WARNING!!!!! Rant about to occur!

Hi everyone!

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I promise I’ll get to all my mushy, sarcastic, holiday fun as Christmas approaches, but I wrote this on Facebook and my sister immediately said that I should post it here too. So I’m a gonna! 😉

Love you guys and bear with me and my rant. It’s all from good intentions, even if it is quite mouthy, I swear! 🙂  🙂  🙂

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UPDATE TO MOUTHY RANT BELOW:

Hey everybody. Now I feel bad because I think that my crazed rant the other day was taken the wrong way. Or let me rephrase that, that I did not explain myself well. Trying to write all of that on a stupid tiny little phone, I sometimes leave things out that maybe I shouldn’t.

What I really meant, was not that I don’t love seeing things like, “Ha!” or “Love it!” or “Sending prayers,” or “Happy birthday,” or “You’ll be fine…you’re strong,” and things like that.

Those comments are AWESOME and BEAUTIFUL and I know that I personally am always very thankful for them because it means someone actually stopped, took a moment out of their day and let me know what they were thinking in that moment. That’s precious. I love that.

What I was flipping out about the other day was when somebody is clearly in pain and reaching out for help on Facebook, and someone gives them some condescending platitude that makes it seem like they, the comment writer, are just so much smarter and more enlightened then everybody else. And if the person writing the original post was just better or stronger or understood the world more, then everything be just fine. That I just cannot abide and that is what I was commenting on the other day.

It was a specific post that I was referring to that just set my hair on fire. So please know, that I was in no way, shape or form trying to say that anyone should stifle saying anything on Facebook. You guys know if I’m for anything it’s for free speech. I was more saying that real empathy when somebody needs help is so much better than preaching at them because you think you’ve got The Answers to Everything and you will arrogantly share them with everybody else so we are better people through your enlightened comment.

I’m so very sorry if I came across the wrong way, or left that out, because there’s nothing I love more than having fun with you guys on Facebook. It’s those little connections that help keep us all sane and make us giggle and remind us that we’re loved.

So if anybody took what I was saying wrong or I just did a shity job of explaining myself, I apologize. I meant no disrespect to anybody, with the exception of people who are jerks. They can still bite me.

Love you guys, and I really mean that.

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PS: If you are wondering what got me to this point, and why I started noticing this kind of stuff and had to post a rant, here’s what I just shared with one of the dearest people in my life that I hadn’t shared with anyone before–she’s a 2nd mom to me.

On the day I nearly died…THE ACTUAL DAY, someone said to me, “You had a stumble, big fucking deal. This will be okay.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

That was the kind of thing I was talking about with platitudes and remarks that are utterly inappropriate. How about something else like maybe, “Oh my God, I’m so happy you are alive.” or something like that?” But to say that awful thing to me as I lay there in organ failure, 90% dead? WTF????

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Original mouthy rant: 

So something I’ve noticed over the last few years that has finally started to drive me crazy to the point of wanting to flip out and respond in ways that are impolite and against my sweet nature is the fact that so many people now speak in cliche on Facebook.

It’s as though they’ve read every self-help book in the world and think that they are now the gurus of “How to make your life better,” or “Take control of your life,” or “Don’t let people affect you. Your reactions are YOUR reactions and you own them.”

First off, duh. Secondly, don’t fucking preach at me, or anyone else for that matter.

We all have our own lives. Our own experiences. Our own pain. Our own joy. Our own fears. Everyone is shaped differently due to the experiences that they’ve had in their lives. Therefore, people tend to react differently in the same situation. Now this sounds like ME being all preachy, but what it really is, is me just trying to explain that having someone tell you that, “No one can make you mad, only you can allow yourself to feel anger,” makes me want to punch a fucking wall.

Because while that is a great sentiment, and true in many ways in that we choose how we respond to external stimuli, if someone punches me I’m going to be fucking mad and I’m going to want to punch them back in the fucking head…with a hammer.

So yes, I could say to myself, “They just punched me. WTF??? But I am in charge of my response. Maybe they punched me for a good reason? Maybe they had no reason for punching me. But don’t allow them punching me to make me mad because anger gives THEM the power and I have a choice of whether or not to give them power. Choose not to.”

Give me strength. Good Lord. Possibly only Gandhi and/or Mother Teresa would respond that way. Having natural responses to external stimuli is one of the most natural things in the world. And it’s okay to react.

Now, do I suggest reacting in a calm way? Yes. The madder I get, the calmer I get (believe it or not!). I have found that this works best for me. Especially because I’m always so bonkers and giggly and sarcastic and tend to let most shit slide because in the end who really cares about most of the spilled milk, but when I’m really, really fucking pissed, I tend to become very quiet, very introspective, and think very hard about what I’m going to say so that I don’t regret anything that comes out of my mouth.

That is how I take control of how I react to external stimuli. That doesn’t mean that anybody else has to do it that way. But it works for me. But to say that I’m not allowed to have my gut, raw reactions to other people’s behavior is ridiculous and insulting and quite frankly stupid as fuck.

I’ve also noticed that while many, many of us have been through just absolute nightmares the last year, that some people feel empathy for others and for the pain they’re going through, but other people feel like they own what pain is and that only they are the experts on how to deal with it. That is such a bunch of shit.

I tell my dear friends at work, when they aren’t feeling well, how much I hope they feel better and that I’m praying for them. And almost all of them tell me that it’s ridiculous for them to even complain about their aches and pains because look at what I’ve been through this year. And I tell them that just because I’ve been through pain doesn’t lessen their pain. It doesn’t make their migraine go away. It doesn’t help them go into remission from cancer. It doesn’t help their knee that is in constant pain or their back that hurts like a fucker all the time. Just because I’ve been through the wringer, doesn’t mean that I own what pain is and that no one else could ever understand. That’s ridiculous and quite self involved.

So, you’ll have to forgive me for my rant. And I know I may have even gotten off track a bit. But I’m just so exhausted by this inauthentic, non-genuine truckload of responses that I constantly see on Facebook. It’s so annoying. Be your real self. That’s all any of us want from our friends. I don’t want anyone to be fake with me. If you think I’m an asshole, tell me I’m an asshole and unfriend me.

I much prefer honesty to anything else. Anyone who’s ever read any of my posts knows that I say it like it is, whether it’s pleasant or not. And I’m not telling anybody else that you need to write your posts like I write mine. Again, we are all individuals and we choose to communicate in the ways that we want. But at the same time, if I read one more cliched piece of shit that says nothing, is an excuse for real emotion, is condescending or patronizing, or is used as a weapon to make somebody feel as though their emotions don’t have the value that they actually do have, I’m going to freak the fuck out.

I love you guys all so very much and that’s why I just let it all hang out. Good, bad and ugly, you guys see every side of me. Now, for a lot of people I know that is hard to do. And I’m certainly not telling you that you should. But please, when someone is angry about something or hurt by something or scared about something, please give them the consideration, respect, compassion and love they deserve by responding to them in an authentic way that lets them know how you really feel. Quoting a fucking bumper sticker isn’t going to help anybody unless the bumper sticker says, “Fuck ’em all, you’ll get through this.” Then at least they might laugh.

Again, sorry for the rant. But I read something on someone else’s page this morning that just pushed me over the edge and I had to comment on these way-too-common, cliched, self-help, lazy, bullshit responses that I now see so often on FB. This person’s comment just happened to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. But that camel has been really fucking tired for a long time, so it didn’t take much.

Love you guys, even if it doesn’t sound like it during this rant, I do. I just want us all to live in a place where our opinions are valued, even if they’re disagreed with. Where our hopes and dreams can be supported by those that love us. Where our fear and our anger can be dissipated by the love and support of our friends.

I don’t want to live in a world of fake shit. I want to live in a world of truth and love and kindness and a good kick in the ass sometimes if it’s needed.

I hope everybody has a wonderful, relaxing, healthy, happy weekend. We’ve all earned it. Thanks for putting up with my mouthiness. I know I go on with my crazy verbal vomit sometimes and I love that you guys put up with me. Hugs!

The path to happiness… :)

My dear friend Joel suggested that I post this on my blog and not just on my FB page, and a wise woman always listens to Joel. 🙂

I was telling a few close friends a story of betrayal the other day and how, when over a decade later, this person reached out and apologized I told that person that I’d forgiven them years ago. This person was shocked and thankful for the forgiveness and didn’t understand how I could have had forgiveness in my heart many years before any apology came.

I told them that while forgiveness is a beautiful gift to give to others, it is equally as beautiful a gift to give yourself.

It frees you.
It helps you persevere. 
It keeps your heart open.
It allows you to move forward, not remain stuck in the mire.
It gives comfort both to you and the person you forgive.

Forgiveness in your everyday life is something to cherish and be thankful for.

Learn from those betrayals.
Understand how those betrayals, in some way, taught you something that will give you wisdom down the road.
But also forgive them.

The person who suffers most by not allowing forgiveness to fill their heart, is the person who is unable to forgive.

Free yourself from the past; forgive, love, giggle and do your best to spread kindness.

That is a life worth living.

And I must tell you…as a side note, it makes for such a happier life. My mom always told me to pray not only for those you love, but those that cause you pain; for if that person can heal, then their little piece of the world will be a better piece and possibly spread joy to others as well. It was sometimes a hard pill to swallow, but she was right and I still pray for the nasty bitch that ruined my life over 25 years ago (just kidding…I no longer carry that anger–just said that in classic Jodi style). Her happiness affects those around her, so I want her to be happy. Even if she TOTALLY TRIED TO DESTROY MY LIFE. No bitterness…honestly. I’m just being a smart ass. I forgave her decades ago and it took the weight of the world off my shoulders. It was a huge blessing to my own heart and I’m thankful every day that I let it go. (Do NOT start singing “Let it Go” from Frozen or I will hunt you down!)

Anyway, much love, as always. XOXOXO

Quit being a fucktard

Seriously, I’ve tried to write this post 50 times and keep deleting it.

I’m trying to be delicate and inoffensive (which, I know, is rare!).

But I’m just going to say it.

People have a right to be who they are. Period.

If you don’t like it, don’t look at it.

If you don’t like it, don’t go to their parties.

If you don’t like it, don’t invite them over for Sunday dinner.

If you don’t like it, tough noogies.

I can GUARANTEE that no matter what kind of clean-living life you think you lead (and by you, I mean everyone on earth), there is someone on this planet who despises your faith, your politics, your sexuality, the color of your skin, etc…

It is sad that people hate so quickly and easily for something as little as where someone else sticks their dick.

Who the hell cares?

All of us have done or do things that others wouldn’t approve of, but we don’t want to be judged.

So, here’s an idea, don’t judge others either.

There will always be people you don’t like. I can name a few off the top of my head that I’d like to see eaten by prairie dogs. But it’s not because of who they sleep with, what church they attend, how much or little melanin they have in their skin.

If I hate a mother fucker it’s because they treat people like shit. It’s a personal kind of dislike that is rooted totally in the fact that that person makes a conscious effort to ruin other people’s lives in a direct, person-to-person way.

A transgender couple in Alabama is not mean to me, therefore I hope they are happy and live wonderful lives.

A biracial couple raising biracial kids in Washington is not mean to me, therefore I hope they are happy and live wonderful lives.

A gay couple getting married because they are in love is not being mean to me, therefore I hope they too are happy and live wonderful lives.

What I can never understand is why people latch onto things that they personally think are unacceptable because they fall outside of their own view of the world, and then choose to rail on about how bad, evil, against God, unnatural, blah blah blah those ways of life are.

Honest to God, one of the best things anyone can do both for society and for themselves is learn that a world full of happy, loving, tolerant, non-judgmental people, who spend their time doing things to BETTER the world rather than spitting venom into it, is a better world in which everyone can find their bit of joy.

I remember once being preached at by someone about how gays are ruining the world. Meanwhile, this person was married and having not one, but two, affairs.

Hmmm…I think that those without sin should chuck that first rock. The hypocrisy about killed me. But then everyone can find ways to defend their own lifestyle choices, while condemning others’ right to make their own.

My mantra is this: Wake up. Hurt no one. Go to sleep. Wake up. Repeat.

To me, and only to me as everyone is allowed their own opinion, that is the way to lead a truly happy life.

I don’t worry about who fucks who.

I don’t worry about who prays to what God.

All I care about is that we are kind to each other and try to create a world where our children will grow into happy, healthy adults where the word “tolerance” isn’t even a part of their vocabulary because allowing someone to live a life different from their own isn’t “tolerating” anything. It’s just how it is and all’s good.

I know there may be people who read this and say that I’m trying to choke my own thoughts down their throat so aren’t I a big ole fucking hypocrite? Well, if me sharing that I want people to live wonderful, judgment-free lives where differences aren’t only tolerated but celebrated, then I’m okay being labeled a hypocrite.

I hear all the time from people defending their right to hate somebody that “MY God doesn’t approve of that,” when it comes to the way some people choose to live their lives.

Well, let me just say this. My God is loving. My God sacrificed his Son for our sins. My God judges lives when you walk though the Pearly Gates–so that means you don’t have to do His job for Him.

When it all comes down in the end…when you look back on your life…do you want it to be full of antagonism, prejudice, hate, intolerance and judgment?

Or do you want to look back and say, “I did my best to create a good life, bring people around me joy, and now I can die knowing I did the best I could.”?

I vote for the second option.

In those last moments will you think about all the people you hated or will you think about the love you’ve been blessed enough to know?

If the answer is “the love” then why wait until your final moments? Why not live that life now?

But better people than me have written about such things, and so here are words from a very wise person about The End.

In my rear view mirror the sun is going down
Sinking behind bridges in the road
And I think of all the good things
That we have left undone
And I suffer premonitions
Confirm suspicions
Of the holocaust to come.

The rusty wire that holds the cork
That keeps the anger in
Gives way
And suddenly it’s day again.
The sun is in the East
Even though the day is done.
Two suns in the sunset
Could be the human race is run.

Like the moment when the brakes lock
And you slide towards the big truck
You stretch the frozen moments with your fear.
And you’ll never hear their voices
And you’ll never see their faces
You have no recourse to the law anymore.

And as the windshield melts
My tears evaporate
Leaving only charcoal to defend.
Finally I understand the feelings of the few.
Ashes and diamonds
Foe and friend
We were all equal in the end.