suicides. I posted about them. The feelings we as survivors are left with are awful. I’m thankful you are talking about it. It sadly is a growing problem and we need to shed more light onto this dark subject.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I couldn’t agree with you more. So often, people don’t talk about suicide because it makes them uncomfortable. Well it should. Suicide is uncomfortable. It’s far beyond uncomfortable. For both the person who feels like they have no other option to the people they leave behind, the whole idea of suicide is devastating. And I totally agree with you that it is a growing problem. I keep losing people or nearly losing people and wondering what could anybody have done to have helped them before it got to that stage. Lord knows I don’t have the answers, but I at least want to make sure I put out there what it’s like to survive the death of a loved one by their own hand.

      I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with this as well. My heart hurts for anybody who has suffered such a tragedy. God bless and please take care of yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Suicide is never anything to mess with. It is sad business and depression can go completely unnoticed and undiagnosed if ignored. Some people are experts at putting on the game face and you never know what is going on underneath. You have to be in tune and look for the signs like what they talk about; what words they use in conversation. But it’s hard when you think you know someone…. then this happens. The people left behind are the ones in pain now. Get help if there is any possible thought you might want to take your life.

    Like

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