The path to happiness… :)

My dear friend Joel suggested that I post this on my blog and not just on my FB page, and a wise woman always listens to Joel. 🙂

I was telling a few close friends a story of betrayal the other day and how, when over a decade later, this person reached out and apologized I told that person that I’d forgiven them years ago. This person was shocked and thankful for the forgiveness and didn’t understand how I could have had forgiveness in my heart many years before any apology came.

I told them that while forgiveness is a beautiful gift to give to others, it is equally as beautiful a gift to give yourself.

It frees you.
It helps you persevere. 
It keeps your heart open.
It allows you to move forward, not remain stuck in the mire.
It gives comfort both to you and the person you forgive.

Forgiveness in your everyday life is something to cherish and be thankful for.

Learn from those betrayals.
Understand how those betrayals, in some way, taught you something that will give you wisdom down the road.
But also forgive them.

The person who suffers most by not allowing forgiveness to fill their heart, is the person who is unable to forgive.

Free yourself from the past; forgive, love, giggle and do your best to spread kindness.

That is a life worth living.

And I must tell you…as a side note, it makes for such a happier life. My mom always told me to pray not only for those you love, but those that cause you pain; for if that person can heal, then their little piece of the world will be a better piece and possibly spread joy to others as well. It was sometimes a hard pill to swallow, but she was right and I still pray for the nasty bitch that ruined my life over 25 years ago (just kidding…I no longer carry that anger–just said that in classic Jodi style). Her happiness affects those around her, so I want her to be happy. Even if she TOTALLY TRIED TO DESTROY MY LIFE. No bitterness…honestly. I’m just being a smart ass. I forgave her decades ago and it took the weight of the world off my shoulders. It was a huge blessing to my own heart and I’m thankful every day that I let it go. (Do NOT start singing “Let it Go” from Frozen or I will hunt you down!)

Anyway, much love, as always. XOXOXO

I’m trying something new…NO! Not bestiality! Ya bunch of perverts! ;)

Over the last few years I’ve had some requests to turn my blog into a podcast of sorts.

As I’m lazy as fuck (in reality I just work too damn hard during the day!), I’ve been putting it off. But with my last post I got a few emails telling me they want to hear it instead of read it. So, I’m giving in.

But I must warn you…I’m doing it in one take. So if I fuck up horribly, sneeze or decide to eat dinner while recording…well, you are just going to have to hear it all. 😉

Here’s my first try. It’s a recording of my last post, “I’ve HAD it,” which is a rant about dumbfuckery.

It’s not word-for-word, but it’s close.

Don’t be too hard on me and all my mess-ups.

🙂

 

Here’s the link if ya wanna see the last pic in the post. 🙂

 

Sassy, Slutty and Sentimental

…yep, that about sums it up!

Recently, I did a radio show that asked me to send in a few songs that I thought summed up my thoughts about life. I thought that was a cool idea as it can really help a person define themselves–to themselves.

It was actually quite hard to do because, well, I’m a lunatic as we all know. One day I’m mauling all of my teddy bears and playing house with them, and the next I’ve got on some slutty nurse outfit. I guess that’s the Gemini in me. To say I’ve got multiple personalities is the understatement of the year. 😉

Anyway, I thought I’d share my songs with you. I bought them so hopefully I’m not violating some freaking obscure copyright law by posting them here.

I hope you enjoy them!

Songs for:

When I feel trampy:

 

When I feel like life is just about as awesome as it can get:

 

When I feel like shaking my ass (when no one is home and all the blinds are drawn–eee gawds!):

 

When I feel like kicking EVERYONE’s ass from here to hell and back…then hitting them about the head and shoulders with a hammer…then disemboweling them…then setting them on fire and humping on their ashes:

 

When I wanna sing and dance in my car to the horror of others:

 

Okay, I could go on and on and on, alas, I’m cutting myself off here! 🙂

Now, I’m gonna say something that sounds all shrinky and shit, but it’s not a bad idea…if life isn’t exactly how you want it to be, find your own songs. Sometimes, hearing how you feel articulated by others can help clarify things for you. I know…that seems kinda silly, but it can work. If your “theme song” is “I wish someone would fuckin’ kill me”…well…that can give you clarity. 😉

I’m off to make spaghetti sauce. YUM!!!!! Yeah, cooking usually sucks, but this is one dish I can make like a mo fo. Plus, the hubby is cutting up all the onions, garlic and green pepper–so really, all I have to do is dump everything into a pot. Ahhh…the good life.

XOXO

 

 

To all the Smokes I’ve loved before…

…you can go suck it because I beat you!!!!

I am SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!

I’ve been more stressed the last few weeks (as you guys know) then I’ve been in a looooooong time. And even though hari kari was calling my name and I kept eyeballing the shotgun and taser, I managed to NOT SMOKE even a single drag!!!

It’s been 4 months, 28 days and 9 hours since I had a puff on a cigarette (not that I’m counting). Yay!! And it was TEMPTING!! That night my sister was my superhero and I sat in my car crying and screaming on the phone to her, there was a pack of unopened smokes just sitting in my glovebox. I keep them there to prove to myself that I don’t need them. And it worked.

Quitting cold turkey after smoking since I was 14 (with a few breaks here and there) wasn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m so excited that I managed to say no to the Yummy Sticks. Yes, I call them Yummy Sticks. Honest to God, smoking is one of my very favorite things on earth. I almost never drink (maybe 2-3 glasses of wine a year), I don’t do drugs (unless you count Valium to go to the dentist) and so smoking was my deliciously wicked vice. Now I have no vices! I can’t even be a slut cause I’m a married old broad. KIDDING! I never was much for the slutty behavior (but I love me some sluts, so if you are slutty I love your slutty ass).

For those of you who have been or who are smokers, you know exactly what I’m talking about. For those of you who have never been smokers, you are truly blessed to not know the misery of not being able to light up. I’ve heard quitting smoking compared to giving up the needle and it doesn’t surprise me one bit!

See, here’s my best friend and me enjoying a nice, yummy smoke after a delicious dinner a couple of years ago. We look so joyful and happy to be alive! Ahh…the good ole days…

So that everyone out there understands why I used to like smoking so much (and I will again if I’m ever terminally ill, dammit!!!!) I’m going to put a little video clip here from the TV show Frasier. This scene PERFECTLY describes what is so tantalizing about a cigarette.

The whole clip is funny, but if you skip ahead to about 1:06 (the clip’s about 3 minutes long) you’ll get to the heart of the true smoker’s dream.

Enjoy! And NEVER start smoking if you aren’t a smoker now. Why put yourself through the hell of quitting? It totally sucks balls. 🙂

XOXOXO

Diffusing Anger (Email from a Reader)

 

Sometimes, my readers will send me emails asking for help with a relationship issue they are having. I received this one recently and thought I’d share it with you guys here.

 

Dear Jodi,

My husband and I were planning a long weekend away from the kids for over a month. I even took Friday off work so we could really enjoy ourselves. Right as we were about to start packing, his buddy called and said he had tickets to the hockey game on Saturday night. My husband immediately told him how thrilled he’d be to go and then informed me we’d be postponing our trip. Needless to say, I was more than annoyed.  I freaked out, yelled at him, then didn’t speak to him all weekend. Things are still a little tense between us and it’s been over a week. What can I do? How could I have handled this differently?

Thanks,

Annoyed wife

 

Dear Annoyed Wife,

I’m pretty sure my first impulse would have been something that would have landed me in prison; I’m glad you didn’t go that route! In all sincerity though, it is completely understandable that you were upset. Typically, we get all excited and build up in our minds exactly how the weekend will go. Tons of romance and fun and sex and good food–all the stuff we dream about for a long weekend with the man. We excel at visualizing the perfect vacation. Then to have it dashed at the last-minute for a sporting event? My head would have exploded. But, as we all know, an exploding head is not only painful, but incredibly unhelpful when dealing with a situation like this. So what to do?

Since the jackass behavior of your husband happened last week, you can’t pull a Superman and spin the world backwards to zip back in time, but you can keep it from getting worse. While this may not be the easiest thing in the world to do, you need to talk to him about it and tell him why your feelings are hurt. But it is critical to do this in just the right way. No one knows your husband like you do, so tailor my suggestions to fit your own life, but here are some things to say and some to avoid in this conversation:

Do not say, no matter how desperately you want to:

  • YOU ASSHOLE! Why am I always last on your list of priorities?
  • You always ruin everything. Why do I even try?
  • Are your buddies that much more important to me?
  • How could you DO that to ME???

While those things are probably what you are thinking, they’ll put him on the defensive, which will then usually put him on the offensive too. That does not lead to a healthy resolution. Instead, let’s look at a more constructive way of communicating using healthy and helpful strategies.

A couple of things to keep in mind before you start. First, stay calm. I know I’m asking you to probably do the exact opposite of what you gut is telling you. I’d want to chuck a hammer at him. But men typically respond better to a concise, verbal bulleted list spoken in a calm, tear-free way. Next, take him somewhere private that is not the bedroom–that room is for sleep and frolicking only.

Then try a conversation that goes like this, even if it is physically painful to do so:

“Honey, I want us to get back on track. I don’t like the way it has felt between us for the last week. I want you to know that I was very excited to go on a long weekend trip with you. I was really looking forward to time alone, without the kids, where we could just lay around, eating, relaxing, having fun, making love (If he’s not listening to you yet, saying, “making love” will perk up his ears!). All week long I fantasized (another man-attention-getting-word) about what we’d do and what a great time we’d have.  Taking off a day of work wasn’t easy, but I was happy to do it so we could have extra time together.

When your friend called and invited you to the hockey game and you decided that we weren’t going on our trip it hurt my feelings and made me feel like our time together didn’t matter to you–that us having some well-deserved time alone wasn’t important to you. As a result, I felt like I didn’t matter to you.

I just wanted you to know why I got so mad.”

Then let him talk. This may be the hardest part, but just be silent and see what he does. He’ll need to process what you’ve said. He’ll need, in all honesty, time to think of his excuse. Hopefully, his response will be one of understanding, but even if it’s not, you’ve said your peace in a responsible, adult, direct way.

At this point, especially if he doesn’t respond in the way you want him to, don’t beat a dead horse–you’ve said what needed to be said and repeating it over and over to try and make a point will just make his brain float off to La La Land. Give him time, it may take a day or two, to process what you’ve said. If it isn’t better at that point, you may want to briefly mention that you’d hoped the conversation you had the other day would have helped smooth everything between you–is there something he wants to discuss? Put the ball in his court as now it’s up to him to finish calming the waters.

To sum it all up, while our first reaction to a situation like this may be to scream and throw stuff at his head, that rarely solves anything. It may feel good to you in that moment, but learning how to communicate in a way that will work on him, in particular, will lead you to a much happier, healthier relationship. Then, if something similar happens in the future, he KNOWS exactly how you will feel and if he does it again, you have quite the leg to stand on in that situation, as it’s been previously addressed by you.

Good luck, Annoyed Wife. I hope he makes it up to you with a fabulous long weekend in the near future.

Take care!