My dear friend Joel suggested that I post this on my blog and not just on my FB page, and a wise woman always listens to Joel. 🙂
I was telling a few close friends a story of betrayal the other day and how, when over a decade later, this person reached out and apologized I told that person that I’d forgiven them years ago. This person was shocked and thankful for the forgiveness and didn’t understand how I could have had forgiveness in my heart many years before any apology came.
I told them that while forgiveness is a beautiful gift to give to others, it is equally as beautiful a gift to give yourself.
It frees you. It helps you persevere. It keeps your heart open. It allows you to move forward, not remain stuck in the mire. It gives comfort both to you and the person you forgive.
Forgiveness in your everyday life is something to cherish and be thankful for.
Learn from those betrayals. Understand how those betrayals, in some way, taught you something that will give you wisdom down the road. But also forgive them.
The person who suffers most by not allowing forgiveness to fill their heart, is the person who is unable to forgive.
Free yourself from the past; forgive, love, giggle and do your best to spread kindness.
That is a life worth living.
And I must tell you…as a side note, it makes for such a happier life. My mom always told me to pray not only for those you love, but those that cause you pain; for if that person can heal, then their little piece of the world will be a better piece and possibly spread joy to others as well. It was sometimes a hard pill to swallow, but she was right and I still pray for the nasty bitch that ruined my life over 25 years ago (just kidding…I no longer carry that anger–just said that in classic Jodi style). Her happiness affects those around her, so I want her to be happy. Even if she TOTALLY TRIED TO DESTROY MY LIFE. No bitterness…honestly. I’m just being a smart ass. I forgave her decades ago and it took the weight of the world off my shoulders. It was a huge blessing to my own heart and I’m thankful every day that I let it go. (Do NOT start singing “Let it Go” from Frozen or I will hunt you down!)
As always, I am truly amazed and thankful to have such a blessed life.
That I’ve reached 46 (WHAT THE FUCK??? HOW AM I NOT STILL 22???) and am, for the most part, healthy, and for the full part, happy, is simply incredible and I don’t take a moment of it for granted.
When I think back on my life, where I’ve been, am, and will be, it feels like every single thing has led me to this wonderful place where I smile every day.
It hasn’t been easy over the years. It’s been pretty damn hard a lot of the time. But my 40s have taught me so much about what is truly important in life that I’m forever grateful for every wrinkle, scar and extra pound on my ass because each of them brought me to where I am.
Yeah, yeah, I know. I sound like a fuckin’ Hallmark card…but I’m allowed. 😉 It’s my birthday, dangit (well, this is getting posted a day late, so I have all the extra wisdom that one extra day has brought me).
So, in the tradition of my other birthday posts, I’m going to list things that I’ve learned this year and things for which I’m thankful.
Things I’ve Learned:
Being patient, even when pushed to the brink of homicide, is a gift that should be used often.
Some people just don’t listen and/or have any sense of recall. While it drives me absolutely bonkers when I’ve said something 4600 times and then hear “No, you never mentioned that before,” people are who they are and no amount of trying to make them remember shit will help. So, I’ve learned to just live with it or write stuff down for them so there can be no confusion.
This is not a new piece of learning, but I was sorely tested to keep this in mind over the past year: Some people that you are forced to deal with are just total fuckheads and there’s nothing you can do about it. I got so mad the other week I threw my phone across the room and sat there fuming for 5 minutes while the conversation carried on without me. It was either be off the phone for a few or say things I wouldn’t regret, but would get me in trouble anyway. So, I guess I did learn that a good phone throw can, at least, be temporarily satisfying.
Not listening to the advice of people who dislike you for their own stupid reasons is the very best thing you can do. Like my mom always said, “Consider the source.” If someone’s an asshat or a bitch and they tell you how YOU need to change so that they can be happier, tell them to go eat a bag dicks.
Never, ever, ever, ever, and I do mean NEVER talk politics with anyone you aren’t willing to fight with. It’s so stupid, as everyone is welcome to their opinion, but people go bat shit crazy with politics and it just isn’t worth it (in my book at least). You go on with your bad self if you like to talk politics, but count my ass OUT. 😉
Swimming with otters is the best damn pastime on earth and there is no doubt that one day I need to move further north to a state with green everywhere and bunnies, squirrels and deer roaming freely in my backyard.
There are few better things you can do to create a happy life than be kind to others.
I love my sister more and more every year. She and I may have had a few tiffs over the last 5 decades, but I don’t know what I would do without her.
Things For Which I’m Thankful:
I am so deeply thankful for the way my mom raised me. I know I’m a mouthy broad, but she raised me to be kind, and not judge people, and always think of what someone may be going through and how that might affect them and their actions before responding in any given way to their behavior. She raised me to be polite, but say what I think in a tactful way (most of the time!). She raised me to have deep faith in God, and I’m so happy for that, as it brings me peace every day of my life…every moment.
I’m thankful that I’m still around to write this post. As many of you know, I’ve been dead, like actually dead dead, more than once. And to be here, happy, mostly healthy, and in such a wonderful place in my life, thrills me to my toes.
I’m thankful for the family I was born into and wouldn’t trade them for the world.
I’m thankful for the wonderful friends I’ve made over the years and feel truly blessed that so many of them are still in my life.
I’m thankful that I have a great job where I get to use my brain (sometimes too much!) to help make little kids have a better education. That helps me sleep better at night knowing that I’m giving a little back to a world that has given me so much.
I’m thankful that I have a “If they don’t like me, they can bite me” attitude. 🙂 It took me a lot of years to get there, but there is nothing better than removing that stress from my life. Total bliss.
I’m thankful I had otter paws in my mouth!!!! 🙂
While my hubby has always been the most kind, generous, loving and thoughtful man, over the last year he’s made it even more clear that he really, truly loves me as I am and wants nothing more than for me to be happy. If that doesn’t make a girl thankful every minute of every day, I don’t know what does.
And last but not least (as this list could go on for 300 items, so I’m trying to keep it short), I’m thankful for my new HEDGEHOG!!!! The hubby got this precious little guy for me for my birthday and I’M IN LOVE!!!!!!
(These pics are screenshots from a video, so they are for shit quality-wise, but he’s too cute not to share!)
Isn’t he precious??!!! I’m in love!!
Well, in closing, thanks for putting up with me for another year. You guys rule and I hope that each of you has a life and a birthday that brings you nothing but joy.
Over the last few years I’ve had some requests to turn my blog into a podcast of sorts.
As I’m lazy as fuck (in reality I just work too damn hard during the day!), I’ve been putting it off. But with my last post I got a few emails telling me they want to hear it instead of read it. So, I’m giving in.
But I must warn you…I’m doing it in one take. So if I fuck up horribly, sneeze or decide to eat dinner while recording…well, you are just going to have to hear it all. 😉
Here’s my first try. It’s a recording of my last post, “I’ve HAD it,” which is a rant about dumbfuckery.
It’s not word-for-word, but it’s close.
Don’t be too hard on me and all my mess-ups.
Here’s the link if ya wanna see the last pic in the post. 🙂
Seriously, I’ve tried to write this post 50 times and keep deleting it.
I’m trying to be delicate and inoffensive (which, I know, is rare!).
But I’m just going to say it.
If you don’t like it, don’t look at it.
If you don’t like it, don’t go to their parties.
If you don’t like it, don’t invite them over for Sunday dinner.
If you don’t like it, tough noogies.
I can GUARANTEE that no matter what kind of clean-living life you think you lead (and by you, I mean everyone on earth), there is someone on this planet who despises your faith, your politics, your sexuality, the color of your skin, etc…
It is sad that people hate so quickly and easily for something as little as where someone else sticks their dick.
Who the hell cares?
All of us have done or do things that others wouldn’t approve of, but we don’t want to be judged.
So, here’s an idea, don’t judge others either.
There will always be people you don’t like. I can name a few off the top of my head that I’d like to see eaten by prairie dogs. But it’s not because of who they sleep with, what church they attend, how much or little melanin they have in their skin.
If I hate a mother fucker it’s because they treat people like shit. It’s a personal kind of dislike that is rooted totally in the fact that that person makes a conscious effort to ruin other people’s lives in a direct, person-to-person way.
A transgender couple in Alabama is not mean to me, therefore I hope they are happy and live wonderful lives.
A biracial couple raising biracial kids in Washington is not mean to me, therefore I hope they are happy and live wonderful lives.
A gay couple getting married because they are in love is not being mean to me, therefore I hope they too are happy and live wonderful lives.
What I can never understand is why people latch onto things that they personally think are unacceptable because they fall outside of their own view of the world, and then choose to rail on about how bad, evil, against God, unnatural, blah blah blah those ways of life are.
Honest to God, one of the best things anyone can do both for society and for themselves is learn that a world full of happy, loving, tolerant, non-judgmental people, who spend their time doing things to BETTER the world rather than spitting venom into it, is a better world in which everyone can find their bit of joy.
I remember once being preached at by someone about how gays are ruining the world. Meanwhile, this person was married and having not one, but two, affairs.
Hmmm…I think that those without sin should chuck that first rock. The hypocrisy about killed me. But then everyone can find ways to defend their own lifestyle choices, while condemning others’ right to make their own.
My mantra is this: Wake up. Hurt no one. Go to sleep. Wake up. Repeat.
To me, and only to me as everyone is allowed their own opinion, that is the way to lead a truly happy life.
I don’t worry about who fucks who.
I don’t worry about who prays to what God.
All I care about is that we are kind to each other and try to create a world where our children will grow into happy, healthy adults where the word “tolerance” isn’t even a part of their vocabulary because allowing someone to live a life different from their own isn’t “tolerating” anything. It’s just how it is and all’s good.
I know there may be people who read this and say that I’m trying to choke my own thoughts down their throat so aren’t I a big ole fucking hypocrite? Well, if me sharing that I want people to live wonderful, judgment-free lives where differences aren’t only tolerated but celebrated, then I’m okay being labeled a hypocrite.
I hear all the time from people defending their right to hate somebody that “MY God doesn’t approve of that,” when it comes to the way some people choose to live their lives.
Well, let me just say this. My God is loving. My God sacrificed his Son for our sins. My God judges lives when you walk though the Pearly Gates–so that means you don’t have to do His job for Him.
When it all comes down in the end…when you look back on your life…do you want it to be full of antagonism, prejudice, hate, intolerance and judgment?
Or do you want to look back and say, “I did my best to create a good life, bring people around me joy, and now I can die knowing I did the best I could.”?
I vote for the second option.
In those last moments will you think about all the people you hated or will you think about the love you’ve been blessed enough to know?
If the answer is “the love” then why wait until your final moments? Why not live that life now?
But better people than me have written about such things, and so here are words from a very wise person about The End.
In my rear view mirror the sun is going down Sinking behind bridges in the road And I think of all the good things That we have left undone And I suffer premonitions Confirm suspicions Of the holocaust to come.
The rusty wire that holds the cork That keeps the anger in Gives way And suddenly it’s day again. The sun is in the East Even though the day is done. Two suns in the sunset Could be the human race is run.
Like the moment when the brakes lock And you slide towards the big truck You stretch the frozen moments with your fear. And you’ll never hear their voices And you’ll never see their faces You have no recourse to the law anymore.
And as the windshield melts My tears evaporate Leaving only charcoal to defend. Finally I understand the feelings of the few. Ashes and diamonds Foe and friend We were all equal in the end.
About a month ago I posted a poll on whether or not you guys thought it was a betrayal to seek sexual satisfaction from real, live people outside of your relationship via phone or computer.
A big thanks to all of you for your thoughtful responses and poll answering.
It was so hard for me not to spew my opinion all over the place when I wrote that post, but I didn’t want to sway anyone’s thoughts on the matter before they had a chance to comment or vote. Of course now, I’m nothin’ but sass mouth on the topic!! 😉
In case you’re wondering, I used the info from that poll to write my latest article for The Acquiring Man magazine.
If you voted or just wanna see the article, click HERE or on the pic below (dang, that chick is hot!).
PS: there is one typo in the article that is repeated 4 times that is making my brain itch! But the editor is going to fix them. He added the line because it’s a great summary of the article–I should have included it myself, so I’m glad he added it in. But as you guys know, I can be a grammar nazi, so forgive the missing apostrophe for now. 🙂