Musings of an old hag on her birthday!

I Kicked my Pedicurist in the Face!!!

Okay, so in reality I didn’t actually kick her in the face, but it is one of my greatest fears!

Every time I sit down in that wonderful massage chair, all I can think about while she’s either trimming my cuticles or sloughing all the hideous dead skin off my feet (ewww…gross) is that I’m going to have a knee-jerk reaction and smash my foot into her head! I can picture the whole scene. She goes sailing off that little foot stool, blood flying everywhere. Everyone rushes over to pick her up while screaming at me, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??!!!” The cops are called and life as I know it becomes a distant memory.

I have no idea why I fear this. I’ve not yet kicked anyone, but it’s one of those irrational fears I just have to live with.

So, since I’m freaking nuts, I thought I’d ask you guys out there if you have some irrational (or rational) fear you are stuck living with.

Here’s a list of mine, beyond face smashing:

  1. Tripping and landing on a hard object with my eye or teeth and being deformed for the rest of my days.
  2. Having a spider dangle down from the ceiling when I’m doing bathroom things and having it take up residence in my muff (laugh as you will, but this happened to me when I was 16, on vacation at the beach. Clearly, I need some therapy over that experience!)
  3. Slipping and saying a very bad 4-letter word when on the radio.
  4. Losing my Pink Teddy (I’ve slept with her every night for 35 years. I love her. Yes, I’m a toddler.)
  5. Getting tummy-sick while on a long plane ride.
  6. Not being able to figure out why the font in my bulleted lists is different from the font in the rest of my posts. Driving me bonkers!!!!

Okay, those are my biggest and most irrational fears. I want to hear yours, so spill it!