My dear friend Joel suggested that I post this on my blog and not just on my FB page, and a wise woman always listens to Joel. 🙂
I was telling a few close friends a story of betrayal the other day and how, when over a decade later, this person reached out and apologized I told that person that I’d forgiven them years ago. This person was shocked and thankful for the forgiveness and didn’t understand how I could have had forgiveness in my heart many years before any apology came.
I told them that while forgiveness is a beautiful gift to give to others, it is equally as beautiful a gift to give yourself.
It frees you. It helps you persevere. It keeps your heart open. It allows you to move forward, not remain stuck in the mire. It gives comfort both to you and the person you forgive.
Forgiveness in your everyday life is something to cherish and be thankful for.
Learn from those betrayals. Understand how those betrayals, in some way, taught you something that will give you wisdom down the road. But also forgive them.
The person who suffers most by not allowing forgiveness to fill their heart, is the person who is unable to forgive.
Free yourself from the past; forgive, love, giggle and do your best to spread kindness.
That is a life worth living.
And I must tell you…as a side note, it makes for such a happier life. My mom always told me to pray not only for those you love, but those that cause you pain; for if that person can heal, then their little piece of the world will be a better piece and possibly spread joy to others as well. It was sometimes a hard pill to swallow, but she was right and I still pray for the nasty bitch that ruined my life over 25 years ago (just kidding…I no longer carry that anger–just said that in classic Jodi style). Her happiness affects those around her, so I want her to be happy. Even if she TOTALLY TRIED TO DESTROY MY LIFE. No bitterness…honestly. I’m just being a smart ass. I forgave her decades ago and it took the weight of the world off my shoulders. It was a huge blessing to my own heart and I’m thankful every day that I let it go. (Do NOT start singing “Let it Go” from Frozen or I will hunt you down!)
Seriously, I’ve tried to write this post 50 times and keep deleting it.
I’m trying to be delicate and inoffensive (which, I know, is rare!).
But I’m just going to say it.
If you don’t like it, don’t look at it.
If you don’t like it, don’t go to their parties.
If you don’t like it, don’t invite them over for Sunday dinner.
If you don’t like it, tough noogies.
I can GUARANTEE that no matter what kind of clean-living life you think you lead (and by you, I mean everyone on earth), there is someone on this planet who despises your faith, your politics, your sexuality, the color of your skin, etc…
It is sad that people hate so quickly and easily for something as little as where someone else sticks their dick.
Who the hell cares?
All of us have done or do things that others wouldn’t approve of, but we don’t want to be judged.
So, here’s an idea, don’t judge others either.
There will always be people you don’t like. I can name a few off the top of my head that I’d like to see eaten by prairie dogs. But it’s not because of who they sleep with, what church they attend, how much or little melanin they have in their skin.
If I hate a mother fucker it’s because they treat people like shit. It’s a personal kind of dislike that is rooted totally in the fact that that person makes a conscious effort to ruin other people’s lives in a direct, person-to-person way.
A transgender couple in Alabama is not mean to me, therefore I hope they are happy and live wonderful lives.
A biracial couple raising biracial kids in Washington is not mean to me, therefore I hope they are happy and live wonderful lives.
A gay couple getting married because they are in love is not being mean to me, therefore I hope they too are happy and live wonderful lives.
What I can never understand is why people latch onto things that they personally think are unacceptable because they fall outside of their own view of the world, and then choose to rail on about how bad, evil, against God, unnatural, blah blah blah those ways of life are.
Honest to God, one of the best things anyone can do both for society and for themselves is learn that a world full of happy, loving, tolerant, non-judgmental people, who spend their time doing things to BETTER the world rather than spitting venom into it, is a better world in which everyone can find their bit of joy.
I remember once being preached at by someone about how gays are ruining the world. Meanwhile, this person was married and having not one, but two, affairs.
Hmmm…I think that those without sin should chuck that first rock. The hypocrisy about killed me. But then everyone can find ways to defend their own lifestyle choices, while condemning others’ right to make their own.
My mantra is this: Wake up. Hurt no one. Go to sleep. Wake up. Repeat.
To me, and only to me as everyone is allowed their own opinion, that is the way to lead a truly happy life.
I don’t worry about who fucks who.
I don’t worry about who prays to what God.
All I care about is that we are kind to each other and try to create a world where our children will grow into happy, healthy adults where the word “tolerance” isn’t even a part of their vocabulary because allowing someone to live a life different from their own isn’t “tolerating” anything. It’s just how it is and all’s good.
I know there may be people who read this and say that I’m trying to choke my own thoughts down their throat so aren’t I a big ole fucking hypocrite? Well, if me sharing that I want people to live wonderful, judgment-free lives where differences aren’t only tolerated but celebrated, then I’m okay being labeled a hypocrite.
I hear all the time from people defending their right to hate somebody that “MY God doesn’t approve of that,” when it comes to the way some people choose to live their lives.
Well, let me just say this. My God is loving. My God sacrificed his Son for our sins. My God judges lives when you walk though the Pearly Gates–so that means you don’t have to do His job for Him.
When it all comes down in the end…when you look back on your life…do you want it to be full of antagonism, prejudice, hate, intolerance and judgment?
Or do you want to look back and say, “I did my best to create a good life, bring people around me joy, and now I can die knowing I did the best I could.”?
I vote for the second option.
In those last moments will you think about all the people you hated or will you think about the love you’ve been blessed enough to know?
If the answer is “the love” then why wait until your final moments? Why not live that life now?
But better people than me have written about such things, and so here are words from a very wise person about The End.
In my rear view mirror the sun is going down Sinking behind bridges in the road And I think of all the good things That we have left undone And I suffer premonitions Confirm suspicions Of the holocaust to come.
The rusty wire that holds the cork That keeps the anger in Gives way And suddenly it’s day again. The sun is in the East Even though the day is done. Two suns in the sunset Could be the human race is run.
Like the moment when the brakes lock And you slide towards the big truck You stretch the frozen moments with your fear. And you’ll never hear their voices And you’ll never see their faces You have no recourse to the law anymore.
And as the windshield melts My tears evaporate Leaving only charcoal to defend. Finally I understand the feelings of the few. Ashes and diamonds Foe and friend We were all equal in the end.
About a month ago I posted a poll on whether or not you guys thought it was a betrayal to seek sexual satisfaction from real, live people outside of your relationship via phone or computer.
A big thanks to all of you for your thoughtful responses and poll answering.
It was so hard for me not to spew my opinion all over the place when I wrote that post, but I didn’t want to sway anyone’s thoughts on the matter before they had a chance to comment or vote. Of course now, I’m nothin’ but sass mouth on the topic!! 😉
In case you’re wondering, I used the info from that poll to write my latest article for The Acquiring Man magazine.
If you voted or just wanna see the article, click HERE or on the pic below (dang, that chick is hot!).
PS: there is one typo in the article that is repeated 4 times that is making my brain itch! But the editor is going to fix them. He added the line because it’s a great summary of the article–I should have included it myself, so I’m glad he added it in. But as you guys know, I can be a grammar nazi, so forgive the missing apostrophe for now. 🙂
I hope everyone is having a good week. Thanks the good Lord it’s almost Friday. I swear my brain stopped working around 11am today and I’m about done for. 😉
So, I want to reach out to you guys to answer my poll. I’ve had so many people talk to me lately about how their marriages or long-term relationships are being smashed to pieces because one of the partners is engaging in romantic/sexual play with people online.
It may be serious flirting over chat or the phone. It may be sexting with or without photos. It may be Skyping in an inappropriate way with someone else. It could be participating in live-action “tell me what to do, baby” video porn.
Without speaking my mind on the subject (which I’ll do soon enough) I want to know what you think.
Here’s the premise:
Do you think it is a betrayal if your significant other is finding sexual satisfaction from another person via the phone or internet?
Poll for the ladies: If your man was being sexual with another woman online, would you consider it a betrayal?
Poll for the gentlemen: If your woman was being sexual with another man online, would you consider it a betrayal?
Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. You guys kick ass!
As soon as your thoughtful responses are collected, I’ll let you see why they were so important.
Get ready for some insanity because tonight I’m going to be on Cougar Chat Radio.
These ladies are wonderfully looney and I simply adore them! 🙂
Our main topic is going to be emotional affairs, like my post last week addressed. But, a birdie whispered in my ear that we’ll also be discussing my childhood addition to using my mom’s pregnancy-avoiding-device as a water fountain and shower. If you didn’t read my post from earlier today, you have to be wondering what in hell I’m talking about. Tune in and find out!