Now, of course, all my lovely friends here aren’t crazed, rapey maniacs, but I found this video and thought I’d share so that if you have kids in high school or college and find it hard to talk about Sexy-Time stuff, you might encourage them to peek at this video.
Over the last few years I’ve had some requests to turn my blog into a podcast of sorts.
As I’m lazy as fuck (in reality I just work too damn hard during the day!), I’ve been putting it off. But with my last post I got a few emails telling me they want to hear it instead of read it. So, I’m giving in.
But I must warn you…I’m doing it in one take. So if I fuck up horribly, sneeze or decide to eat dinner while recording…well, you are just going to have to hear it all. 😉
Here’s my first try. It’s a recording of my last post, “I’ve HAD it,” which is a rant about dumbfuckery.
It’s not word-for-word, but it’s close.
Don’t be too hard on me and all my mess-ups.
Here’s the link if ya wanna see the last pic in the post. 🙂
Okay, so it’s no surprise to any of you that I prefer proper English unless making a point or being silly or for some other good reason. Lord knows I’ve said “ain’t” and other such things on more than one occasion. I’m flying my hypocrite flag as I type. 😉
And I know I can be a grammar freak and should probably just suck it up in this day and age of texting, but I saw something so egregious the other day that I simply have to comment on it.
First let me say that I understand abbreviations make it easier to text when:
You have no fucking clue how to spall wrds
You don’t care about spaleng wrods kerrektly
You like confusing us old folk
You are texting while driving 80 mph and are trying not to murder everyone on the road
You are getting nookied from behind and all that commotion is making it difficult to type
I get it. Sometimes an abbreviation is okay. On a VERY rare occasion I use one myself. (Usually WTF? when I’m attempting to be polite!). 🙂
But this one that I saw defies all comprehension.
I seriously do NOT understand how this abbreviation is at all easier to type than actually spelling the word.
Here it is: ‘Yn(n)’s
What in the holy fuck?
Here’s how that breaks down from a typing perspective on an Android phone.
Tap the symbol key
Tap the apostrophe key
Tap the ABC key
Tap the Capitalization key
Tap the Y key
Tap the n key
Tap the symbol key
Tap the opening parentheses key
Tap the ABC key
Tap the n key
Tap the symbol key
Tap the closing parentheses key
Tap the apostrophe key
Tap the ABC key
Tap the s key
Luckily, due to the context of the truly awful sentence, I was able to suss out that they were attempting to communicate the word “youngins.”
How on earth is it easier to do all those steps listed above than just typing the fuckin’ word?
I both burst out laughing and died of horror when I saw that helpful texting shortcut. What on God’s green Earth…?
While I realize I’m old and inflexible and an asshat, can we please just agree that if the abbreviation is harder to type than the damn word itself that we’ll just stick to the damn word? Please?
All those under the age of 35 will have but one answer for me:
Seriously, I’ve tried to write this post 50 times and keep deleting it.
I’m trying to be delicate and inoffensive (which, I know, is rare!).
But I’m just going to say it.
If you don’t like it, don’t look at it.
If you don’t like it, don’t go to their parties.
If you don’t like it, don’t invite them over for Sunday dinner.
If you don’t like it, tough noogies.
I can GUARANTEE that no matter what kind of clean-living life you think you lead (and by you, I mean everyone on earth), there is someone on this planet who despises your faith, your politics, your sexuality, the color of your skin, etc…
It is sad that people hate so quickly and easily for something as little as where someone else sticks their dick.
Who the hell cares?
All of us have done or do things that others wouldn’t approve of, but we don’t want to be judged.
So, here’s an idea, don’t judge others either.
There will always be people you don’t like. I can name a few off the top of my head that I’d like to see eaten by prairie dogs. But it’s not because of who they sleep with, what church they attend, how much or little melanin they have in their skin.
If I hate a mother fucker it’s because they treat people like shit. It’s a personal kind of dislike that is rooted totally in the fact that that person makes a conscious effort to ruin other people’s lives in a direct, person-to-person way.
A transgender couple in Alabama is not mean to me, therefore I hope they are happy and live wonderful lives.
A biracial couple raising biracial kids in Washington is not mean to me, therefore I hope they are happy and live wonderful lives.
A gay couple getting married because they are in love is not being mean to me, therefore I hope they too are happy and live wonderful lives.
What I can never understand is why people latch onto things that they personally think are unacceptable because they fall outside of their own view of the world, and then choose to rail on about how bad, evil, against God, unnatural, blah blah blah those ways of life are.
Honest to God, one of the best things anyone can do both for society and for themselves is learn that a world full of happy, loving, tolerant, non-judgmental people, who spend their time doing things to BETTER the world rather than spitting venom into it, is a better world in which everyone can find their bit of joy.
I remember once being preached at by someone about how gays are ruining the world. Meanwhile, this person was married and having not one, but two, affairs.
Hmmm…I think that those without sin should chuck that first rock. The hypocrisy about killed me. But then everyone can find ways to defend their own lifestyle choices, while condemning others’ right to make their own.
My mantra is this: Wake up. Hurt no one. Go to sleep. Wake up. Repeat.
To me, and only to me as everyone is allowed their own opinion, that is the way to lead a truly happy life.
I don’t worry about who fucks who.
I don’t worry about who prays to what God.
All I care about is that we are kind to each other and try to create a world where our children will grow into happy, healthy adults where the word “tolerance” isn’t even a part of their vocabulary because allowing someone to live a life different from their own isn’t “tolerating” anything. It’s just how it is and all’s good.
I know there may be people who read this and say that I’m trying to choke my own thoughts down their throat so aren’t I a big ole fucking hypocrite? Well, if me sharing that I want people to live wonderful, judgment-free lives where differences aren’t only tolerated but celebrated, then I’m okay being labeled a hypocrite.
I hear all the time from people defending their right to hate somebody that “MY God doesn’t approve of that,” when it comes to the way some people choose to live their lives.
Well, let me just say this. My God is loving. My God sacrificed his Son for our sins. My God judges lives when you walk though the Pearly Gates–so that means you don’t have to do His job for Him.
When it all comes down in the end…when you look back on your life…do you want it to be full of antagonism, prejudice, hate, intolerance and judgment?
Or do you want to look back and say, “I did my best to create a good life, bring people around me joy, and now I can die knowing I did the best I could.”?
I vote for the second option.
In those last moments will you think about all the people you hated or will you think about the love you’ve been blessed enough to know?
If the answer is “the love” then why wait until your final moments? Why not live that life now?
But better people than me have written about such things, and so here are words from a very wise person about The End.
In my rear view mirror the sun is going down Sinking behind bridges in the road And I think of all the good things That we have left undone And I suffer premonitions Confirm suspicions Of the holocaust to come.
The rusty wire that holds the cork That keeps the anger in Gives way And suddenly it’s day again. The sun is in the East Even though the day is done. Two suns in the sunset Could be the human race is run.
Like the moment when the brakes lock And you slide towards the big truck You stretch the frozen moments with your fear. And you’ll never hear their voices And you’ll never see their faces You have no recourse to the law anymore.
And as the windshield melts My tears evaporate Leaving only charcoal to defend. Finally I understand the feelings of the few. Ashes and diamonds Foe and friend We were all equal in the end.
So, I try to never leave the house. I find staying at home keeps me happy and healthy and less stressed. Plus, if I go out then I have to put on makeup and brush my hair…it’s just so much to worry about. Okay, half-kidding here, but seriously, I’ve spent the majority of my life ripping and running about so it’s nice to be able to stay home a fair amount of the time. And today is a perfect example of why I like to remain on my sofa.
I got my hair dyed on Monday. While it looks pretty, it’s not what I wanted it to look like. So I got in my car and drove to Sally Beauty supply. It’s about a 15-20 minute drive, but I figured it was worth the extra time in the car during rush hour to get help from the experts.
Well…I coulda asked my cat Moopy and gotten more help.
I walked into the store and there wasn’t a soul to be seen. I could have robbed the place blind were I so inclined. I said, “Hello,” in a very nice voice and I got a, “Hey,” said back to me. And that was it. I still didn’t see a human anywhere.
So I said, “Can you please help me with some hair color?” She finally comes out of the back room and I explain what I’m looking for (which was a black hair dye with a blue undertone). She said, “I’ve never heard of that. Here use this.” And she hands me bright blue hair dye. I mean solid electric blue hair dye. So I explained I meant blue/black. (Every fuckin’ manufacturer in the world makes it.) She said, “Look, I’ve really got to get back to what I was doing,” and she walks away.
Moments later I hear her say into the phone, “Yeah baby. I’m back (insert grunt here). So, (insert gum smacking noise) what do you want for dinner?”
My head about popped the fuck off. REALLY? REALLY? That’s what kept you from being even slightly friendly or helpful? You are seriously getting paid to essentially tell me to go fuck myself while you sit in the back room, smacking gum and chatting with your boyfriend about dinner? I wanted to go in there and rip her head off and then shove it up her ass. Alas, I just stuffed my pockets full of expensive make-up and left.
KIDDING!!!!! I’m the kind of person who gives money back to the store if they give me a dime too much in change. But I’m telling you, she wouldn’t have given a rat’s ass if I had. What a hideous employee.
Then, on to my next stop: TJMaxx.
I had to return 2 rings. So I get in the return line, wait for almost 10 minutes, get to the front and the very polite girl says, “Oh, you have to go to jewelry to return it.”
Okay, fine. Not her fault and she was nice, so I was polite, thanked her for the help and went to the jewelry department.
Where I wait.
Finally after about 8-9 minutes a girl comes up and asks if she can help. She was very nice and smiley, returned my rings with no problem. And when we were done returning she asked if I wanted to see something else. I told her I’d scoped out a few necklaces and rings I wanted to see and was ready to try them on.
About that time a girl walks up to the counter and the chick who’s helping me turns around and talks to her for about 5 minutes about her shoes. NOT KIDDING at all. For fuck’s sake. Really? I’m sorry your feet aren’t happy. You poor thing. Mine aren’t very happy either standing here waiting on your rude ass.
Then she finished up her very important, “My feet are sore” conversation and I say, “Hi again, can I please try on a few of these rings?” At which point she turns around, walks to the other side of the counter and starts helping people who had just walked up that moment.
Yet again, WHAT THE FUCK????
Now, for those of you who don’t know me well, or only know me via my sass-mouthed blog, you may not know this, but I am polite to a fault. I mean ridiculously polite. I say excuse me when someone rams into me. I’m a please, thank you, you are welcome kind of person. I always say hi. I usually find a way to compliment someone when doing business because it’s nice to see a smile cross their face. So if you are thinking, “Well, maybe you should adjust your attitude, missy!” just know that I never have one in a store. I really am stupid friendly.
As such, I have no clue why people suck so much!!!! When I’ve worked with the public in the past I’ve done my very best to take care of their every need and make them feel respected and appreciated in the process. Is such an attitude unheard of anymore in customer service?
I’m constantly stunned by the lack of giving a shit so many people have about their jobs and the way the treat people while at them.
I don’t know about you, but I’m thankful every day that I have a job. And so I do my damnedest to do it to the very best of my ability, and 90% of the time with a smile on my face. (Trust me, sometimes it is SOOOO hard to keep my sass mouth at bay, but I do because I’m at work and it’s the professional thing to do.)
Might I make a plea to all customer service reps out there (and I’ve been one before, so don’t think I’m being all accusatory and talking out of my ass without understanding how hard of a job it can be): If you don’t like people or can’t fake that you like people–GET ANOTHER FUCKING JOB! There are plenty of jobs where you can sit in a cubicle and not deal with the public. Do that instead.
There is never any reason to be an asshat to someone, especially if they are being nice to you. I understand if someone is treating you like shit that it can be difficult to maintain your cool, but for the rest of us out there that are kind and treat customer service reps with the respect they deserve, can you please at least pretend to do your job?
For those of you who do that grinding job of dealing with the public and still manage to maintain your kindness…THANK YOU! I know it isn’t always easy, but people like me sure appreciate it. 🙂
That’s my rant o’the day!
Whew! That was exhausting!
Oh, and on top of everything my air conditioner died last night and it’s only 95 degrees this week. Ugh. Kill me! 🙂