Truth 4: People are fuckin’ hysterical

Warning, this one is a little long, so grab a coffee or a smoke, but this is one of my favorites thus far.

For some reason, people tend to email me directly instead of commenting on my post or on Facebook or (UGH) Twitter.

So, I took the first four topics/questions from my emails from you guys and answered them in this video.

The shit people say KILLS ME with giggles.

I hope you giggle too!

PS: Why do these videos all of a sudden come in sideways???? They play normal once you click play, promise. You don’t have to crook your noggin to see me right side up. 😉

Bonus Video!

Just for those who thought I should look different in every video…this one’s for you! 🙂

Oh, and I know the lighting is jacked. I didn’t want to wake the hubby at 2 a.m., and this room has awful lighting. Ahh..it is what it is. XO

Much love and have a fantastic weekend!

XOXOXOXOXO

Truth 3: Be Courageous

I know this title seems similar to my last video, Truth 2: Be Brave, but there really is a difference.

I think of bravery is doing something in the moment that is necessary.

I think of courage as the building of character that gives a person the wherewithal to do what’s right or needed not only now, but for the long haul.

My darling friend Jill exemplifies both, and this video is dedicated to her and her amazing courage in telling breast cancer to go fuck itself. You’ll love her after you hear about her. I know I love her.

Now, for some reason, I saved the video at a lower resolution so it would load faster, and now it has a huge black frame around it. NO CLUE. And I’m good with technology, but I’m baffled with this. Also, what a hideous freezy-face! Really?? THAT face??

Click here to check out her awesome Switch Purses!

Make sure to check her site again in a few weeks.

She’s in the middle of non-stop production. 🙂

Here is the beautiful Jill and a peek into her life. She’s just amazing!

Jill and part of her amazing support system. A very handsome part!

Jill and her wonderful friends at the 2017 Race for the Cure.

This is going to be similar to my Switch Purse! FURRY!!! Woo hoo! And isn’t she just as beautiful with short hair?! Love her strength. It inspires me.

 

Thank you, Jill, for being our inspiration.

You are my hero and so many people have happier lives because of YOU.

Much love!

Truth 2: Be Brave

I am quite literally going to be braver in this post than I’ve EVER been in my life (excluding evil doctor-related things).

For most of my life I’ve had an insane fear, I’m mean a severe PHOBIA of singing in public.

It’s not healthy to be scared. It’s not fun.

I will not do karaoke. I won’t let anyone hear me sing in the car or shower, including the hubby.

I’m am truly blinded by the fear of people telling me I suck. And I DO! I know I can’t sing. I know I sound like a cat being gutted, but I love to sing. When I’m alone in my car I have so much fun singing my face off as loud as can be. But if anyone heard me, I’d die.

So, since Today’s Truth #2 is Be Brave, then I’m going to put my fear where my mouth is and do a few singalongs. If I could sing well, then this wouldn’t be brave. But knowing that I cannot sing well at all, well, that is my test of bravery. I’m willing to be utterly vulnerable in front of everyone, even knowing I’m tone deaf. This is my version of brave.

Please know, I’m TERRIFIED, MORTIFIED, HORRIFIED, and any other “ified” you can come up with.

Don’t be too mean in your comments.

I KNOW I hit flat notes, sharp notes, totally wrong notes, fuck up the lyrics and make people want to die. I know this. But there is a freedom in being brave that is more important than letting fear drive your life.

Bravery is glorious, scary, amazing, liberating, terrifying and so many more things. We’ll talk more about it in other posts down the line, but I’m going to share with you 3 singalongs that I did. I probably should have warmed up my voice or practiced, but it is what it is. There’s no editing, voice fixing, post-producing or anything of that nature. This is just me as raw as it gets. As vulnerable as it gets because my fear really is more a phobia than anything else. I’d rather have a spider crawl on my eyeball than sing in public. That should tell you just how brave I’m trying to be in doing this.

I think song number 3 is probably the best, but I promised myself I’d post them all. May God help your ears. 😉

Song 1: Lady Gaga: You and I

This video was inspired from nearly getting killed on the road by an asshat as we were merging off the 101. My bravery was not jumping out of my car and killing him with a hammer.

This song is so unbearably out of my vocal range that it’s ridiculous. But if you’re going to do it, do it. Just know that I KNOW this is not good. But I have to overcome my fears, regardless of what they are. Be warned!

Also, I get very tongue tied, forget how to pronounce words at the end and just fuck shit all up. It’s embarrassing, but again, NO EDITING. It is what it is. (PS: I now know why Stevie Wonder does the head shaking thing…you’ll see first hand soon enough…sorry…) 🙂

PS: Until the videos finish “processing” it looks like they are 90 degrees crooked. Once you hit play they go right side up. Technology is weird!

Song 2: John Denver: Country Roads

This video was inspired from nearly getting killed merging off the 101 onto the 202. It was not a good day for driving. Almost nearly killed twice in one damn day. My car was actually 90 degrees the wrong direction on the road and I went from 70mph to sideways to straightened out in the course of about 3 seconds. I don’t know how I’m alive or didn’t hit 10 other cars. Miracle. So I was so happy to be alive that I was inspired to try a another song in case the Lady Gaga one was so just so bad that I couldn’t post it. But, that wouldn’t be brave. So, you get this one too.

Also, I do know the word “bravery.” Why I call it “braveness” sometimes is beyond me. I was terrified and have no excuse for sucking except that I was just scared to death because I was about to or just had finished singing.

This video has some different stories in it than the Gaga song. I was going to post one or the other, but decided to go with both, so if you listen to both you’ll hear some other fun tidbits about my life. Oh, and I get a little better as the so goes on. He sings lower than my register so it’s hard for me to hit those notes, but I warm up a bit about halfway through. Again, consider yourself warned.

Song 3: Erykah Badu: Tyrone

LOVE this song! When I told my sister I was doing my self-imposed Bravery Challenge she said I should do Tyrone. How could I not thought of that!? GREAT song. Again, so out of my vocal range it’s insane. But I tried again, dammit! And I think it may be the best of the 3. Maybe. Big thanks to my sister for her suggestion. Oh, and I’ll give you her address if you wanna kill her for suggesting I sing this. I wouldn’t blame you. 😉

 

Remember, if I can do something that terrifies me more than death and taxes, you can too. Find your worst fear and try and overcome it. It’s so freeing!!!

I think I’ll now be able to sing in the car with the hubby present and not be terrified about being critiqued or made fun of (in his head as he’d never say it to my face). But silent critiquing is just as scary.

So, go do something wild! Go be brave! Go kick some ass! Once you’re dead you can’t, so do it while you still have the time.

God bless and much love.

XOXOXOXOXO

 

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MY DARLING FRIENDS (and Happy Holidays!)

I discovered the most amazing blessing today and I wanted to share it with you guys.

I started going through all of my Facebook posts and blog posts from this year and I noticed all the people who had left beautiful, supportive and loving comments for my family and me.

And because of those comments I started writing up a post that specifically mentioned a bunch of people who had been particularly wonderful to me this year. What I realized, and what the true blessing is, is that the list was so long that it would take me 15 hours to write it.

What an amazing gift to be given by your friends.

My intention had been to name each of you, one by one, and thank you very specifically for the help or love or encouragement or support that you had given me. But the list was, quite frankly, a bit daunting. Because of that long list, I’ve never been happier.

That God has blessed me with friends who come out in such a strong force to keep me encouraged and out of a depressive hole of blackness is quite amazing to me.

It’s very important for me to let you guys know, that every smiley-face, every heart, every hands held together in prayer, every snarky or sarcastic comment, every lovely and supportive comment, every comment telling me that I was going to kick ass, every precious thought, emoji, gif, picture, you name it… has meant the world to me and lifted me up when I really needed it.

While I wish I had those 15 hours to name every one of you specifically and just how you helped me right when I needed it, I hope that this note will suffice because without the loving support, or the super-funny laughs, or the occasional ass kicking, I know without hesitation I could not have made it through this year. Your love and your prayers supported me and gave me more strength that I knew I had.

So let me end by saying this: When I say love you in a comment or a post, I mean it with my heart. When I say thank you, I mean it with everything I have. When I call you sweetie or doll or darling it’s because that’s how I’m truly feeling in that moment. When I send you hugs it’s because I really wish that I could hug you.

You all have made this year, which could have been my last, more beautiful for my heart than I ever could have dreamt. That’s the best gift of all. If I got coal in my stocking and a note from Santa that said, “Fuck you,” that would be okay at this point because all of you have given me a gift everyday and sometimes even more than once a day.

Know this, I love you guys and you are always in my prayers. Regardless of what you are celebrating this holiday season may you be blessed with joy and love throughout every moment of it.

With all of my heart…

WARNING!!!!! Rant about to occur!

Hi everyone!

arg-dancing-happy-holidays-red-sm-url

I promise I’ll get to all my mushy, sarcastic, holiday fun as Christmas approaches, but I wrote this on Facebook and my sister immediately said that I should post it here too. So I’m a gonna! 😉

Love you guys and bear with me and my rant. It’s all from good intentions, even if it is quite mouthy, I swear! 🙂  🙂  🙂

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UPDATE TO MOUTHY RANT BELOW:

Hey everybody. Now I feel bad because I think that my crazed rant the other day was taken the wrong way. Or let me rephrase that, that I did not explain myself well. Trying to write all of that on a stupid tiny little phone, I sometimes leave things out that maybe I shouldn’t.

What I really meant, was not that I don’t love seeing things like, “Ha!” or “Love it!” or “Sending prayers,” or “Happy birthday,” or “You’ll be fine…you’re strong,” and things like that.

Those comments are AWESOME and BEAUTIFUL and I know that I personally am always very thankful for them because it means someone actually stopped, took a moment out of their day and let me know what they were thinking in that moment. That’s precious. I love that.

What I was flipping out about the other day was when somebody is clearly in pain and reaching out for help on Facebook, and someone gives them some condescending platitude that makes it seem like they, the comment writer, are just so much smarter and more enlightened then everybody else. And if the person writing the original post was just better or stronger or understood the world more, then everything be just fine. That I just cannot abide and that is what I was commenting on the other day.

It was a specific post that I was referring to that just set my hair on fire. So please know, that I was in no way, shape or form trying to say that anyone should stifle saying anything on Facebook. You guys know if I’m for anything it’s for free speech. I was more saying that real empathy when somebody needs help is so much better than preaching at them because you think you’ve got The Answers to Everything and you will arrogantly share them with everybody else so we are better people through your enlightened comment.

I’m so very sorry if I came across the wrong way, or left that out, because there’s nothing I love more than having fun with you guys on Facebook. It’s those little connections that help keep us all sane and make us giggle and remind us that we’re loved.

So if anybody took what I was saying wrong or I just did a shity job of explaining myself, I apologize. I meant no disrespect to anybody, with the exception of people who are jerks. They can still bite me.

Love you guys, and I really mean that.

____________________________________________

PS: If you are wondering what got me to this point, and why I started noticing this kind of stuff and had to post a rant, here’s what I just shared with one of the dearest people in my life that I hadn’t shared with anyone before–she’s a 2nd mom to me.

On the day I nearly died…THE ACTUAL DAY, someone said to me, “You had a stumble, big fucking deal. This will be okay.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

That was the kind of thing I was talking about with platitudes and remarks that are utterly inappropriate. How about something else like maybe, “Oh my God, I’m so happy you are alive.” or something like that?” But to say that awful thing to me as I lay there in organ failure, 90% dead? WTF????

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Original mouthy rant: 

So something I’ve noticed over the last few years that has finally started to drive me crazy to the point of wanting to flip out and respond in ways that are impolite and against my sweet nature is the fact that so many people now speak in cliche on Facebook.

It’s as though they’ve read every self-help book in the world and think that they are now the gurus of “How to make your life better,” or “Take control of your life,” or “Don’t let people affect you. Your reactions are YOUR reactions and you own them.”

First off, duh. Secondly, don’t fucking preach at me, or anyone else for that matter.

We all have our own lives. Our own experiences. Our own pain. Our own joy. Our own fears. Everyone is shaped differently due to the experiences that they’ve had in their lives. Therefore, people tend to react differently in the same situation. Now this sounds like ME being all preachy, but what it really is, is me just trying to explain that having someone tell you that, “No one can make you mad, only you can allow yourself to feel anger,” makes me want to punch a fucking wall.

Because while that is a great sentiment, and true in many ways in that we choose how we respond to external stimuli, if someone punches me I’m going to be fucking mad and I’m going to want to punch them back in the fucking head…with a hammer.

So yes, I could say to myself, “They just punched me. WTF??? But I am in charge of my response. Maybe they punched me for a good reason? Maybe they had no reason for punching me. But don’t allow them punching me to make me mad because anger gives THEM the power and I have a choice of whether or not to give them power. Choose not to.”

Give me strength. Good Lord. Possibly only Gandhi and/or Mother Teresa would respond that way. Having natural responses to external stimuli is one of the most natural things in the world. And it’s okay to react.

Now, do I suggest reacting in a calm way? Yes. The madder I get, the calmer I get (believe it or not!). I have found that this works best for me. Especially because I’m always so bonkers and giggly and sarcastic and tend to let most shit slide because in the end who really cares about most of the spilled milk, but when I’m really, really fucking pissed, I tend to become very quiet, very introspective, and think very hard about what I’m going to say so that I don’t regret anything that comes out of my mouth.

That is how I take control of how I react to external stimuli. That doesn’t mean that anybody else has to do it that way. But it works for me. But to say that I’m not allowed to have my gut, raw reactions to other people’s behavior is ridiculous and insulting and quite frankly stupid as fuck.

I’ve also noticed that while many, many of us have been through just absolute nightmares the last year, that some people feel empathy for others and for the pain they’re going through, but other people feel like they own what pain is and that only they are the experts on how to deal with it. That is such a bunch of shit.

I tell my dear friends at work, when they aren’t feeling well, how much I hope they feel better and that I’m praying for them. And almost all of them tell me that it’s ridiculous for them to even complain about their aches and pains because look at what I’ve been through this year. And I tell them that just because I’ve been through pain doesn’t lessen their pain. It doesn’t make their migraine go away. It doesn’t help them go into remission from cancer. It doesn’t help their knee that is in constant pain or their back that hurts like a fucker all the time. Just because I’ve been through the wringer, doesn’t mean that I own what pain is and that no one else could ever understand. That’s ridiculous and quite self involved.

So, you’ll have to forgive me for my rant. And I know I may have even gotten off track a bit. But I’m just so exhausted by this inauthentic, non-genuine truckload of responses that I constantly see on Facebook. It’s so annoying. Be your real self. That’s all any of us want from our friends. I don’t want anyone to be fake with me. If you think I’m an asshole, tell me I’m an asshole and unfriend me.

I much prefer honesty to anything else. Anyone who’s ever read any of my posts knows that I say it like it is, whether it’s pleasant or not. And I’m not telling anybody else that you need to write your posts like I write mine. Again, we are all individuals and we choose to communicate in the ways that we want. But at the same time, if I read one more cliched piece of shit that says nothing, is an excuse for real emotion, is condescending or patronizing, or is used as a weapon to make somebody feel as though their emotions don’t have the value that they actually do have, I’m going to freak the fuck out.

I love you guys all so very much and that’s why I just let it all hang out. Good, bad and ugly, you guys see every side of me. Now, for a lot of people I know that is hard to do. And I’m certainly not telling you that you should. But please, when someone is angry about something or hurt by something or scared about something, please give them the consideration, respect, compassion and love they deserve by responding to them in an authentic way that lets them know how you really feel. Quoting a fucking bumper sticker isn’t going to help anybody unless the bumper sticker says, “Fuck ’em all, you’ll get through this.” Then at least they might laugh.

Again, sorry for the rant. But I read something on someone else’s page this morning that just pushed me over the edge and I had to comment on these way-too-common, cliched, self-help, lazy, bullshit responses that I now see so often on FB. This person’s comment just happened to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. But that camel has been really fucking tired for a long time, so it didn’t take much.

Love you guys, even if it doesn’t sound like it during this rant, I do. I just want us all to live in a place where our opinions are valued, even if they’re disagreed with. Where our hopes and dreams can be supported by those that love us. Where our fear and our anger can be dissipated by the love and support of our friends.

I don’t want to live in a world of fake shit. I want to live in a world of truth and love and kindness and a good kick in the ass sometimes if it’s needed.

I hope everybody has a wonderful, relaxing, healthy, happy weekend. We’ve all earned it. Thanks for putting up with my mouthiness. I know I go on with my crazy verbal vomit sometimes and I love that you guys put up with me. Hugs!