What the Shit is This?


Dear Cracker Jack people,

You can suck it!

What kind of rip off, jacked up “prize” is this?

Cracker Jack 1Cracker Jack 2

I’ll tell ya, it’s a shit prize. No. It’s not a prize. It’s a turd in a box of cheap popcorn with nuts so hard if you bite on them you’ll break your teeth.

Are you seriously telling me that your gift to me is an explanation I can get on Wikipedia? WHERE’S MY DIAMOND RING OR ACTION FIGURE OR TATTOO!?

I want my money back. I want my childhood dreams of finding a diamond ring in the box back. I want the Cracker Jacks makers to be shamed for their cheapness.

Cracker Jacks Ring

Back in the day there were few things more exciting then when Mom would surprise you with a box of Cracker Jacks and you couldn’t wait to get to the bottom for that awesome prize that you’d cherish until your sister stole it or you lost it or Mom sucked it up in the vacuum.

Now? I wouldn’t wipe my hamster’s butt with your “prize.”

Shame! Cracker Jack makers. Shame! Have some pride in your product please.

Yours truly,


(Now a full and complete Poppycock lover! (Heh heh…she said cock.))  🙂

Sesame Street Sham! My Childhood Memories are Shattered!

What is this critter with Big Bird called?

Sound it out slowly. How would you spell it?

My whole life he’s been the Snuffaluffagus. ALL Fs, mo fo. ALL Fs!!!! Well, wasn’t I horrified when I found out he’s the Snuffleupagus. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??? It’s a travesty, that’s what it is. There ain’t no Ps in his name. That’s just wrong.

He will forever in my heart be the Snuffaluffagus. Period.

Okay, that was a weird post. 🙂 It was just one of those things where I’m like…wha??? Wha??? P? Really? Yeah, I’m going to shut up now.

HUGS from a fruitcake!