Feb 26 2018

Truth 5: Shut yo’ mouth! (The Starbucks Fiasco)

This one needs no introduction.

All I want to say is that verbal evisceration can be fun!

PS: As the sun gets into my eyes and I look like I have smudgy goop on my face, it’s actually the filth on my windshield casting shadows onto it. Wash my car, maybe????

LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

Sep 24 2014

Nooooooooooo! The Beginning of the End.

Well, it’s confirmed.

I’m older than Methuselah!

And I’m able to document when my ancient-ness started to the exact day. How many people can say that?

So, there I am, putting on a little makeup before the man gets home so that I don’t rival the Crypt Keeper for ugliest freak show on earth and I see something in my eyebrow.

“What on earth is that?” I ask myself.

Then I flip the mirror around to the 10x magnification side (eeeee gawds, don’t ever do that!) and saw this monstrosity:

What in the ever-loving hell is that?

Who ever heard of such a hideous thing?

Half luxurious black. Half Jodi-is-old-as-dirt gray.

What the fuck????????

I’m too young for this!

Oh, and add to the grayness the fact that that eyebrow hair is 300 feet long.

It looks like a 90-year-old man’s nose hair.

Hmmm…what shall I do to cheer myself up?

I’m thinking a splurge of pizza for dinner.

Yep, that’ll heal what ails me.

🙂

Hope you guys are having a good week! XO

Mar 6 2013

Shortest Post Ever: Things I’ve Learned Today

I am NOT OLD, dammit, but I barely knew ONE FRIGGIN’ song being sung on American Idol the last two nights. What the hell is going on here? Is there a conspiracy to make me feel out of touch with what the kids are up to these days? Oh God. I said, “the kids.” Okay. I’m old.
American Idol is better when you have 2 things: 1) Frozen chocolate icing on a spoon 2) A fast-forward button.
I am lazier than I thought as I have remote controls on half the lights in my house so I don’t have to move to turn one on or off.
Then again, I’m not particularly lazy as I do bust my butt doing a million things a day. Okay, I’m lazy about lights. I can live with that. Oh, and dishes too. And washing the sheets. And vacuuming. Okay, kinda lazy.
I truly love my doppelganger, crazy as a shit-house rat hamster. She is truly entertaining and nutso cuckoo.
I dislike stepping in cat puke. Did it twice today in bare feet. Ick. I wiped it off with a paper towel and then used anti-bacterial wash from Bath & Body Works. Think that was good enough?

Oh, and I found one of those age progression sites where they’ll take a pic of you and turn you into an old lady. Here’s what my old ass probably looks like to those teeny boppers singing all those songs that I’ve never heard of before.